Brehs, I need some real life relationship advice

[MikelArteta]

Whats good brehs. So I've been with my girl for 4.5 years now, I'm 27, She's 31 (32 next month)

Our relationship for the most part has been great, full of trust, love etc...Basically what you would want out of a relationship, we've lived together for about 3.5 years

The problem I'm facing now is she wants to get engaged and have kids in the next 2-3 years (which is understandable since women have a biological clock)... she's basically hit me with an ultimatum, either we're engaged by the end of this year or she's out... i completely get where she's coming from

I personally do not feel ready to get married and have kids especially in 2-3 years.. I feel like if i didnt have to have kids in 2-3 years i would be more open to marriage..i can't predict how i will feel in 2-3 years, only how i feel now, and how i feel now, i'm no where near ready for kids... keep in mind i do want kids, just not in that time frame

I've never cheated on my girl however I do have thoughts about the single life and smashin bytches at times (but will that ever go away?) I think she would be a great wife and great mother to my kids so it has little to do with her, its just me feeling young and unaccomplished in life still

so my options are to get engaged within the next couple weeks or go single.. i've been going back and fourth about this for a year or so now, but i'm about to be out of time... any feedback is appreciated..

That biological clock goes tick tock.

1. The moment a woman gives you a ultimatum, tell her there is the door, the moment you accept you lose all POWER. Never do something you don't want to do out of "fear"

Ultimatums are power grabs that come from fear. These try to take over the prize while at the same time devaluating it. The answer is always no.

Tell here there is the door,

2. If you don't feel ready, have you thought that maybe she is not the person you are to marry, men become comfortable so easy in relationships.

3. Thoughts never go away, it's called temptation even Jesus was tempted, the thing is to have the willpower to say no and not give into your urges.

4. This is your life, do what you want to do, put yourself first.

 

[ElectroMan]

This is why getting in relationships without an intention for marriage makes no sense.

You are going to miss out on a great girl (in your opinion) because of your selfishness. Good luck finding another one. There were plenty of fish in the sea until the BP oil spill. Now they are contaminated.

 

[MikelArteta]

I have a good job but i visions of being a successful entrepreneur, thats one thing..i'm not saying i can't get that done with her, but thats one thing that has me feeling unaccomplished..if i was already rich and had a lot of bread, then maybe my mind would change

another thing is i'm not sure if i've smashed enough bytches in my life, like somebody else said i got with her pretty young, i was in college still, i also had another girl before her during college..so most of my college years i was in a relationship..maybe if i stayed single in college and smashed mad bytches my mindset would be different right now

didnt sow your oats

 

[missyleebunny]

It's not at all wrong for her to feel the way she does, and I'd even say she should have left after 2 years with no ring.

That said, single life is overrated but sometimes you need plenty of breathing space to fully reflect and embrace what it is you truly want.

You should at least ler her know that you're not sure how you feel. If I were you, I'd take a break.

 

[KravenMorehead™]

Let her go.

 

[Michael's Black Son]

Do get bullied into doing it breh. I went thru something similar this year and we broke up. The "realness" of it is still apparent but I'd rather it be this way then 10 years down the line I'm feeling like I'm a prisoner. Do you breh.

 

[Egomaniacal1]

First things first, she ain't going nowhere. She not going to leave you because yall ain't getting engaged. I understand you have to take the threat seriously but she's being passive aggressive by putting the ultimatum on you and not on herself. Thats a sure sign she ain't really trying to leave but just wants you to take her specific want in this situation seriously.

I also don't think it's anything wrong with her telling you her mindset and what she wants, but she fukked up giving you the ultimatum. She's trying to set you up to look like the bad guy if yall break up. If i was you i'd stall for time by compromise. Tell her to give you another 6 months to a year for you to get on her page for sure. She'll accept that and it will give you time to decide how you really want to proceed.

Now is the time to nut up and search your soul for a definitive answer to the question....Is she wifey to you?

 

[old_timer]

she gave you this ultimatum 11.5 months ago??
that's hardly a high pressure situation or her being desperate for security

but you need to walk
you possess insufficient communication skills for marriage
you will fail at it

 

[scarlxrd]

She wants you to get married but you don't want to?

Tell her she needs to back off, she has you and when you're ready, you'll marry her, but if she keeps this up, she won't have shyt.

 

[posterchild336]

Whats good brehs. So I've been with my girl for 4.5 years now, I'm 27, She's 31 (32 next month)

Our relationship for the most part has been great, full of trust, love etc...Basically what you would want out of a relationship, we've lived together for about 3.5 years

The problem I'm facing now is she wants to get engaged and have kids in the next 2-3 years (which is understandable since women have a biological clock)... she's basically hit me with an ultimatum, either we're engaged by the end of this year or she's out... i completely get where she's coming from

I personally do not feel ready to get married and have kids especially in 2-3 years.. I feel like if i didnt have to have kids in 2-3 years i would be more open to marriage..i can't predict how i will feel in 2-3 years, only how i feel now, and how i feel now, i'm no where near ready for kids... keep in mind i do want kids, just not in that time frame

I've never cheated on my girl however I do have thoughts about the single life and smashin bytches at times (but will that ever go away?) I think she would be a great wife and great mother to my kids so it has little to do with her, its just me feeling young and unaccomplished in life still

so my options are to get engaged within the next couple weeks or go single.. i've been going back and fourth about this for a year or so now, but i'm about to be out of time... any feedback is appreciated..

I was in the same situation when I was 24 it was hard I was in it for 4 years I was left heart broken but you can't force a man who himself is not yet ready... It's not fair to you, it's not fair to her.. Put it this way she regrets it.. I'm now engaged and getting married in April.. There is a time season and reason for everything.. If it's meant to be it will be

 

[TrapWard-$crewston-TX]

I honestly do not know why you post this, but alas, I will help you

so basically, you've been with her for nearly 5 years, lived with her for nearly 3, but she's older than you, she wants to settle down, and you want to sow some wild oats

if you say you do not want to settle down, much less have children, I would say let her know, don't string her along if she wants the things in life that you are not interested in, much less if those things are the exact opposite of your interests.

sounds like you have a lot of heavy thinking ahead of you homie

I will say this though -

you should never have to second guess yourself about the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with!

 

[Ello_Vee]

So.... has she mentioned this ultimatum more than once through the year? Or was this just a one-time, off-the-cuff kind of comment that you have been holding onto for the entire year?

And yet, today, December 17th!, you are still wondering if you should get engaged in the next 2 weeks?! Really?!

THIS:

she's being passive aggressive by putting the ultimatum on you and not on herself. Thats a sure sign she ain't really trying to leave but just wants you to take her specific want in this situation seriously.

THIS:

but you need to walk
you possess insufficient communication skills for marriage
you will fail at it

and THIS:

4. This is your life, do what you want to do, put yourself first.

In all honesty, though, if she was truly serious about that deadline and you waited until the very end just to say "Nah, iont think so" expect the wrath of whatever ill things went wrong in her last relationship. You will hurt her badly if she truly intends to walk without a ring on the 30th, and that's on YOU to own, because for not setting her straight when she gave this ultimatum in the first place.

(But, really, I question how much she really means it. I bet she is up for negotiations if you could communicate.)

I feel sorry for you both, at this point, on a lot of levels.

 

[Jesus Shuttlesworth]

Whats good brehs. So I've been with my girl for 4.5 years now, I'm 27, She's 31 (32 next month)

Our relationship for the most part has been great, full of trust, love etc...Basically what you would want out of a relationship, we've lived together for about 3.5 years

The problem I'm facing now is she wants to get engaged and have kids in the next 2-3 years (which is understandable since women have a biological clock)... she's basically hit me with an ultimatum, either we're engaged by the end of this year or she's out... i completely get where she's coming from

I personally do not feel ready to get married and have kids especially in 2-3 years.. I feel like if i didnt have to have kids in 2-3 years i would be more open to marriage..i can't predict how i will feel in 2-3 years, only how i feel now, and how i feel now, i'm no where near ready for kids... keep in mind i do want kids, just not in that time frame

I've never cheated on my girl however I do have thoughts about the single life and smashin bytches at times (but will that ever go away?) I think she would be a great wife and great mother to my kids so it has little to do with her, its just me feeling young and unaccomplished in life still

so my options are to get engaged within the next couple weeks or go single.. i've been going back and fourth about this for a year or so now, but i'm about to be out of time... any feedback is appreciated..

Drop her. Or, I guess, get dropped.

It's obvious you're not ready for that type of commitment. You'd be a fool to be pressured in by some ultimatum. That marriage would be destined for failure, as this relationship is.

Not to be cold, but you're not ready, dunnie. You've been living with her 3 plus years but aren't ready to get engaged. The fukk? What do you think is going to change by getting engaged? You already live together.

I remember my boy asked me about marriage and the changes and shyt. I'm like, nikka you been living with your girl 5 years and yall got 2 kids! Ain't shyt finna change.



But yeah, man any marriage that starts with an ultimatum is a wrap from jump. But like I said the whole relationship is a wrap because your heads are obviously in 2 very different places.

 

[jeh]

Sigh, the old my way or the highway technique. I haven't encountered a woman who pulled that on me in years. I know the feeling most definitely. She cooks, she smart, she cleans, she fukks good, sense of humor. All you could ever want and need in a woman. But, she gets influenced plus that bio clokk starts ticc tocc. And her hormones lead her to say that: straight up planning wedding dates, what to wear, all that, and you like yeah its cool, yeah that's what's up boo. She sees your bs, she CALLs your bluff. Oh, he think im playing, well here's my ultimatum. My way or the highway. Now all you have is your thoughts, memories, and first and second hand resources trying to figure out what to do. Sigh, my advice, fukk her.Tell her to go fukk herself. If you want her and need her, you show her that your ready willing and able to lose her. To end it. Look her square in the face December 31, 2014, and tell her go fukk yourself. Then, say happy new year.

 

[Ashley Banks]

Either marry her and have kids or leave wtf. I'll never understand why people do this to people they claim to "love". while youre making up your mind shes closing in on never being able to have kids because you don't know what you want. Just leave and let her move on. Good lord men are selfish as fukk. When you got into a relationship with her and moved in with her what did you think she was going to want next? Damn it's not that hard you don't want to marry her or have kids, so leave.