Brehs with Young Daughters and Sisters

[HarlemHottie]

The partner for most men and women is generally someone in their social circle or adjacent to it. We just have to shift the narrative back to building wealth with someone. Most are chasing the wealth for materialistic reasons and social validation.

Like OP said most other cultures teach them to pick their partners in their 20s. They're not well off at that stage, but they have a plan and a vision. Our women diverge from that because they're looking for the cart before the horse. Now I'm not saying scoop any breh up but the ones that are serious you should see because incrementally their life should be on a upward trajectory and they have good character traits which you should determine by vetting. That's the person you get in alignment with.

What is happening where in other cultures it’s ok to marry and build with your partner, but we aren’t being encouraged to do the same?

Our parents, even the most well meaning, actively discourage it. We were told we were too young to even be considering permanence at an age where other cultures might be two kids in already. My brother got married "young." He was 26, damn near 30 yo!

I think our parents truly believe someone better will come along, so permanent ties too young would hold you back. For many of them, this is their story/ baggage. That's what I told my mother.

And I agree!


This was all based on the premise of a 53YO man like Irv desiring 23YO woman for whom $ wouldn’t be a factor. Like, it isn’t wrong to admit that young women aren’t trying to be with a man their father’s age.

But I will admit that my perspective is kind of skewed because of my environment, so, yea. There’s nothing wrong with opening the dating age range up a bit. But some of the brehs in here agree with me, at least to a certain extent. No one really looks at a 20yr in their family and tells her that a man old enough to be her dad is a prime choice. That’s all. I’m not saying we have to expect a man who is our exact age to ride in on his horse and give us a fairytale, but it’s ok to acknowledge that your 24yr old daughter could just as easily find a 30-34yr old who is on the right track in life and not have to be with a man who is 10yrs away from retirement

Yeah, but ppl are responding about 10 yr age gaps. Like, that's nothing.

But that's exactly what they're expecting, both parents and kids. Unless that age appropriate prince rides up, both parents and kids expect the kid to be 'living their best life.' Thats drags out to 30+ bc having it in your 20s is so rare. But by the time your male peers hit their 30s and got it, they no longer looking at you. We see this over and over. A wasted decade of hoping for the best. Make a damn plan and stick to it, I'm sick of the whining.

The brehs in here have never been a single with no prospects 37 yo mother of one, or a 29 yo who's the last unmarried of her college clique. They ain't got no game on getting chose.

 

[Gloxina]

What about if your kid gets cancer and your family can’t afford health insurance? Husband dies in a car accident on the way home? at least your sex skills are honed? Or can you take all of what you said AND ensure that you’re able to fully care for your child in a world ruled by money? I went to college, I’m an FNP and make over 100k working 4 days a week from home so I cook for my family, teach my kids, spend most of my time with my kids and my family and if my children needed something money-wise I’m also able to provide that. I’m a complete parent on my own and so is my husband together we’re more than enough and our children will never be lacking in any needs they have.

No financial stress so I can be stress free parent to my kids and wife to my husband.

You got it right, babe

 

[The ADD]

Lol @ he only wants one thing:

Yes the same one thing that every man wants initially

 

[number21]

Let that woman develop some, get out out of college and get a couple of years into her career.

Yeah, developing trauma, resement, and other types of baggage unless they can find that rare dude in their age range that has it all together and wants to be a one woman man.

 

[Still Benefited]

What about if your kid gets cancer and your family can’t afford health insurance? Husband dies in a car accident on the way home? at least your sex skills are honed? Or can you take all of what you said AND ensure that you’re able to fully care for your child in a world ruled by money? I went to college, I’m an FNP and make over 100k working 4 days a week from home so I cook for my family, teach my kids, spend most of my time with my kids and my family and if my children needed something money-wise I’m also able to provide that. I’m a complete parent on my own and so is my husband together we’re more than enough and our children will never be lacking in any needs they have.

No financial stress so I can be stress free parent to my kids and wife to my husband.

It sadly would mean your husband wasnt living up to his end of the bargain. If you arent taken care of in the event of his passing. Probably not someone you shouldve married. But just like we can teach a culture based around women needing to be independent. We can also teach a culture around families and friends taking care of each other.


So why choose to push a narrative and culture that women need to be indpendent. Based on "studies" about the minority of abused?When you could be teaching women about how to be good homemakers, wives,how to hone the sex skills,how to teach children? And choose a good husband that provides you a lifestyle to not have to work.


I would need to dig into your accounts,but im guessing there is no reason you would be stressed on your husbands salary alone. Unless you are overextended,which would be his fault

 

[Scaaar]

Our parents, even the most well meaning, actively discourage it. We were told we were too young to even be considering permanence at an age where other cultures might be two kids in already. My brother got married "young." He was 26, damn near 30 yo!

I think our parents truly believe someone better will come along, so permanent ties too young would hold you back. For many of them, this is their story/ baggage. That's what I told my mother.



Yeah, but ppl are responding about 10 yr age gaps. Like, that's nothing.

But that's exactly what they're expecting, both parents and kids. Unless that age appropriate prince rides up, both parents and kids expect the kid to be 'living their best life.' Thats drags out to 30+ bc having it in your 20s is so rare. But by the time your male peers hit their 30s and got it, they no longer looking at you. We see this over and over. A wasted decade of hoping for the best. Make a damn plan and stick to it, I'm sick of the whining.

The brehs in here have never been a single with no prospects 37 yo mother of one, or a 29 yo who's the last unmarried of her college clique. They ain't got no game on getting chose.

When I got married at 21 I definitely heard from plenty of my family members that I was too young. They didn't give me any game on how to be a good husband or what exactly is a husband. That's things that I had to learn during the marriage and post marriage through therapy and my own self work. That's why I take subjects like this so seriously. I want people to learn the things that I went through so they don't have to go through them. I actually got my ex-wife to admit that the life that she used to club me over the head about not providing in our 20s she definitely would have had in our 30s now if she was patient and stuck to the plan and not let outside negative opinions intrude. It's a process to building wealth when you come from nothing.

 

[mag357]

You right, who needs science when you can rely on coli breh logic and use personal experience with retarded women to form your opinion. Maybe you just have a type breh.

Just to clarify something.
People have been running around spewing this brain not being developed, prefrontal cortex shyt on the Internet for a while now.

But I guarantee none of you actually know the source of this information, or have read of the information from the scientist involved in the study.

This is because most people are "repeaters". They just repeat shyt that everyone says.

Prefrontal cortext issue is about decision making and risk assessment.
Scientist still don't understand completely all aspects of the brain and how it functions.

Here's a good article to read

A Powerful Idea About Our Brains Stormed Pop Culture and Captured Minds. It’s Mostly Bunk.

The strange history of a persistent myth.

slate.com

But even with out reading any article or research, it doesn't take a scientist to know that people in different time periods and even in different societies now, are way more mature than people in American culture right now.
People were having and raising families as teenagers. Working and paying bills.
Not doing stupid shyt like now.
They have the same brains we have now. The only difference is society has changed to make doing stupid shyt cool. And everyone is living a forever childhood.
Science is trying to make sense of something they truly don't understand.

 

[Gloxina]

I would ask you, are these women wives?? Black men want wives, not partners or city girls or boss bytches etc, or attention seekers

I would ask you to look at the young women today and compare them to the young women of 1960s, 50s, 40s, 30s, Those young women were married early snatched up quickly, do you think the young women of 2022, 2023 are the same as their grandmothers?

Have you asked yourself, why these women are "getting ran through" instead of being married?

Oh clearly something is OFF with any young woman who wants to have casual sex with a bunch of men.

What I’m saying is- when you run into that 22YO Black girl who falls madly in love with you (because the whole joke is we all know that’s how it is when a girl is young and inexperienced. That’s why brehs preach all that “mouthpiece” shyt; it actually works when you’re young ) — do you understand that girl probably will want to marry you in 2-3 years if you ask? Or do you say “aw man I’m still having fun out here!”

What I’m really asking is- ppl in here are saying a man’s “playa” years are his 30s.

Does Asian culture tell men to run through women in their 30s and look for their first wife at 40? Are White men running through women all through their 30s and settling down at 40? Or are they onto wife #2 by 40?

It’s like everyone is focused on fixing young Black women (and YES I know we have a lot to fix) but no one is asking why young Black men aren’t getting trained to be husbands at a younger age like everyone else?

Again- in educated circles this isn’t as much of an issue, but I’m looking at the community as a whole.

Is the 26YO breh who is a ups driver or electrician trying to marry his girl like the 26YO white plumber is marrying his girl?

Is the 28YO breh who finished law school last year marrying his girl like the 28YO white guy who just finished his program the year before?

I get it. The women gotta get back on track. But if we are back on track like the other women, will I have a breh who is a couple years older than me ready like the other women, or I gotta marry a man 15yrs older than me (which is ironic that I’m the one saying this, I know. But I’m talking about all of our women)?

 

[FTBS]

For starters, I am putting my daughter up on game and helping her to develop quality decision making skills.

As far as age gaps go I am torn. A nikka that is shytty and predatory at 40 was likely that at 20. Broads gets abused and taken through the ringer by cats their age or even younger. That said if a nikka is 40 and single you gotta ask why. Its hard for a high quality man that wants to settle down to make it to that age single. Sure you got divorce but that is baggage. When you are 20 you want as little of that as possible in a partner. And then you gotta wonder what he sees in a chick that could be his daughter. I think we go overboard with this predator stuff but we gotta be real...what are the chances a 40 yr old man is taking a 20 year old seriously? And if he is what does that say about him? I am 40 and I see young chicks that I woulda been all over at 20 and all I see now is the trouble.

 

[How Sway?]

Hell no

 

[humminbird]

I have a young niece and i worry about this
the answer is hell no though

 

[Gloxina]

When I got married at 21 I definitely heard from plenty of my family members that I was too young. They didn't give me any game on how to be a good husband or what exactly is a husband. That's things that I had to learn during the marriage and post marriage through therapy and my own self work. That's why I take subjects like this so seriously. I want people to learn the things that I went through so they don't have to go through them. I actually got my ex-wife to admit that the life that she used to club me over the head about not providing in our 20s she definitely would have had in our 30s now if she was patient and stuck to the plan and not let outside negative opinions intrude. It's a process to building wealth when you come from nothing.

RIIIIIGHT!

And that’s my point! If both of you had people around you who could properly guide you, you might’ve made it! That’s exactly what I mean. Whites, Asians, Indians, Africans, etc put extreme focus on marriage and making it work. And I’m not talking about dealing with abuse, etc. Just the trials that happen in life.

The biggest age gap in my circle is my homegirl who married a white guy. She was 25 he was 31. But even then- why was he ready to scoop her up, move her into a house and let her work for a couple years before telling her to stay home? The other couples are black couples and they’re either same age up to 5 years apart. What is going on that we can’t get the community to the same expectation of other groups?

 

[Ashley Banks]

It sadly would mean your husband wasnt living up to his end of the bargain. If you arent taken care of in the event of his passing. Probably not someone you shouldve married. But just like we can teach a culture based around women needing to be independent. We can also teach a culture around families and friends taking care of each other.


So why choose to push a narrative and culture that women need to be indpendent. Based on "studies" about the minority of abused?When you could be teaching women about how to be good homemakers, wives,how to hone the sex skills,how to teach children? And choose a good husband that provides you a lifestyle to not have to work.


I would need to dig into your accounts,but im guessing there is no reason you would be stressed on your husbands salary alone. Unless you are overextended,which would be his fault

I don’t believe the financial burden should be on one parent. I’m positive my husband could support us for the rest of our lives with the money in his bank account but I want to create generational wealth, safety nets, and college/house/and trust funds for my children and grandchildren. I’m not overextended whatsoever. You may not care about the women that are abused but any woman could become a part of that group so all should take measures that if faced with that problem they have means to be on their own.

Don’t worry though there are plenty of uneducated financially unstable women on earth I’m sure you’ll find one. Me encouraging women and girls to be financially independent won’t change that, I’m not going to stop.

 

[5n0man]

Just to clarify something.
People have been running around spewing this brain not being developed, prefrontal cortex shyt on the Internet for a while now.

But I guarantee none of you actually know the source of this information, or have read of the information from the scientist involved in the study.

This is because most people are "repeaters". They just repeat shyt that everyone says.

Prefrontal cortext issue is about decision making and risk assessment.
Scientist still don't understand completely all aspects of the brain and how it functions.

Here's a good article to read

A Powerful Idea About Our Brains Stormed Pop Culture and Captured Minds. It’s Mostly Bunk.

The strange history of a persistent myth.

slate.com

But even with out reading any article or research, it doesn't take a scientist to know that people in different time periods and even in different societies now, are way more mature than people in American culture right now.
People were having and raising families as teenagers. Working and paying bills.
Not doing stupid shyt like now.
They have the same brains we have now. The only difference is society has changed to make doing stupid shyt cool. And everyone is living a forever childhood.
Science is trying to make sense of something they truly don't understand.

That article doesn't say what you think it says.


And people in the past were not more mature. They raped, murdered, pillaged, enslaved, and thought there was nothing wrong with it.

Just because they had shorter lifespans doesn't mean they were more mature.

 

[Scaaar]

RIIIIIGHT!

And that’s my point! If both of you had people around you who could properly guide you, you might’ve made it! That’s exactly what I mean. Whites, Asians, Indians, Africans, etc put extreme focus on marriage and making it work. And I’m not talking about dealing with abuse, etc. Just the trials that happen in life.

The biggest age gap in my circle is my homegirl who married a white guy. She was 25 he was 31. But even then- why was he ready to scoop her up, move her into a house and let her work for a couple years before telling her to stay home? The other couples are black couples and they’re either same age up to 5 years apart. What is going on that we can’t get the community to the same expectation of other groups?

Definitely looking back in it in hindsight. There were plenty of white people getting married in that age range that are still married till this day. The wives little if at all but their foundation is secured so that possible for them. But they built that foundation up for that in their 20s together. That's the disconnect between our community and others we gotta instill that into the new generation the ones that are out here now aren't going to heed it.