Brehs with Young Daughters and Sisters

[Gloxina]

My SIL made the same mistake. Now, she's in a forever engagement in a ltr.

That last sentence was poignant. And it's definitely a concern if you confine yourself to age-match dating.

But... I wanna say something and I'm not really sure how to frame it... I think we need to leave some space for women who not with the rat race, who just wanna get married young and raise some babies. We need them too, to make up for the careerists. Just like some men just aint built to be house-husbands, some women just not built to be outside, throwing professional bows.

We don't make space for them, and this is one of the ways in which we differ from other cultures. And I'm not just talking about poorer cultures. Yes, its normal to see the Mexican 20-something with four kids, but Jews have that lane for their women too- two ends of the economic spectrum.

Its weird to me that we expect ALL of our women to be the same go getter, aggressive, boss bytches, and then get all shocked Pikachu when there are no soft, feminine women to be found. Duh, they're all too busy drowning in a wine glass trynna recover from the work week.

I actually agree with you. I’m not even being funny when I say it- I had the looks/upbringing to end up in a situation like that, but my family is filled with type As who would kind of think less of you if you were a housewife at 24. Not to mention my own parents divorce .

Like I had to get an education and start my career, but didn’t necessarily push a particular field when I didn’t want to directly be in the medical field. They were a little harder on the other girls. They just wanted me to make some money and just expected it to “happen”. But if I literally said “I want to be a housewife” they all would’ve said I had no ambition.

But like I said before, the uneducated housewife who married into my family is living the life and not worrying about shyt while my cousin is working his ass off to provide for her and 4 kids

 

[Gloxina]

Definitely looking back in it in hindsight. There were plenty of white people getting married in that age range that are still married till this day. The wives little if at all but their foundation is secured so that possible for them. But they built that foundation up for that in their 20s together. That's the disconnect between our community and others we gotta instill that into the new generation the ones that are out here now aren't going to heed it.

 

[HarlemHottie]

I actually agree with you. I’m not even being funny when I say it- I had the looks/upbringing to end up in a situation like that, but my family is filled with type As who would kind of think less of you if you were a housewife at 24. Not to mention my own parents divorce .

Like I had to get an education and start my career, but didn’t necessarily push a particular field when I didn’t want to directly be in the medical field. They were a little harder on the other girls. They just wanted me to make some money and just expected it to “happen”. But if I literally said “I want to be a housewife” they all would’ve said I had no ambition.

But like I said before, the uneducated housewife who married into my family is living the life and not worrying about shyt while my cousin is working his ass off to provide for her and 4 kids

And this is what I meant when I said "even well-meaning parents" and "baggage". If they'd had bad experiences in college, would they have discouraged you from going? No. But this is acceptable when speaking on marriage.

A housewife doesn't have to be uneducated, ftr. One could argue that my education makes me better at it in some ways.

 

[Gloxina]

And this is what I meant when I said "even well-meaning parents" and "baggage". If they'd had bad experiences in college, would they have discouraged you from going? No. But this is acceptable when speaking on marriage.

A housewife doesn't have to be uneducated, ftr. One could argue that my education makes me better at it in some ways.

Of course! I should say- graduating and being in the home, not having a career would’ve been looked down on

 

[NobodyReally]

I actually agree with you. I’m not even being funny when I say it- I had the looks/upbringing to end up in a situation like that, but my family is filled with type As who would kind of think less of you if you were a housewife at 24. Not to mention my own parents divorce .

Like I had to get an education and start my career, but didn’t necessarily push a particular field when I didn’t want to directly be in the medical field. They were a little harder on the other girls. They just wanted me to make some money and just expected it to “happen”. But if I literally said “I want to be a housewife” they all would’ve said I had no ambition.

But like I said before, the uneducated housewife who married into my family is living the life and not worrying about shyt while my cousin is working his ass off to provide for her and 4 kids

That woman is an anomaly. Go down to the battered woman’s and homeless shelters to get a more common idea about women that have no degree and put all their hopes and bets on a man carrying them to the promise land.

 

[V Skyye]

I actually agree with you. I’m not even being funny when I say it- I had the looks/upbringing to end up in a situation like that, but my family is filled with type As who would kind of think less of you if you were a housewife at 24. Not to mention my own parents divorce .

Like I had to get an education and start my career, but didn’t necessarily push a particular field when I didn’t want to directly be in the medical field. They were a little harder on the other girls. They just wanted me to make some money and just expected it to “happen”. But if I literally said “I want to be a housewife” they all would’ve said I had no ambition.

But like I said before, the uneducated housewife who married into my family is living the life and not worrying about shyt while my cousin is working his ass off to provide for her and 4 kids

Young Black women are pushed hard, but I understand why. For every housewife living good, there’s three that’s struggling. And the reasons can stem from divorce, a sick spouse, or a spouse who doesn’t really make enough to carry a full household. Our incomes are lower on average (as Black people) and we start behind. Kids is where it truly gets expensive. Even if you keep them out of daycare and send them to public school they run up utilities and food bills. If they are into extracurriculars, this is easily a few hundred dollars per month.

I’ll also be honest and say most people I know who got married before 25 ended up divorced. So your family did right by teaching you to always be able to take care of yourself. And they’ve been around long to know that finding a good man who is also able to take care of you up to your standards is not promised.

 

[Gloxina]

That woman is an anomaly. Go down to the battered woman’s and homeless shelters to get a more common idea about women that have no degree and put all their hopes and bets on a man carrying them to the promise land.

Oh, I know. She lucked out because he actually is a really good guy. One of those rare cases where I will say she doesn’t actually deserve him. Broad would be in the spa and make my aunt go get the kids from school

 

[Gloxina]

Young Black women are pushed hard, but I understand why. For every housewife living good, there’s three that’s struggling. And the reasons can stem from divorce, a sick spouse, or a spouse who doesn’t really make enough to carry a full household. Our incomes are lower on average (as Black people) and we start behind. Kids is where it truly gets expensive. Even if you keep them out of daycare and send them to public school they run up utilities and food bills. If they are into extracurriculars, this is easily a few hundred dollars per month.

I’ll also be honest and say most people I know who got married before 25 ended up divorced. So your family did right by teaching you to always be able to take care of yourself. And they’ve been around long to know that finding a good man who is also able to take care of you up to your standards is not promised.

Great points as well.

 

[Stuntone]

Is she your wife? If not, do you have set plans to make her?

She's not my wife yet. Definitely got plans for her.

 

[Boxchevy]

It's crazy because black men do all of this generation after generation and have the nerve to complain about whore culture and thot culture in 2023. The writing been on the wall decades ago.

1. Black men and women have one of the lowest marriage rates and most marriages don’t have a significant age gap. So older men aren’t marrying younger women like that.

2 Black men have lower incomes on average and less wealth being passed down so most can’t afford to take care of a woman no matter the age. Especially if they plan on having kids.

3. Women late 20s and up can better discern numbers 1 and 2 so men with nothing to offer will definitely prefer younger women since they are easier to manipulate

4. Men who always talk about women needing to be “pure” while actively having sex with various women will probably fukk kids/teens

5. I think that poster quoted in the OP said that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote. If so he’s not a person to take seriously. If that wasn’t him my bad.

 

[Boxchevy]

This is the entire point! Age gaps happen, but there is this constant conversation in our online community about this shyt.

Ionno. Why is it the Asian girls are marrying Asian/white dudes who are young professionals and growing together? Who is telling the white and Asian girls that their future hubby is probably 15yrs older than them?
Where are the young black men who are ready to put a ring on it at 32? 34?

If this were some serious shyt all these older men would be marrying the younger women they are dating. Where are the upticks in marriage between older, established black men and younger black women? Who is seeing this happen in their part of the country?

Marriage is promoted to young women but Black culture isn’t promoting it to young Black men. If you happen to come from a good background you see it being promoted, but if not…?

What is happening where in other cultures it’s ok to marry and build with your partner, but we aren’t being encouraged to do the same?

Great post. When black men shame younger black women for not seeking marriages with men 15 years plus and older, while at the same time telling younger black men to not even seek marriage at that age..it lets you know that major manipulation and evil intentions are at play with this 'strategy'. I remember we discussed this same dynamic in a thread from last year and you said you might make a thread on the topic..lol. Honestly like i have always said, the coli aint ready for the real conversations that will enact actual change. Its interesting that younger black men aren't peeping the set up, or are they? and just to scared to 'go against the grain' against their 'elders'??...black men cause alot of damage amongst themselves and black men as a collective are too scared to call it out. I watch Mot on youtube and he is the impressive with trying to clean up internal affairs among black men without involving 'kiesha'..

 

[Richard Glidewell]

This all seems a discussion in futility. The comments read as if there is some control that can be exerted over this situation and that is an illusion......dillusion.......both? I am one of the few boys amongst a gang gang gang of girls in my family. I have seen these situations play out repeatedly in the same ways and scenarios across generations. You......cant......do......shyt. Even the best of them was/is wilding out. You have no control and some of the shyt the olders cop to later in life while laughing about it is the exact reason some are so fukked up today. Funny enough it was/is always the same age and younger cats that's doing the wilding

 

[Gloxina]

Great post. When black men shame younger black women for not seeking marriages with men 15 years plus and older, while at the same time telling younger black men to not even seek marriage at that age..it lets you know that major manipulation and evil intentions are at play with this 'strategy'. I remember we discussed this same dynamic in a thread from last year and you said you might make a thread on the topic..lol. Honestly like i have always said, the coli aint ready for the real conversations that will enact actual change. Its interesting that younger black men aren't peeping the set up, or are they? and just to scared to 'go against the grain' against their 'elders'??...black men cause alot of damage amongst themselves and black men as a collective are too scared to call it out. I watch Mot on youtube and he is the impressive with trying to clean up internal affairs among black men without involving 'kiesha'..

This “pimp mentality” shyt is strong in the community and no one wants to call it out. It’s like no one wants to answer the question. Why are the 30s the “playa” stage for BLACK MEN (as stated in this thread), but it isn’t so for the other races? What are young black men doing 18-30 that prevents them from being ready to get married by 30-35 like other races?
If you’re in the trades and working your way up, you’re good by late 20s/30 career-wise. If you’re pursuing formal education, even with some gaps/delays, you should be stable by mid-30s.

What’s the deal? Why are the other races trying to lock down a woman as they are exiting their 20s and our men need to “have fun” instead?
What do you think happens to all the young women you want to “have fun” with who you aren’t ready to lock down?


Real shyt, at this point, it’s starting to look like we are our own worst enemy when it comes to certain issues.

 

[maxamusa]

OP answer to question 1 is no:

age is not just a number.

answer to question #2 is the same as question #1

 

[Gloxina]

OP answer to question 1 is no:

age is not just a number.

answer to question #2 is the same as question #1

Hey I don’t need to be convinced. Care to elaborate for your Coli brehs?