Cousin mentally breaking after Mother in Law moved in

[Elle Seven]

This is the wife's fault.

I could be wrong, but I don't think the average man is bringing the heat to his mother-in-law like that. That is his wife's job; that is her own mama. If the shoe were on the other foot, the man would need to speak to his own mama about it.

Depending on what their relationship is like, though, this likely won't happen. If she isn't acting like a grown woman in her own house, then she is likely hesitant to speak to her own mama. If they aren't used to living with me (i.e. having men tell them what to do), this exacerbates it even more.

But as her daughter, she has the familiarity to speak with her mama with the frankness and honesty this conversation will require. If the husband does it, fine, but I have a feeling it may not going to end well.

This whole situation is triggering, geez.

 

[verbalkint]

..a lot of yall glossing over the health issues and its her gatdamn mother lol. Obviously there needs to be a talk and boundaries. Unless he's ready to foot a retirement/nursing home it is what it is. If it was his mother would he ktse?

 

[Pegasus Jackson]

Put antifreeze in her collards.

 

[Peter Popoff]

What would you do? And what can advice can I tell him before he has a breakdown.

Take a loan out and put her in a nursing home. My sanity and health is more sacred than that bytch. I don't care if the bytch is mother Theresa.

 

[Dad]

Is his wife African?

 

[Afro]

Mental peace is everything, especially in your own home.

Full stop.

 

[Afro]

Take a loan out and put her in a nursing home. My sanity and health is more sacred than that bytch. I don't care if the bytch is mother Theresa.

Ironic, Mother Theresa was a terrible person

 

[skokiaan]

Before she moved in..who was the assigned primary carer?.. if it's the wife then take that to her coz she not doing her agreed duty.

 

[Coco Loco]

My cousin is a good dude but he is losing his mind. He got married 2 years ago and already has had several of his wife's family members try to move in. Finally he gave in to the mother in law due to her health issues. He complains about her sitting on the couch watching tv upstairs the entire day. He works from home and most of the time he is in his office. If he wants to watch TV he goes into the bedroom. Mind you his office and the main bedroom is upstairs too so whenever he goes to the kitchen or uses the restroom, BOOM there she is.

This breh provided a whole bedroom with a queen size bed and flatscreen tv with just about every app and streaming service you can think of. But she insists on watching tv upstairs where he spends most of his time. When she cooks she rarely cleans up after herself. Oh..... And she doesn't practice good hygeine. . Says her room is constantly musty and smells like urine. And yes she is fully capable to cleaning and keeping up her room.

Other than that he says she is very sweet and easy going. But he feels she doesn't have boundaries and or respect his home like she should. The wife puts her foot down sometimes but some time enables this behavior. He doesn't want to hurt the mother in laws feelings but he is at a breaking point. He is an introvert and needs ample time to himself. He has recently start drinking and spending long evenings at a local bar. Sometimes he'll sit in his car for 2 hours afterwards dreading going in his own house


I commend him for stepping up to the plate but am worried about his mental health. Do you feel it is wrong for him to tell the mother in law not to spend so much time upstairs and to clean up after herself? What would you do? And what can advice can I tell him before he has a breakdown.

I kinda tuned out and skimmed after the bolded. Why were her family members already trying to move into their house? Do they have a mini mansion/a lot of money or something? Family members moving in into a newlywed couples dwelling is a major red flag. The wife is on some nut shyt if she said or acted like that's normal


As an introvert, I know firsthand how home is our sanctuary. Idc who it is, they're not making me feel uncomfortable in my own damn house

 

[Micky Mikey]

Before she moved in..who was the assigned primary carer?.. if it's the wife then take that to her coz she not doing her agreed duty.

The wife is. She wants my cousin to stay out of it. The wife puts her foot down sometumr but the MIL keeps fukking up

I kinda tuned out and skimmed after the bolded. Why were her family members already trying to move into their house? Do they have a mini mansion/a lot of money or something? Family members moving in into a newlywed couples dwelling is a major red flag. The wife is on some nut shyt if she said or acted like that's normal


As an introvert, I know firsthand how home is our sanctuary. Idc who it is, they're not making me feel uncomfortable in my own damn house

No they're not in a mansion. They have a nice 3 bedroom house and both have very good jobs. I told my cousin that they see hum and her as a source of stability. Some of the family members had different reasons for wanting to move in. One had just got out of prison, another was basically homeless, another got a new job and needed temp housing, and lastly the mother was homeless and has mental health issues.
My cuz put his foot down and said no to all the other but didnt have it in him to deny the MIL.
It has creates a lot strain in their marriage. The wife is very insecure about him moving on and seems to know how bad this looks.

 

[zayk35]

Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never Never would i allow that, especially my mother in law, who's a former drug addict move into our home. Maybe only if the doctor has give her a concrete "drop dead date" like if she had only two months to live and was guaranteed to die. Hell no.

 

[skokiaan]

The wife is. She wants my cousin to stay out of it. The wife puts her foot down sometumr but the MIL keeps fukking up



No they're in a mansion. They have a nice 3 bedroom house and both have very good jobs. I told my cousin that they see and her as a source of stability. Some of the family members had different reasons for wanting to move in. One had just got out of prison, another was basically homeless, another got a new job and need med temp housing, and lastly the mother was homeless and has mental health issues.
My cuz put his foot down and said no to all the othere but didnt have it in him to deny the MIL.
It creates a lot strain in their marriage. The wife is very insecure about him moving on and seems to know how bad this looks.

if she has mental health problems and her hygiene is falling..he should talk to his wife coz it's obvious this is beyond her and seek professional help.

Wont be easy to convince the wife but is important they seek professional help before she deteriorates.

 

[GPBear]

Sounds like he’s gonna have to burn it all down, skip town, and start a new life

 

[Micky Mikey]

Put antifreeze in her collards.

Speaking of food. she is constantly buying too much food (unhealthy food at that) and keeps most of it it in the fridge until it spoils.

 

[Coco Loco]

The wife is. She wants my cousin to stay out of it. The wife puts her foot down sometumr but the MIL keeps fukking up



No they're in a mansion. They have a nice 3 bedroom house and both have very good jobs. I told my cousin that they see and her as a source of stability. Some of the family members had different reasons for wanting to move in. One had just got out of prison, another was basically homeless, another got a new job and need med temp housing, and lastly the mother was homeless and has mental health issues.
My cuz put his foot down and said no to all the othere but didnt have it in him to deny the MIL.
It creates a lot strain in their marriage. The wife is very insecure about him moving on and seems to know how bad this looks.

Damn at the mental health stuff. The wife needs to be honest about her mom's situation and realize this is beyond their expertise

if she has mental health problems and her hygiene is falling..he should talk to his wife coz it's obvious this is beyond her and seek professional help.

Wont be easy to convince the wife but is important they seek professional help before she deteriorates.

This. OP I'd hate to not be there to care for my mom but if she has diagnosed mental issues, those cannot correct themselves and may require professional help.