3 Pitfalls of Dating After 30
1). Increasing & Diverging Expectations
You know those “basic” things you assumed every guy knew? Well, here’s the secret. Those things aren’t basic anymore. Days of gentlemen opening doors, picking up the tab, picking you up on time (if they pick you up at all), or bringing flowers are remnants of the past. There’s a noticeable push-pull dynamic in dating after 30. By this age, most women have had at least one guy treat her fairly well and demonstrate what’s
possible. And as the saying goes, “once you’ve been treated right, it’s hard to go back to bull–.”
On the other hand, guys have spent years paying for flowers, food, and gifts only to find themselves still wondering if a woman deserving of their best actually exists. As a result of their own disappointment and feelings of resources wasted, men have pulled back. Some appear outright
lazy in matters of love. So, while women may be
expecting more,
some guys are offering less. Therein lies the conundrum.
“Expectations from your yesterdays may compromise a relationship meant for your tomorrows”
2) Accomplishments – Yours & Theirs
Regardless of gender, once you reach a certain level of personal
success, it’s natural to become more discriminating in dating. Especially when dating after 30, women feel more entitled to certain things because of who they are, what they have’ve done, and how they’ve done it (for example: becoming a Marketing Vice President by the age 35). Subsequently, successful men find it easy to simply walk away when what a woman offers isn’t aligned with their ideal. Why should anyone have to compromise? It’s another example of the ever-present push-pull.
If we crossed into Thirtyville having achieved the aforementioned accomplishments, we assume all age-appropriate suitors have done the same. When a woman finds herself
owning, making, and running things – watch out. We get used to our world – our house, our rules, our life, and our definitions of right and wrong. So, when a man comes along and isn’t where we believe he should be, it’s incredibly difficult to see him as an equal (if we ever will), let alone head of (our) household. We tend to fault him for not having the same boxes checked as we do because in our minds, not having what we have means he didn’t do things the “right way.”
3. Baggage, Baggage, Baggage.
We’re all walking around cloaked in the lessons of our pasts . Different relationships taught us different (sometimes the same) lessons. We’ve learned, forgotten, and re-learned things that while nicely organized and captured in
dating books, could never be mastered. Now, we unknowingly have layers upon layers of “life” around us and on top of us. Every opinion, assumption, judgment is the result of some event in days or years prior. So it’s clear to see how this makes dating after 30 more difficult.
When we interact with a romantic interest, we’re not merely interacting as two people. We’re interacting as two experiences: two lifetimes of broken promises, regrets, distrust, fear, or whatever else that weighs you down. The more years you participate in the sport of dating, the more baggage you accumulate. While our twenties may not have been the easiest time, we had fewer experiences and therefore, less baggage. Ironically, we expect more clarity and stability dating after 30, yet rarely consider how “tainted” we’ve become.
Let’s hear from you: How has your experience with dating after 30 been? Have you experienced any of these pitfalls?
This post was written by Renita Bryant. She is the author of the critically acclaimed novella, Yesterday Mourning. You can follow her on Twitter and read her thought-provoking blog, Renita’s Mynd Matters, on life & relationships.
http://paulcbrunson.com/2014/03/pitfalls-dating-after-30/
when I told them I didn't have no kids. I was confused why it made them confused. but apparently most people have kids under 30 and I dont know why when technically you're not financially and mentally stable for such things until your 30s (imo of course)
. Please direct me to where I said that. Nuance my friend look it up in the dictionary.
but sadly they do
about their age once they cross 25.
