Fellas, I need your perspective…

[O.T.I.S.]

When I say in the equation, I don’t mean why is she at the funeral.

That’s fine. She may have had a good connection with the family. She may also have a good connection with the dude in the scenario.

All of this is fine.

The equation I’m talking about is the overstepping of boundaries in regards to the man. It’s not appropriate for her to do all of that for somebody else’s man, especially when his own partner can’t be there.
It would be weird as fukk if an ex tried to cover all my expenses for anything when my significant other was absent.

You really don’t see how inappropriate that looks? Hell my family might have even confronted me if I was there with an ex. They don’t play that foolishness
You can be cool with an ex without being extra and disrespectful or inappropriate IMO. Stop by, interact with the family, express your condolences and bounce.

But all this “Im going to cover everything for you and we can ride together to the funeral and I’ve got a hotel room for you and…”

Nah.

Do you all think she gives af


Like I said, yall act like she bought them tickets to the bahamas together

She bought him a ticket to his sister’s funeral and he accepted… TO HIS SISTERS FUNERAL.


Were they not married at one point? Did she not care about him at some point? And again, who’s word are we taking that the ex-wife paid for every single thing???



So your fam would cuss you out if you brought the father of your kids and a person you once shared a life to a funeral

Ok

 

[O.T.I.S.]

People are grimey. This is light work compared to some of the shyt I’ve seen.

There are people with entire properties in side people’s names…I don’t put nothing past nobody.

Sure

So he sounds like a grimey person to you. Got it

 

[Who Not How]

Again, sir, I don’t need for anyone to agree with me or my sister. I just told you that I got on her about how she handled the situation. If you look at my responses throughout the whole thread, I readily admitted to the fact that she handled it wrongly. I will, however, also say that, in the heat of the moment when your anger is riled up, you don’t know how you’re going to respond to something, so I’m not going to be too hard on her about that.

I feel you sista. I'll leave you with this last reply. Instead of reacting emotionally, tell your sister to respond mentally. You can actually know how you will respond in the heat of the moment but it takes practice and it takes mindfulness. Not knowing how you will act when you're angry can put you in handcuffs.

 

[Studious one]

I feel you sista. I'll leave you with this last reply. Instead of reacting emotionally, tell your sister to respond mentally. You can actually know how you will respond in the heat of the moment but it takes practice and it takes mindfulness. Not knowing how you will act when you're angry can put you in handcuffs.

 

[Shadow King]

Dude, NONE of these men would be all right if their woman’s ex-husband was footing flights and all that. you just put it the best way, it’s a built-in situation for an over step.

Now I will say gender shifts things a tad bit because that could be seen as the ex stepping up for his children's mother and the children in the loss of their aunt, but brehs would rightfully take issue with that as they may feel it any man should make that move, it's them.

 

[perfectblack999]

He’s back home mourning with family probably running around helping with the funeral and your sister thinks he’s cheating? What a dummy

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Sure

So he sounds like a grimey person to you. Got it

I don’t know what he sounds like. I only know the details the OP presented.
Based on those he is either reeeeeally stupid and unaware (which makes him a liability to deal with) or he playing dumb and plotting.

Either isn’t somebody you necessarily would want to be in a relationship with depending on where u are in your life.
Similarly, If a chick would be dumb enough to accept hotel accommodations, air travel and other inappropriate gestures from her ex-husband while she in a relationship, i wouldn’t recommend any man laying up under somebody like that. With all the shyt I’ve seen pop off at weddings and funerals, people need to make sure they not tethering themselves to social liabilities who can’t read the room about what’s not appropriate.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Do you all think she gives af


Like I said, yall act like she bought them tickets to the bahamas together

She bought him a ticket to his sister’s funeral and he accepted… TO HIS SISTERS FUNERAL.


Were they not married at one point? Did she not care about him at some point? And again, who’s word are we taking that the ex-wife paid for every single thing???



So your fam would cuss you out if you brought the father of your kids and a person you once shared a life to a funeral

Ok

If I’m currently in a relationship…and I’m attending with an EX who also paid for everything…yes. My family would ask me what the hell I’m doing.

And it would look strange as fukk. Not for them to attend but for them to take so much to do with me-while im romantically involved with someone else.

If stuff like that is cool in your relationships then cool. We don’t get down like that in my family.
In my family, exes are exes. Come to the funeral, express condolences and bounce. The extra shyt? Nah.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

I don’t know what he sounds like. I only know the details the OP presented.
Based on those he is either reeeeeally stupid and unaware (which makes him a liability to deal with) or he playing dumb and plotting.

Either isn’t somebody you necessarily would want to be in a relationship with depending on where u are in your life.
Similarly, If a chick would be dumb enough to accept hotel accommodations, air travel and other inappropriate gestures from her ex-husband while she in a relationship, i wouldn’t recommend any man laying up under somebody like that. With all the shyt I’ve seen pop off at weddings and funerals, people need to make sure they not tethering themselves to social liabilities who can’t read the room about what’s not appropriate.

And I’m going off details…

He has 3 kids.. 2 of his are not actually is but according to the details he helped raised them..

He’s not broke/dusty…

he’s telling her details he could’ve hid..

he was married once (meaning he wanted to wife someone)..

and his sister just died…




And yall got cheater out of all that information?

As I see it, he’s either a decent dude or a terrible cheater. This be the advice that females be telling friends that have them doing incredibly insecure dumb shyt to good dudes

 

[O.T.I.S.]

If I’m currently in a relationship…and I’m attending with an EX who also paid for everything…yes. My family would ask me what the hell I’m doing.

And it would look strange as fukk. Not for them to attend but for them to take so much to do with me-while im romantically involved with someone else.

If stuff like that is cool in your relationships then cool. We don’t get down like that in my family.
In my family, exes are exes. Come to the funeral, express condolences and bounce. The extra shyt? Nah.

Ex- husband, correct? With kids together, correct?

It’s like you keep trying to leave this detail out. They not talking about some random ex

And sounds like dude was just DATING the chick.. did it sound to you like she’s speaking as someone who actually knows his family? Knew his sister? If she did, she probably would’ve been there too I would assume.

And I am all cool with that .

Ex-husband’s and ex-wives are not just “exes” in my family, especially if they’re the mother/father to the children in my family. They are still family and we treat them as such.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

The man lost a sister and got cussed out for it, but he’s the red flag


Sister made the right decision though.. she definitely not mentally ready for that kind of relationship. It would only get worse for him with the advice she takes

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Ex- husband, correct? With kids together, correct?

It’s like you keep trying to leave this detail out. They not talking about some random ex

And sounds like dude was just DATING the chick.. did it sound to you like she’s speaking as someone who actually knows his family? Knew his sister? If she did, she probably would’ve been there too I would assume.

And I am all cool with that .

Ex-husband’s and ex-wives are not just “exes” in my family, especially if they’re the mother/father to the children in my family. They are still family and we treat them as such.

For me, ex in any context. Husband, bf, ect.
Once again, you are welcome to attend the funeral. But the extra stuff isn’t necessary or appropriate.
And somebody would definitely take me to the side to let me know I was being an author of confusion or being messy for acting that way.

But different strokes for different folks I guess.

I’m going to present this to a couple of other people I know and see what they say. I’d be very interested in the responses.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

And I’m going off details…

He has 3 kids.. 2 of his are not actually is but according to the details he helped raised them..

He’s not broke/dusty…

he’s telling her details he could’ve hid..

he was married once (meaning he wanted to wife someone)..

and his sister just died…




And yall got cheater out of all that information?

As I see it, he’s either a decent dude or a terrible cheater. This be the advice that females be telling friends that have them doing incredibly insecure dumb shyt to good dudes

I got inappropriate behavior from behaviors I deemed inappropriate.

Accepting attention, gestures and expenses from exes in absence of your current partner is inappropriate to me.

Attending the funeral. Cool.
Seeing the family. Cool.

Offering to pay for expenses for ex husband when he got a woman or in a relationship and she’s not with him? NOPE. That’s overstepping.

He could easily refuse the ex-wife respectfully, make his own accommodations, grieve and move on. That’s what I would do. I wouldn’t even feel comfortable accepting that from a former spouse when I’m with someone else.

But if you don’t see that as inappropriate or problematic then it is what it is.

 

[O.T.I.S.]

For me, ex in any context. Husband, bf, ect.
Once again, you are welcome to attend the funeral. But the extra stuff isn’t necessary or appropriate.
And somebody would definitely take me to the side to let me know I was being an author of confusion or being messy for acting that way.

But different strokes for different folks I guess.

I’m going to present this to a couple of other people I know and see what they say. I’d be very interested in the responses.

Thats your view on it and you’re allowed to have one

That woman has his kids who’s aunt just passed away. To me, a couple hundred bucks for a ticket (that I’m sure was bought in bulk) is not a big deal.



And again, we trust this chick logically enough to believe everything she saying about the pay situation is true I guess

 

[DreadBrown]

And especially, especially if you wouldn’t like it if it was done to you. All these guys are saying all this about grieving and and all that, but I bet dollars to dog shyt that they wouldn’t appreciate the shyt if it was reversed. It’s not a matter of her being insecure, because he’s the actual insecure one in the relationship, it’s a matter of knowing that it’s a possibility that shyt could happen. You would be a fool not to acknowledge that shyt. Then, the next thing you know, oh, I was sad and grieving and I just fell into her p*ssy

Damn sis you said you came in here for a male perspective



You got dudes in here saying they’ve been in similar situations and you disregarding what the men here are taking the time to tell you on some sisterhood shyt.

Another female came in here confirming the bias you already had and you jumped on it real quick

shytting on dude and his ex for what? Your sister was in the wrong here. There’s no proof he did anything just ‘how it looks’.

You know damn well if you died and dude cussed your sister out and broke up with her while she was grieving with her child and the family you’d say he was some kind of evil abuser. fukk whatever reason he had

You really coulda made this thread on lsa