Getting back with "the one that got away"

[Mr Hate Coffee]

Hello friends, been having a lot of thoughts about my current situation. I've bounced it off of some of my RL friends and now decided I could get some input from the always insightful and brilliant minds of the coli. Please excuse what may be a long post.

So back in 2011, I moved to a new city for a job. My first day there I walk in and this beautiful girl is sitting at the front desk. I introduced myself and end up chatting for about 20 mins. Turns out that she had just started there a month prior, and coincidentally we had both moved from the same city.

I immediately started crushing on this girl like I hadn't done in years. I don't really get like that. My office was right by the kitchen so she would walk by multiple times daily refilling her water. Every time she came by we would talk and flirt a little. shyt started driving me crazy.

Finally after 6 months I said fukk it and asked her out. I held off cuz I don't like mixing work and relationships but I couldn't take it anymore. We end up going out for drinks, having a great time and I end up smashing at her place that night. I was on cloud nine brehs.

So we end up dating, but its only about twice a month. Both of us were busy a lot with various things but we made it happen when we could. I was def having major feelings but playing it cool. We kept this pace up for about 6 months when she hit me with the info that she was not ready for a relationship. She was fresh out of college, living with 2 of her sorority sisters in a high rise and she wanted to be free and enjoy her time without having to be tied down.

I tried to convince her how good of a thing we had (which she agreed), but her mind was made up and she said its best if we don't see each other anymore. Straight punch to the gut. Had me messed up for like an entire year. I was ready to wife her.

I had to un-follow her on FB cuz every time seeing her just brought back those feelings. Anyway, I moved on, dated several chicks and was in a 1.5 year relationship, etc. But not one of those chicks gave me that fire in my belly that she did.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago (about 4 years since we dated) she texts me, says its been so long since we've seen each other, hopes I'm well etc. We go back and forth and end up deciding to meet for drinks last Friday. I have no idea what her intentions are so I'm playing it low key as hell. We hit it off like we hadn't missed a beat, and once again I end up going back to her place and smashing. We end up spending the whole wknd together, smashed like 5 times. She told me it was over a year ago that she had sex.

I'm enjoying seeing her again and want to see where it goes, but I damn sure am not going to get all in my feelings again just to get kicked in the nuts again.

So what do y'all think? Am I only setting myself up to fukked over again?







TLDR: dated 4 years ago and I was ready to wife but she wasn't and kicked me to the curb. She's now pursued me and we've had sex and are planning to continue seeing each other. Is this a bad idea on my part.

Ay bruh, I feel where you coming from. But you picked the wrong place to tell this story cuz you know every other post is gonna be "man she was fukking mad nikkas. she aint the one." nikkas are pessimistic here.

best of luck. lol

 

[Made Myself A Boss]

Saying "she got away " seems like a stretch...

She actually dumped you and didn't contact you for 4 years...

trust me nikka... shes not the one.. nikkas been beaten that shyt dooooowwn.. she had you, a man who she had good chemistry with and she left, you so she could go and be a hoe...and you better believe she had a nikka waiting for her when she made that decision like....... probably the same night smashed she broke up with you.

And just think about this very basic fact that she made ...

"You were bigger then her ex supposedly right".. ok maybe maybe not... but if thats true AND whats important why did she let you go?..she only telling you that to boost your confidence and make you feel better about her dumping you (Ive seen this very thing happen before, so Im speaking from a personal experience where I was a girls side nikka, and she was telling her bf all kinds of shyt to make him feel better)

She isnt the one breh and this situation is only going to lead you to more heart ache down the road.. im 99% sure of this.

"I haven't sleep with anybody for a year" x's 1000

 

[Serious]

get into a relationship with a reformed hoe brehs.

that girl done seen more dikks in her life then nikkaz have seen jail.

and you tryna hint at the possibility of ya'll being something?

if a girl ignores me today and hits me up tomorrow, she is tossed into the bushes permanently.

and you talmbout 4 years later

not only that breh says he's a catch, yet knows this thot is trying stick him with a baby

 

[Marciano]

Keep it cold, make her chase you like you chased her....might prove if she legit or not.

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

she probably changed some aspect since you last kicked it, you may not even want to marry this potentially changed person.... see what happens.


other than that, such bad advice in the thread

 

[AB Ziggy]

she probably changed some aspect since you last kicked it, you may not even want to marry this potentially changed person....

It's better to go with people thats new and fresh to your mind with no shared past than someone you've had a previous perspective before losing contact before claiming they "changed" hearing from them years later.

 

[ottorocket]

Had to come back to this thread

This nikka really called her "the one that got away", then tried to act like she don't got him sprung already

Like, do you actually think she'd go on LSA and refer to you as "the one that got away?"

 

[Serious]

other than that, such bad advice in the thread

So you just gon negate the fact that women can be shady as fukk. nikkas in this thread know what they're talking about. I've been on both sides of it, so I know the deal...

 

[The Nigerian]

Hello friends, been having a lot of thoughts about my current situation. I've bounced it off of some of my RL friends and now decided I could get some input from the always insightful and brilliant minds of the coli. Please excuse what may be a long post.

So back in 2011, I moved to a new city for a job. My first day there I walk in and this beautiful girl is sitting at the front desk. I introduced myself and end up chatting for about 20 mins. Turns out that she had just started there a month prior, and coincidentally we had both moved from the same city.

I immediately started crushing on this girl like I hadn't done in years. I don't really get like that. My office was right by the kitchen so she would walk by multiple times daily refilling her water. Every time she came by we would talk and flirt a little. shyt started driving me crazy.

Finally after 6 months I said fukk it and asked her out. I held off cuz I don't like mixing work and relationships but I couldn't take it anymore. We end up going out for drinks, having a great time and I end up smashing at her place that night. I was on cloud nine brehs.

So we end up dating, but its only about twice a month. Both of us were busy a lot with various things but we made it happen when we could. I was def having major feelings but playing it cool. We kept this pace up for about 6 months when she hit me with the info that she was not ready for a relationship. She was fresh out of college, living with 2 of her sorority sisters in a high rise and she wanted to be free and enjoy her time without having to be tied down.

I tried to convince her how good of a thing we had (which she agreed), but her mind was made up and she said its best if we don't see each other anymore. Straight punch to the gut. Had me messed up for like an entire year. I was ready to wife her.

I had to un-follow her on FB cuz every time seeing her just brought back those feelings. Anyway, I moved on, dated several chicks and was in a 1.5 year relationship, etc. But not one of those chicks gave me that fire in my belly that she did.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago (about 4 years since we dated) she texts me, says its been so long since we've seen each other, hopes I'm well etc. We go back and forth and end up deciding to meet for drinks last Friday. I have no idea what her intentions are so I'm playing it low key as hell. We hit it off like we hadn't missed a beat, and once again I end up going back to her place and smashing. We end up spending the whole wknd together, smashed like 5 times. She told me it was over a year ago that she had sex.

I'm enjoying seeing her again and want to see where it goes, but I damn sure am not going to get all in my feelings again just to get kicked in the nuts again.

So what do y'all think? Am I only setting myself up to fukked over again?







TLDR: dated 4 years ago and I was ready to wife but she wasn't and kicked me to the curb. She's now pursued me and we've had sex and are planning to continue seeing each other. Is this a bad idea on my part.

Go for it.

 

[Medio]

summary of her thoughts - sorry I like you but I want to be a hoe for a few years, i'll hit you up once I get it all flushed out my system.

you decide, I mean ... I personally would have to dead it

 

[REdefinition]

I wouldn't entertain her. Wouldn't even smash. I'll be upfront and tell you a lot of that is due to pride. I want my girl to be crazy about me. It sounds like you're crazy about her, but she sees you more as a "practical compromise." Trust, women are emotionally driven. If you gave her that FEELING she gave you she wouldn't have thrown you in the bushes. You hung out with her, dated, and had sex with her for 6 straight months and it wasn't enough for her to see you as someone she wanted a relationship with. Now she's older, seeing all her friends get married and having kids. She's feeling the pressure of life and remembers you as being that dude that was a good catch and really wanted her back in the day so she weighed her options and you "make sense." Now, none of this means she can't be a good woman to you and make you happy, but you'll probably always be more into her than she is into you. Can you deal with that? If so, then have at it.

 

[TheDarkskinnedDrake]

She's not the one that got away she dumped you fam . If it was me I'd smash and keep it moving find you a good one who isn't gonna leave you and then try and contact you years later. She doesn't respect you if she's treating you like that. She belongs to the game

 

[O.iatlhawksfan]

I agree with what people are saying that she's not "the one that got away" in fact your the one that got away and she's trying to fix that

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Hello friends, been having a lot of thoughts about my current situation. I've bounced it off of some of my RL friends and now decided I could get some input from the always insightful and brilliant minds of the coli. Please excuse what may be a long post.

So back in 2011, I moved to a new city for a job. My first day there I walk in and this beautiful girl is sitting at the front desk. I introduced myself and end up chatting for about 20 mins. Turns out that she had just started there a month prior, and coincidentally we had both moved from the same city.

I immediately started crushing on this girl like I hadn't done in years. I don't really get like that. My office was right by the kitchen so she would walk by multiple times daily refilling her water. Every time she came by we would talk and flirt a little. shyt started driving me crazy.

Finally after 6 months I said fukk it and asked her out. I held off cuz I don't like mixing work and relationships but I couldn't take it anymore. We end up going out for drinks, having a great time and I end up smashing at her place that night. I was on cloud nine brehs.

So we end up dating, but its only about twice a month. Both of us were busy a lot with various things but we made it happen when we could. I was def having major feelings but playing it cool. We kept this pace up for about 6 months when she hit me with the info that she was not ready for a relationship. She was fresh out of college, living with 2 of her sorority sisters in a high rise and she wanted to be free and enjoy her time without having to be tied down.

I tried to convince her how good of a thing we had (which she agreed), but her mind was made up and she said its best if we don't see each other anymore. Straight punch to the gut. Had me messed up for like an entire year. I was ready to wife her.

I had to un-follow her on FB cuz every time seeing her just brought back those feelings. Anyway, I moved on, dated several chicks and was in a 1.5 year relationship, etc. But not one of those chicks gave me that fire in my belly that she did.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago (about 4 years since we dated) she texts me, says its been so long since we've seen each other, hopes I'm well etc. We go back and forth and end up deciding to meet for drinks last Friday. I have no idea what her intentions are so I'm playing it low key as hell. We hit it off like we hadn't missed a beat, and once again I end up going back to her place and smashing. We end up spending the whole wknd together, smashed like 5 times. She told me it was over a year ago that she had sex.

I'm enjoying seeing her again and want to see where it goes, but I damn sure am not going to get all in my feelings again just to get kicked in the nuts again.

So what do y'all think? Am I only setting myself up to fukked over again?







TLDR: dated 4 years ago and I was ready to wife but she wasn't and kicked me to the curb. She's now pursued me and we've had sex and are planning to continue seeing each other. Is this a bad idea on my part.

She didn't kick you to the curb, she did you a favor

She told you straight up, she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. She wanted to be wild and free, maybe explore some more dikk, not be tied down that the moment.

She could've led you on and cheated on you, or got in a relationship with regret that she didn't get to "enjoy" her life when she was younger.

Just play it by ear and don't force shyt. Have fun with the idea that if she doesn't want to be tied down again you'll live and do fine without her

 

[karim]

That's not necessarily true. Maybe she ended things with him because like she said it wouldn't work AT THAT TIME. That doesn't make this guy her plan B. If anything maybe the timing wasn't right. Doesn't mean she was with other guys in the time spent apart. Even if she was, it's none of his business who she f*cked or messed around with. Just because you reach out to someone you once dealt with doesn't mean it's in effort to reconcile because something went sour. Could just mean you don't want any bad blood between the two of you. I think guys tend to look too deep for answers. Sometimes it's best you just not question things and go with the flow. You miss too much of life asking questions and sh*t.

that's a recipe to disaster
a woman that wants to be with you, doesn't leave you. a woman that leaves you and than hits you up out of the blue wanted to see what other options are out there. that is not a bad thing per se, it just means you are not her first choice. she hits you back up because those other options didn't work out and she is sick of being lonely. as a man, you avoid this type of situation, not because there is something morally wrong with her having sex with other dudes, but because if you're interested in a relationship, you have to think long term. and if she dumped you once (at least if it was out of the blue and not because you fukked up), chances are high that she will either dump you a second time or settle for you. you were not her first choice. that means, that risks are high that you will have to deal with heartbreak or even with a frustrating marriage and divorce in the future.

as a rule of thump, if you have to make a thread about a woman, stay the fukk away from her