Not everyone is being sexist
No. Definitely not everyone.
Out2TheOld, I really dont want to come across as a woman basher or sexist. I dont celebrate cheating in any form, as I have been a serial cheater in my past and realized how much hurt I've caused unnecessarily - all from experience. I dont want you to get the idea that I am looking down on you from a high horse or anything of the sort because that is not the case.
At first you said you cheated with the intention of letting your spouse know how it felt.
Then you revealed that you never let him know what you did.
Then later expounded on the situation by admitting you fell in love and that the only reason you didnt leave your spouse is because the man you were having an affair with didnt really care about you.
Yet, you also said earlier that cheating on him felt good.
Do you honestly believe that it is okay for your husband to continue NOT KNOWING that you've cheated?
To you, does that not constitute 'living a lie'?
Do you not respect/love your husband enough to let him make a choice knowing the relevant information as you were able to do when you found out he was cheating?
How did you find out he was cheating? Did he admit it/own up to it or deny till this day?
Do you ever plan to tell him the truth or are you content with him believing you are someone that you arent?
You dont have to answer any of these questions, Im not here to bash you- but I do want to understand the underlying reasons.
Trust me, I've done much, much, much (x100) worse than you - its just that I took a totally different approach to it - right or wrong, I just know it was right FOR ME.
I do get that my situation may be a little hard to understand so I don't mind explaining....
Back BEFORE I cheated I was constantly finding text messages in his phone, condom wrappers (that were not used with me) in my house, women calling his phone when they thought I wasn't around, etc. The final straw came when I found text messages from a female saying that she was pissed with him because he told HER that he was going to leave me for her but hadn't done so yet.
At that point I said fukk it and (as "whorish" as this sounds) the next guy that approaches me and that I find attractive I'm going to go with it....and that's what I did....
Leading up to that night I'd confronted him several times about cheating and NO he has never came clean. The closest he's came is saying, "I haven't been perfect in our relationship....I've made mistakes." After things ended with the other guy me and my now husband spent about 5 more months together constantly fighting before we broke up for a while (about 6 months) before giving it another try in which he broke down and apologized for all the shyt he put me through (minus cheating...still never admitted that) and that he didn't want to do life without me anymore.
Do I regret cheating in general? No...it made me feel temporarily better and I needed to feel better...not to mention it ended up teaching me a lesson that helps me now.
Do I regret WHO I chose to cheat with? Yes....if he'd kept it real things would have went smoother and feelings would have never came in to play.
Should I tell my husband?
I can't lie and say it doesn't haunt me sometimes but he's never owned up to his digressions so why should I? When we got back together we did so on a "The past was the past so let's start over" motto...and that's what we did.