How can black women do right by black men?

[Nikki_04]

Black men that age aren't talking marriage either. Statistically, black men and women marry later in life... mid thirties and beyond.

I've noticed this to be true in my experience. I know studies have shown people who get married really young (early 20s) tend to divorce, but most non-black people I have come across are married by 30. But black people wait much longer.

All my non-black friends are getting married, but most of my black friends are not. Marriage isn't even on the table for them. The black guys that I am friends with or I have dated were no where near ready for marriage in their late 20s, but the non-black guys I know are very open to marriage or are looking to get married by mid to late 20s.

But this may be a class thing more than cultural in the black community and may be impacted by whether someone grew up in a household where their parents were married.

 

[mamba]

I've noticed this to be true in my experience. I know studies have shown people who get married really young (early 20s) tend to divorce, but most non-black people I have come across are married by 30. But black people wait much longer.

All my non-black friends are getting married, but most of my black friends are not. Marriage isn't even on the table for them. The black guys that I am friends with or I have dated were no where near ready for marriage in their late 20s, but the non-black guys I know are very open to marriage or are looking to get married by mid to late 20s.

But this may be a class thing more than cultural in the black community and may be impacted by whether someone grew up in a household where their parents were married.

Quite often, those non-Black men have resources at their disposal that give them the confidence that they’ll be able to be a solid head of household in their early 20s.

Black men haven’t built shyt to hand down to their sons. So, most of us are behind our counterparts when it comes to wealth accumulation.

So, it takes Black men longer to get to a financial position and otherwise to feel confident that we can be an effective head of household. I know I wasn’t handed anything. I’ve had to work for everything I have.

White dudes are getting property passed down, stocks & bonds passed down, vehicles passed down, etc. Got an uncle who can put them on at a job. Got their parents willing to help with down payments on house, etc.

Black men don’t have all of that.

So, it’s ridiculous for Black women to compare white men’s readiness to be married in their early 20s to that of Black men.

 

[Rawtid]

Define talking marriage...this sounds like a black man and woman go on a date and 2 1/2 years later they're walking down the aisle. If a 32 year old man who's on point gets with a 24 year old woman and 6 years later they're married, he's 38 she's 30. This is better than women waiting TILL they're 30 and applying the pressure. Black men "of worth" aren't meeting "the one" at 37 and suddenly a husband at 38.

That scenario seems pretty unlikely. Younger women normally use older men for money, not 6 years of relationship, but I do understand what you're saying. I also think women may look at things differently because meeting "the one" and being ready to be a husband are two different things to me. I know men who have met the one, married her and cheated on her the whole marriage.

 

[Shadow King]

That scenario seems pretty unlikely. Younger women normally use older men for money, not 6 years of relationship, but I do understand what you're saying. I also think women may look at things differently because meeting "the one" and being ready to be a husband are two different things to me. I know men who have met the one, married her and cheated on her the whole marriage.

I should've said "24 year old woman also on point"...I assumed the subject was the black woman heading towards her career/in the dawn if her career not the 24 year old working at Walmart.

Men are judged on our resources so all men making signficantly more money than their S/O are being "used" for their money to some degree IMO

 

[Akata Man Bromo]

I love yall

 

[Taadow]

Or perhaps those of us who said that shyt posted the same thing in the other thread.


"This is the world we're in"


Negro this is the coli. We come here for fun and fukkery. Not for sermons on the state of the black community every friday evening. fukking weirdos.

You say you not here for that, yet you read that other thread and you reading this one so I got no reason to believe that.

So you sit yo' ass right back down and commence reading this chit you're sick of. Lol

 

[Goodbye World]

...see, here we go...

Multi-page thread on the inverse of this question, which was based on a thread WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE HERE...

But the minute somebody asks this, we don't even get to POST #10 before two MEN are tired of it. lol




This is the world we're in.

I don't know if @Papa Duppy is a man. What man would use that gif?

 

[Nikki_04]

Quite often, those non-Black men have resources at their disposal that give them the confidence that they’ll be able to be a solid head of household in their early 20s.

Black men haven’t built shyt to hand down to their sons. So, most of us are behind our counterparts when it comes to wealth accumulation.

So, it takes Black men longer to get to a financial position and otherwise to feel confident that we can be an effective head of household. I know I wasn’t handed anything. I’ve had to work for everything I have.

White dudes are getting property passed down, stocks & bonds passed down, vehicles passed down, etc. Got an uncle who can put them on at a job. Got their parents willing to help with down payments on house, etc.

Black men don’t have all of that.

So, it’s ridiculous for Black women to compare white men’s readiness to be married in their early 20s to that of Black men.

Why is it so common for people to assume if you mention non-black you are only talking about white people? I am referring to non-black men I know of any background. Not all of them come from money either and that is why I pointed out that this may be related to class or whether they grew up in a household where both parents were married.

I didn't grow up in a household where my parents were married and my perception of marriage is very different from other people who did. There was even a period where I preferred to never get married.

 

[Skrilla]

Not all, but those who do this:

- Stop being so competitive with other black people. We should be trying to compete with other races.

- Stop going around saying "black women outearn black men" because generally that isn't true

- Don't have kids out of wedlock especially if you can't even afford them

- Just because a man isn't flashy, or is frugal does not mean he is broke. This is something that your dad should have hipped you to, but i understand some women did not grow up with their dads around like that.

- Don't be so combative all the time. There's a way to respectfully disagree without being combative and self-aggrandizing.

- Don't talk down on entrepreneurship. Don't make fun of the black men who are really trying to become business owners.

- Be more progressive in your mentality. I've seen some black women call a black guy a geek, nerd or lame because they were really into computers/tech. Now a lot of those same guys are making 100k in IT. But they aren't checking for black women like that anymore because they called them weirdos or lame etc. No, they shouldn't generalize, but doing stuff like that doesn't help.

- Don't be so easily impressed by stuff like Jordans, clothes and cars. You do this so much that you miss out on the guys who actually own things of importance.

- Don't focus so much on the black men who are already with non black women, focus on the black men who are open to dating black women.

- Stop pretending to be rich online (this could apply to black women and black men). Stop trying so hard to impress strangers especially if you are living check to check.

- Don't try to normalize obesity or eating unhealthily.
- Lastly, it's not where you're from but where you're going i've seen black women from the hood or single parent homes work their way up to high paying positions or become their own bosses. It's possible, so don't listen to ppl who tell you you'll never be shyt or you're just a hoodrat just because you may be from the hood. If you're ambitious, smart and focused, you can do it.

And I do criticize black men on here, so i'm not the hypocritical type, who only criticizes one side. I actually critcize us more than i criticize black women so take it for what it is, brehettes.

 

[The Fade]

Y’all good.

The really really really suburban bourgeoisie chicks need to drop out of intersectionality. They’re using you as their beasts of burden. Let them do their own work and movements, check the fukk out of them in real life not just on twitter

Also for both genders.. stop this invite to the cook out shyt.

Both genders again.. if you date out and KIM, cool. Don’t bash black men or women tho. Also don’t show your white SO off like they’re a prize that makes you better than all of us

 

[mamba]

Not all, but those who do this:

- Stop being so competitive with other black people. We should be trying to compete with other races.

- Stop going around saying "black women outearn black men" because generally that isn't true

- Don't have kids out of wedlock especially if you can't even afford them

- Just because a man isn't flashy, or is frugal does not mean he is broke. This is something that your dad should have hipped you to, but i understand some women did not grow up with their dads around like that.

- Don't be so combative all the time. There's a way to respectfully disagree without being combative and self-aggrandizing.

- Don't talk down on entrepreneurship. Don't make fun of the black men who are really trying to become business owners.

- Be more progressive in your mentality. I've seen some black women call a black guy a geek, nerd or lame because they were really into computers/tech. Now a lot of those same guys are making 100k in IT. But they aren't checking for black women like that anymore because they called them weirdos or lame etc. No, they shouldn't generalize, but doing stuff like that doesn't help.

- Don't be so easily impressed by stuff like Jordans, clothes and cars. You do this so much that you miss out on the guys who actually own things of importance.

- Don't focus so much on the black men who are already with non black women, focus on the black men who are open to dating black women.

- Stop pretending to be rich online (this could apply to black women and black men). Stop trying so hard to impress strangers especially if you are living check to check.

- Don't try to normalize obesity or eating unhealthily.
- Lastly, it's not where you're from but where you're going i've seen black women from the hood or single parent homes work their way up to high paying positions or become their own bosses. It's possible, so don't listen to ppl who tell you you'll never be shyt or you're just a hoodrat just because you may be from the hood. If you're ambitious, smart and focused, you can do it.

And I do criticize black men on here, so i'm not the hypocritical type, who only criticizes one side. I actually critcize us more than i criticize black women so take it for what it is, brehettes.

A lot of good advice here which is applicable to the Black community as a whole.

Especially the line in bold.

Very simple statement, but also very powerful in terms of the implications if we all started to think like that.

@Matt504

 

[Womb Raider]

Stay off LSA
Fix ya damn face
Shut up

 

[ozzy]

Indeed.

A lot of these Black women wake up at 30 and then want to get serious about being adults and expect everything to just fall into their laps.

If I have a daughter, I'm going to be in her ear as early as 21 regarding the choices she's making in men, etc.

These woman want to play around from 22-29, which represent their prime years to have choosing power over men. Then, once they hit 30+ and the power dynamics flip, they want to complain and throw nikkas under the bus for not accelerating marriage talks, etc.

Naw. It doesn't work that way.

Wait isn't thirty the time you start being serious about stuff why 20s you just be enjoying yourself that is what a lot of people told me

 

[mamba]

Wait isn't thirty the time you start being serious about stuff why 20s you just be enjoying yourself that is what a lot of people told me

Not for women who want to be married.

They can play around from 18-24.

From 25-29, they should be very deliberate when it comes to dating if they want to be married on their own terms. They have the power in their 20s to reject and narrow down their options to the best possible mate for themselves.

If they wait until they are 30+ to get serious, they are then at the mercy of men’s timelines and priorities. Women lose a lot of leverage the older they get.

 

[13473]

I find it interesting how black women can have these threads with no one bytching and complaining at the OP on LSA for the topic but as soon as it's flipped on here it's an issue

Y'all really lost on here

the thread on lsa was started by a black male looking for tips & not by black women out of the blue looking to talk crap about bm


if u read his other posts in the thread u see it is a male who started the thread.
Black women: how can black men do right by you?