Sighs...okay
This year has been a huge boiling point of my life. From the constant financial strains and the hotel living, it got to the point where I really thought about ending my life. Somehow, someway something stopped me from doing such a temporary action. Like I was going to walk to a place to contemplate it and this big ass force field stopped me from making that decision. My son came out and tried to hugged me because he is such a fixer of various situations, but I just couldn't hug him at the moment. I told him to go inside and I called the suicide hotline which made me felt weak as hell because I'm so used to helping out people, and never asked for anything in return.
The operator was alright despite the back of her mind going 'this marsupial is not crazy WTF"., because compared to most people's issues, mines concern success and trying to become more than just a 36 year old koala lost in a broken country.
Eventually my wife came out and we ended up going to the park just to let go of our woes.
Right now it just seems like there is every single roadblock stopping us from getting to the promise land. Yet, we are still striving because while it's just a few in our corner, I know God got our backs.
Hell, just last night we were at burger king trying to rub two nickels together to get us food for the night. I was like, look yall get something to eat while I just dig up some pizza rolls in the frig.
These two ladies came out of nowhere and offered some money to get us something to eat.
It just feels like life is Dark Souls hard lately, but I know we are so close to the finish line. I know we are going to make it. Yet, it just feels like why are we suffering to the point of submission when all we have done was good without asking for any type of support outside of a simple prayer....