How to get over crush on a friend brehs

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

Yes because it changes the whole dynamic of the friendship. A true friendship only exists between a man and woman when they see each other in a purely platonic setting. They wouldn't sleep with each other if given the opportunity, they look out for each other like they would with friends of the same sex etc.

As soon as someone develops feelings, it is no longer a friendship. It either moves into a relationship/amorous type situation if the feeling is mutual or the friendship needs to end. How can I be friends with a girl if in the back of my mind, I know she looks at me differently? If she doesn't openly show it, it's only a masquerade to disguise her true feelings and that's not really fair or productive to anyone and the friendship no longer feels genuine. Therefore, it's either I'm attracted to her or I have to respectfully cut it off.

This is why 9 outta 10 times, I don't believe straight men and women are supposed to be friends. It doesn't work.

depends on the man

some men are truly not able to comprehend a platonic friendship and I have friends like that. since we were young they couldn't understand being friends with a girl. them same nikkaz are the ones still running thru hoes in their 30's with no valuable interactions with women.

being friends with women is easier when you are younger and as you get older it's less likely to have pure platonic female friends that are new in your life. the ones you do might be from your foundational years.

As a man though every man should have a woman they can really talk to... men never get that deep.

 

[3rdWorld]

Time..

 

[Inspect Her Deck]

depends on the man

some men are truly not able to comprehend a platonic friendship and I have friends like that. since we were young they couldn't understand being friends with a girl. them same nikkaz are the ones still running thru hoes in their 30's with no valuable interactions with women.

being friends with women is easier when you are younger and as you get older it's less likely to have pure platonic female friends that are new in your life. the ones you do might be from your foundational years.

As a man though every man should have a woman they can really talk to... men never get that deep.

That's a very good point breh. Female friends have tended to develop circumstantially and like you said, usually at a younger age/foundational years e.g. school.

But tbh, my point even applied to someone like myself i.e. a man that CAN comprehend a platonic friendship. I just think the natural girl x guy chemistry gets in the way and once feelings develop on either end, the integral foundations that make up the friendship have collapsed. It's just a question of whether you rebuild it into something else i.e. love or it just dies.

Also, men are visual creatures in every sense of the word. In a strange way, we don't wanna associate with anything ugly, right? So even ugly women are a turnoff, PERIOD. Not saying we cannot be friends with them, but even platonically-speaking, we still wanna look at something nice lol. So that brings up the other scenario....when have you heard a man say (about an attractive woman), "oh man, I can't wait to befriend the fukk out of her!"? I wouldn't hang my hat on this point it's a little random but food for thought lol.

 

[Umoja]

That makes sense, I guess I just don’t get why you can’t just get over it if you like that persons friendship enough to want more why isn’t worth still trying to be friends with them?

It is always said that women are have more emotional intelligence than men, but then they display a complete lack of empathy.

Think about how you feel about a your husband. Now imagine if the two are you were not in a relationship. Imagine if you felt as you do now, but he didn't reciprocate those feelings.

Would you be okay with just being his friend. Watching him move on with his life as you struggled to contain your resentment.

This is another example of women wanting what they will not give.

 

[Peak]

That makes sense, I guess I just don’t get why you can’t just get over it if you like that persons friendship enough to want more why isn’t worth still trying to be friends with them?

What a silly thing to say

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

That's a very good point breh. Female friends have tended to develop circumstantially and like you said, usually at a younger age/foundational years e.g. school.

But tbh, my point even applied to someone like myself i.e. a man that CAN comprehend a platonic friendship. I just think the natural girl x guy chemistry gets in the way and once feelings develop on either end, the integral foundations that make up the friendship have collapsed. It's just a question of whether you rebuild it into something else i.e. love or it just dies.

Also, men are visual creatures in every sense of the word. In a strange way, we don't wanna associate with anything ugly, right? So even ugly women are a turnoff, PERIOD. Not saying we cannot be friends with them, but even platonically-speaking, we still wanna look at something nice lol. So that brings up the other scenario....when have you heard a man say (about an attractive woman), "oh man, I can't wait to befriend the fukk out of her!"? I wouldn't hang my hat on this point it's a little random but food for thought lol.

all true.

and you right I don't think I have unattractive female friends... having attractive female friends kept me eating in my 20's so there was some strategy to it. ain't no easier access than a woman giving you a layup.

 

[Peak]

It is always said that women are have more emotional intelligence than men, but then they display a complete lack of empathy.

Think about how you feel about a your husband. Now imagine if the two are you were not in a relationship. Imagine if you felt as you do now, but he didn't reciprocate those feelings.

Would you be okay with just being his friend. Watching him move on with his life as you struggled to contain your resentment.

This is another example of women wanting what they will not give.

/thread

 

[Scaaar]

You have to fukk her friends

Real talk this happened to me for real. It was a girl I was feeling and we were real cool but she friendzoned me everytime I made a move so I'm like okay cool I guess that's just what we are then. So we go on a trip to Italy for her bday with a bunch of her friends and one thing led to another and I had a threesome with two of her best friends while she in the other room passed out. My thought process was that if these her best friends and they making a play then obviously she don't have no real feelings for me so I might as well eat . But at the end of the trip she found out what happened and was pissed at me because she actually had feelings for me but didn't know how to express them now she don't mess with me anymore. It solidified in my head that women are just from another planet brehs but I do miss her though she was the perfect woman for me

 

[Inspect Her Deck]

all true.

and you right I don't think I have unattractive female friends... having attractive female friends kept me eating in my 20's so there was some strategy to it. ain't no easier access than a woman giving you a layup.

Lord knows there isn't a better set-up person than a wing woman. Wing women >>> wing men it's a mantra of mine lmao.

For me though, I think it just played out like that rather than me making a conscious decision. We're naturally drawn to attractive women under any capacity, doesn't mean we have to be attracted to them personally. It just so happens that when you bring these people into your life and they want to set you up as a friend, great results tend to follow haha.

This all very much depends on how a 'friend' is defined as well. Are you one of those ppl who says I got 1000 friends or more the type you can count your friends on one hand type shyt? I'm an example of the latter, I don't consider the large group of friends I hang out with (that will have girls I know) my actual friends because we don't have any meaningful interactions/dynamic on a solo level. I may have ugly girl friends as part of the larger circle, but not within the ambit of my TRUE friends.

 

[Umoja]

Real talk this happened to me for real. It was a girl I was feeling and we were real cool but she friendzoned me everytime I made a move so I'm like okay cool I guess that's just what we are then. So we go on a trip to Italy for her bday with a bunch of her friends and one thing led to another and I had a threesome with two of her best friends while she in the other room passed out. My thought process was that if these her best friends and they making a play then obviously she don't have no real feelings for me so I might as well eat . But at the end of the trip she found out what happened and was pissed at me because she actually had feelings for me but didn't know how to express them now she don't mess with me anymore. It solidified in my head that women are just from another planet brehs but I do miss her though she was the perfect woman for me

Nah, she wasn't.

@skeetsinternal said something that helps with looking at things with a clear mind. He said something to the sort of looking at women and seeing "Ain't shyt" hanging over their head.

It is not to say you need to have contempt for women, but you should look at them as human beings who will act in their best interest.

We tend to take what women say at face value without realising they're playing games of their own.

She knew how to express her feelings towards you, but we lower on the pecking order. If option 1, 2 and 3 didn't work out, you were a reliable safety net.

Her friends knew this as she probably bragged about having you as a back up. From their end, it became a "Who does she think she is" thing so they fukked you to take something from her.

Suppose it worked out in the end. Just shake that feeling of regret.

 

[Another Man]

What the best way

Tell em you have HIV

 

[G.O.A.T Squad Spokesman]

Its rare this happens... but there have been a few times when i was around a woman that does it for me in every single way. Beautiful, sexy, intelligent, down to earth, unselfish, cool, just every single thing I ever wanted in a woman.

And I wanted her so bad that I thought about her when I woke up, before I went to sleep, I dreamed about her, I literally craved her because I was in love with her.

And her not wanting me back was at the time one of the worst feelings I ever had. Especially if she wanted to be my friend but didn't want to be my lover. So that means you're talking to me, spending time with me but it only goes so far.

It was literally torture and I wish that on no man. I'm telling OP to do what I wish i had done... walked away.

Better that than slowly killing your spirit being all up under her when you love her but she doesn't love you. No man should have to feel that pain

Torture like Screech being friends with Lisa Turtle and having to watch multiple dudes get his championship

 

[Sukairain]

but you would really stop being friends with a girl just because she isn’t interested in you like that?

I think you have to if you like her. Friendships can't be based on asymmetric feelings, you need to feel the same way about each other. And if you don't then it's just a recipe for trouble if you prolong it

 

[wunder]

Men and women can't be friends.

 

[Commish]

Grown ups don't have crushes. Either you like someone or you don't!

If the woman is your friend and you like her, then tell her provided that she is single. If she is in a relationship, then respect her relationship and channel your energy towards other women who are available.