I have a good one. What's really going on?

[skyrunner1]

In life, all things come to an end.. Even life itself.. 25 minutes or 25 years.. You had a good run..

In case things ever do get cleared up, better to err on the side of not popping up enough than being there too consistently. Let a muthafukka miss you some..

 

[Fiji Water]

They could be going through anything personally and triangulating it to you.

If she thinks she's "the only reason you're here", she's projecting some shyt between them as a couple or family. She is no legit reason to feel that way let alone yell at you about it.

Couldn't have been me leaving calmly lmao. Id be like "bytch, you asked me to babysit! I can be anywhere right now. fukk off.".

 

[YaThreadFloppedB!]

5-6 hours a week, every week, is a lot, especially if its all in one sitting. Imagine expecting a guest at your house every Saturday from 10-4. They probably thought you'd pass through for like an hour or two max.

I agree. I feel like them saying “come over often” or “spend more time” was just tongue in cheek and them being polite.

Always leave people wanting more of you. If your date is going amazing cut it short on purpose on a high note.

“There is no sweeter words in the English language than ‘I miss you’”-Shakespeare

absence creates value.

 

[Orbital-Fetus]

I agree. I feel like them saying “come over often” or “spend more time” was just tongue in cheek and them being polite.

Always leave people wanting more of you. If your date is going amazing cut it short on purpose on a high note.

“There is no sweeter words in the English language than ‘I miss you’”-Shakespeare

absence creates value.

Oooooor... you could flood the paint and get that 90's Pistons action going. Everytime they turn around there is a remnant of you.

 

[Menna]

They could be going through anything personally and triangulating it to you.

If she thinks she's "the only reason you're here", she's projecting some shyt between them as a couple or family. She is no legit reason to feel that way let alone yell at you about it.

Couldn't have been me leaving calmly lmao. Id be like "bytch, you asked me to babysit! I can be anywhere right now. fukk off.".

Out of respect for long time friend and their family I remained calm. I don’t need them for anything so what to get upset about? I’m just thrown off bc of the 180 change… doesnt that just play out in the future?

If her thinking is fukked why be involved at all? Going over for a holiday or birthday is basically not being involved when considering what it was.

Also them not taking a 30min drive to visit in 3+ months and me not being invited down since Jan is telling when before it was supposedly not a problem. I just can’t trust her and the husband just wants to chill so if she’s upset he will take her side for peace I see the dynamic and it looks like true feelings came out and there’s no healthy room for me.

The facts that years were under false pretenses bothers me as I would if made different decisions…vacationed else where…spend less time and money… that to me is the problem and why a big part of me just doesn’t really want to fukk with them at all and seeing them 3-4x a year for a few hours each time to me = not fukkin with them at all when considering what it was.

Not my kids not my marriage not my problem but one of the things that gets me heated is wasting my time so I feel animosity about that

 

[Stir Fry]

Have you talked to your friend about this outside of a group setting, just on some one on one shyt?

 

[CBalla]

you over there every weekend

thats what it really is

stay from around there for about every 6 months

 

[ExodusNirvana]

you over there every weekend

thats what it really is

stay from around there for about every 6 months

Basically this.

Maybe I like my free time way too much but...yeah never be over at people's cribs for too long

I made that mistake a few times in my youth and then I realized just how much I enjoy spending time alone doing my own thing

 

[Menna]

Have you talked to your friend about this outside of a group setting, just on some one on one shyt?

I try and he makes excuses like they have been busy with weekend projects or it was late notice or

Basically this.

Maybe I like my free time way too much but...yeah never be over at people's cribs for too long

I made that mistake a few times in my youth and then I realized just how much I enjoy spending time alone doing my own thing

I get it. My only point is the switch up...

I was told be around come over bring your dates to babysit and all that. so I came over for 5-6 hours a week. They would offer their place for me to stay 24/7 when I would vacation (I thought that was alot and got a hotel) they staid at my place when visit their parents and they ask me to babysit a few times a month and then the true feelings come out and the husband gaslights me to defend his wife after she yells and threatens me.


That's really my only point is the switch up, yelling and threatening when I was following instructions and trends of the relationship...I don't think my frequency after being told that frequency and more would be ok caused the freak out I think there is something deeper...

 

[ExodusNirvana]

I try and he makes excuses like they have been busy with weekend projects or it was late notice or

I get it. My only point is the switch up...

I was told be around come over bring your dates to babysit and all that. so I came over for 5-6 hours a week. They would offer their place for me to stay 24/7 when I would vacation (I thought that was alot and got a hotel) and they ask me to babysit a few times a month and then the true feelings come out and the husband gaslights me to defend his wife after she yells and threatens me.


That's really my only point is the switch up, yelling and threatening when I was following instructions and trends of the relationship...I don't think my frequency after being told that frequency and more would be ok caused the freak out I think there is something deeper...

100% understand bro

To tell you the truth? You probably didn't even do anything wrong.

Sometimes when you give people a lot, they start to have expectations. They begin to covet you without realizing you're a human being too.

Like someone else said...cool off going over there for a bit. Do this for about 6 months or so.

And after 6 months? MAYBE go over there once a month. But not like before.

 

[7th Letter Specialist]

fukk that. You know where they shop right? Get several part time jobs at those places and stay popping up in their grills on some "Can I help you?"

Oooooor... you could flood the paint and get that 90's Pistons action going. Everytime they turn around there is a remnant of you.

Bro said " fukk it, go full 'Cable Guy'"

 

[Stir Fry]

Bro said "Go full 'Cable Guy'"

 

[ThrobbingHood]

You sound soft.

OP, you need to start the paperwork to get custody of their kids. Do you know how to get into their home? If you can document that you have spent X number of hours a day in their home then you may qualify for Squatter's Rights and start litigation to evict them and claim ownership of the home. Sleep in a crawl space and use your phone location to document that you are in the home. This is set up so lovely.

On the low ive already started ... nah... I am just shocked at the 180 and then them saying the kids ask about me we will visit and then they never come up ???

I guess time to end or drastically reduce a 25+ year friendship

Only one way to resolve this:

 

[Blackrogue]

Also remember, women have periods

 

[moorfeus]

This is a long story and I'm not sure how to make it short without leaving out important details.

I have a good friend I have know for 25+ years, best man at his wedding, business together and what have you.

I met his wife the same time he met her and we all have been friends over the past 15 years.

Over the past 3 years since they have had kids (I thought) the relationship has grown closer in the below ways.
1) I would vacation down to them they would offer for me to stay over for the week+ but I would get a hotel.
2) They named me godfather of their youngest child
3) They asked me to take care of their kids if they both pass.
4) When they would visit me the family stayed over at my place and I would be at family events with them
5) Because of my job I can work remote and we talked about how great the south is and moving down...

So I moved down late last year about 30-40 min away from where they live (not just for them but combination weather, prices, lifestyle). I would go over once a week, they said I should be in the girls (kids) life and involved and so on id play with the kids, go out to dinner hang and then go home. They asked me to babysit a few times...

After about 6-7 weeks of me going over once a week for a handfull of hours the wife freaks out. She starts crying and yelling saying she feels like she doesn't have control and then threatens me and says you wouldn't be down here if I didn't want you down here and is in hysterics.

After talking calmly to her and calming her down (her husband is here for all this) I leave and have this uneasy feeling like what is really going on? as this came out of left field. I only went back to their place a few days later because I agreed to babysit weeks in advance after that I have not been back there (not invited over and not inviting myself over) since late January. Also they have not come up to visit me (they came up the first day I moved in but that was 3+ months ago). The husband will say the kids are asking about you maybe we will come up. I am friendly and say you are always welcome but they never do.

After his wifes freak out I went out with the husband and others for drinks and he said "We just didn't know what you wanted" and "Its new for us having you around it will take time"

So now not only did the wife yell and threaten me the husband started to gaslight me obviously to defend his wifes wierdo behavior.

My feelings are I don't want to be involved anymore as I have things to do and don't need turmoil and disrespect when I was following instructions and trends and being a giving person...Whats your take advice?

Sounds like you are leaving out some important details. Are you married Bro?
Cause if you've been friends with dude 25+ years and he's been with his wife for 15 years they probably think its weird that you have no wife or serious girlfriend. They both probably think you are way too involved in their lives. Sounds like the wife blurted out of frustration.
You are leaving some shiot out that would make this puzzle become a clear picture.
As a man who's been married for 20 years with five children we don't really want or need other people around that much. Its pretty much all about family, our household. Just another perspective Bro.