on't know where to start but I know I need some help.
We have been together for five and a half years. Engaged since last October.
We both used each other to leave unhappy marriages together, and had the many talks that we would never do the same to each other.
Last year we bought a big house together. It was a foreclosure and took a lot of work from me, but now we have this perfect house that we always wanted and "living the dream", so I thought.
Two weeks ago I happen to look at our cell phone usage and found she had at least double the amount of text than what I did. So I went online and looked at the phone usage in more detail. There it was, some strange number that she had more than three hundred text to. I was at work, on night shift, and left work immediately to go confront her. She denied nothing, as when I woke her up I was scrolling through her phone and seeing all the text, which included pictures of her half naked in the mirror that she was sending him.
He, Billy, is from out of state, and she met him on some poker online game. He is a black guy and they had been talking for three weeks, constantly. She had come home and told me two weeks prior that she had some training for work that she could go to but it was out of state. I didn't bat an eye. I said of course you should go. So the night I confronted her, I said, "this guy is the training you were going to, huh". She shook her head yes.
My world went spinning. She didn't even seem remorseful. We talked and she said she needed to take this trip and was unsure about us. Because I was sick and had my world falling apart, I told her to go, if she thought this was something she could get out of her system and come home and work on us. She said she did think we could work on things, but she needed to go on this trip. I know how stupid it is, but through a lot more talking I let her go. I told her if this was just some sexcapade that she needed to get out of her system and would come home and concentrate on us afterward, then fine, go.
So she went. And when she came home, by this time I had lost ten lbs from being sickened over the entire thing, she continued to talk to him through text and calls. Two days after she had been home, I told her I couldn't keep going with her talking to him and building an emotional bond with him. So she said she could and would stop talking to him. I told her I wanted to see her text him explaining this, and she said she preferred to talk to him and explain it over the phone the next day.
I allowed this, and they stopped for about twelve hours. Then the next night I was at work, I looked at the phone records and she had called him and tex him. Neither time did he answer. So I came home again and confronted her, in the middle of the night, and told her it was over. She cried and apologized and said she slipped. She said she wanted us.
A lot of talking later, I told her she would have to delete the poker game, show me a text to him saying she couldn't talk to him any more and that she was going to work on us. She did both and deleted him from her contacts. The next 24 hours she showed distance from me, and her body language kept telling me she was checked out.
We talked and I told her I could move forward with her but only if she was as dedicated to it as I was. She said she was and wanted to make us work, but her body language and the way she was answering was telling me different. But because I'm so stupidly in love with this woman, and not wanting to lose everything we have built together, I told her ok, let's work on it.
Over the last 24 hours, all her body language showed me she is not into us anymore. I have to initiate any body contact and when I do, I feel nothing from her. This is totally messing up my head.
We left today to go to her family reunion and it was bothering me so bad how distant she acts toward me. She doesn't seem sad, but there is no love towards me. So at the last minute I pulled her aside and told her how I was feeling and that I did not want to do this on my own. I told her if I was the only one trying, then we need to just end it. She was hesitant but said she didn't know if she could get it back, meaning her love for me. So I said then we're done. I turned the truck around and drove back home. She took her two kids and left to go to the reunion and my daughter and I stayed home.
She was crying as she left and we both agreed not to talk to the children yet. Her kids, whom I love very much, are a 10 year old daughter and 8 year old boy. My daughter is 13.
I'm so unbelievably devastated. My heart has never been hurt like this. I'm going to lose everything. We have this big beautiful house and in a perfect happy little subdivision. Admittedly, one of my biggest concerns is losing the house. There is no way I can afford it on my own. The house is in my name and she has a smaller more affordable house across town, that we happen to be renting out to my younger half sister. She'll have to evict them, and I'll be stuck here with a house I cannot afford and will probably go belly up on. I've worked so freaking hard for all this. For this perfect happy family that I thought we had...
So that's the short version of what's going on. I'm 38 and she 35. I'm so messed up right now, I don't even know how much of this is making sense. I know I'm leaving out a lot of details, but don't want to talk everyones ear off. I found this site while she was gone on her weekend with Billy. This place has been a very good thing for me, just for killing time and trying to learn stuff.
Not sure what to do. So afraid of losing her. I'm so sad right now, I wonder how I will ever move forward.
Thanks for listening.
and i bet you were sincere
