You earn getting handed whatever is given to you by a partner you don't vet well enough. I know that doesn't sit well with a lot of people becuase it feels bad but that's reality.
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"I stayed because I was embarrassed"
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You earn getting handed whatever is given to you by a partner you don't vet well enough. I know that doesn't sit well with a lot of people becuase it feels bad but that's reality.
again with the lazy take. Abusive people don't lead with abuse, women typically discover they're dealing with abusers after having been with them for a while. Is there a Carfax for humans you'd like to tell us about where people can go to find out if the person they've taken interest in has a history of disciplining their partner with physical violence?
I have "smoke" for both of them because the both made poor choices. The dude is a sucker for beating his woman and she's a dummy or someone who likes abuse for staying. It really is that simple.
Do you think women should be held accountable for their choices like adults or not?
I don't even raise my voice at women and I let it
be known early on that if they can't communicate thier issues like a sane adult they'll be fired. So miss me with that "y'all" shyt.
Stop it, I already quoted you saying you don’t have smoke for the dude because everyone knows he’s a POS. This thread is about women who stay, not the men who initiate the violence. I’ve already said women bear some responsibility here but it’s not “simple”. It’s so far from simple and even the most well intentioned man would not be able to fully understand why women stay because they don’t have the burden of maintaining relationships, they're not considered pariahs if they’re single after a certain age, they don’t have a biological clock that makes them feel that they have to stick it out or their window for having children will close, they’re not shamed for “not being able to keep a man”, etc. Women have some responsibility here, but it’s going to take more work to undo the psychological reasons that causes women to stay in fukked up situations than it would take to tell men to keep their hands to their fukking selves.
It’s clear you think women bear more responsibility in this situation than men. That’s what I take issue with. You’re making it seem like women are more accountable for being abused when we’re not even equally accountable. Men are the abusers, where’s your thread on accountability?
Again, choose better, the signs of an abuse dude are there, people choose to ignore and get the consequences...
If I chose a ratchet broad and I get got, that is all on me....
The only time someone catching the hands in ANY situation is understandable -- not earned or deserved, there's a difference -- is if they threatened your physical well-being or committed a major violation (threatening well-being of a loved one, etc.).
The idea that you consider abuse and mistreatment from a S/O as something that can be earned tells me you can't really be reasoned with on this particular topic despite seemingly allowing your cynicism to cloud your logic on it. I'm not going to try to do so. I disagree with your stance and that's basically it.
Json
Superstar
People stay in bad relationships even without abuse.Yeah, abuser ass nikkas come from all walks of life and classes. Edit: Too much
Do what you gotta do, bro.
I can respect her trying tough it out for the sake of the child, I just wish she would've been as dedicated during the courting process so she didn't end up having the seed of an abuser in the first place because nikkas don't get someone pregnant and the magically change overnight.
We are only taught how to get in relationships. Not so much how to get out of them.
Socializing and relationships aren’t supposed to be disposable. So people think their investment in picking someone is a reflection on them and because we are human, what others think in our social group is important.
Let’s be real also. Abusers are usually serial abusers (emphasis on serial) meaning they know how to target certain types and how to use which methods to keep doing it.
If abusers stopped after the first person stood up to them they wouldn’t be abusers.
And just look at the reaction to MeToo when women out abusers to warn others. Men and women defend the abusers.
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The irony of this post.Unless “getting got” by a ratchet woman means getting your ass beat by her, then this is a false equivalency.
Please read up on the patterns of abusers, such as how difficult it can be to vet an abuser, how they prey on and lure in their victims, how they convince you that you deserve it once it happens, and then they internalize it, feeling like they can’t do better. Abusers are waging psychological warfare on their victims. To compare it to choosing a ratchet broad is just...It’s not that simple at all.
exactly.
abusers usually target kind, caring, overly empathetic people. people who struggles with enforcing boundaries.
they don’t start with abuse. in fact, most are very charming at first and the ideal partner. it’s a trickle affect. a little there, a little here. and someone who’s never dealt with one or is naive about manipulation and abusers tactics think it’s normal. until it becomes not normal at all and by then you’re in so deep. they are very tactical. if they straight up showed themselves from the rip they would run people away. but they know that so they are extremely deceptive and manipulative.
people out here thinking abusers just beating women off rip. and think abuser is only physical. no, it starts mentally before physically. most times with hurrful comments that are “jokes”, that you forgive them for, behavior you don’t like that you let slide because you’re being “sensitive” etc
the longer you’re with a partner the worse they will treat you as they view you as something they own and control.
and the only reason i know any of this is because im struggling to get out of a abusive relationship right now. and break the trauma bond and attachment to him.
how can you tell someone they were wrong for choosing an “abuser” when they didn’t even know any of the signs? habits? manipulation tactics etc to look for to begin with?
people don’t just google “red flags to avoid sociopaths, narcs, abusers” etc? no most people who’ve been abused don’t know shyt about it until after they’re in it or have been trying to make sense of it, to understand what they’re going through etc
fckyoupayme
All Star
Physical abuse manifests into psychological abuse which keeps people (men and women stay in abusive relationships) in horrible situations. It’s not right and it’s also not straightforward or grounded in common sense. It actually goes against common sense.
Ive never been in an abusive relationship and therefore I don’t fully understand which is why I keep my mouth shut. Having a strong opinion on something you obviously don’t understand makes you look like a fool.
Ive never been in an abusive relationship and therefore I don’t fully understand which is why I keep my mouth shut. Having a strong opinion on something you obviously don’t understand makes you look like a fool.
Op I’m sure everybody has carelessly thought the same thing.
But do u know what the most dangerous period for a woman to leave an abusive situation is?
Private Violence: up to 75% of abused women who are murdered are killed after they leave their partners
“Up to 75% of abused women who are murdered are killed after they leave.”
Dudes who hate females do so much without acknowledging shyt men do in these dynamics.
As for why some women gravitate to abusers...it’s usually a result of being abused in the past.
No woman is born enjoying being treated like shyt. A lot of men want to believe that b/c it absolves them of having to be good people.
These chicks have endured years and years of mental and physical abuse which break down their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Many don’t believe they are worthy of being treated with respect and some will confuse abuse with love b/c that’s what they are most comfortable with.
Breaking out of that mentality is difficult if u are by urself. But they are with violent monsters who continually reinforce their lack of self-worth with violence, continued mental and physical abuse and threats.
This has been the modus operandi to control a lot of women since the beginning of time. A lot of chicks in Middle Eastern countries will describe a similar pattern.
Leaving is never as simple as you think it is, but ANYTHING to justify a man getting over on a woman, I guess.
But do u know what the most dangerous period for a woman to leave an abusive situation is?
Private Violence: up to 75% of abused women who are murdered are killed after they leave their partners
“Up to 75% of abused women who are murdered are killed after they leave.”
Dudes who hate females do so much without acknowledging shyt men do in these dynamics.
As for why some women gravitate to abusers...it’s usually a result of being abused in the past.
No woman is born enjoying being treated like shyt. A lot of men want to believe that b/c it absolves them of having to be good people.
These chicks have endured years and years of mental and physical abuse which break down their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Many don’t believe they are worthy of being treated with respect and some will confuse abuse with love b/c that’s what they are most comfortable with.
Breaking out of that mentality is difficult if u are by urself. But they are with violent monsters who continually reinforce their lack of self-worth with violence, continued mental and physical abuse and threats.
This has been the modus operandi to control a lot of women since the beginning of time. A lot of chicks in Middle Eastern countries will describe a similar pattern.
Leaving is never as simple as you think it is, but ANYTHING to justify a man getting over on a woman, I guess.
again with the lazy take. Abusive people don't lead with abuse, women typically discover they're dealing with abusers after having been with them for a while. Is there a Carfax for humans you'd like to tell us about where people can go to find out if the person they've taken interest in has a history of disciplining their partner with physical violence?
The human carfax is proper courting. It's not lazy, it's just simple.
70% of all divorces are initiated by the female. Women love conditionally and when those conditions are not met, they bounce. So I don't care about sob stories because them not wanting to be seen as a failure becase of a failed relationship is bulshyt.
Exactly! She didn't feel good about me not caring about ole girl getting herself killed so she tried to shut me down with "I was abused" and it didn't work.
Those "certain types" are dumb or like abuse is all I'm saying.
Taadow
The StarchBishop™️
Json
Superstar
Thoughts and prayers feels like such cheap reply nowadays but I’m hoping you find the strength in all parts of your life needed to overcome.
And yes, the black-and-white abusers look like narrative is part of how we reinforce staying in.
So what if he’s inconsiderate, belittles your feelings. He has a good job and takes you out to fancy dinners!!! You gonna be alone(as if you cannot be alone in a relationship?)
A woman who dangerously diets to look good for her man cause he criticizes her weight can be physical/emotional abuse. It’s not only black eyes and swollen lips cause that’s easy to see.