I Want Kids, But She Doesn't

[Formerly known as...]

She's not for you. If having children is a MUST for you then you need to leave her sorry. You have 0 control over it. At least when a Woman wants a child and the man isn't all that interested he can be tricked into it but you my friend can't do anything about this situation. You either love her and respect her decision and live with it or leave and hope to find someone you can love as much or more than you do her, who wants children.

 

[The Mad Titan]

Wow geezus the answers in this thread.

No wonder relationships don't last, people ready to divorce like its a 3 week breakup. We getting divorces over "wants" now. That man been married 6 years.


Op I know two cases of this very well and in both cases it was because they didn't want to raise a kid with the man they are married to. Be it because of stress or because they weren't sure the relationship would last or if the strain of a kid would break it.


If your wife doesn't want kids, 9 times out of 10 its because of the dynamics of your relationship. Some women really just don't want kids but if they are actively making sure they aren't getting pregnant after marriage and financially yall can handle it and it doesn't interfere with her work or income.



But hey you seem to have your head on straight, I'm glad your not even entertaining the ideal of divorce because of kids after years of marriage. Yes it sucks, but your going to have to deal.


I'd try to set the mood for a really serious talk and ask her the reason why she feels like she does. Ask her the hard questions, is it her, you, or does she not see it lasting or working out with kids. best to know instead of wondering. And what if anything can you do to ease her feelings about it since your the one that wants kids.


If it's really that big a deal maybe yall can even see a couples consular about it.


gl with everything.

 

[iBrowse]

No wonder relationships don't last, people ready to divorce like its a 3 week breakup. We getting divorces over "wants" now. That man been married 6 years.

It is something isn't it lmao.

Nonetheless, I'm surprised OP didn't have this resolved before entering into a marriage with her. Like @Jasmine20 said, I get the impression that she misled him into believing that once he got his finances in order then the option would be back on the table only to renege on the consideration outright once he committed to that.

To be honest and in her defense I'm sure she was just as adamant on her position then as she is now...you shouldn't get with someone that you hope will change their mind on such of an important matter.

Unless you get over it, you're only going to resent her more which will fester into making you miserable.

You can having counseling.

Consider adoption

Final and last ditch option if its irreconcilable is divorce...don't just rush into it though.

 

[Address_Unknown]

Y'all are so quick to hit the divorce button.
I'm old-fashioned; marriage is for life, unless someone dies, beats, or cheats. Leaving isn't on the table.

Do I want to be a father? Yes--but I'm not willing to leave a woman who provides for me in every other way. I know a good deal when I see one.

We did talk about kids before we got married (we've been together 10 years and married for 6, BTW), but the agreement at the time was to wait five years at least.



We're almost out of our 20's.




Pretty much. Nothing against adopting, though.

Then the only options you have left, from what I can see is considering adoption, or employing the services of a surrogate mother. Now both of these options definitely require her input since you're entertaining the option of bringing a child into this union but part of me wants to think that her declaration that she doesn't want children means she doesn't want children....at all. Period. Whether they are birthed by her or not.

Plus you also got to think on what you've got waiting for you later on down the road if you go the surrogate route, 'cause the last thing you'd want is for her to resent a kid that's not hers since she never wanted kids despite you finding a way to have your seed without her.

Best of luck to you in all this, man.

 

[BmoreGorilla]

If you want kids and she doesn't shes not the one for you. Move on

 

[iBrowse]

How u marry someone and not discuss children

Wtf

What's her IG btw....Let's see if I can help her with career advancement

I was about to wonder why Jayne/Bliss/Prima was posting like this lmao.

 

[Malcolmxxx_23]

I was about to wonder why Jayne/Bliss/Prima was posting like this lmao.

:Shaq:

 

[MindOverMatter]

Wanted to get the opinions of the Coli brehettes:

I've been having baby fever for the longest time; maybe about two years now. Can't explain why. I've always loved kids/are good with kids, and the thought of being a father is


Unfortunately, my girl doesn't see it the same way. She's career-focused and doesn't want kids. Originally she said that we had to get our finances up, and I agreed . We've been good financially for a while and the question came up again.

She doesn't want any kids. Period.

Not sure what to do. Any advice?

LEAVE.

You WANT kids.

She does NOT WANT kids.

 

[MindOverMatter]

We're married, breh. I don't think it's that simple.

Oh shyt! Ur already married??
Let me go back an re-read.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Ummmmm yeah idk. You are already married. And u don't want to get a divorce. I can respect that...

Outside of her figure and career why doesn't she want kids... Those may just be excuses for a different fear of hers.

I noticed u said "she provides for you" no disrespect but what exactly do u mean by this?

 

[BrehWyatt]

Wanted to get the opinions of the Coli brehettes:

I've been having baby fever for the longest time; maybe about two years now. Can't explain why. I've always loved kids/are good with kids, and the thought of being a father is


Unfortunately, my girl doesn't see it the same way. She's career-focused and doesn't want kids. Originally she said that we had to get our finances up, and I agreed . We've been good financially for a while and the question came up again.

She doesn't want any kids. Period.

Not sure what to do. Any advice?

Bushes. That's a deal-breaker, man.

 

[Black Panther]

I noticed u said "she provides for you" no disrespect but what exactly do u mean by this?

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and food-wise.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and food-wise.

Lol at food wise.
Well then what do u think her deeper issues are in regards to not having kids especially if she led u to believe she only wanted to wait but WOULD EVENTUALLY have them?
Because would you have MARRIED her if u knew she NEVER wanted children?

 

[BrokePhiBroke]

We're married, breh. I don't think it's that simple.

Damn that's file and she never told you she didn't want kids...

That's fukked up

 

[Yo Mama]

I really didn't want to post in this thread but as I have personal experience with this here goes.

With my first hubby we were together for a few years. He tried to talk me into having kids. His sisters also asked why we didn't have a child. He already had a child before we met.

I simply didn't want to have kids. I gave all sorts of lame excuses but the truth was I just didn't want to have kids.

I didn't want to have kids with him. Many reasons but it wasn't something I wanted with him. He was my "first love" but even in that unjaded idealistic love I felt for him I simply did not want kids. Not even a kid with him.

Any way we went sour our separate ways.

I met someone else and now have two kids.

*** Ask yourself - how badly do you want kids and how vital are they to your hapiness? Can you live a childless life? If you really feel like you want kids then you need to be prepared for the possibility of walking away from this lady that you love.

Sit her down and tell her how you feel. Don't ask in the same old way that you do coz she will just automatically brush you off. Change of venue or some gesture to show her that you are serious. Coz as a married person you know how people fall into routine and kinda stop paying attention...

Give her a sort of altimatum. Give her a reasonable amount of time to mull it over. If she says no then...

(Don't throw the ultimatum out there unless you are %100 prepared to act on it.)

Or you can keep up the gentle persuasion?