If You're the Breadwinner...

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Define good.

Go by your own definition

 

[MarcMan]

Again, why build something up just to have it fall apart? I'm sure a divorce is a bigger distraction than an upset girlfriend.

You're basically saying it would be inconvenience to be honest.

Serious hypothetical question:

Let's say a man and a woman are married with two children and are generally happy. One night, for whatever reason, the women asks the man if he finds her sister more attractive than her and he does by a fair amount. Do you believe he should tell her the truth?

Same couple but different situation. Their past sexual experiences have never come up. He wanted a threesome but she said no. He asks her later if she's ever tried it and she has. Should she tell the truth and crush his ego, knowing it will just be a headache for her?

I won't claim to have the 'right' answer when it comes to how honest couples should be but I know plenty of happy couples/marriages with secrets. I can't say the couples or the families would be better off if all the secrets were suddenly revealed.

Real life isn't always black or white.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Serious hypothetical question:

Let's say a man and a woman are married with two children and are generally happy. One night, for whatever reason, the women asks the man if he finds her sister more attractive than her and he does by a fair amount. Do you believe he should tell her the truth?

Same couple but different situation. Their past sexual experiences have never come up. He wanted a threesome but she said no. He asks her later if she's ever tried it and she has. Should she tell the truth and crush his ego, knowing it will just be a headache for her?

I won't claim to have the 'right' answer when it comes to how honest couples should be but I know plenty of happy couples/marriages with secrets. I can't say the couples or the families would be better off if all the secrets were suddenly revealed.

Real life isn't always black or white.

You didn't answer the question.

You just asked a lot of questions to avoid being direct.

 

[Un-AmericanDreamer]

No one starts a business expecting it to fail and no one goes into a marriage expecting to cheat on their spouse, but people change and things change , marriage and business are a lot of work. Their is no variable, love is not unconditional. Everyone has a plan until they get hit in face.

 

[Un-AmericanDreamer]

Go by your own definition

I don't believe women's nature is inherently good. I think nature is nature. There are women who are less problematic than others, but it's always conditional. Lets be honest, the right man under the right circumstances could take anyone's wife. It's a man job to keep his wife on track if he can do so. If not, charge her to the game.

 

[Gold]

People get married with every intention of getting a divorce it seems.

If you are not actively working on your marriage every single day... you are moving closer to failure

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

being a leader means knowing yourself, knowing what you are against and approach it in a way that’s conducive to you, and creates minimum issues, If we lived in a society where that was accepted cool, but we don’t, I’ve said this in so many ways if men were brutally honest in their approach to women, men would forever be single, there are not gobs of women who would be comfortable with a man dealing with multiple women, while dealing with her, and while he happens to like her, like what she’s about, he will like other women because he likes certain things in them, but they lack somewhere and that’s why he would not set them in the same category as the one he pursues the relationship in, he may do what he does, but it’s that woman he likes the most, not saying it’s right, but again he can’t tell her I’m outchea and be with her beyond casual conversation, so he’s left with the choice conform or bounce, but he likes her so he conforms and never does anything or conforms in theory and does his thing but tries to not have those two situations come together



because you can like a woman and even see a relationship with her, but have a desire to see what other women are about, some men act on it some never do, in a perfect world you find a situation that allows you both, but odds say that’s highly unlikely, men would love casual sex with multiple women, women are not like that, i know every woman screams it’s plenty of women who want that, but not necessarily and doesn’t mean with him or he will find them. Women who like to step outside their situation do it for other reasons, because realistically they could get casual sex all day. ( usually it’s the other guy makes more money, has more clout, fukks her better, or makes her feel more desired)

For us it’s not primarily about the sex. It’s about the experience and quality of the sex rather than the quantity as you indicated for men. Tons of women in monogamous relationships aren’t even orgasming. So she might not want to lose the family dynamic with her husband but she needs sexual and emotional satisfaction too. I think too many people misunderstand female sexuality. Even women themselves. Layers of shame, virgin/whore complex and men literally telling us what we want based on how they want us to be vs how we actually are, doesn’t really help.

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

I don't believe women's nature is inherently good. I think nature is nature. There are women who are less problematic than others, but it's always conditional. Lets be honest, the right man under the right circumstances could take anyone's wife. It's a man job to keep his wife on track if he can do so. If not, charge her to the game.

In your previous post you said men can be good men while cheating.

Now when I ask you about women your response is that women don't even have the ability to be good?



So men can be good and flawed but women can't

 

[MarcMan]

You didn't answer the question.

You just asked a lot of questions to avoid being direct.

In the simplest terms I can put it, most HV men who step out are not trying to let it "fall apart".

There is a conflict between what they want and what they feel they are getting out of their relationship.

They feel that infidelity is the best way to resolve this conflict with minimal friction.

To quote the Admiral Grace Hopper, "It is better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission".

Whether true or not, most HV men I know feel that cheating is better for the family than opening up Pandora's Box or growing ever more dissatisfied.

 

[Un-AmericanDreamer]

In your previous post you said men can be good men while cheating.

Now when I ask you about women your response is that women don't even have the ability to be good?



So men can be good and flawed but women can't

You're right. I had think really think hard on this and someone came to mind as far as a good woman.

Tell me she ain't a good woman? She got great resume.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

1. That scenario is not the case. She's still very young, has no child and her marriage is 60/40.

2. If you run in HV circles you will find another HV man.

3. If she's smart she should have used his resources to upgrade herself and budgeted according so that she can live a good lifestyle without him.

4. You are completely ignoring the mental aspect. Again, staying just for the money is the type of thinking that leads to sleeping in separate beds. Ya'll really thingk women can just turn off those feelings? Lol Down grading to the condo from the mansion is a sacrifice that could very well be worth it to protect your mental health for both parties

Not if she's older. A woman is not gonna be as "marketable" to men once she gets a certain age. And I'm somebody that's often been attracted to older women but I wasnt trying to build a relationship with an older woman.

Most men don't want to build a relationship with older women. I mean we want to have sex with her to fulfill our fantasies but we're not trying to marry her.

Or better yet, I'll put it to you like this. If I have woman A who is 40 yrs old, who wants to be with me; and then I have woman B who is 22 yrs old and wants to be with me...

That 22 yr old is gonna have less baggage and issues and is gonna be more open to being led than a woman thats older than me.

Plus if I want children, it's a no brainer which one of those I would choose for a relationship.

I know older women get angry when they hear this but it's the truth.

One of my older female friends who's in her 40s fell out with me for a couple of weeks because she got mad because I just like other men was enjoying looking at these young women doing the bussit challenge. And she's single and lonely trying to figure out why...

And probably in that moment realized that this is what she's competing with. Yes she's attractive for her age but let's be real. If a man is trying to build a relationship, 9 times out of 10, we're gonna go for that younger option when it's available.

She's single, lonely, wants to be married and I think it just got to her when she realized what I and other men want.

Another reason why I would agree with what Kevin said, but again my reasoning is different than his.

I agree that the woman shouldn't leave that man because as she gets older, her options are drastically decreased from the options she once had

And like I told @Booksnrain options for women are not the same as options for men.

When we talk about options for women, I'm talking about men that want to be in a relationship with you. The older you get, the more those options are gonna decrease. Thats just factual.

I'm not the one who makes the rules but I recognize what they are.

 

[Neo. The Only. The One.]

People get married with every intention of getting a divorce it seems.

If you are not actively working on your marriage every single day... you are moving closer to failure

This. This is what I was explaining to BlackPearl last night.

There's a line from a Common song that I've told women at the beginning of my relationships. Might be corny but it got my point across. It's from "the Light" and the line is

"So I pray everyday more than anything
friends will stay as we begin to lay
this foundation for a family - love ain't simple
Why can't it be anything worth having you work at annually"

That's what a relationship is to me. It's work.

Women seem to want to meet a man and fall head over heels in love and be emotionally swept off their feet. And sometimes it happens. A lot of times it happens.

And then sometimes it doesn't.

I haven't felt that kind of love since I was a teenager and didn't know any better. Since I've gotten older, I'm not "blinded" by emotion when dealing with a woman.

I off rip can see flaws (which again i like) and I simply run the math in my head. Can I put up with those flaws? Can her flaws put up with my flaws? Can our flaws exist together?

I'm saying I'm looking at it in more "business terms" than emotional terms because I'm a polyamarous man. I can make women fall in love with me whether by my charm or just being myself. So that part isn't even the important part at first because I believe that any woman that gets to know me would love me.

So the whole "fall head over heels" isn't what I'm looking for. In fact I believe that that's immature to look for that.

That strong emotion will leave after a while anyway and then you're left in a relationship with a person who the newness has worn off with, the sex has slowed down... and then what do you got?

Which is why I look at her and try to determine if we can be friends first. I try to determine if we can cohabitate first. I try to determine if we can deal with each others flaws first.

I prefer to build a friendship as the foundation and then build that feeling of love on top of that foundation. And then again that's something that is a constant process. It's a constant job, constant effort AS IT SHOULD BE

I've tried to explain this to my sister, my women friends and others. Yall want this mythical man to sweep yall off your feet.

When are y'all going to get it through your head that 9 times out of 10, that's not whats gonna happen?

You might meet a guy that's willing to pretend and play that role, but 9 times out of 10 this perfection yall are holding out for dont exist. This magical guy that you're gonna fall in love with at first sight dont exist.

Instead yall should be looking for a man that truly wants to be your friend. A man that you know truly cares for you. And build that love on top of that foundation of friendship.

 

[tuckgod]

People get married with every intention of getting a divorce it seems.

If you are not actively working on your marriage every single day... you are moving closer to failure

Gospel.

 

[Dafunkdoc_Unlimited]

So, we still blaming women for men's lack of self-control/honesty and trying to justify it by our pay-scale?

​

 

[Will Ross]

Ladies if your husband is high value be prepared to share him. Brothers if your wife is very attractive you are going to have to work hard to keep her.