Some time ago, I thought I reached my lowest point and just couldn't see the point of living .Long story how I got to that point, but it was basically building up in me for years and one day I just snapped. I should have got help earlier ,but I just thought I could struggle through it. I tried to jump off here.
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
Beachy Head - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I did some quick research early one morning about what was the most reliable way to kill yourself, and not having a gun I picked this place. I then got on a train and went there. Never bothered leaving a suicide note, I just didn't give a fukk. I tried walking there from the train station, got to a bit without a side walk so couldn't go any further so I walked all the way back to town and got a taxi up there and lied to the taxi driver. The taxi driver was arab,I don't think he understood me anyway,but I had read before I left that taxi drivers are told to look out for certain types of people like me, so I told him the lie about what I was doing up there anyway. I think he bought the lie.
So I got there,walked straight up to the edge,and fukk me I didn't realise how high it was. I couldn't physically throw myself off pictures do not do the bytch justice ,. So I thought the wind would blow me off ,so I actually stood on one leg and shut my eyes hoping it would unbalance me and I would drop off. I carried on doing this for a long long time. Then I started to hear voices, and somehow I got talking to the faceless people. while I was in that position. I kind of 'woke up' then, realised I wasn't able and turned around and there stood around6 police officers. I tried to turn back but then they all jumped on me .
They took me to the police station and I have to say, I was treated so well by those police officers. I went up to their canteen and they made me a hamburger and chips. I couldn't eat it. but while I was waiting to be taken to hospital, those cops I credit with saving my life,because they persuaded me that life was worth living and they were the first people I told about my childhood . They didn't judge,just listened as I shouted swore and cried and one huge cop put his arm round me. And a police woman went to the hospital with me and stayed hours after her shift had ended and after a few weeks came to visit me to say goodbye before I was transferred to a secure unit in my home town.I resolved never to go back to beachy head and put those cops through that because I later realised how upset they all were,I felt very selfish.
There started the slow process of rebuilding and it would have been far simpler if I had gone for help first, as while Iam back at work now and have a good life, because of my suicide attempt I spent months and years needing a massive amount of support and people kind of don't trust you anymore.Hospitals aren't terrible but they aren't nice and to be honest I preferred the police station! I also have to deal not just with PTSD from my childhood which I should have got help for years ago , but also the attempt itself.
My advice, make that phone call to the suicide line, go to ER, see your GP and be honest, don't be like me and try and be tough and end up seriously in the shyt.