I've come to the conclusion that I hate being in relationships

[who_better_than_me]

That will smith quote was golden. Women hated it when he said I understood it because he made them come to self-realizations

 

[Coli Bot]

Having someone rely on you for their happiness fukking sucks. It's creates unrelenting pressure and for an introvert like me, it just ruins my sense of peace. Especially since women always want to live together and spend all their free time together.

fukk.

Damn I could have written this word for word.

 

[Youseenmywork]

Bump...im get in my bag tomorrow about relationships and my personal challenges ....

 

[The_Dread_Dormammu]

That will smith quote was golden. Women hated it when he said I understood it because he made them come to self-realizations

Which quote? The one where he talks about finding your own happiness or some shyt?

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

Having someone rely on you for their happiness fukking sucks. It's creates unrelenting pressure and for an introvert like me, it just ruins my sense of peace. Especially since women always want to live together and spend all their free time together.

fukk.

We’re you engaged or in something serious breh?

 

[CouldBeWorse]

To be clear, she doesn't need "fixing", and I'm not gonna tolerate anybody in this thread trying to shyt on her.

What I meant was that when I came into her life I made everything better because I'm carefree, smart, handsome, I have a little money which gives her room to be flexible with what projects she takes on in her business, our body PH is aligned so she never has vagina problems (she tells me this is rare), I have no kids or ex-wives, and I cook all the meals.

So she went from living the life of an average New Yorker (waking up at 4 am in a room the size of a closet to drive to the subway, then walking 6 blocks in the snow to get to a job she hates, etc...) to running her own business from my Scottsdale home that we designed together and I'm paying for, etc....

Basically, she's going through "Be careful what you wish for because if you get it then there won't be anything left to wish for". It is the epitome of first world problems, but there it is.

So when I say all her happiness comes from me, it's because my (our) lifestyle is the lifestyle that women dream about, not because she sits around the house waiting for me to entertain her.

I just wish we didn't live together...

you're married and don't even realize it

Be 40, not like relationships and let someone move across the country to live with you brehs

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

Funny enough my girl has this thing about being “needed”. I’ve noticed a lot of girls are like this. I told her I don’t need anybody, never have and never will, so if she wants to get that feeling she better spend more time with the dog.

 

[brandy]

OP, you feel overly responsible for her feelings to the point where you kinda encroached into your own personal boundaries with people.

You need to tell her that you need space and she needs to gain independence from you. Communicate that.

If you feel like your woman isn't carrying weight, SAY THAT. My bf just told me that he likes it when I plan the dates and likes an occasional gift. Guess what I am doing now? Planning the date and buying a gift.

 

[Swirv]

I agree with you 100% but I don’t agree giving up on relationship forever

Neither do I. Relationships are great with the right person.

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

What happens after a while is they see that my life is better than theirs and they are "happier" when they're around me and decide that in order to maximize their happiness, we need to be around each other all the time

this is exactly what happened with one of my exes. Pretty girl too. But lord... you put it so eloquently.

 

[ThaRealness]

Yeah. I play a numbers game. Dont care if I never have a relationship. I just want to fukk as many women as possible

Its like saltwater taffy. You aint gonna sell me a whole bag of blueberry

Give me some variety. Throw some black licorice in there if you have to

 

[Mr Hate Coffee]

My boy has a current bi coastal relationship the last few months and he says it’s the greatest thing ever

sees his girl once every 2 months for a week or two so it’s enough time to where he starts to miss her and then can see her but once he starts getting tired of her sh/t he can bounce

if every relationship could be like that you’d see way less divorces

I mean this is cool in theory but not really sustainable. Over time you will want to be closer together. Both parties may even develop doubt and/or jealous tendencies.

Even the most secure, independent man goes thru periods of longing for companionship with their partner. And as someone who’s been in a long distance relationship, sometimes those moments don’t align with the visitation schedules. Ultimately any successful long distance relationship will trend towards living in the same place at some point. Otherwise what’s the point? Check in with your boy in a year and see if he’s still singing the same tune.

 

[Elle Seven]

I know breh I know.

Problem is my current girl uprooted her entire life and moved across the country to be with me.

Her whole family has been waiting on me to pop the question for the last 3 years.

Already calling me "son in law" and "brother in law" and shyt.

I literally am her life. Getting out of this one is gonna be hard. But if I do, I swear I'm never getting into another relationship again.

I’m late to the party and you may have already addressed this, but I’ve got to ask...what is your true intention with your lady and have you stated it to her directly and in a way which leaves no room for misunderstanding?

“Is” implies probability at first but the subsequent “if” implies possibility. Do you want to leave your lady or stay with her...is the answer clear cut for you, deep down?

Are you hoping she just breaks up with you and saves you from the burden of having to figure out how to navigate the emotional messiness of that as well - the possibility of you being the bad guy if you initiate it, I mean? Given what you said about her moving to be closer to you and her family dropping hints, it is not far-fetched this is what would await you if you dumped her first...are you trying to avoid that?

If you plan to break up with her, what is holding you back from executing that sooner than later? For her sake, her time is ticking and she can’t afford to waste her you her years, so why not let her know what you really want? She is likely holding on and waiting for the payoff she does not know seems not to be coming. Did you invite her to move out where you are, or did she make that decision on her own? If she did, did you try to stop her?


This sounds like absolute hell. Sounds like you are tolerating her but you really want your space. Couple that with having to be the center of someone else’s world...

The thought alone makes me want to pull out my hair. The thought of another adult interpreting most of their sense of happiness thru them being in a relationship with me would scare the hell out of me, too. LOTS of personal space is something I could not see living without and still being mentally healthy...you have my sincere sympathy, sir.


Still, if this is how you feel truly, you are doing yourself nor her no favors by not telling her. What will you do?

ETA: I see where you said she moved out to be with you, despite her knowing your stance on marriage and kids. You have good things to say about her, too... but based on what you are saying, she heard you but did not listen. It does not seem likely this will end well.

 

[old_timer]

this covid situation has been informative..
For me, relationsjop means teamwork
And teamwork has action, social, and thinking roles

In her career, wifey is like 99% social roles
And work serves as her outlet to air that out

But without work (her company shut down for five months)... Wifey took that social energy and pumped it into our marriage

...Which was not good!!!

I need wifey to be 20% action, 60% social, and 20% thinking
But she was literally 150% social
She actually exceeded 100%.. She went supercritical fluid on me..

Meanwhile my marriage role is supposed to be 40% action, 20% social, and 40% thinking
But with what was going on at my job..
And with covid shaking up my life
At home I was doing 60% action, 0% social, and 10% thinking

Point being.. We were on the wrong page so often
Six or seven times i had to call a 20 second time out to diagram our next play

Anyway,,,,,
My only suggestion is consider if her/your needs are addressed through work and external activities..
Sometimes you have to fully express a trait elsewhere
So you don't bring unsuitable stuff into the relationship

 

[Mr Rager]

Funny enough my girl has this thing about being “needed”. I’ve noticed a lot of girls are like this. I told her I don’t need anybody, never have and never will, so if she wants to get that feeling she better spend more time with the dog.

Same boat, and I told mine the same thing pretty much
Now she got the dog wearing sweaters and got him learning useless tricks and whatnot
Better him than me