Ladies I Have A Very Important Dating Question To Ask...

[queenblaq]

Why is that though? Like why do you feel that is, Is it mere social conditioning and because of the way women are programmed to think or does it say something about the guy?

I think women don't like the dutch thing because they only want free food and wanna be cheap

If a man is asking me on a date then I take he sees me as someone to court. A first date is about first impressions if he is not paying then that gives me the impression he may be financially unstable or for better words broke and cheap. I have no problem paying and I would, the guy just wouldn't be getting a second date from me as I don't see him as someone who I can take serious.

Going dutch is more of a couple thing this is coming for someone who's in a relationship

Take it as a social construct or whatever but this is something I was taught by my own father.

 

[KinksandCoils]

If He can’t even pay on the first date he’s not worth my time. Men kno the deal. We look at men as providers. If u can’t pay for a simple meal u can’t pay for shyt else because when u first meet people that’s always when you act the best and put your best foot forward.

And comparing this to how a woman should be willing to give sex is not even a real comparison. Sex shouldn’t be that causual unless you are in a relationship.

It’s always these young dumb nikkas who don’t have money and should be just working on themselves first.

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

It’s always these young dumb nikkas who don’t have money and should be just working on themselves first.

 

[Guvnor]

It’s always these young dumb nikkas who don’t have money and should be just working on themselves first.

Aye aye aye, watch your mouth you old heffer. You're probably pushing a saggy 270 and own many cats and got rolls from here to new mexico and shyt.

We are trying to have a mature objective discussion and you had to let off a few shots huh? Your just mad you're indoctrinated and socially conditioned and I've decided to challenge that mindset. You're just upset I pose a threat to you getting your free food from chubby chasers and you're mad Real mad granny!


Again I ask why is paying for food putting your best foot forward? Many men can buy your food on the first date but that doesn't mean they have good character, so while they can pay for your food the relationship would end in failure anyway like most of yours

 

[ZEupTWN]

while i don't think its really that deep if you truly believe this, stick to your guns and convey it with confidence and most importantly logic.....you will be surprised at the amount of women you will win over when you come at them at a different angle
.......i know "traditionalist" who are solid handsome confident out going individuals who you expect to win at a high rate but don;t ...there is no simple 1 2 science to this cause these females in reality don't know what the hell they want but at the end of the day they will always choose...as a young average brutha still growing and finding there voice you have nothing to lose, this could be a great way to advance your approach and dig in the females psyche as well....

 

[LeeDoubleLee]

well IMO the person that is asking should pay for the first date. you don't have to spend a crazy amount of money for a first date either. a lot of people get their feelings hurt because they spend a lot money but realize immediately they don't like the person. i'm all for keeping it simple.

i have gone dutch on dates but that was after the first date.

 

[Deafheaven]

If a man is asking me on a date then I take he sees me as someone to court. A first date is about first impressions if he is not paying then that gives me the impression he may be financially unstable or for better words broke and cheap. I have no problem paying and I would, the guy just wouldn't be getting a second date from me as I don't see him as someone who I can take serious.

Going dutch is more of a couple thing this is coming for someone who's in a relationship

Take it as a social construct or whatever but this is something I was thought by my own father.

I could never understand this type of thinking. With our ever failing economy how is being frugal now seen as a negative

In 2017 women can do everything a man can or so I'm told so why exactly should we have to pay money to give a decent first impression? Its generally baffling to me. I never spend more than a couple dollars on a first date because I work for my money, as you should to sis. In a relationship I'll pay for the date most of the time because you've earned my trust and deserve it. Just some random on a first date? preposterous. go get someone else to fund your dinner for the night.

 

[queenblaq]

I could never understand this type of thinking. With our ever failing economy how is being frugal now seen as a negative

In 2017 women can do everything a man can or so I'm told so why exactly should we have to pay money to give a decent first impression? Its generally baffling to me. I never spend more than a couple dollars on a first date because I work for my money, as you should to sis. In a relationship I'll pay for the date most of the time because you've earned my trust and deserve it. Just some random on a first date? preposterous. go get someone else to fund your dinner for the night.

You're projecting sweetheart,
If you ask a person out on a date you should pay for them, if the roles were reversed the same logic still applies. I would never ask a man out though that's just me. And I do work for my own money sis don't know what you were getting at with that. Like I said I would pay for the date no problem, that would be the last he heard from me though.

And did you just read across the fact that I said I'm in a relationship, my man asked me out, he courted me and he got what he wanted now that we are in a relationship I take him out on dates.

And the economy is not failing, being frugal is maybe using a coupon or getting the special meal combo, or going somewhere lowkey and not some over the top restaurant.
Not paying for the meal at all = you're cheap and broke. Even if you're not, that's what the person will see you as whether you like it or not.

 

[Deafheaven]

You're projecting sweetheart,
If you ask a person out on a date you should pay for them, if the roles were reversed the same logic still applies. I would never ask a man out though that's just me. And I do work for my own money sis don't know what you were getting at with that. Like I said I would pay for the date no problem, that would be the last he heard from me though.

And did you just read across the fact that I said I'm in a relationship, my man asked me out, he courted me and he got what he wanted now that we are in a relationship I take him out on dates.

And the economy is not failing, being frugal is maybe using a coupon or getting the special meal combo, or going somewhere lowkey and not some over the top restaurant.
Not paying for the meal at all = you're cheap and broke. Even if you're not, that's what the person will see you as whether you like it or not.

What a odd philosophy to me. So if you don't pay for your food can I assume you're cheap and broke? A do nothing ass woman? A user? of course not, you simply don't want to pay for said food. these ridiculous assumptions that a dude is broke because he doesn't want to spend his money on a relative stranger is so asinine to me. I mean if thats how women want to vet suitors or whatever thats on them but its such a goofy way of doing things. My girl when we started dating went dutch on most shyt. that carried on for like several dates but once she showed me that she about me and nothing else then thats when I started paying for shyt. Now all she ever covers is the tip if she wants, or pays for me when she feels like it. Spend money on people who earn it, not ones who think its some right they have just because you have some attraction to them.

 

[queenblaq]

What a odd philosophy to me. So if you don't pay for your food can I assume you're cheap and broke? A do nothing ass woman? A user? of course not, you simply don't want to pay for said food. these ridiculous assumptions that a dude is broke because he doesn't want to spend his money on a relative stranger is so asinine to me. I mean if thats how women want to vet suitors or whatever thats on them but its such a goofy way of doing things. My girl when we started dating went dutch on most shyt. that carried on for like several dates but once she showed me that she about me and nothing else then thats when I started paying for shyt. Now all she ever covers is the tip if she wants, or pays for me when she feels like it. Spend money on people who earn it, not ones who think its some right they have just because you have some attraction to them.

Yes you have the right to think that. No one said you have to outright say it or throw a fit, but if that's the impression she gave then it is.
It's really not goofy, to you maybe, to others its not. A grown man, my own father taught me this philosophy, hence why I'm happy with the man I'm with now.

It is what is though, different strokes for different folks I'm old school when it comes to the whole dating and courting phase

 

[Guvnor]

Yes you have the right to think that. No one said you have to outright say it or throw a fit, but if that's the impression she gave then it is.
It's really not goofy, to you maybe, to others its not. A grown man, my own father taught me this philosophy, hence why I'm happy with the man I'm with now.

It is what is though, different strokes for different folks I'm old school when it comes to the whole dating and courting phase

Think about that though, your old school but the old school ways clearly didn't work which is why you have most marriages ending in divorce. Clearly changes need to be made.

Here are some statistics:

In 2005, 69.5 percent of all births to non-Hispanic black women, 63.3 percent of births of American Indian or Alaskan native woman, and 47.9 percent of births to Hispanic women occurred outside of marriage, compared with 25.4 percent for non-Hispanic white women and 16.2 percent for Asian or Pacific Islander women.

Black children are significantly less likely than other children to be living with two married parents. In 2006, 35 percent of black children were living with two parents, compared with 84 percent of Asian children, 76 percent of non-Hispanic white children, and 66 percent of Hispanic children. – Child Trends DataBank, 2007.

In 2005, 69.5 percent of all births to non-Hispanic black women, 63.3 percent of births of American Indian or Alaskan native woman, and 47.9 percent of births to Hispanic women occurred outside of marriage, compared with 25.4 percent for non-Hispanic white women and 16.2 percent for Asian or Pacific Islander women. – Child Trends DataBank, 2007

30.9% of Blacks are married, compared to 69.1% unmarried, while 7.5% of the married population is Black, compared to 19.8% of the unmarried population. – U.S. Census Bureau. American Community Survey: 2005-2007.

Source:Statistics — Unmarried Equality

There are other sources out there as well but from the data many black people never marry and are more likely to have kids out of wedlock. I also hear rumors that Black women who are educated are also less likely to have a successful relationships but I would need to find the data to support that before I say that as fact. With that said changes have to be made and the old fashion way won't work today in the social media age where thotdom is at an all time high

 

[Rawhigh]

Lol Serious question, What does money got to do with putting your best foot forward though? I thought manners, respect, chivalry like pulling a woman's chair out and the connection mattered more, especially on a first date. I understand this is how you were raised and that paying shows a man can take care of a women and provide but look at the old traditions. Many women back in those days would stay with a man till he died though they were miserable and they did so for the sake of family. They also used to wait until marriage before they had sex in a lot of the old tradition.

With that said it's a different day and age and I think some of the rules should change. I mean look at it from a males perspective, these days dating is not as much a thing as it was and some people just hook up and have sex then end up having a child they didn't plan for. Plus with IG and social media thotting is at an all time how and their are women who use men for their dough. With that said, logically, if I don't know a woman that well and she is a stranger why should I pay for her meal? I feel it shouldn't be about the woman I'm dating getting a free meal off the first date but us getting to know one another. It's one thing if we hit it off right away then maybe the second date I'll pay but on the first? Seems kinda foolish and like a tradition that logically makes no sense.

Those things are quite important to me as well, but so is someone's financial state. Unless I'm crazy about a person for whatever reason, manners, respect, and chivalry will not matter if we're struggling financially, or I feel like I'm pulling all the weight financially. I would want my partner to have the things you mentioned and be financially sound, but I also would not want someone who is doing well financially, but has no manners and is disrespectful. I'm allowed to want everything mentioned lol. To me, paying for the woman on the first date would be an indication that money is not an issue for a guy (even if it's not true) and that he's at least willing to use his money when it concerns you. So to me, paying on the first date is part of putting your best foot forward, in addition to having manners and being respectful. Like I said, other women may feel differently.

And I understand how men are not ok with this lol. I would not want to spend money on people that are potentially a waste of my time. To that I would say: date more liberal girls; do lunch dates, which are cheaper than dinner; plan dates that don't involve spending much. And the obvious: Just don't pay for the woman. Some women may feel a certain way about this though, even the ones who are not looking to use you for money like an "instagram thot"

 

[Rawhigh]

It's been a while since I read this thread, but I see that people have deduced that because men feel that they have to pay on the first date, divorce rates are high!?! Correlation, perhaps, but you can't just say that. You can say that money is a big issue for divorce, though. Studies actually back that up.

 

[Claudex]

Because I know men and women. And I know what it means to be into someone. When u are truly into someone or attracted to them, paying for a date is nothing. Spending time with them is something u look forward to. You enjoy the process of courtship and being courted.

Ur not thinking of Jigsaw traps and ways to get out of being generous and studies show that generosity is a key element in good relationships.

As for divorce rates I think it's the opposite of what ur proposing. I think the absence of courtship is what weakens these marriages. Courtship isn't just for men to prove themselves as protector/provider to women, it's also for women to prove themselves worthy of that man's time through the time it takes to get to know her.

Most guys these days aren't willing to invest that time or resources into the women they are dating anymore b/c of easy p*ssy. At first it seems like a win for guys, but their lack of patience turns on them b/c they outchea literally wifing hoes they didn't vet properly b/c they get p*ssy whipped too early on.
So u see a bunch of unworthy chicks in marriages that barely work and these chicks end these marriages quick. Maybe these guys should have been less concerned about getting away with "chicken wings and fries we don't go on dates" and more concerned with getting to know a potential life partner. And getting to know any potential woman will require a small amount of funds b/c any woman worth a damn will want to court you and be courted in return.

Booksnrain be giving y'all all these jewels, I just hope the young ones over here get this message. Otherwise it'll be a cold world out there for anyone that believes themselves to be smarter than they really are.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Booksnrain be giving y'all all these jewels, I just hope the young ones over here get this message. Otherwise it'll be a cold world out there for anyone that believes themselves to be smarter than they really are.

My granddaddy told me...u can't flim flam, the zim zam...


People like to try and be unique and different to avoid tried and true. That's all good and well but you gotta take realities into consideration in how u move...or ur dooming urself to bitterness.