Let's have the discussion about how we raise/ interact with our kids

[I AM WE ARE]

There's countless threads and comments get made but no solution just finger pointing. I can only speak from my point of view. I love my kids, no I'm not their friend And there's a natural fear And respect there. Not fear of me hurting them but they know if they do something wrong there's consequences. I don't spank/ beat my kids but they do get disciplined. Either thru exercise or other forms of punishment. I think the issue is that children now days don't respect their parents the same way we did growing up. They don't stay in a child's place. I've cut off women that have disrespectful kids or do/ sat that"my 10,11,12, etc yr old son is my king And he'sma'n of the house" shyt. Posters have said there's issues so let's discuss And come to a resolution.

 

[Strapped]

People's life situations are projected on the ones they love . Living conditions are constantly changing & you as a parent have to change with it . The success of a rug rat starts at a stable home .

 

[Dr. Acula]

Going to come out and say I see the way a lot of usually black single mothers "discipline" their kids and it's something that needs to change. I see a lot of people actually seem proud that they "whoop their kids ass" and I put discipline in quotation marks because Ive seen it a lot when it's not to correct wrong behavior but out of their own personal frustration with the child, being a child, because they are dealing with their own personal stresses. Im not trying sound elitist but I noticed it mostly with lower income mothers and given that I understand the stress. I used to ride the city bus before I got my first car and I saw this happen on the bus all the time. A kid for example might get on his knees in the seat to look at something because he is curious, because he is a kid, and the mother either smacks his bottom or yank him down while saying something like "sit your ass down".

I remember reading that Malcolm Gladwell book, Outliers, and he talks about how a lot of poorer parents tend to raise their kids in a way that makes them more submissive to authority and lack confidence in themselves instead of participating in society as if they are an equal member of it. I remember him mentioning a black little girl whose parents raised her to always speak up for herself and ask questions (aka satisfy that childhood curiosity) and she would go to the doctor and ask the doctor unprompted questions about her visit. Like an adult. He put that in contrast to parents who want their kids to "shut up and sit down" and how that impacts a kids self - esteem and their ability to advocate on their own behalf because whenever the child shows independence they are literally in a way smacked down. Even though the positive example featured a black child, if I remember the book correctly, he was making a more general argument that black parents due to the maybe the lack of self-esteem as it relates to being black in America and how we've been treated, often raise their kid in the "shut up and sit down" manner.

This is just my opinion on one area we can collectively improve on. Someone feel free to disagree or tell me I'm wrong. In short, cultivate your child's curiousity even if it's annoying as an adult.

 

[I AM WE ARE]

Ijs I've seen kids do/say things to their parents that would've gotten my chest caved in .
As far as cultivating their interest I agree. I make mine research things to better understand them.

 

[Dr. Acula]

Ijs I've seen kids do/say things to their parents that would've gotten my chest caved in .
As far as cultivating their interest I agree. I make mine research things to better understand them.

No doubt. But I guess I'm more referring to people who whoop on their kids not because they did anything egregious but seem to be doing it as a reaction to stress and the kid isn't acting like a monk and sitting in silence. They treat their kid as an inconvenience. I've seen some folks just wailing on their kids for minor infractions. It can't be mentally healthy for a child's development.

Your kid shouldn't be your stress ball.

 

[AuntAnniesPretzels]

Disrespectful kids are an issue but so are disrespectful parents, it definitely goes both ways. Respect and open communication is the foundation for all healthy relationships and it has to go both ways. There are way too many parents in our community who come at their kids crazy and act like they’re the victim when there’s static down the line. Kids should respect their parents and parents should respect their kids

 

[Amerikan Melanin]

People that let their young kids listen to hiphop filled with cursing and suggestive lyrics are idiots.

parents that let their kids see them smoke weed are idiots.

Parents that let their kids stay online all day unsupervised are idiots.

 

[I AM WE ARE]

People that let their young kids listen to hiphop filled with cursing and suggestive lyrics are idiots.

parents that let their kids see them smoke weed are idiots.

Parents that let their kids stay online all day unsupervised are idiots.

I feel that way about these fukk songs you got your singing about gimmie that p*ssy and then wonder why she's a teen mom

 

[the artist known az]

I remember seeing this little girl walking with her mom, probably 3 years old saying she was tired of walking. The mom said bytch you better keep walking cause I'm not picking you up

 

[I AM WE ARE]

I remember seeing this little girl walking with her mom, probably 3 years old saying she was tired of walking. The mom said bytch you better keep walking cause I'm not picking you up

I don't get that.
Parents calling they Kids bytches lil mfs etc And vice versa when the kids get older

 

[AuntAnniesPretzels]

I remember seeing this little girl walking with her mom, probably 3 years old saying she was tired of walking. The mom said bytch you better keep walking cause I'm not picking you up

But according to a lot of people that shyts acceptable because she brought her into this world and pays the bills

 

[the artist known az]

But according to a lot of people that shyts acceptable because she brought her into this world and pays the bills

I think that was the worst I've seen a parent say to a kid that age. I've seen kids get cursed out all the time for doing something they shouldn't be but this kid was just tired of walking. We were all in a really big crowd too

 

[I AM WE ARE]

Just like slapping kids on the back of the head consistently. That shyt be excessive some times

 

[Noriega]

Just like slapping kids on the back of the head consistently. That shyt be excessive some times

Parents yelling at they kids for doing KID shyt Is the worse!

If they wanna run down the sidewalk? Let them

they wanna run through a puddle? Let them

I won’t say my parents wasn’t strict but they let me explore and have range to be a kid. I believe that’s why so many nikkas & females be Wildin as adults

 

[Be Strong Blackman]

Yeah I've seen it all. I've taught kids for 7 years. For parents on this site, consider these tips:

-Don't be overprotective, allow kids to fail or struggle as long as it isn't deadly. It helps to develop their confidence. Don't always intervene in their arguments, let them work it out if possible. The cost of overprotecting is that the child does not develop the skills to fight back, speak up, or get out of the way.

-Talk to kids first before disciplining them. Ask them if they think their behavior is ok. Depending on the age of the child, they may not actually know their behavior is troublesome. Some are just curious like others have stated. For example, drawing on the wall. sometimes they do know they shouldn't draw or write on the wall.

-Give kids a choice. We feel more empowered when given options.

-Set expectations for kids. I see with African American parents from the hood...parents don't usually have high expectations for their kids and therefore, kids don't often reach high. Caribbean and Nigerians parents often have high(er) standards and expectations for their kids.

-Tell your kids what you expect from them, "I want you to go to school and ace your test. I know you can do it." Kids want to please their parents and make their parents happy.

Explain what you want to happen. Discipline should have levels. Don't just beat them over the head. You can start with a warning. If they didn't follow directions, move on to the next set of consequences. Less TV time, no iPad time, etc.

Let your children see you continuing to learn throughout your adult years. It will reinforce the importance of education in their mind and will allow you to share with them the educational experience.

Praise great effort!!

Remain firm in what you say. Don't let things slide. kids will try to manipulate you. Stick to your guns. if it's a rule, uphold the rule/standard