OP, I can’t say if your dad is a good father or not. That’s your call. But as a man, he seems to lack the maturity and wisdom that I would expect from a father.
My father, like yours, was mentally and physically abused by his father. Guess what? My father made the conscious choice to never raise us in the destructive manner in which he was raised (It also helped having an old-school OG southern grandfather who made it known he would put a cap in him and his family if he maliciously touched his daughter or grandkids).
My father, like yours, was pushed athletically. Was an all-American, written-up ad nauseum in the local newspaper, and was able to walk onto the 86’ Bears, thanks to the man my grandmother cheated on my grandfather with who played for the Minnesota Vikings
, before sustaining an injury that prematurely lost him his NFL career, and right before the Bears won the Super Bowl at that. Guess What? My father had FOUR boys. You think he wasn’t trying to live his NFL dreams through us? He went down the line with all four of us. I talked about it on here before, but when he saw that we all had differing interest and different visions of how we wanted to live our lives, he respected us enough to where he backed off and threw his full support behind our dreams. I know it hurt him tremendously that he had to give up on his football dreams, but it was specifically for that reason, why he did not want to be the cause of throwing any of us off ours.
I can literally count on one hand how many times my father raised his hand against me. On the other hand, I cannot count, because they number like the stars, the times my father has kissed me upon greeting me, kissed me before departing from me, kissed me while I was sleep, and told me that he loved me. He does this with all of his sons. And because I know what this has done to all of our self-esteem and self-worth, we will be doing the same with our own sons. This is all coming from a man that appears to have come from the same circumstances as your father.
It’s unfortunate that the universe dealt you a hand of an immature father. Just the luck of the draw. But knowing how it feels to be raised in the manner that you have been raised, it’s up to you to break the cycle and do something different with your own children. This is where you gain that maturity and wisdom.
Not sure if you are a religious man but biblical scripture says honor your father and mother so that your days may be long. So YOUR days may be long. Don’t disrespect your dad. However as a man, let him know how you feel and that how he’s been approaching your relationship may inevitably create a chasm that would be hard to fix in the future. All parents, no matter how hard they are, will inevitably need their children in the future. I would, respectively, in so many words, tell him, when that time comes knocking, there will be no one to open the door.
He didn't tell me he loved me until right before he died RIP pops
That’s unfortunate.
sorry he was so mean.
