Lmao yall got me out here reading dudes divorce stories, This dude has to pay spousal support the rest of his life unless she dies or remarries lol
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How bad a man's divorce will be depends on the state you are in. In my state, there is such a thing as indefinite support to an ex. My ex and I agreed that she would stay home with the kids. That is, I left it up to her. We had kids. I worked hard. I had a graduate degree before we married. She had a BA in communications. She went slowly insane during the marriage. I should have known better than to marry a rich girl. She stole from us to support her shopping habit. She didn't pay the bills, so we had late fees and one month, our cells were shut off. Which prompted me to start taking care of the bills. I took over the bills and paid down $30k in CC debt I was unaware of, that she had run up. I cancelled the cards, all except one, which I couldn't cancel, so when we separated I asked that she not use it. She had a job of sorts the last few years we were married but hid the true extent of her income from me. She announced she was taking an international cruise with a female friend and that I had to be okay with that, and her doing so every year. I had the kids and a full time job while she was gone (and also had a previous business trip out of town while she was gone. In the hope of saving our marriage, I relented on my opposition to the trip. I saw her and her friend at the airport. As they walked away from me, her friend said "don't worry, Jed, we'll call if we need more money!" bytch. I meailed every day she was gone and met her at the airport with flowers when she came home. Eleven days later I was moving out, to a rental house with my clothes and a twin bed mattress and some old linens and a sleeping bag. I didn't see the kids for a few weeks until my lawyer managed to get me some time.
I felt as if she had completely betrayed our marriage with the stealing and the wanting a life that we couldn;t really have because of a mortgage and four kids - all the result of what I thought was a joint enterprise and decisions we made knowing all the work and sacrifice would be worth it.
Three mediations and 1.5 years later we had a trial. In the meantime she ran up the one credit card in part buying a $1,600 ring for herself because she "couldn't stand not having a ring on her finger" and Christmas presents for the kids. Part of what sucks about the system is judges who get mad at both spouses when one of them is the insane one and the other reacts simply to protect himself. Anyway, two of her lawyers quit on her. She got held in contempt (no penalty) and I got stuck with the credit card debt she racked up (as well as my own, to equip a rental house to handle the kids and me).
I got stuck paying her $4,000 a month in support. indefinitely. Child support I don't mind. But indefinite support? I don't think the lawyers and judges in the system know quite what a sentence like that does to a person. My work is very up and down in terms of income. The financial insecurity I live with is pretty literally killing me. lawyers and judges say "well, she'll get married" or "something will change."
Well, that may be true, but if something changes, I get the privilege of paying my lawyer to go back to court and ask for a modification. If she remarries or I retire or get disabled or want to change careers - it doesn't end automatically. And I truly do not understand the justification for indefinite support. Why should I have to support her? I understand the rationale for transitional support. But why, just because my income earning ability is better than hers, do I owe her? if we are equals, and given that I supported her all those many years, why is it I owe her anything after a period of adjustment and retraining or schooling?
So, she spent $105,000 on legal fees. I spent $45,000 that could have helped the kids go to college.
It was bitter, nasty and evil and was a fight the whole way because she was and continues to be vindictive and petty. She continues to this day to use the kids and their desires to do things like fill out college applications and pay the fees for doing so, to get money from me. She puts them in the middle, knowing that ultimately I will give in because kids.
There are and were so many horrific things she did. So many awful, bitter, mean spirited things that I was actually fearful that our friends thought I hit her or cheated or did drugs or something. I did none of the above.
So, yes, my divorce was the single worst experience of my life because I live in a state with an archaic set of laws that favor the woman who stays at home and is a "traditional wife" while I was the sucker who supported her and, trying to be a decent man, treated her as an equal and let her decide what she wanted to do to be a good mother. Her choice left me with no choice. I had to work. And the irony of the whole thing is not lost on me.
If I remarry? No impact on my support burden. And, my new wife (or cohabitating SO) will be subject to having her financials subpoenaed by my evil ex if there is a support modification proceeding. And of course, women getting support never file to modify the support they receive because they no longer need it, right? Ha!
So don't marry a ginger. Get a prenup. Do not marry a girl who does not intend to work. And don't stay for the kids. I did and all it got me, because of the length of the marriage, was a potentially life long financial burden that is slowly crushing the life out of me. When's the last time someone said they got a divorce too early?
Kids, don't do like I did. Marry later and carefully. If she won't sign a prenuptial agreement, then she is not the girl for you. Remember, she may seem nice now, but look at her mom. I don't mean physically though. Look at how she was raised. You can and will be punished in your forties and fifties and sixties for a mistake you made in your twenties. Major disincentive to ever have a serious relationship ever again and a ironclad incentive to never, ever marry again. I can't afford the emotional toll and I really can;t afford to pay another leech.
And it kind of sucks. Sorry this comes off as bitter, but I got fukked. I do have good days and am far happier now. I have my life back and my relationship with my kids is solid and damn good. As they are getting older they are realizing just how insane their mom is.
Sweet freedom. The only way for a man like me to be happy.
