Random Swagless Moments You Remember About Yourself

[Heelish]

KING ARTHUR :ohmygawd:

 

[patscorpio]

oh man let me subs for now..i may think of something later

 

[Teal.]

back in highschool I was walking down the hall and these two dymes walking arm-in-arm (who I've never talked to before) say hi to me outta nowhere..so I say hi back. walking away I'm feelin pretty and barely notice them giggling to eachother as I passed. then I notice there's some 6'3 baller walking behind me and he kinda gives me the as he turns the corner. I know that dude vaguely, his name is shamus. then I realized my swagless mistake. when the girls said hi they said "hi shamus" instead of shane (my name)

I was laughing to myself about it afterwards but inside I was

Spoiler

there was a thread similar to this back on but fukk it imma make my own

This happened too me too

 

[ProfessionallyTrill]

Used to wear the Nike Cortez in middle school.

this whole time I never knew they were Mexican stereotyped shoes

Had the same ones as Forrest Gump

 

[Patent Leather AJ 1s]

that quote is from a movie! lmao "youth in revolt" with michael cera

 

[Lewis Black]

as far as clothes the baggy shyt i use to rock on myspace pics i took...a nikka look back and see em now like shyt made nikkaz look fat than a mf lol

hell yea nikkas gear used to b on some other shyt back den
i used to rock basketball shorts under all my jeans
headband with the durag a classic tho

lol i did the whole bandana under the hat, you couldent tell me I weren't a nine trey blood when I was 13

 

[A.V.]

some 8 grade bytch leaving a young nikka for some shemar moore looking ass nikka ever since then i been like fukk SHEMAR MOORE that bytch done had like 3 kids tho since High School and she fell the fukk off

One of the best feelings in life.













































































































But even better when you don't have any kids yourself

 

[Shogun]

i got one brehs

luckily I never got exposed, but this was the worst day up my life in middle school...

One day in school I got hit real quick with the bubble gut, and had to book it to the bathroom. To this day I dont know how this happened, but somehow when I was wiping off I caught a piece of the back of my t-shirt, and basically wiped my ass with my own shirt

Thank god I realized this immediately, but I was just a young'n breh's, I started panicking

The only thing I could think to do was tuck my shirt in the rest of the day. but the shyt stain was kinda high so that shyt was tucked in real tight to hide it.

I spent the whole day with my t-shirt tucked into my jeans, lookin like a goddamn fool and on top of it i knew I had shyt on me....

All day I was gettin clowned for having why stupid fukken t-shirt tucked in, and I had to play it off like I thought it looked good cuz I was too embarrassed to explain myself.

 

[Ohene]

i got one brehs

luckily I never got exposed, but this was the worst day up my life in middle school...

One day in school I got hit real quick with the bubble gut, and had to book it to the bathroom. To this day I dont know how this happened, but somehow when I was wiping off I caught a piece of the back of my t-shirt, and basically wiped my ass with my own shirt

Thank god I realized this immediately, but I was just a young'n breh's, I started panicking

The only thing I could think to do was tuck my shirt in the rest of the day. but the shyt stain was kinda high so that shyt was tucked in real tight to hide it.

I spent the whole day with my t-shirt tucked into my jeans, lookin like a goddamn fool and on top of it i knew I had shyt on me....

All day I was gettin clowned for having why stupid fukken t-shirt tucked in, and I had to play it off like I thought it looked good cuz I was too embarrassed to explain myself.

this one was promising but let me down in the end lol

tucking a tee isnt that bad by the way.

 

[Illuminatos]

In 7th grade I was feeling this broad heavy. We started kicking it at school and she started feeling me. I was too p*ssy to make the move and ask for her number, so she made the move and asked me for mine. I had to let her know that we didn't have a phone at the house. (Becuz we was broke )

Was walking down the hall at school and seen this broad checking me out. I thought she was looking at my new hair cut and thinking I was looking good. Instead it turns out that my zipper was down and my dikk was showing.

 

[Illuminatos]

Used to wear the Nike Cortez in middle school.

this whole time I never knew they were Mexican stereotyped shoes

Had the same ones as Forrest Gump

I thought I was the only one that thought that.

 

[Illuminatos]

One day in High School I decided to approach this fine ass chick. She was a senior and I was a sophomore. My homeboys used to clown me and I was like "I bet I go up to her though."

So one day class ended and we saw her walking down the hall and I'm like watch this ya'll

So I go up to the bytch and I'm like:

Me: What's your name?
Her: I don't have a name.
Me: Wait, what you mean you don't have a name?
Her: I mean I don't have a name.
Me: Oh wait girl, so you not even gonna tell me your name?
Her: Nope
Me: Please don't do me like that!

All of a sudden I see the bytch walk into the bathroom and left me there in the middle of the hall. The worst part was walking down that hallway in shame after being hit with that ether the force of a thousand suns.

I told all my homeboys and they proceeded to but I was on some "At least I went up to her p*ssy ass nikkas." Deep down though I was like That shyt fukked up my self esteem for a while.

 

[Vilified not verified]

When I first joined the navy they had me workin night shift wit this chick, she was maybe 3 or 4 years older than me, cute lil slim Jamaican chick from NO. The way the vending machines were set up you had to have a prepaid card to buy anything from them and I hadn't gotten mine yet. I was thirsty so I shot her an email askin if I could use her card and just give her the money, she replied "There's sodas in the fridge, and there's NOTHING in this office you can't have", I'm so green I got a soda out the fridge and said nothing else of it. Fast forward a few months after ol girl transferred to another ship, it took her lil friend to tell me about how ol girl was mad as hell that I didn't bite before I realized she literally tried to hand me the p*ssy but I didn't catch it

 

[A.V.]

Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.


I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.


But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.

Remember like it happened yesterday.

It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.

Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.

I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.

Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).

Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"

Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.

But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.

Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."

For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").

It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.

Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.

And i did just that.

I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.

Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...

*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*


"STALLING!!!!"


The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.

I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.

There was a line in the lead single that went.


"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.


As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.


*sighs*


This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).


I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.


Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...

have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?


Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

Her: *fades into sunset*



And that was it. Never saw her again.


Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.

There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."


If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.

That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.


:PikDatAzz:


.

negged.

 

[Raiders]

I was new at my high school 9th grade, and in P.E. one day I got this lil cutie with a fat ass sitting on my lap. We just chilling talking on the bleachers, I start to get a boner, but its P.E and I have these lil shorts on & I'm like I dont want her to freak out & then I have to walk around with a boner, so I shove her off of me & say something mean to her and walk away so that I wouldnt have to explain myself. I never talked to her again after that. facebook, be recommending I friend her to this day

Just this Sunday over ten years later, I was at this party & my homies aunt comes and sits on my lap, she is drunk, and she got some big ass titties, so I start to get a boner, so im like aye ill be back, I push her off & I dip...Speaking of her, I have so many Ls with her cuz she wants the D & I havent given it to her (much worse Ls that I'm too ashamed to ever tell anybody), she sexy too

Now that I think about it all though life I do that to girls unless I've already fukked, its like the hulk I have to calm him before he shows himself, otherwise I cant control him after that. Im 25 still handing myself Ls next girl is feeling the fullness F it

I cant lie to myself she is probably going to hit the floor like the rest