Random Swagless Moments You Remember About Yourself

[b_low_brown]

This is basically the worst that's happened to me except I was listening to Mario () and it was junior year in HS.

Caused me to wanna simp text so damn much whole album was demonic

 

[sfgiants]

today:
pickin up a gift card at macys because im too lazy to buy gifts

go to register and dont realize its this fineass broad at cashier

went to the mall rockin ashy black windbreakers and a dirty hoody

and i am sick with a runny nose

she asked me if it was cold outside, probably because of my non stop sniffling


confidence/swag at 0.0%

walked out like a coward

 

[duncanthetall]

Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.


I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.


But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.

Remember like it happened yesterday.

It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.

Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.

I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.

Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).

Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"

Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.

But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.

Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."

For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").

It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.

Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.

And i did just that.

I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.

Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...

*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*


"STALLING!!!!"


The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.

I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.

There was a line in the lead single that went.


"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.


As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.


*sighs*


This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).


I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.


Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...

have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?


Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

Her: *fades into sunset*



And that was it. Never saw her again.


Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.

There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."


If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.

That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.


:PikDatAzz:


.

Is this Liggins? Cause this sounds like a Liggins story

 

[iamstr8fire]

I have one that stuck out as soon as I read the thread title. For all 4 years of college I was in a long distance relationship. Stayed faithful the whole time and never once touched, kissed, or stroked another chick. I was at Georgia Tech so it wasn't really that hard a thing to do. Right before I graduated me and my girlfriend broke up for good (after like 15 short break ups).

Over the course of my time in school I probably had 9-10 girls (at various times) there kind of waiting in the wings to see when me and my girl would finally call it off. One of them was this white girl with HUUUUUUUUUUGE breasts and legendary dome. I don't think there was a dude on the football or basketball team who hadn't given the seal of approval on her mouth game. Literally, the day I changed my facebook status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single' she sent me a private message that was the equivalent of . It was my first experience with a white chick digging me and I was fresh out of a relationship so I didn't really think much of it.

Fast forward like a month later I graduated college and settled into my first off campus apartment with a roommate. The Friday of the first week I was there she sends me a text like 'mind if I come over tonight?'. I tell her its cool and this is where the real moments begin.

She comes over in some 'shorts' that just go past the moose knuckle and a super tight t-shirt. Soon as she hits the door she asks for a hug and the big breasts press up against my chest. After that hug I literally had to go in the bathroom and wait for the wood to settle down.

At the time we didn't have any living room furniture so all guests had to go straight to the bedroom . She goes to the bedroom and sits in my computer chair and I sit on the edge of the bed like

Apparently this chick is really into sports so we start talking about football and 40 yd dash times. Mind you this is at like 10 PM on a Friday night with NO ONE ELSE in the apartment. Eventually, we get into a debate about who is faster between Randy Moss and Michael Vick . This lasts for like 30 minutes before her brother calls. She goes 'I have to go meet my brother and get something I'll be back in 10 minutes'.

As she leaves she gives me another hug and I come to full attention again. As soon as she gets in her car I run to the bathroom and rub one out .

She comes back 10 minutes and I start up the Michael Vick v Randy Moss speed conversation again. This conversation lasted like 2 more hours before she finally gave up. After that she was like well alright out.

The next day I was talking to one of the dudes on the bball team and I told him what happened. His exact words where 'Dude, you TALKED TO HER. She has domed me up like 8 times and I have never TALKED TO HER'.

By far my biggest no swag story.

 

[Buggsy Mogues]

Starts out for me as typical story of bad bytch that everyone from HS wanted. For me we had a class together and by the grace of god sat next to her and we actually talked a lot. She was mad flirty. Even was partners on a project once and met up after school to work on it. I was feelin myself because every nikka at school wanted to hit that

Fast forward to lunch one day.. One or two day a week a bunch of dudes would met up in the gym at lunch for a pickup game. We were playing and shorty walked in with a couple of her dime friends. I immediately turn on my playoff intensity and start demanding the ball everytime down and going crazy on D slapping the court and shyt I was growling at nikkas and yelling at people loud enough so she could here. I was basically on some heavy Kobe type shyt.

So the bell rings and we do last shot wins. I demand the ball, take a nikka one on one and pull up for a 3 at the top of the key which is a AIR BALL. They come down and dude goes on one with me. nikka broke my fukkin ankles. Crosses me up so bad I go stumbling back and fall and he nails a J. shyt looked exactly like Kyrie crossing up dude at the all star game. I walked outta the gym like without even looking in girls direction.

Turns out she was only there to check out my homie who she had a crush on. Only liked me as a friend. He dug her out plenty of times over the next year an I had to hear all about it.

 

[bogey_j]

Starts out for me as typical story of bad bytch that everyone from HS wanted. For me we had a class together and by the grace of god sat next to her and we actually talked a lot. She was mad flirty. Even was partners on a project once and met up after school to work on it. I was feelin myself because every nikka at school wanted to hit that

Fast forward to lunch one day.. One or two day a week a bunch of dudes would met up in the gym at lunch for a pickup game. We were playing and shorty walked in with a couple of her dime friends. I immediately turn on my playoff intensity and start demanding the ball everytime down and going crazy on D slapping the court and shyt I was growling at nikkas and yelling at people loud enough so she could here. I was basically on some heavy Kobe type shyt.

So the bell rings and we do last shot wins. I demand the ball, take a nikka one on one and pull up for a 3 at the top of the key which is a AIR BALL. They come down and dude goes on one with me. nikka broke my fukkin ankles. Crosses me up so bad I go stumbling back and fall and he nails a J. shyt looked exactly like Kyrie crossing up dude at the all star game. I walked outta the gym like without even looking in girls direction.

Turns out she was only there to check out my homie who she had a crush on. Only liked me as a friend. He dug her out plenty of times over the next year an I had to hear all about it.

 

[dallastexas]

this fine yellow skin girl in the 9th grade was in my class... u could tell she was already fukkin so talkin to her it would of been easy.....i wasnt new to girls but in highschool in the 9th grade i was intimidated especially since i went to a huge magnet highschool and had hoes on hoes on hoes and just felt too new to the highschool world... so the first week or so of school we were in the hallway because the teacher had us going somewhere..anyways,,,, this girl put her arm around me,,,, clearly showing she was feeling me,,,,,,,, i was nervous as fuk,,, my mind wanted to be ssomething like whatsup with it, whats going on, something,, anything just to then see where it goes..... what comes out is "why you all up on me"

she got pissed, pulled away and never spoke to me again........

fawkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk me in the a$$hole

 

[dallastexas]

this one was promising but let me down in the end lol

tucking a tee isnt that bad by the way.

depending on his age about 10 years ago it was,,, 10 years ago u were a fukin lame if u tucked ur shirt in that wasnt a church shirt...true story

 

[MicIsGod]

Starts out for me as typical story of bad bytch that everyone from HS wanted. For me we had a class together and by the grace of god sat next to her and we actually talked a lot. She was mad flirty. Even was partners on a project once and met up after school to work on it. I was feelin myself because every nikka at school wanted to hit that

Fast forward to lunch one day.. One or two day a week a bunch of dudes would met up in the gym at lunch for a pickup game. We were playing and shorty walked in with a couple of her dime friends. I immediately turn on my playoff intensity and start demanding the ball everytime down and going crazy on D slapping the court and shyt I was growling at nikkas and yelling at people loud enough so she could here. I was basically on some heavy Kobe type shyt.

So the bell rings and we do last shot wins. I demand the ball, take a nikka one on one and pull up for a 3 at the top of the key which is a AIR BALL. They come down and dude goes on one with me. nikka broke my fukkin ankles. Crosses me up so bad I go stumbling back and fall and he nails a J. shyt looked exactly like Kyrie crossing up dude at the all star game. I walked outta the gym like without even looking in girls direction.

Turns out she was only there to check out my homie who she had a crush on. Only liked me as a friend. He dug her out plenty of times over the next year an I had to hear all about it.

You just can't make this up

 

[BlvdBrawler]

http://www.the-coli.com/locker-room/91366-being-overconfident-female-backfiring.html#.USesM1cSEew

 

[Dwolf]

Dont have any breh.

 

[Ohene]

depending on his age about 10 years ago it was,,, 10 years ago u were a fukin lame if u tucked ur shirt in that wasnt a church shirt...true story

yup. i figured that much too. or unless you were an old white dude.

i prefer to tuck in my white tees now depending on the fit, belt and jeans i'm wearing. a nice plain laether belt though, none of the printed bs

 

[Reindeer of the Roc]

I didn't wash my hand for like 3 days afterward, i licked that sh1t too

what the fukk

 

[Shogun]

depending on his age about 10 years ago it was,,, 10 years ago u were a fukin lame if u tucked ur shirt in that wasnt a church shirt...true story

daps

I'm 29, this was over 15 years ago. I don't remember but it was prob a Bartman t-shirt or some shyt

it was brutal

 

[Average Coli Poster]

None