Random Swagless Moments You Remember About Yourself

[EffedUp]

*sighs*

I remember this chick I went to senior prom with. She was cute, lil bit of ass but killer hips. Nobody really liked like that either (one of those "can't quite put my finger on it" type shyt). I was striking out on trying to find a date and I remember her joking about going with me. I didn't really know her like that but we did have morning study hall together. I decided since I didn't want to go to prom alone what the hell (and it worked).
My brother played chauffeur and we picked her up. Prom was boring, nobody f'n danced just stood around the whole time and chatted. My bro picks us up along with her friends (fine ass twins) and dropped them off at her crib to get changed for the after-prom. We met back up and went to this club where it was tons of nikkas to very few chicks. I remember my homie telling me to holla at her but kept holding back. After the party ended, she decided to go with her friends elsewhere as I went back home. Forget fukkin', not even a damn kiss.
I fumbled another opportunity and we eventually broke off contact after high school.

 

[BlvdBrawler]

In '06 I was fresh on the san diego scene, and at an apt party. I was on the balcony when these group of girls approached me. One of the girls whispered that their friend liked me...now at first I was doing fine, holding court and making them laugh. Well the group left except for the one girl who was interested in me, and now she's lookin at me as if to say: "alright niqqa, what are you gunna say thats gunna get me in your bed tonight...Floor is yours"

I ask her where she is from....(uh oh, I already asked her that and we made a big joke about it because she was a black chick from like Iowa). She starts giving me that sideways look like Im a herb, and let me tell you I drown quick, and start panicking. Never regained my composure of the situation. She literally walked away from me w/o saying a word. Two white boys were on the balcony and they were just laughin and SMH'n at me. Traumatic anti swag performance.

Another time more recently, a similar situation, I entered a lounge/bar establishment, and a homegirl of mine came flying up to me saying that her girls were asking who I was, and that I should go talk to him. Ill spare you the pain...I walk up to them and spit gibberish. Just lame nonsense.

They were white too, and I know they were expecting this smooth brotha to knock the convo out the park, and lex steele 'em that night.

Niqqa I poured jelly all over myself. It was embarrassing. I was spittin like I was Carlton. I was awkward as sht

My mouthpiece sucks, ya'll

Breh I've been there. For some reason it's WAY easier for me to work a crowd of chicks than it is to take them 1-on-1. I've talked myself out of SOOOOO much p*ssy in these exact scenarios. @

I walk up to them and spit gibberish. Just lame nonsense.

 

[BlvdBrawler]

Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

This absolutely cannot be life.

 

[Mr. Jack Napier]

I just remembered one, lol


Their was this one chick who I was really feeling that I used to work with. Anyways at the time we were still working together. So one night, I had a closing shift & shorty was at home sick. I had asked her if she needed anything & she asked me to bring her some soup from the cafe near our job. Cool , no problem, shorty didn't live too far from me & she was a close friend. Anyways I go to shorty's house. She opens the door, and she looked prettier than usual. At the time, I couldn't figure out if she was wearing makeup or not . I give her the soup & she asks me if I'm coming in. I told her no , that I was tired & dipped. (At the time I was working 2 jobs at the time, and that day I worked both jobs.) On the way home, shorty texts me telling me, "next time you stay" . I replied "yeah, next time". It didn't dawn on me to the next day when I was going through my texts of the opportunity that I had let slip away


Oh well, you learn from your mistakes

 

[threattonature]

The worst two was from high school. One was me on some dumb young nikka shyt trying to show out by running up the steps three at a time (don't ask why) cause this female I was crushing on was right behind me. So I trip like a 1/4th of the way up the steps. I try to play it off and keep going. I fall all the way up the steps until the very top where I fall face first on the ground. Then my book bag that was on one shoulder came flying off and landed directly on the back of my head. The whole fukking hallway fell out laughing including my crush.

The other was this girl that flat came up and told me she thought I was cute as fukk. I had no game to holla back and she was cute her damn self. So she constantly had people coming up to me trying to get me to ask her out. So she found out I was in advanced calculus as a junior and some people she knew in the class told her how crazy smart I was. So she waits outside the class and tells me "oh you're in this class, you should tutor me cause I'm horrible in math. My response "what you gone pay me". She says "oh don't worry, i'll make it worth your time". My stupid ass tells her that ain't gone work for me, I need some exact figures. No wonder it took so damn long to lose my virginity.

 

[BlvdBrawler]

The worst two was from high school. One was me on some dumb young nikka shyt trying to show out by running up the steps three at a time (don't ask why) cause this female I was crushing on was right behind me. So I trip like a 1/4th of the way up the steps. I try to play it off and keep going. I fall all the way up the steps until the very top where I fall face first on the ground. Then my book bag that was on one shoulder came flying off and landed directly on the back of my head. The whole fukking hallway fell out laughing including my crush.

The other was this girl that flat came up and told me she thought I was cute as fukk. I had no game to holla back and she was cute her damn self. So she constantly had people coming up to me trying to get me to ask her out. So she found out I was in advanced calculus as a junior and some people she knew in the class told her how crazy smart I was. So she waits outside the class and tells me "oh you're in this class, you should tutor me cause I'm horrible in math. My response "what you gone pay me". She says "oh don't worry, i'll make it worth your time". My stupid ass tells her that ain't gone work for me, I need some exact figures. No wonder it took so damn long to lose my virginity.

Breh that first L was legendary...

THEN you managed to top it with the 2nd L.

 

[Teal.]

The worst two was from high school. One was me on some dumb young nikka shyt trying to show out by running up the steps three at a time (don't ask why) cause this female I was crushing on was right behind me. So I trip like a 1/4th of the way up the steps. I try to play it off and keep going. I fall all the way up the steps until the very top where I fall face first on the ground. Then my book bag that was on one shoulder came flying off and landed directly on the back of my head. The whole fukking hallway fell out laughing including my crush.

The other was this girl that flat came up and told me she thought I was cute as fukk. I had no game to holla back and she was cute her damn self. So she constantly had people coming up to me trying to get me to ask her out. So she found out I was in advanced calculus as a junior and some people she knew in the class told her how crazy smart I was. So she waits outside the class and tells me "oh you're in this class, you should tutor me cause I'm horrible in math. My response "what you gone pay me". She says "oh don't worry, i'll make it worth your time". My stupid ass tells her that ain't gone work for me, I need some exact figures. No wonder it took so damn long to lose my virginity.

Damn i thought i had it bad

 

[CaughtInTWebb]

The worst two was from high school. One was me on some dumb young nikka shyt trying to show out by running up the steps three at a time (don't ask why) cause this female I was crushing on was right behind me. So I trip like a 1/4th of the way up the steps. I try to play it off and keep going. I fall all the way up the steps until the very top where I fall face first on the ground. Then my book bag that was on one shoulder came flying off and landed directly on the back of my head. The whole fukking hallway fell out laughing including my crush.

The other was this girl that flat came up and told me she thought I was cute as fukk. I had no game to holla back and she was cute her damn self. So she constantly had people coming up to me trying to get me to ask her out. So she found out I was in advanced calculus as a junior and some people she knew in the class told her how crazy smart I was. So she waits outside the class and tells me "oh you're in this class, you should tutor me cause I'm horrible in math. My response "what you gone pay me". She says "oh don't worry, i'll make it worth your time". My stupid ass tells her that ain't gone work for me, I need some exact figures. No wonder it took so damn long to lose my virginity.

 

[BlvdBrawler]

This was maybe 4 or 5 years ago. There was this baaaad mixed chick who used to work in the bldg with me. Short, light skinned, fiyone as all hell, looked a little bit like Melrose Foxxx. The kind of chick who normally dated ball players and shyt. We had gone on a couple dates but I wasn't able to trick and ball on a level that she was accustomed to so it didn't go anywhere, but we were still cool with each other.

So around the time that this happened, I heard she recently dumped some NBA scrub and was on the prowl but I figured the ship had sailed so I wasn't on-guard around her, at all. One day as I'm heading out the building, she's walking sort of around the corner coming in and she sees me and waves and shouts (loud enough to be heard by half a dozen people) "theeeeeere's the best looking dude at the bank!!" So inside I'm like "Back in the game now!!!" but breh I could not think of a response at all, I'm drawing a complete fukking blank. So as I'm getting closer to her she has stopped so we can chop it up or whatnot but I've got nothing so all I do is increase my walking pace and hit her with

Spoiler

as I walk past. Didn't even stop to say hi or that she looked nice that day or ask her if she wanted to come w/ me to lunch or anything. Not a fukking word, brehs .

 

[threattonature]

This was maybe 4 or 5 years ago. There was this baaaad mixed chick who used to work in the bldg with me. Short, light skinned, fiyone as all hell, looked a little bit like Melrose Foxxx. The kind of chick who normally dated ball players and shyt. We had gone on a couple dates but I wasn't able to trick and ball on a level that she was accustomed to so it didn't go anywhere, but we were still cool with each other.

So around the time that this happened, I heard she recently dumped some NBA scrub and was on the prowl but I figured the ship had sailed so I wasn't on-guard around her, at all. One day as I'm heading out the building, she's walking sort of around the corner coming in and she sees me and waves and shouts (loud enough to be heard by half a dozen people) "theeeeeere's the best looking dude at the bank!!" So inside I'm like "Back in the game now!!!" but breh I could not think of a response at all, I'm drawing a complete fukking blank. So as I'm getting closer to her she has stopped so we can chop it up or whatnot but I've got nothing so all I do is increase my walking pace and hit her with

as I walk past. Didn't even stop to say hi or that she looked nice that day or ask her if she wanted to come w/ me to lunch or anything. Not a fukking word, brehs .

God damn. At least if you worked around her you can take the opportunity to get back at her. Right?

 

[BlvdBrawler]

God damn. At least if you worked around her you can take the opportunity to get back at her. Right?

breh I hit her with the double thumbs-up. No way did I have the balls to go back after that.

 

[Shogun]

breh I hit her with the double thumbs-up. No way did I have the balls to go back after that.

 

[Rick Roller 10]

Tried to catch a foul ball with my hat one time.. The dam thing went right through it and bounced into some old ladys lap

 

[Shogun]

college, sophomore year....

Just to set the scene...in my college apartment my buddies and I set two TV's next to each other so we could watch whatever and run video games at the same time. One drunken night we came home and happened to catch one of those late night Girls Gone Wild commercials they used to air, and my buddy ordered it fukking around. Well, when it came we all laughed, and somehow settled into a routine of playing video games while girls gone wild was on constant loop


So with that, I was gettin friendly with this girl in one of my classes, and we made plans to meet up for lunch one Saturday. The plan was for her to stop by my apartment and we'd decide where to go. Now I was smokin alotta weed at the time brehs, and I completely forgot we made plans.

I wake up all hungover on a Saturday, burn one down, sit my ass down and started playing San Andreas, and just outta habit turned on Girls Gone Wild also. Back then we used to just leave our door unlocked/open or whatever. I was totally in a zone starting gang wars all over the city, and shorty walks in to me on the couch in basketball short and no shirt, dumb high, playing video games and watching Girls Gone Wild

She didnt say shyt, just hit me with the , and walked out.

Not my finest moment

 

[BlvdBrawler]

college, sophomore year....

Just to set the scene...in my college apartment my buddies and I set two TV's next to each other so we could watch whatever and run video games at the same time. One drunken night we came home and happened to catch one of those late night Girls Gone Wild commercials they used to air, and my buddy ordered it fukking around. Well, when it came we all laughed, and somehow settled into a routine of playing video games while girls gone wild was on constant loop


So with that, I was gettin friendly with this girl in one of my classes, and we made plans to meet up for lunch one Saturday. The plan was for her to stop by my apartment and we'd decide where to go. Now I was smokin alotta weed at the time brehs, and I completely forgot we made plans.

I wake up all hungover on a Saturday, burn one down, sit my ass down and started playing San Andreas, and just outta habit turned on Girls Gone Wild also. Back then we used to just leave our door unlocked/open or whatever. I was totally in a zone starting gang wars all over the city, and shorty walks in to me on the couch in basketball short and no shirt, dumb high, playing video games and watching Girls Gone Wild

She didnt say shyt, just hit me with the , and walked out.

Not my finest moment

But to be real, if women knew how lame we are when we aren't trying to impress the pants off them, we'd probably all be virgins.