Random Swagless Moments You Remember About Yourself

[Canada Goose]

A couple of summers ago some women was sunbathing in the park topless near where I was sitting and I kept peeking over there like

She was laying on her back and I was hoping she would flip over so I could see her titties

She never did though

After I left I looked back one last time hoping I would see something, she was still laying on her back but and she looking right at me like

I don't think she noticed me though, and no one was around paying attention to me to snitch so IDK why she was staring at me.

Ultimate L moment for me

I haven't shown public thirst since that day so at anyone who tries to judge me.


Its funny as I remember this women was riding a bike though this park and her dress was flying up and and this dude turned around to look and was like while I was , didn't even phase me and wasn't no big deal.

 

[LOUDaffair]

lol man i was textin all three of dem hoes freaky shyt
thought i was doin something all dem hoes had my messages clownin a nikka
i bounced back tho

hell yea nikkas gear used to b on some other shyt back den
i used to rock basketball shorts under all my jeans
headband with the durag a classic tho

shyt done got worst too wit the texting them screenshots a do u bad bro bytchs done put my shyt all on they facebook...had a nikka like fukk that bytch to one of em and the otha bytch screenshot me sayin fukk the other bytch i juss said fukk the otha bytch 2

i had the cornrows so the du-rags in public my tall tee's looking like dresses nshyt...i did the basketball shorts shyt too lol..baggy ass jeans to long for a nikka covering most of my damn shoes..

went to school with a fro and the otha half of it braided on some Martin Na-Jee-Rama shyt

 

[BrothaZay]

 

[CaughtInTWebb]

7th Grade year

Summertime, and I go to my boys house....I walk in and I see his fine ass sister and one of his cousins....she was fine as hell too.....

His sister says, "Hi" but the cousin just stares and then walks in the back....I'm chilling in the front looking at T.V. and his mama yells, "Aye T, how old are you?"

I tell em and then she aske what grade I'm in and I tell them that too....

I overhear his mama telling her niece, see yall the same age and you think he cute....talk to em....

We hit the pool and she come out and sit by the pool.....just waiting for me to talk to her....I look at her, give her a head knod and kept swimming...

 

[LOUDaffair]

 

[Vilified not verified]

I actually had this pair of gold nike cortez that I used to wear to school, I don't even know what i was thinking

Sorry brehs

 

[Doin2Much Williams]

In '06 I was fresh on the san diego scene, and at an apt party. I was on the balcony when these group of girls approached me. One of the girls whispered that their friend liked me...now at first I was doing fine, holding court and making them laugh. Well the group left except for the one girl who was interested in me, and now she's lookin at me as if to say: "alright niqqa, what are you gunna say thats gunna get me in your bed tonight"...

I ask her where she is from....(uh oh, I already asked her that and we made a big joke about it because she was a black chick from like Iowa). She starts giving me that sideways look like Im a herb, and let me tell you I drown quick, and start panicking. Never regained my composure of the situation. She literally walked away from me w/o saying a word. Two white boys were on the balcony and they were just laughin and SMH'n at me. Traumatic anti swag performance.

Another time more recently, a similar situation, I entered a lounge/bar establishment, and a homegirl of mine came flying up to me saying that her girls were asking who I was, and that I should go talk to him. Ill spare you the pain...I walk up to them and spit gibberish. Just lame nonsense.

They were white too, and I know they were expecting this smooth brotha to knock the convo out the park, and lex steele 'em that night.

Niqqa I poured jelly all over myself. It was embarrassing. I was spittin like I was Carlton. I was awkward as sht

My mouthpiece sucks, ya'll

Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.


I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.


But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.

Remember like it happened yesterday.

It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.

Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.

I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.

Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).

Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"

Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.

But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.

Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."

For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").

It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.

Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.

And i did just that.

I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.

Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...

*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*


"STALLING!!!!"


The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.

I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.

There was a line in the lead single that went.


"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.


As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.


*sighs*


This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).


I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.


Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...

have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?


Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

Her: *fades into sunset*



And that was it. Never saw her again.


Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.

There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."


If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.

That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.


:PikDatAzz:


.

 

[zopaco317]

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college........................................If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.


.

What did i just read

 

[havoc00]

I used to write down all the girls names when they took attendance at community college. Id then go home look them up on myspace and send dirty messages to them

 

[CaughtInTWebb]

Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.


I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.


But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.

Remember like it happened yesterday.

It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.

Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.

I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.

Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).

Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"

Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.

But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.

Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."

For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").

It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.

Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.

And i did just that.

I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.

Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...

*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*


"STALLING!!!!"


The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.

I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.

There was a line in the lead single that went.


"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.


As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.


*sighs*


This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).


I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.


Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...

have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?


Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

Her: *fades into sunset*



And that was it. Never saw her again.


Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.

There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."


If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.

That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.


:PikDatAzz:


.

What in the hell.....

 

[PUT IN WORK]

8th grade art class. We all sat in those square tables of 4 and this girl name Amy sat directly across from me. Chick was pretty cool and fine as hell. We would usually talk about music and random stuff but I never tried to get at her cuz the whole damn school was sweating her and she loved that attention. Long story short, that day she was wearing a sun dress and she kept looking at me with this seductive ass look and we'll trade looks back and forth. Man I had the biggest boner in my middle school life at that moment .Tried to relax and keep calm.. so i'm trying to focus on the teacher's boring ass lecture and telling myself i got this after class when not even 3 seconds later she puts her feet on my dikk and out of pure instincts i kicked her right on her shin bone. ... she got up screaming and cussing at me at the same damn time moving around like and than she started rp cry. They had to call my mom that day to pick me up for "kicking a gir"l and then my pops kicked my ass after... me and her didn't talk anymore during middle school but we laughed about that ish in high school.

 

[No Homo]

Haha. Man, I feel for your. Chaka Khan record.


I was like that up until recently when i decided to get my act together.


But living in SwaglessVIlle was my main residence.

The very first time i decided to approach a chick was in community college.

Remember like it happened yesterday.

It was the first day of summer quarter, 2003, and i went to register. After contemplating whether or not i wanted to take math or not, went to the commons area to kill some time waiting for a homie.

Upon doing so, i see this nicely-equipped-in-the-frame cutie sitting at a table, dolo, reading her syllabi or some shiit.

I wanted to talk to her real bad but figured... fukk it, i got laundry to do.

Came back the next day to do verify some financial aid shiit. On my way to the office, i see girl sitting in the commons area again, almost same time/same place (i guess she just gets out of class that time).

Then i told myself, "Man, she gon' be at this spot routinely if that's the case, i'm ace!"

Went to financial aid and turns out, they don't extend it to summer quarters anyways so i was fukked. No classes in summer. Oh well.

But this is where things got tricky. I was thirsty.

Came back the next day to see if she was there so i could look at her (mind you, i wasn't doing anything else in the summer, should have looked for a job but didnt'. Lame.com LOL). Came back Wednesday, thursday... she wasn't there. So i said, "man, i guess she finally got settled in her classes. But maybe i'll get lucky."

For the next month, i prolly (stalked) saw her about 3 times (mind you, i didn't have class there! Just basically went to "use the internet").

It was the middle of July and no progress is made. Sometimes i'd see her, sometimes i wouldn't. But at this point, even "I" started to feel creepy.

Then i made the conscious decision to just say fukk it. Stop being such a shy chode and go in for the kill the next time you see her.

And i did just that.

I waited it out for a few days and come Friday, my mind would be ready to approach.

Long story short, i treated this thing like the walls that separate the toilets in the bathrooms - cuz i stayed...

*in Jim Jones voice to his 2006 hit single*


"STALLING!!!!"


The very last week of summer quarter, by now its mid august and i still haven't made a move. During that time, i did go camping. A trip to visit family in Stockton town. Even went to a NERD/Roots concert.

I was heavy in the Dips and Juelz From Me 2 U just dropped.

There was a line in the lead single that went.


"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

Finished up by 10 and then thought to myself, "Fukk it, there's still a chance i may run into homeslice. So i ran upstairs, got dressed righ' fast, strapped on my content-less backpack and got on my bicycle.


As i approach the commons area, open the door and suddenly, i saw this bright, radiantly glowing aura emanate from the center of the room. Right at the table where the love of my life usually occupies - was the angelic subject her self. She was beautiful breaighs.


*sighs*


This would present my last opportunity. I was nervous fam. My knees were trembling, i'm sweating because i had on a button up and a blazer cuz i wanted to impress her (and not to mention, it's about 85 degrees outside and the bike ride gave me quite a work out).


I'm slowly approaching the babe, every second literally feels like stress in the flesh. Shiit is straight slow motion for me. Slow motion for meh.


Me: *clears esophagus* Ahhhheem! Eh eh... eh... esscuse me? Do you --- *long pause* ---- (at this point i'm nervous as shiit, my legs still trembling, i thought i could wing it cuz i practiced in the mirror for days now) --- Do you...

have an eraser i can borrow? The one on my pen ran out?


Her: I'm sorry, i don't have an eraser... for your "pen" *giggles*

Me: *mumbles to self*

Her: Excuse me?

Me: Uhhh... I like your hat

Her: A hat? *looks puzzled* Oh this? It's my hair in a bun.

Me: Well, maybe i should have brought a sausage for it.

Her: Sorry... I have to go.

Me: Can i interest you in a carpool opportunity? Like for Fall quarter? No swimming trunks necessary!

Her: *fades into sunset*



And that was it. Never saw her again.


Wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be. But my experiences dealing with the opposite sex was - unconventional.

There's always this saying, "Only if i knew then, what i knew now..."


If that's the case... i would have ran to the door, not let her go to class and force the digits out of her.

That way, i would actually have a females number in my phone (that wasn't family or friend) and text creepy messages while i'm out in the club instead of pretending or sending those to my mom.




.

 

[R.O. Double]

In 7th grade I was feeling this broad heavy. We started kicking it at school and she started feeling me. I was too p*ssy to make the move and ask for her number, so she made the move and asked me for mine. I had to let her know that we didn't have a phone at the house. (Becuz we was broke )

Was walking down the hall at school and seen this broad checking me out. I thought she was looking at my new hair cut and thinking I was looking good. Instead it turns out that my zipper was down and my dikk was showing.

 

[bogey_j]

"Zulu gang... coo coo mang. Choo choo train."


But i kept reciting the lyrics incorrectly - cuz i'd always end it with...


"I'm DOO DOO STAIN!" But that was happening subconsciously because i felt so shiitty not manning up.


During finals week, errbody was in their study mode. And there i was, harnessing a backpack with no books - geared out for no reason (well, to impress of course, i had nothing else to focus on. Freshly turned 21, i should be out clubbing and drinking, but instead, targeting this one specimen who, even after all these weeks, didn't know a single thing about her except the fact that she attended classes at the community college).


Now, knowing how urgently this was since it being finals week and she may never come back to the college again, i was game.

The first day i arrive, she's a no show. Okay, no big deal. Figured she prolly had exams at awkward times cuz that's college life. Tuesday i wait. Same thing. Wednesday. Same Thing.

By thursday, i didn't see her. I was getting real nervous. Knowing that i could have let the love of my life slip from my fingers like a sand from a beatch.

I was ready to give up. The last friday of finals, i had plans to help my mom bury our pet hamster that died the weekend before in the backyard.

Friday morning comes around and i'm in the yard creating a pit for Ham & Cheese (my pet hamster, you may recall the story from a few months back).

the bold had me I don't know why that hamster bit got me, but it did

Spoiler

the whole thing was most likely (the conversation gave it away) but it was an entertaining read so daps anyway

 

[LOUDaffair]

I used to write down all the girls names when they took attendance at community college. Id then go home look them up on myspace and send dirty messages to them