Relationships seem to just be about doing a lot of shyt you don’t want to do..

[Rozay Oro]

It’s the talking on the phone, remembering to text back that gets me. Wish I had the energy for all that.

FACTS. Especially when you got to take hold of the conversation all the time. I would love to be in a relationship and infatuated. Besides sex and cuddling, I haven't met anybody that brings more to the table than just that.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

clearly y’all weren’t compatable.

You were dealing with a depressed bummy nikka, that’s not the norm.


You operate in extremes, and I know black women who genuinely like to swallow nut and cook/clean for a man. Just because YOU don’t like to please your man in that way, doesn’t mean other brehettes don’t.

Clearly! Dude I shudder just thinking about it.

If you don't date dudes you have no clue how many depressed bummy nikkas are out there.

And while there are chicks who do like it there are just as many who don't but will put up with it out of love for you. As I said initially relationships are about compromise. I'm sure there are men who aren't thrilled about going down on chicks either especially b/c The Coli has enlightened me that there are some women with bad hygiene

 

[Serious]

Technically she is... when did I say she wasn’t? If she isn’t she’s the closest thing I’ve had to one in years...

And I’m old enough... nikkas act like you got to be young to vent or complain. Old nikkas be the main fukking ones crying about their relationships, cheating, trying to escape from home.

All I literally said was how many more times was I supposed to ask her the same question. I even said normally I don’t care about this shyt but this time of year it’s been specifically bad... especially today

Breh almost doesnt count,if the courtship ain't "official", then I ain't dealing with any compromise.

Real talk though setup your boundaries now because this is a precursor of shyt to come.

 

[KingJudah2]

Smart/cellphones and internet killed relationships. bytches hit you at work, text you when you in the other room, when you with your boys. bytch I don't want to see and hear you everywhere. Not even every day I don't want to see you.

 

[Zero]

Shopping....with women....is legit hell. I try to avoid it at all costs if they're shopping for shyt for themselves.

But if I need to buy some shyt for myself they already got the face 30 minutes in.

Yeen never lied.

I'm supposed to go to Bed Bath and Beyond for 2 motherfukkin hours but you act like it's a pain if I wanna run in Best Buy for like 20 minutes

 

[born of fire]

it sounds like you dont really like this girl

find a girl who's personality & hobbies actually interest you

 

[semicko82]

Like swallowing nut...or washing the skid marks out of your drawers...or cleaning up behind a grown ass man...

But even beyond that I had an ex tell me he didn't realize he was on the verge of depression until he met me. Because prior to us getting together, he would spend 24/7 in his one bedroom apartment, only leave to go to work and come back. Blinds closed, old take-out boxes and dirty carpet, crumbs of soap, mattress and a box spring with no headboard or fitted sheets, mold in the bathroom, socks with holes in em, rings around the tub, nothing in the fridge and the only people he talked to were on PSN.

I tried it with him for a while and that shyt made ME depressed. When you start drinking liquor just to tolerate somebody...hell them trips to Walmart felt like freedom.

Initially I would ask him to come with me b/c I'm used to a wide circle of friends. I'm used to people just popping by my apartment for Ghibli Studio marathons and dinner. I'm used to pub crawling and board games with friends at 3am on a Saturday night in bars. Karaoke, figuring out answers to life's problems, debates in 24 hour French bakeries, traveling, brunch with professors all kinds of shyt b/c my brain can't stay still for too long and I'm a gamer too, but doing that shyt every single day non-stop?!

But he had a way of not wanting to go anywhere with me, but also not wanting ME to go anywhere either. It's hard to describe feeling emotionally manipulated into cutting off parts of urself for somebody else b/c you feel sorry for them or b/c you don't want to leave them behind.

Sometimes if these chicks are in the same boat as me, we just wanna get out the damn house. I remember cancelling a pub crawl with my friends for New Years for this dude and literally spent the night drunk on a ratty ass couch watching Robot Chicken miserable b/c he didn't wanna go anywhere.l literally had friends and family telling me I glowed when we broke up. shyt affected me mentally and physically.

Never again.

Why you get with him in the first place

 

[born of fire]

They met at Columbia in medical school. They both graduated same year. He is a general (gastrointestinal) surgeon, she is an ophthalmologist.

He got into Columbia despite his grades being shytty (undergrad GPA of like 2.1) on an affirmative action scholarship because his father knew the admissions director (nepotism). She finished undergrad in 3 years and got in because her grades were stellar without... taking... the.... MCAT as a black woman in the 1960's.

Early in their marriage, he opened a private practice. She went into business with a partner. He was the breadwinner for, maybe, the first 25 years.

She parlayed her experience to one of the larger healthcare providers in the country. As his career started to stagnate, hers skyrocketed.

She became the breadwinner. Never gave him a hard time, never emasculated him, never even mentioned his earnings. All while cooking his meals and raising his kids.

Their marriage has been... rocky... cause pops had a problem keeping his dikk in his pants. She stayed by his side, cause she chose to be committed to him, while paying (most) of the bills, doing financial planning, and still cooking dinner every night.

Few years back, pops had open heart surgery. She sought out the best surgeons in the state... arranged all of his appointments, ensured his pee-surgery diet was what it should be, took care of him while he was in the ICU, etc... etc... etc...

Now, at the twilight of their careers, she's making 400k, he's basically barely keeping the lights on to his practice because she funnels money into his business to keep it afloat.

She has never said a word to him about "not being the man of the house" or anything like that. She's just a bad mf'er who is committed to her marriage. This comes directly from my father's mouth.

...all while cooking dinner, every single night, for the last 47 years.

Ya'll want a submissive woman, go for it. I'm holding out for that shyt ^^^.

i dont wanna shyt on your parents relationship but why did your mom stay after your dad cheated on her? she did all that for a man who didn't respect the relationship?

 

[WesCrook]

I'm with you breh.

Being in a relationship is basically choosing to pay 3x as much for meals just so I can be annoyed by someone half my size taking up 2/3 of the bed and the closet.

shyt sucks.

Fixed

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Why you get with him in the first place

Because he was a good person. Still is. Dude had a good job. Hella smart. Our personalities just meshed. If we meet up RIGHT now it will be nothing but inside jokes, us holding back laughter, hours of pure fun.

I just thought that was par for the course with men. (Most males I know are pretty junky and their places are nothing to write home to mom about. Hell I took one of my male friends shopping at the thrift store and he told me just a few changes to his crib got him gettin p*ssy.
My dad is my favorite person in the world but he is messy as hell. I always grew up assuming cleanliness just wasn't a priority like that for most men and my experiences reinforced that. It doesn't help that I'm a helpless neat freak...

Okay I'm rambling. But he was a solidly good guy but sometimes love isn't enough and he REALLY became a different person when I got accepted to the PhD program which compounded shyt for him.
But I couldn't love him out of his insecurities.

 

[InkosiYe]

Like swallowing nut...or washing the skid marks out of your drawers...or cleaning up behind a grown ass man...

But even beyond that I had an ex tell me he didn't realize he was on the verge of depression until he met me. Because prior to us getting together, he would spend 24/7 in his one bedroom apartment, only leave to go to work and come back. Blinds closed, old take-out boxes and dirty carpet, crumbs of soap, mattress and a box spring with no headboard or fitted sheets, mold in the bathroom, socks with holes in em, rings around the tub, nothing in the fridge and the only people he talked to were on PSN.

I tried it with him for a while and that shyt made ME depressed. When you start drinking liquor just to tolerate somebody...hell them trips to Walmart felt like freedom.

Initially I would ask him to come with me b/c I'm used to a wide circle of friends. I'm used to people just popping by my apartment for Ghibli Studio marathons and dinner. I'm used to pub crawling and board games with friends at 3am on a Saturday night in bars. Karaoke, figuring out answers to life's problems, debates in 24 hour French bakeries, traveling, brunch with professors all kinds of shyt b/c my brain can't stay still for too long and I'm a gamer too, but doing that shyt every single day non-stop?!

But he had a way of not wanting to go anywhere with me, but also not wanting ME to go anywhere either. It's hard to describe feeling emotionally manipulated into cutting off parts of urself for somebody else b/c you feel sorry for them or b/c you don't want to leave them behind.

Sometimes if these chicks are in the same boat as me, we just wanna get out the damn house. I remember cancelling a pub crawl with my friends for New Years for this dude and literally spent the night drunk on a ratty ass couch watching Robot Chicken miserable b/c he didn't wanna go anywhere.l literally had friends and family telling me I glowed when we broke up. shyt affected me mentally and physically.

Never again.

Damn . Yeah, nah I feel you, that's rough.


I think that situation was moreso about generally compatibility tho, seems like he was a depressed homebody and you're basically the exact opposite. And him being clingy/codependent as well didn't help.


Paying attention to compatibility early is probably something that would help alot of folks. I'm not depressed, don't have a ratty couch, have zero skidmarks in my draws (), and keep my apartment hella clean, but I'm definitely on some homebody shyt. I already know if a chick likes going out to clubs and brunches and game nights and conferences and pop up shops and shyt all week then we probably ain't gonna work out unless she's cool going to at least half of those by herself . I try to figure out shyt like that way before it gets to the relationship stage.

 

[hotbeezie]

Man I made the decision to be happy regardless early on.



I be at Sams club and in the mall straight Bullshytting and playing too much.

I can’t wait till we go to JCPenny so I can compare which pair of Nike Monarchs that I’m not gonna buy.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Enlighten me because I can wash my own shyt and she ain’t got to swallow my nuts if she doesn’t want to

But I agree in compromise but it gets to the point where my limit for compromises is reached before hers ever will.

Compromising for me is literally giving me time to do my homework or letting me watch my teams in peace. I don’t ask her to do anything or go anywhere she doesn’t want to.

And fareal, sounded like you just dealt with a bummy nikka. Even single And depressed I’m not that dirty

Lol! @Astroslik told me that was an extreme case.
I dunno about you tho. It seems like she might be suffocating you.

Is the relationship new? I also don't understand the whole wanting to take men with u to shop. Like me and the guy I'm with now like to run errands together for practical stuff like groceries. But hell I barely like shopping much less dragging a crabby dude along for the ride.

There are some things I wanna do with my girls. Mall, mani and pedi, eyebrows...

What I look like dragging a dude with me to Forever 21 while I try on jeans and pick out bangles?
Does she have friends?

 

[diggy]

Women be wanting to go to Costco at 12pm on a Saturday afternoon

Don't even start me on that shyt. Doesn't pertain to me, but that is 100% facts. I watch my friends going through hell on Saturdays damn near getting in shootouts over parking spaces before entering that war zone inside.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Damn . Yeah, nah I feel you, that's rough.


I think that situation was moreso about generally compatibility tho, seems like he was a depressed homebody and you're basically the exact opposite. And him being clingy/codependent as well didn't help.


Paying attention to compatibility early is probably something that would help alot of folks. I'm not depressed, don't have a ratty couch, have zero skidmarks in my draws (), and keep my apartment hella clean, but I'm definitely on some homebody shyt. I already know if a chick likes going out to clubs and brunches and game nights and conferences and pop up shops and shyt all week then we probably ain't gonna work out unless she's cool going to at least half of those by herself . I try to figure out shyt like that way before it gets to the relationship stage.

Yeah it's definitely one of those live and learn moves. I think what bothered me the most was feeling trapped. I've never been the clingy type b/c I have stuff going on. But I'm also willing to include anybody and would never exclude a significant other. I want people to meet important people in my life. I also don't mind metime. Hell I would encourage him to go out with his brothers (sometimes just so I could have the apartment to myself for some therapeutic cleaning).

He told me later on that it bothered him that when he said I could go without him, I would.
Lmao! I think he was used to insecure chicks too and I skipped my happy ass into his life taking him at face value until I realized what he really wanted. Then I tried it his way, and just couldn't take it anymore.

Regardless it was definitely a learning experience.