Successful Black Men on Thecoli, Do Ya'll Ever Get to The Point Where You Don't Have to Deal with the BS?

[ba'al]

Who's the targeted audience for this thread.

So, this thread is addressed to all of my successful brehs on here. And by successful, I mean brothas on here who are living the life they mapped out for themselves not a life that got handed to them. Dudes who had to hustle, grind, overcome adversity after adversity. Guys who didn't let their circumstances shape their life. Whether that's having your dream career, business, lifestyle, woman or all of the above. Furthermore, it's an added bonus if you're a brotha and was able to avoid the baby momma drama, child support traps, alimony payments and incarceration.


A Little About Myself and The Thread Topic Question.

I'm in my mid-twenties so I guess I'm considered a "Zillennial" a cross between Gen-Z and Millennial. But to the older cats on here I just want to know does this shyt ever end? Do you ever get to the point where you can just relax and not have to deal with c00ns, thots, bedwenches/BMATs, mommas boys, the white man, gossipers, racism and discrimination, etc?

Spoiler: Backstory on What inspired the thread.

Backstory on what Inspired the thread.

I just got a new job and since I been grinding, I'm blowing pass all my coworkers and received a promotion, I have more IT certs then some of the supervisors. And the managers in my departments are hinting at me getting a leadership role. That's great but you know with success comes haters so my coworkers in my last department mainly two single moms were lowkey hating, especially the day after our busiest day were my manager's manger was contacted and was informed about my performance. I think one was hating because she wanted to be further along in her career but had to put school off because she got pregnant by some bum dude. They told me I was working too hard. And that they were going to get cut if I didn't slow down. I've been hearing "I'm working too hard" since I was in primary school getting straight A's and being put into gifted programs. But now fast forward to this new role I'm in and it's a pot belly, red hair, hairy, balding cac already hating. I'm like bruh, again with this crap?

My first day on the job and this insecure walking bean bag chair talking about
"Yeah, you have all those certs but that doesn't mean anything in IT."

"You don't talk much, makes me feel like you're hiding something."

"Oh, Chinese food is your favorite food you ever eat hot sauce with that?"

"Those are big muscles I see you like to work out."

If I could thanos snap all the cacs, c00ns, thots, racism, and discrimination out of the world I would do so honestly.

 

[Cereal_Bowl_Assassin]

I will always have to deal with racism and discrimination but even then I don't let it get to me. I pretty much ignore everything else because its a distraction and by doing that I keep my peace.

So yes imo it ends when you focus on yourself and your goals. Don't let any one person or thing control your emotions.

 

[Guess Who]

The more successful you get, the smaller the circle gets. Yet, that circle gets tighter if you got the right people around you. You’ll need that because in many ways the pressure gets more intense.

I’m just talking career btw. Well, even in relationships—the more successful you get, the more women gonna be throwing it at you and the more women there will be who will sabotage your relationship if you have one.

Be careful out there.

 

[Womb Raider]

I’m on the cusp, but as a nurse I dont think I’ll ever not have to deal with that shyt lol


Hospitals are white ppl and politics, I’ll let you do the math

 

[ba'al]

I will always have to deal with racism and discrimination but even then I don't let it get to me. I pretty much ignore everything else because its a distraction and by doing that I keep my peace.

So yes imo it ends when you focus on yourself and your goals. Don't let any one person or thing control your emotions.

Thanks for responding to my thread I know it's a little bit different then the norm especially in TLR. I kinda been doing the bold subconsciously, but I'm a very observant and analytical person, so I be noticing BS a lot of times in my surrounding environment or in people's behavioral patterns. But people in leadership always like me and my performance. I never had a instructor, coach, team lead, supervisor, manager, etc not like me.

The more successful you get, the smaller the circle gets. Yet, that circle gets tighter if you got the right people around you. You’ll need that because in many ways the pressure gets more intense.

I’m just talking career btw. Well, even in relationships—the more successful you get, the more women gonna be throwing it at you and the more women there will be who will sabotage your relationship if you have one.

Be careful out there.

Yeah, you're right

I’m on the cusp, but as a nurse I dont think I’ll ever not have to deal with that shyt lol


Hospitals are white ppl and politics, I’ll let you do the math

Yeah, I feel you Breh, keep doing ya thing. I think I'm on the cusp as well another year or so and my finances will be looking glorious.

At times corporate america feel like a corny highschool.

 

[O³ (O cubed)]

I'm kinda the opposite of you. I am not particularly brilliant but I do want the clients want and get results.

I always get to the point of reaching the upper echelon but duck out because I'm tired of the BS & politics. I also get the feeling of imposter syndrome.

I'm here to see how brehs deal with success.

 

[ba'al]

I am not particularly brilliant but I do want the clients want and get results.

A lot of ya'll brothas are brilliant in niche areas. It doesn't have to be the typical bookworm or math whiz guy. I know cats that are brilliant in music theory, cars, hair care, business, real estate, finance, etc.

I always get to the point of reaching the upper echelon but duck out because I'm tired of the BS & politics. I also get the feeling of imposter syndrome.

Yeah office politics are brutal. I see you're from across the pond. Do you guys have to code-switch over there too? I know my work voice isn't the same as my informal voice. Reminds me of that Dave Chapelle skit. That Vernon Franklin character lost his job as VP of a large corporation for "keeping it real". But in order to be successful, I think you got to let a lot of the office bs slide because if you try to check everyone you're going to get that angry black man label.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

Yes and no. Your capacity for dealing with these things will improve, but the bullshyt will not go away.

It's the nature of the world breh. The more you accept reality for what it is, the more resilient you'll become. Can't control the world, just your own actions and reactions. Envy comes with success. Work hard and people will hate because you're making them look bad. Coast on autopilot and they'll call you lazy.

You simply have to accept the trade-off you're making and what comes with it.

1)Choose ambition and hard work and you will be envied and/or sabotaged.

2)Choose the path of least resistance and you will ultimately hate yourself.

The first option is way better despite the bullshyt that comes with it. But get this thought that you will arrive at some magical point in the future where you won't have to deal with bullshyt out of your head. Oprah a billionaire and she still deals with racism. She's just in a better position to handle it than someone who is in a weaker position.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

Also, since you're in IT maybe the breh @Rhyme n Tekniq can chime in. Also @bdizzle

 

[Wig Twistin Season]

At times corporate america feel like a corny highschool.

That’s pretty much what it is. Play the game. Professionally check bullshyt. Be productive. Make the right friends.

Not every battle is worth winning or even entering in the first place. A lot of passive aggressive people can be killed with kindness. Remain positive despite it and he’ll hate that he can’t get to you.

But at the same time fukk that bean bag built bytch.

 

[O.Red]

Thanks for responding to my thread I know it's a little bit different then the norm especially in TLR. I kinda been doing the bold subconsciously, but I'm a very observant and analytical person, so I be noticing BS a lot of times in my surrounding environment or in people's behavioral patterns. But people in leadership always like me and my performance. I never had a instructor, coach, team lead, supervisor, manager, etc not like me.

Yeah, you're right

Yeah, I feel you Breh, keep doing ya thing. I think I'm on the cusp as well another year or so and my finances will be looking glorious.

At times corporate america feel like a corny highschool.

Observant and analytical people often let too much bullshyt get under their skin.

You're black. The world will always have a side eye to you. Don't accept disrespect but don't let every single micro aggression wear you down to dust

Keep living nikka

 

[ba'al]

Yes and no. Your capacity for dealing with these things will improve, but the bullshyt will not go away.

So it's like mental exercise?

It's the nature of the world breh. The more you accept reality for what it is, the more resilient you'll become. Can't control the world, just your own actions and reactions. Envy comes with success. Work hard and people will hate because you're making them look bad. Coast on autopilot and they'll call you lazy.

You're speaking facts here.

Also, since you're in IT maybe the breh @Rhyme n Tekniq can chime in. Also @bdizzle

I remember @bdizzle and I think the breh @O.T.I.S. too. But any breh can chime in.

 

[Bmezy]

This really doesn't have anything specific to do with what you're asking in the OP, but I wanna talk about something else.. I'll be 30 in less than 2 years and you remind me of myself when I reached 25/26 after undergrad and obtaining my masters and really settling into my career.
I'm not going to lie, I had to read this OP quite a few times. It's strange.. You have this sort of confident zeal about yourself in your writing style/delivery and based on all your accomplishments in your professional life it's absolutely clear that you have incredible ambition.. but while reading your "backstory" I sensed something else.. I don't have the language right now to put it exactly into words, but it sounds like insecurity. almost like you're driven by your own sense of inadequacy or true confidence in YOURSELF. Almost like you've made it a point to pad yourself with feats of achievement to prove that you are where you should be, yet the distant voices of everyone that looked over you, misused or misunderstood you and even DOUBTED still follows you through your ascent to greatness and that's why you reek of pretention.. You still care what people think about you. How you viewed by others around you is crucial to how you judge yourself or perform compared to those around you to a certain extent. It's why negative feedback gets the most of your attention..

People that are truly confident and self-assured understand all these people that you're complaining about is SIMPLY apart of the system of this life journey. You have to have a realistic view of how the world spins and the vast array of people in it. The evil, the wicked, the proud, the envious, the pessimists.. CRABS. As long as we live under the sea we will always have to deal with sharks and the bottom dwellers alike. At your age you should be well equipped with the tools and resources needed to navigate through the tension. There's no need trying to get rid of it or imagine delusions of a utopia where the "c00ns, thots, bedwenches/BMATs, mommas boys, the white man, gossipers, racism and discrimination"

don't exist.

 

[O³ (O cubed)]

A lot of ya'll brothas are brilliant in niche areas. It doesn't have to be the typical bookworm or math whiz guy. I know cats that are brilliant in music theory, cars, hair care, business, real estate, finance, etc.

Yeah office politics are brutal. I see you're from across the pond. Do you guys have to code-switch over there too? I know my work voice isn't the same as my informal voice. Reminds me of that Dave Chapelle skit. That Vernon Franklin character lost his job as VP of a large corporation for "keeping it real". But in order to be successful, I think you got to let a lot of the office bs slide because if you try to check everyone you're going to get that angry black man label.

Yeah, code switching is common. I sometimes feel that vehemently expressing my point is seen as outright aggression.

I know this breh who used to be in the streets heavy and you'll never cross him if you valued your health. Well he is now a security manager for a Premier League club and he comes across as a mild mannered bloke at work. I laugh because I know how he gets down, yet most people don't.

 

[Duke Wy Lin]

Also, think of it like this, if you become successful and influential, you'll smooth the path for some future young breh just like you, so maybe he will deal with less BS than you did.

That includes your own future seeds. Keep your eyes on the prize breh. Ultimately you want as much control over your life as possible, and gaining experience and influence will increase that control. You think you got it bad, but imagine if that hating ass bum you mentioned was your manager at McD or some shyt. Or even worse, a CO who literally ran your life in prison. A lot of brehs have to deal with bullshyt on a much higher level - sometimes due to bad circumstances, other times due to choosing option 2 from my previous post. At least you're not at the at mercy of that bum and you have a set of skills that allow you to seek greener pastures when you feel like it. That sense of freedom will hopefully increase as you progress through life and continue to increase in competence in your career and other domains in your life.

I'm giving you the advice I wish someone had told me when I was your age. Had to figure a lot of this shyt for myself basically.