THE CAUCASIAN’S GUIDE TO BLACK BARBECUES

[Biscayne]

As a man who frequents these black functions as a homeboy invite or dating somebodies daughter

The walk with me to the car and popping the trunk with alcohol in it part is incredibly true.

The music part about changing from 2chains to Donnie Mcclurkin gospel is incredibly untrue and I'm sure was made up for the sake of comedy.

I agree. If they're playing secular, they'll stick to secular all night. There's no changing to gospel. You'll get secular from all eras of black music dating back to the 1970's til' 2015.

 

[Biscayne]

Disagree with #4 (spades is for teenagers, grown folks play Bid Whist) and #10
(you don't play no turn up chit at a cookout, you gotta play them Cognac Lounge knocks).

Cognac Lounge Knocks....dead

 

[MAGNETO.]

 

[MAGNETO.]

My cousin married a white dude, once he pulled up to my house (I was hosting) and he saw all the Black folks he was like 'See you in 3 hours, honey' and drove the fukk off.

Lmaooo this is the worst.
Usually my cousins or aunties who are involved with people outside our nationality can't take a good roast or can't handle their drink.
They start off on good terms but after a couple of meetings they ain't want no more involvement.

 

[BigL187]

that diabets joke wasnt funny at all my uncle died from that shyt

 

[¢apitali$t Migraine]

Funny. Possibly just ahead of the curve.

Lmao@ the fake militants gettin mad. Jesus u nikkas are autistic with a suburban upbringing.

 

[¢apitali$t Migraine]

Disagree with #4 (spades is for teenagers, grown folks play Bid Whist) and #10
(you don't play no turn up chit at a cookout, you gotta play them Cognac Lounge knocks).

Yeah that new shyt gets no play unless it's some super accessible smash hit shyt. The youth ain't cook shyt, ain't bring shyt, ain't did shyt but sit in a corner rollin blunts. Them nikkas ain't gettin no say on the playlist.

 

[Taadow]

Cognac Lounge Knocks....dead

You know'm talmbat doe, right?

Them chits like this hurr:

 

[↓R↑LYB]

Disagree with #4 (spades is for teenagers, grown folks play Bid Whist) and #10
(you don't play no turn up chit at a cookout, you gotta play them Cognac Lounge knocks).

fukk that we playing this with grandma in the next room

 

[OH SOHH TRILL]

shyt was funny and kind of accurate in a satirical kind of way.

Sometimes you gotta just laugh at stuff and take it at face value. Not everything, especially something by one of us, has to lead to c00n, cac, house negro insults. Jeff Foxworthy got rich talking grimey about rednecks, can't a black man do the same thing?

 

[Zero]

this isn't satire, this is typical bullshyt some Black people be on. this won't get you on as a writer for SNL bytch. I bet this guy's favorite movie is 'dear white people.'
he probably has a blog entitled "the black guy who blogs" or some shyt

And you just know he got a white girlfriend who will call him nikka freely

 

[↓R↑LYB]

No hate breh, you want to breed yourself out of existence that's cool, it's your life. Just saying that shyt does not happen in my family.

 

[↓R↑LYB]

Some of this is true (funny and some offensive), there should also be a guide for non-whites attending barbecues (or "ques" as my White friends call them). Also for blacks who attend bourgeois black events. I was appalled the first time I went to a buppie cookout (soiree) and there was no spades table and all the food was finger food. The girls wore maxi dresses, and makeup instead of cut off shorts and comfortable tops that I am used to seeing. Everyone drank from a glass (not even a Solo cup), even beer from the bottle was poured into a glass. The party was pretentious as fukk. No Frankie Beverly and Maze or Beres Hammond on the track list.

White bbqs can be fun, you usually don't have to bring anything and if you do its a gift to the house (2 buck chuck from Trader Joes will do). At a cookout, people count every remaining can of Steel Reserve and piece of pie that they contributed as it goes back ASAP (and God forbid if someone leaves their good dish at your crib). Some homoerotic shyt may come out of a White person's mouth or an inappropriate touch at a barbecue. If your White friend is true, they will normally warn you in advance about any bigoted family/friends. Chilling with young white people can be fun since they like hip-hop music and many young blacks like taylor swift etc but if you are with the 35+ older group the party will be dull unless the black person chips in to joke and entertain OR someone whips out Cards Against Humanity (that game is fun as hell but you have to play it with people with thick skin). White people let their dogs in the kitchen and around the food though.

I like chilling with my Mexican homies, I feel like I am at a family reunion with spicier food, nicer tattoos, more pit bulls and stronger alcohol. Talk about rowdy, man don't get those cholos liquored up. A lot of love, laughter, dominos, and dancing though like at black cookouts. Also like black people, their kids birthday parties are more adults than children. For the life of me I never understood why there are more adults a child's party after age 5 AND alcohol is present. My parents never allowed that shyt for our parties until the sweet 16.

I can't remember the last time I went to a black cookout and was asked to bring something besides maybe liquor

 

[↓R↑LYB]

Yeah that new shyt gets no play unless it's some super accessible smash hit shyt. The youth ain't cook shyt, ain't bring shyt, ain't did shyt but sit in a corner rollin blunts. Them nikkas ain't gettin no say on the playlist.

So selfish

 

[NZA]

this is why chappelle quit his show