Whenever I see someone or other people showing whatever they are doing or want people to see what is going on in their lives or what they are doing and how they are enjoying life and are happy or trying to make the world believe that if they aren't, who knows, I sometimes think of showing how absolutely boring my life is and all the times when I'm alone, talking to myself trying to fight loneliness and feeling sad and down thinking Whether it's just me driving home from work on the highway or right now with me in my room sitting in the dark typing this shyt on the phone trying to prepare myself to put on that "I'm doing just fine and I'm happy" attitude at work which is only just a front because I feel depressed and down. I try to hide it because I don't want other people to know because it's embarrassing. I feel like im in hell alone and no one around me knows and if even they did, they wouldn't give a fukk enough to care.
I go to my therapist and shes supportive but whenever she says, I have the choice to fight my pain and depression by actually not going to bed whenever I have to face it usually when I'm alone isolated like now and by getting busy to do something else to make my mind focus away from it, I don't think she understands how bad it is. I literally have to force myself to not think about that shyt while I'm doing something where its like I'm sad. It's no fun.