the bossman
Superstar
OP why did you choose to get a headstrong woman who loves to emasculate men pregnant? Did you not see these traits before?
Those that grew up in a single mother household, when you got older, did you realize why Ur moM
- Thread starter johntheblackjew
- Start date
blockburna420
Consecutive thumbs up
After my pops died , my mother never dated again. She was 35 when that happened, only thing i can say is she achieved all her life goals solo and i was along for the whole journey. Was fortunate to have plenty of opportunities and see her live her dreams
HE_Pennypacker
Superstar
I know enough about my father to know that he didn’t have the long-term drive to move our family to another level. He had a lot of family he wouldn’t say “no” to, and we paid the price. My mother was wise enough to know that.
Show me in the title or his post where he was specific and not generalizing about single mothers as a whole
Heafcliffe
Hope there's puddin' in the clink...
Raised by Pops (RIP)
Over the years, I gained an understanding of why they couldn't function together.
It was for the best.
Over the years, I gained an understanding of why they couldn't function together.
It was for the best.
Love my mom but I can understand why my dad left
What is the underlying cause of these “power struggles”?
Much of human behavior is rarely about what is on the surface.
I can be honest and critical of my mother and my father. I didn’t grow up in a single family home but I did see things about both of them that I would not want to repeat in my own relationships.
Growing up my mother and I did not have the best relationship. I was an eccentric, daddy’s girl tomboy, day dreamer and I clashed with my mom b/c I thought she was so negative, pessimistic, and stifling. I thought she was a dream killer. And she is.
Meanwhile, my father was my best friend, partner in crime, Saturday morning cartoon/breakfast 24/7 fun BFF.
But as I grew up, I started to realize why my mother was this way and I also began to see some of my father’s flaws as well.
In some cases, women are the bad guys. They are the ones making the doctor’s appointments. Waking up before everybody else to cook in the mornings. Sleeping with one eye open because u can’t understand a mom’s worry for her children she carried for 9 months. They can be the fun killers. Overprotective. The responsible ones always nagging. Overseeing your needs. Holding you accountable. Pushing you. Making you do chores. Irritating you. Smashing your gaming console if your grades aren’t good. Doling out the consequences.
And unfairly, sometimes we end up resenting them for doing their jobs. I’m sure they want to laugh and have fun and chill too. They don’t always want to be the bad cop either. But that’s what motherhood can do.
Luckily, part of why I love my father so much is because I watched him grow up. He saw what his lassiez-faire attitude was doing to his wife and instead of accusing her of being miserable or cheating or acting like she wasn’t bearing the brunt of the emotional work along with the child rearing, domestic duties AND financial contributions—he stepped in and stepped up.
Started cleaning up. Started cooking more. Started disciplining more.
And it worked. Less cold shoulders from my mom. Less silent tears and resentment. Less impatience in how she communicated with ALL of us.
Why? Because she had a partner and not a third child.
Keep in mind, my father’s antics weren’t to blame for my mother’s behavior. If she had better communication skills, she could have expressed her frustrations respectfully and outlined solutions to them. But unfortunately, she is very impatient and thinks 8 steps ahead. So she’s already shot down the effectiveness of communicating with a master charmer like my dad before she even tried it.
So that isn’t my father’s fault. However his view of marriage from his own parents was much like a lion/lioness where the women did all of the work while the men did their work and chilled at the end of the day. And him applying this to his own marriage was causing a rift. So his actions along with her communication issues worked in tandem to create these issues.
I provided this example to say that your woman may have similar communication issues and your power struggles are probably the result of some deeper issue she is struggling to convey. It doesn’t have to be anything you are doing persay. But if I were you, I would look into the reasons why these conflicts are happening. Because it’s not always about women not wanting to cooperate.
I wish you the best.
J.E.T.S
Lookahere mayne...
My dad was a bum
mine wasn’t, but ma dukes thought a man should pay all the bills and agree with everything she say.
he dipped and tried to take us with him. Ma was like heelllll naw... lol
instead she waited until I got a little older to start getting on my nerves about “helping out”.
love ya ma but I gotta go.
hell I look like doing everything but not being free do as I wish in somewhere I pay for.
pops taught me well lol.... for real though, he instilled a toxic trait within me. I just leave any situation when I feel stress. Something I had to work on over the years. Especially compromising.... I will say that, although I’m working on me, bytches ain’t working on themselves. My girl have me real close to going back the old me... alot.
This shyt right here.Moms never says sorry...
skokiaan
African original
this put me off thread
My brother’s father died of an a aneurysm when he was 7. My mom focused on finishing school and raising him instead of finding a man
She had me 10 years later and my dad was physically abusive to my mother, so she broke up with him, maintained a cordial relationship, moved out the inner city because it was poorly influencing my brother and never looked back.
Some of these traditional relationships used as standard are often shams of a relationship. Looks good on the outside, yet toxic and dysfunctional on a regular basis. It’s nothing wrong with someone’s mother who decided to do something different/better. Some of y’all parents fought every single day and y’all think that shyt is normal.
She had me 10 years later and my dad was physically abusive to my mother, so she broke up with him, maintained a cordial relationship, moved out the inner city because it was poorly influencing my brother and never looked back.
Some of these traditional relationships used as standard are often shams of a relationship. Looks good on the outside, yet toxic and dysfunctional on a regular basis. It’s nothing wrong with someone’s mother who decided to do something different/better. Some of y’all parents fought every single day and y’all think that shyt is normal.
ignorethis
RIP Fresh RIP Doe RIP Phat
Probably cause it's cute at first and he thought he was gonna be the one to fix/tame her.
And Oedipus Complex is real.
I can relate to you OP cause I would be in the same situation if it wasn't for the miracle of birth control.
HE_Pennypacker
Superstar
What is the underlying cause of these “power struggles”?
Much of human behavior is rarely about what is on the surface.
I can be honest and critical of my mother and my father. I didn’t grow up in a single family home but I did see things about both of them that I would not want to repeat in my own relationships.
Growing up my mother and I did not have the best relationship. I was an eccentric, daddy’s girl tomboy, day dreamer and I clashed with my mom b/c I thought she was so negative, pessimistic, and stifling. I thought she was a dream killer. And she is.
Meanwhile, my father was my best friend, partner in crime, Saturday morning cartoon/breakfast 24/7 fun BFF.
But as I grew up, I started to realize why my mother was this way and I also began to see some of my father’s flaws as well.
In some cases, women are the bad guys. They are the ones making the doctor’s appointments. Waking up before everybody else to cook in the mornings. Sleeping with one eye open because u can’t understand a mom’s worry for her children she carried for 9 months. They can be the fun killers. Overprotective. The responsible ones always nagging. Overseeing your needs. Holding you accountable. Pushing you. Making you do chores. Irritating you. Smashing your gaming console if your grades aren’t good. Doling out the consequences.
And unfairly, sometimes we end up resenting them for doing their jobs. I’m sure they want to laugh and have fun and chill too. They don’t always want to be the bad cop either. But that’s what motherhood can do.
Luckily, part of why I love my father so much is because I watched him grow up. He saw what his lassiez-faire attitude was doing to his wife and instead of accusing her of being miserable or cheating or acting like she wasn’t bearing the brunt of the emotional work along with the child rearing, domestic duties AND financial contributions—he stepped in and stepped up.
Started cleaning up. Started cooking more. Started disciplining more.
And it worked. Less cold shoulders from my mom. Less silent tears and resentment. Less impatience in how she communicated with ALL of us.
Why? Because she had a partner and not a third child.
Keep in mind, my father’s antics weren’t to blame for my mother’s behavior. If she had better communication skills, she could have expressed her frustrations respectfully and outlined solutions to them. But unfortunately, she is very impatient and thinks 8 steps ahead. So she’s already shot down the effectiveness of communicating with a master charmer like my dad before she even tried it.
So that isn’t my father’s fault. However his view of marriage from his own parents was much like a lion/lioness where the women did all of the work while the men did their work and chilled at the end of the day. And him applying this to his own marriage was causing a rift. So his actions along with her communication issues worked in tandem to create these issues.
I provided this example to say that your woman may have similar communication issues and your power struggles are probably the result of some deeper issue she is struggling to convey. It doesn’t have to be anything you are doing persay. But if I were you, I would look into the reasons why these conflicts are happening. Because it’s not always about women not wanting to cooperate.
I wish you the best.
This is interesting. I have posited to women I know that a lot of women I know are not as good communicators as they think, they just like to argue to personalise things to guilt trip their partners. It’s no secret men’s communication issues, but if their gfs/wives shut their views down it’s often easier as a man to just not say anything. When I brought it up to one of them that men are never going to communicate like women, so it’s ridiculous to expect conversations with their bfs to be like with their gfs, they’re not being reasonable.
good on your dad for introspection and working on himself.
you mom sounds like my mother’s mom; straight dream killer and narrow vision of the world. Growing up I was always like “how can you be so negative and down on your own kid all the time?
“ can’t lie, it really influenced me in how NOT to ever treat someone