I'm scared as fukk of failing. I feel like lots of people are relying on me to succeed. Throughout my day it manifests itself into a mild paranoia. I go to the gym to work to keep my body fit so I can look good in a suit. I hit the books super tough to make sure I know my shyt for law school because I know my friends need me to be smart because I promised that I would help them all when I graduated. I network like a madman whenever I (sometimes with my friends) go out to make sure that I meet all the people that I can and get the best possible job for when I graduate. I study tons of different subjects just so I can be well-versed in whatever talent that my clients happen to be masters of.
I feel like I'm moving at a frenetic pace that might be causing me an unhealthy amount of stress. My friends are out getting laid (which I kinda like because I like to live vicariously through them) while I'm just working all the freaking time, worrying that I can make their career dreams come true and making sure that they're happy and making sure that they'll have dazzling careers when their time comes.
I just want it to be like when I was in my early 20s and all I did was drink, have "deep" drunk conversations with my friends, and daydream about how amazing my life was going to be once my career got started. Right now all I'm doing as laboring away tilling the soil and planting seeds, and it's really wearing me out at this point because I can't let anything sprout until I graduate.
People are already beginning to rely on me (which is fine) and I do as much as I can, but I feel guilty when I can't do more. All I ever seem to do is skill build and "set things up" so everything will fall into place once I get started in life, but it's so hard to work so much and have to wait this long for things to happen.
I don't even care about the money. I just need to sustain myself. I just can't let people down. My friends, in particular. They're all I have, I feel. That's might be what makes me a workaholic, but at the same time, I sure don't have a problem getting up in the morning. I don't tell my friends because I don't want them to worry about me. It's my job to worry about them. I'm sometimes feeling lonely, though.
Damn, I needed to get that off of my chest...
I feel u breh, Im in a similar situation but Im just starting school.. I know that grad work must be
Its a good feeling helping your people out tho.
