What is life like years later after someone close to you passes away?

[WaveCapsByOscorp™]

My ex’s brother died when she was young but you could still tell her and her family was still connected to it. Like, every time around his birthday they’d go to this one spot their family would always go and just spend time together out of a sense of needing the memory to live on. They still kept his chair too, he had a rocking chair.

I’m not sure how it feels exactly but I have a sense of it. One of my friends died about 3 years ago. While I didn’t know him for a long time, we became close and he was always a good friend to me. So, because of his support, I was always grateful for his presence in my life. But, when he died, it was such a cluster fukk because he was young, on his way back up, and out of the country. Never got to see the body either due to it taking close a month to get his body back stateside. That kind of fukked up my sense of closure. Not to mention, we were partners; musicians with a band. He took the lead while I played support. So imagine your business partner dying, when you business is just getting REALLY good.

I had dreams, talking to him. I felt responsible, even though I wasn’t at all, for what happened and what was going to happen with all we created. So I was already apologizing like I failed, for some reason. I remember him saying it was alright and it didn’t matter. I also carried a lot of weight from his words in my heart because, like I said, he was always supportive and a good friend with good advice. So for sometime, that’s all I could think about; things he’d said to me.

 

[Lord_nikon]

they show up in your dreams. you wake up and you think they're there. you have to remember again and again they're not. every day you remember things they'd say. you remember things they'd do. the dead have a funny way of not staying dead.

I have been having lucid dreams of my pops and other for years now, I never knew they were lucid until your post.
Basically sometimes I am self aware in my dreams and I break down and cry in dreams.

 

[earl n water]

My younger brother died in 2016.
I was in the ICU room watching staff try to get his oxygen levels up, and they did with some type of shot, but it wasn't sustainable. They called his death like an hour later.

It was surreal. Just the day before, the family was up there. He was alert. We were joking & having a good time. The next day, he died. Everything everyone here has said is true. I believe I'm somewhat at peace, because I told him I loved him the day before, which would be the last words spoken between us.

You never forget, tho...

 

[Change]

I'm older and have been losing all my family the last few years. The muscle memory of grabbing the phone is the worst. If you're used to calling them or whatever, and you see something on tv or online, or cook something, etc, etc.. you just go for the phone. You may not reach but that millisecond split thought of doing it hits you and you come back to reality.

 

[SnowflakesByTheOZ]

Grandmother died like 2 years ago. See her in my dreams every now and then. She's been in my life from birth and I'm 26. Sometimes I find myself just thinking about moments I shared with her, kite flying, her making lemonade and shyt. You never fully get over it but I think I found peace in the fact that she's gone.​

 

[JAY?]

I had someone real close pass away a few years ago. What hurt most was that it was unexpected. That was the one person I’d chill and watch all the games with. He’s my sons godfather. For a very long time whenever I’d hear the door open I’d think it was him. At functions I’d go look for him. My cousin just got killed out here recently. It was super hard seeing their parents and their brothers. At the funeral I went to go look for him to mourn our cousin but he had died too.

You’re always reminded. Everyday. Constantly. You might catch yourself on the bus tearing up thinking about random shyt ya used to do.

 

[Jerz]

Sad thread.. But some ppl assisted by their strong religous convictions - will have an easier time with it than others. Some ppl 100% believe in their God and death not being the end game. That hope allows you to move on quicker - with the mindset of seeing them again one day

 

[Karb]

That initial feeling is... not something I can describe... The best I can say is that it's this weird void, like you've just lost a limb or a part of you that you didn't really know was there. Emptiness + sadness + grief.

It goes away tho. Unless you force yourself to relive it and refuse to let go.

 

[Jerz]

I loss both of parents in the last 8 yrs. When it comes to mom - my sister's relive it constantly. Pictures ever
ywhere - non stop reminiscing. They torture themselves. You gotta be able to move on - because you can't bring em back. Hopefully you'll get to seem em again one day

That initial feeling is... not something I can describe... The best I can say is that it's this weird void, like you've just lost a limb or a part of you that you didn't really know was there. Emptiness + sadness + grief.

It goes away tho. Unless you force yourself to relive it and refuse to let go.

 

[Blankthawtz]

still hurts....especially when them memories kick in....

 

[Sassy]

You just...learn to cope with it eventually.

 

[Coco Loco]

I lost my dad over 20 years ago. Every accomplishment is somewhat diminished because he’s not here.

I hate when people say “it gets better”. No it doesn’t. If someone extremely close to you dies, you learn to live with the pain. That pain never goes away

 

[dora_da_destroyer]

It lessens, you continue to live your life as life can’t stop due to our transient mortality as human. But there are dreams, instances of deja vu, premonitions or feelings, events, days, moments, things, etc that will pop up and have you thinking about them, you’ll get sad for a bit, but then you recover some and keep it moving. You’ll never not miss them, but sadness and missing them won’t consume you the same way it does during the initial loss.

 

[Kinguno]

Sometimes it feels like I saw them a few days ago but its been years or in the most recent case with my uncle months

I know everyone hurts in their own way but I just keep how I feel to myself

I'm disgusted though when one of two things happen one someone talking like they know who died when they didn't know who died at all or when someone tries to talk about someone who died that you were close to that they never met

One thing that creeps me out is people with tats of people who died many many years after the fact like if you almost 35 and recently got a tat on your entire upper arm of your grandma that passed when you were 4 thats weird to me and makes me think you want attention

 

[keond]

My pops died a few months ago. Im not the type to post shyt when it happens on a message board, but he died suddenly at 58.

shyt is rough, and yea like others have said, he pops up in dreams.