Why do so many men lack self-confidence?

[Bumblebreh]

Because self confidence for most men usually comes from accomplishment which requires focus, drive, stress tolerance and consistency in a demoralizing world. It's hard.

This is an instant gratification era where men are punished socially if they're average. Byches want X due to what they see on social media and men can't be or afford X without time and/or finding out a way to out perform the competition, which is now on a much larger scale due to the internet.

How could a man be naturally confident when the odds are unfortunately stacked against him from jump?

We know the solution for men that lack self confidence is action. However, that statement in itself causes melancholy in men.

There are many men out here who do not see a way out because, again, deep down they know that they're literally incapable of focus, drive and stress tolerance in a demoralizing world.

Breaking that negative loop is a herculean task for a man, especially if he's without support.

It's easier to just wallow in self pity.

But we live in a society in which most people are meant to be average. Most women that are not single are with men that are average, average looking, height, income etc.

Now the problem is too many impressionable men spend more time on the internet and that is what separates our generation from our grandparents generation. The internet and that allows more men to get their dopamine rush from porn,youtube,redpill content etc.

What you see on the internet is not a refection of your daily reality, but too many men soak up so much virtual baggage, and they end up reclusive and bitter.

 

[Bumblebreh]

So for you saying to a man that he is worthy of love and intelligent etc is creating a "victim mindset"

No, I am saying that a man should find his purpose, but the world does not owe him anything. When was the last time you complimented a man? Men do not compliment each other as much.

 

[mbewane]

No, I am saying that a man should find his purpose, but the world does not owe him anything. When was the last time you complimented a man? Men do not compliment each other as much.

I compliment my friends and fam regularly. But I agree with you, in this era and even more under capitalism men's only value is what they do/provide/how much they earn, as opposed to having worth as human beings.

 

[How Sway?]

I feel like people nowadays are sold a fantasy lifestyle through entertainment and social media. Everybody now wants to live like a millionaire scammer. Have a closet full of tacky designer and ugly hyped up kicks and a heavily modified car with a loud ass engine. Back in the 90’s, 2000’s and well into the 2010’s, people were more true to themselves. The average person wasn’t a clout chaser. Now, everybody plays this annoying keep up with joneses game. And everybody secretly feels inferior to the next man who has a little bit more than they do. As a result, people feel like they need to look down on people who have less than themselves even though we live in a country where one medical crisis can spell career ruin and homelessness.

Yo gotti was speaking facts

 

[Roid Jones]

Is it women surpassing men in terms of education, income and social status? A lack a sense of purpose in modern society? Lack of parental figures?

shyts frustrating cuz I got boys starting to cry about the same shyt y'all cry about on here (some bird on Twitter, Instagram, etc.). I just don't understand the lack of self-respect young men have.

It's all those things in combination. Males have to be taught how to become MEN this has been the case for centuries and it comes from fathers, elders, mentors, teachers, sages etc who have come before and pass those teachings down. Expecting boys to magically become men in more than the physical is a ridiculous notion that a lot of people have.

This place loves to take shots at 'internet fathers' but NONE of them have provided a better solution even worse NONE of them have reached back to their communities to provide a better example to the many lost boys.

 

[CoolinInTheCut]

I hate the typical gender wars topics but I'll contribute here.

Firstly there is a huge difference in the type of confidence women have and the type of confidence men have. Women's confidence comes from their support system, men's confidence comes from their competency. Most women have a false sense of confidence, and you see it when shyt goes wrong and they immediately turn to their support system instead of relying on their own skills and knowledge.

It's much more difficult for men to develop a support system versus a woman these days. Especially if you aren't white. People just don't give a fukk about men's problems, and that includes family and friends, so when bad luck comes around, a lot of men get humbled. Most men got a story of how they used to be confident and careless and then hard times came and no one was there for them. A lot of men aren't raised on how to answer this stuff on their own, so these sort of events usually change them forever. People are encouraged these days to run from their problems and this leads to anxiety which erodes confidence.

Two things that all men need to understand is that feeling of motivation is temporary. Don't wait to feel motivated to do something cause it will never come. Be disciplined so you are able to do things when you don't want to. Discipline is a muscle that needs to be trained everyday. Increased discipline leads to less procrastination, less anxiety and more confidence.

The second thing all men need to understand is that life isn't about you. You ain't shyt and nobody gives a fukk about you. You need to stand for something bigger than you. Whether it's kids, family, community, beliefs, dreams, etc, you need to understand that you represent more than yourself. You need to dedicate your life to something bigger than you, and once you do, you will be able to contribute your time towards more productive tasks, and subsequently increase competency and confidence. This is where that whole "if you don't stand for something, you fall for everything" saying comes from.

Trees, pills, women, videogames, sports, movies, shows, etc is all escapism, and over consumption of these vices encourages procrastination which leads to increased anxiety and decreased confidence.

 

[Roid Jones]

One thing I can respect about black women is how much they support each other online. How do black men stop seeing each other as competition?

Bingo, right or wrong they will always present a united front something black men refuse to do

 

[Roid Jones]

True confidence comes with competence.

Confidence without competence is self delusion.

Growing up without any experience of mastery and genuine success = lack of confidence that you can handle setbacks, confront reality and be OK no matter what.

On a deeper level, true confidence has to be anchored in the truly Transcendent Reality. But most ppl don't wanna hear that.

You're right unfortunately we live in the mantra era where competence be damned you can proclaim yourself anything you want and if somebody dares to inject reality then that person is a hater

 

[ConPHIdential]

I hate the typical gender wars topics but I'll contribute here.

Firstly there is a huge difference in the type of confidence women have and the type of confidence men have. Women's confidence comes from their support system, men's confidence comes from their competency. Most women have a false sense of confidence, and you see it when shyt goes wrong and they immediately turn to their support system instead of relying on their own skills and knowledge.

It's much more difficult for men to develop a support system versus a woman these days. Especially if you aren't white. People just don't give a fukk about men's problems, and that includes family and friends, so when bad luck comes around, a lot of men get humbled. Most men got a story of how they used to be confident and careless and then hard times came and no one was there for them. A lot of men aren't raised on how to answer this stuff on their own, so these sort of events usually change them forever. People are encouraged these days to run from their problems and this leads to anxiety which erodes confidence.

Two things that all men need to understand is that feeling of motivation is temporary. Don't wait to feel motivated to do something cause it will never come. Be disciplined so you are able to do things when you don't want to. Discipline is a muscle that needs to be trained everyday. Increased discipline leads to less procrastination, less anxiety and more confidence.

The second thing all men need to understand is that life isn't about you. You ain't shyt and nobody gives a fukk about you. You need to stand for something bigger than you. Whether it's kids, family, community, beliefs, dreams, etc, you need to understand that you represent more than yourself. You need to dedicate your life to something bigger than you, and once you do, you will be able to contribute your time towards more productive tasks, and subsequently increase competency and confidence. This is where that whole "if you don't stand for something, you fall for everything" saying comes from.

Trees, pills, women, videogames, sports, movies, shows, etc is all escapism, and over consumption of these vices encourages procrastination which leads to increased anxiety and decreased confidence.

This was a solid post.

 

[Roid Jones]

Self confidence only gets you so far any.

Yes but It's the foundation that so many things spring from

 

[spacewraith]

Self-improvement feels like such a daunting task. I get discouraged easily and that kills my confidence.
Hope I figure things out before I get older.

 

[BigMan]

society has failed young men

 

[Roid Jones]

cause nobody (elders, peers) wants to put young ones on game due to hatred, competition, and or laziness

And this is rife on this very place, dudes talk all that community and pro black noise but deep down have a 'I got mine, you get yours' mentality

 

[LunaticVillage415]

I also think our hyperconsumerist society thrives on the low self esteem of it’s citizens. Anybody who is truly happy with themselves isn’t going to want to buy a bunch of plastic garbage made in a Chinese sweatshop to feel better about themselves.

But also, men now have a much harder time achieving the material milestones of traditional manhood. Millions of men will never own a home, never experience job security in a living wage job, never have a real relationship with a ride or die woman as a wife. These things were practically given out as participation trophies for Boomers.

And traditional avenues to success have become pyramid schemes. Most people going to college leave with debt and no one gives two shyts about their degree. Being loyal to a big corporation for decades might earn you nothing but a fannypack filled with old candy. It’s a big club and you ain’t in it, that’s what that old cac George Carlin said.

 

[jilla82]

Tried to tell you. This culture is programming everyone to be victims of everything and everybody. How can young men be confident when they are looking for ways to make themselves look like victims. Because thats what goes over better in this climate?

this all day long.

+ a culture that panders to women
+ women raising boys