Why do so many men lack self-confidence?

[Kenyan West]

Because self confidence for most men usually comes from accomplishment which requires focus, drive, stress tolerance and consistency in a demoralizing world. It's hard.

This is an instant gratification era where men are punished socially if they're average. Byches want X due to what they see on social media and men can't be or afford X without time and/or finding out a way to out perform the competition, which is now on a much larger scale due to the internet.

How could a man be naturally confident when the odds are unfortunately stacked against him from jump?

We know the solution for men that lack self confidence is action. However, that statement in itself causes melancholy in men.

There are many men out here who do not see a way out because, again, deep down they know that they're literally incapable of focus, drive and stress tolerance in a demoralizing world.

Breaking that negative loop is a herculean task for a man, especially if he's without support.

It's easier to just wallow in self pity.

 

[↓R↑LYB]

A lot of men lack accomplishments. I know that sounds harsh but men need to gain some form of accomplishments they can be proud of.

The economy is absolutely brutal for non college educated workers forcing men into low paying, less satisfying work which brings down their self esteem. Now due to the lower economic prospects men aren’t entering relationships which correlates with sex, parenting, etc,etc. Men take pride in being providers and that’s being taken away from them.

The bolded is the #1 problem. We have a generation of men that don't know shyt other than social media skits, popular music, and video games. They are working menial jobs for meager wages with no desire to better themselves.

 

[↓R↑LYB]

Because self confidence for most men usually comes from accomplishment and accomplishment requires focus, drive, stress tolerance and consistency in a demoralizing world. It's hard.

This is an instant gratification era where men are punished socially if they're average. Byches want X due to what they see on social media and men can't be or afford X without time and/or finding out a way to out perform the competition, which is now on a much larger scale due to the internet.

How could a man be naturally confident when the odds are unfortunately stacked against him from jump?

The odds aren't stacked against men, the odds are in our favor now more than ever. The average man is such a p*ssy, that just walking up to a woman and introducing yourself is going to make you stand out above 95% of the men in society. And if you start to do basic shyt like dress well and smell good, you're playing on God mode.

We know the solution for men that lack self confidence is action. However, that statement in itself causes melancholy in men.


There are many men out here who do not see a way out because, again, deep down they know that they're literally incapable of focus, drive and stress tolerance in a demoralizing world.

Breaking that negative loop is a herculean task.

That's a straight up lie. These nikkas have no problem focusing when the new Call of Duty or NBA 2k drops. These nikkas can focus 5-10 hours straight playing Madden and Fortnite. When the NBA or NFL starts these nikkas have enough focus to make sure they don't miss a single game and know all the stats of their favorite teams and players.

 

[The Villain]

Because many men have nothing or little to feel confident about

 

[Child_Of_God]

Because as men we are taught that if we ain’t tall, handsome, rich, popular, muscular, talented, tough and promiscuous then we ain’t shyt.

 

[getmoney310cpt]

This is going to be attempted to be passed as a general theory but this is about male-female relations.

Young girls are taught not to value men as they get older. Give as little validation or acknowledgement as possible. Despite the bravado, opposite sex validation shapes male ego.

 

[Oatmeal]

Lifting weights will give you similar confidence. Both require dedication and discipline. If I didn't have the heart to fight I'd lift weights take John wick classes and become a 1st class shooter.

Boxing/ MMA / Muay Thai / Karate (from a world champion) are also options.

That was the path I took, my vision is trash without contacts/glasses and I paid too much in dental work over the years so I opted for firearms training and weight lifting over the years. I ain't want to get hit in the face and have to pay out of pocket

Yeah, and being able to handle firearms proficiently will build confidence and discipline. I'd be doing more 3-Gun training if ammo wasn't so expensive.

 

[↓R↑LYB]

That was the path I took, my vision is trash without contacts/glasses and I paid too much in dental work over the years so I opted for firearms training and weight lifting over the years. I ain't want to get hit in the face and have to pay out of pocket

Yeah, and being able to handle firearms proficiently will build confidence and discipline. I'd be doing more 3-Gun training if ammo wasn't so expensive.

Cosign on firearm training. I take tactical training courses and every time I leave the range I make a new contact and I feel better about myself.

Another is taking up some form of martial arts (boxing, muay thai, brazillian jujitsu, wrestling, etc.) Knowing how to defend yourself builds a lot of confidence in men.

 

[Savvir]

the real world is actually much nicer and more enjoyable for the average person than the internet is...

the internet is always telling you you're not good looking/famous/rich enough

all this depends on what you consume on the internet...

but the stuff being consumed the most... says all of the above

 

[3rdWorld]

Societal pressure to be someone they're not..

 

[Spectre]

This hits hard. What solutions do you propose or is it something later generations will have to solve?

I used to be real analytical and over thinking things of what I should be doing in life. But I read different concepts and philosophies. My favorite was Hierarchy of needs by Maslow. Basically it means before you can feel fulfilled and confident in your life there’s a pyramid of needs that need to be taken care of before you can address the deeper feelings of who am I and what am I doing?

It’s a tier that I feel most men should follow usually in this order to really address the blind spots in their lives. Since we live in a capitalist country u might as well address the things that this country forces you to do. By addressing the obvious issues you’ll be surprised how many men start feeling healthy holistically.

1. Basic necessities: aim to have a stable place of your own (not a drifter or hobo), have reliable transportation, decent phone etc amenities to keep your foundation solid
2. Secured: secure job (every man has to earn a living either by his hands or his brain), get your health right( eat healthy, work out or be active, sleep consistently, do your annual physical), have some savings aim for 3-6 months of pay for that rainy day), be more responsible and accountable to your word, work on having good credit or at least no debt
3. Connection: have good family relationships, aim to have at least 2-3 real solid ride or die friendships, have real relationships not random hook ups, check that you have no bad blood and work on making amends and forgiving others. It’s good for your health to move on.
4. Self esteem: journal each day, write your thoughts down it’s like a constant tracker that throws your progress back in your face and reminds of you of where you are and where you’re going, Don’t compare yourself. Only focus on being better than you were last month. Work on challenging yourself in different aspects of life to build strong mental game, work on your hobbies no matter how small or childish just have something real outside of work that interests you, this is so u don’t become so invested in your job that your feelings become related to how work was that day, work on being a good communicator, try to figure out what gains respect from peers, have an inner moral code of your principles that you would never change for anyone, it makes you distinct from the world of people who seem to have no sense of right or wrong. Stop trying to avoid problems, try to be the guy that solves them.
5. Actualized: Try to Create things or advance things, travel to different states and countries, it helps you step back and see things and cultures from outside the bubble you live in, talk to different people of different backgrounds you get better insight, start working on seeing both sides of issues almost an expert devil’s advocate. It opens your mind and makes you become a real free thinker with critical thinking skills, to truly achieve in life you must become formless and have no allegiance to anyone’s dogma or ideas but your own, be ready to reinvent yourself and adapt, life is constantly changing, the sooner you accept that, the better. it keeps your mind young and sharp, strive for legacy by making life better for others you know and even don’t know. It’ll make you feel good and grateful for what you have


As you work on these things from one tier to the next you’ll be surprised how your quality of life increases. I’ve seen great people with high accolades and income depressed and wondered why. I realized it’s because there’s an aspect of their lives that they’re not aware of but think bigger house and more toys will make them feel better. It doesn’t. True happiness comes from within.

 

[CrimsonTider]

Because they don’t get attention from women

 

[LunaticVillage415]

You can tell most people these days lack confidence because everyone tries to be exactly the same. Everybody wears the same clothes and shoes, listens to the same music, takes the same vacation trips, has the same aspirations (i.e. quit your job and become a business owner), wears the same hairstyles, likes the same cars. And this is across all racial and socioeconomic backgrounds in this era. No more authenticity and originality in people. It takes confidence as a man to be comfortable in your own skin even when what you do, what you like and what you stand for is not what’s hot in the streets.

 

[Taadow]

Lack of initiative.

I almost said this in my first post…but I don’t think the problem is initiative, per se

It’s more of not knowing where to go with your initiative.


When I was a boy, I used to want to be a policeman.
It seemed like a noble job, you catch bad guys and help the neighborhood.
But then the Rodney King situation jumped off. And getting older, I had my own situations
with the One-Times. Those killed any dreams I ever had with that.

One of my interests was city maps, neighborhoods and infrastructure
(ironically - that partly stems from being from L.A. and gang science. Go figure. LOL)
I didn’t know what that kind of thing was called - I just knew I was interested in it.
If I knew then what I know now, when I went to school I probably would’ve studied
City Planning - but I was a whole adult before I knew what that was.

My cousin literally invented something. Like, we were sitting in the living room one day
years ago and he explained his idea for a product. We said it was a good idea…after that
he went and got form from the Patent Office for his idea. Sometime after that he got a phone call
from somebody asking about his idea, but he wasn’t home and never called them back.
Today a lot of the newer cars have his idea on them but he never followed through.

I said those to say that we have the “spark”, but we don’t know how to start the fire.

 

[skyrunner1]

That unity isn't always a good thing. It breeds that hugbox and fluffed ego I mentioned earlier. Now, I know some men just like making other men feel like crap about themselves, but there's also a little tough love and reality in-between all that shytslinging, too.
---
Take the whole nerdy black guy debate, we've had like 3 or 4 huge threads about it in this month alone. All filled with guys calling each other out for not dating where they can fit in or not improving themselves. If one of these guys posted their pictures there would be endless clowning, too.

If and when the same/similar topic hits LSA or r/blackladies, the comments aren't ragging on the OP for not dating in her lane or putting black men in a monolith, or not targeting the black men the fit her standard, they're gassing her and telling her she doesn't need to change and that black men are mostly self-hating and shallow and colorist. Women hardly ever clown other women in these hugboxes either so if she was actually physically unattractive no one would have told her to fix herself.

Agree for most part but awhile back there was a thread on LSA where they were just posting their hands and the young LSA girls saw the truth for what it was they were laughing and SHOCKED at the amount of women who posted some of the fattest hands you ever saw. They started clowning the owmen talking about they only want millionaire men or men on their level and was like now I see why yall always complaining about men, I will say that shyt caused such a storm and divide they had that thread wiped off the website.. One of the funniest things I have ever saw, was a huge crack in old fat demonic women giving the young girls bad advice to ship them down the wrong path.. They barely even let them girls bring it up ever, lol..