Why don’t couples last after having a baby??

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

The problem is most dudes expect a woman to perform her motherly duties with little help from him and then get mad when she doesn’t lose that weight.

I go to the gym religiously but it took me a good 6-8 months to fully get back to my gym regimen because your life is turned upside down with a newborn. And it takes time to adjust. You get tired faster and you have less free time.

And I’m a man, it’s TWICE as hard for a woman, maybe more than that.

If the man isn’t gonna stay home with the kid for the hours she’s in the Gym, or put the bread up for a nanny and personal trainer then they have no right to cry.

I wanted my girl to get her old body back so I made the sacrifices for her to hit The Gym and hot yoga.

I get all that. I'm not arguing in support of men that don't help out with the house and kids.

Regardless there are standards to be maintained. I have been clear with my girls that I like people with active lifestyles. I'm not attracted to big women. I already lived with a girl who gained weight on me and I couldn't sleep with her... We stopped having sex and broke it off. Women are out here saying they need a 6ft man and this and that, they want a dikk x inches long. If I expect the same in terms of having my own standards then that shouldn't be a problem. I'm willing to put in time and effort to look good for her, I expect the same as a standard. If we can't both maintain that then we're not gonna work out.

 

[Gold]

You really think marriage is magical

A kid can definitely be the final straw of a marriage. I don't think yall understand how demanding and life changing kids are.

shyt, wifey and I had a photographer come take some photos of us and our new baby. She brought a baby with her. Story? Kid's parents (I think the dad is the photographers brother) were on the rocks.... he wanted a kid, mother didn't but had one anyway. Surprise! Kid comes, it's too much... they are getting a divorce. If you think people change when they get married or have kids you are mistaken o

Magical?

Ok i'm going to need people with low reading comprehension skills to stop quoting me.

Marriage is by design harder to get out of than a random situationship.
I never claimed it was "magical"
I never claimed divorces didn't happen
I never claimed it could not break up a marriage

I said that this abandonment happens FAR MORE outside the confines of marriage than it does inside.
How many women do you know who are raising children of their own?
What % of them were married to all of their BDs?


If you want to argue otherwise, do it with someone else.


We clearly don't live on the same planet.

 

[Elle Driver]

A lot of y'all superficial.

 

[Shadow King]

I don't really expect a woman over 21 to lose ALL the baby weight though holding on to them 30-40 pounds ain't right. That's not THE reason by the incentive to stay is diminished for a man when the woman has no desire to keep herself on point.

Couples not being married give even less incentive.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

I don't really expect a woman over 21 to lose ALL the baby weight though holding on to them 30-40 pounds ain't right. That's not THE reason by the incentive to stay is diminished for a man when the woman has no desire to keep herself on point.

Couples not being married give even less incentive.

You clearly don't understand the changes a woman's body undergoes in pregnancy, or how having kids changes your life. Do you have kids?

 

[southern.girl]

It is a valid point because it happens astronomically more outside of marriage than it does within the confines of marriage.

I hope your not going to seriously argue that having a child outside of wedlock is the same as having a child within a marriage.

You are absolutely correct. It’s a very valid point but too many black & young people diminish the value of marriage. Nuclear, married families are the ideal arrangement for a child. Period.

One of the major sources of inequality between cohabiting and married parenthood is that cohabiting couples tend to split up at higher rates than married couples. According to the 2013 National Marriage Project report, Knot Yet, children of cohabiting parents in their twenties are three times more likely to experience the dissolution of their family than children born to married parents. The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study (FFCW), meanwhile, finds that “nearly half of parents who are cohabiting at the time of their child’s birth break up within five years, compared to only 20 percent of married parents.”

For Kids, Parental Cohabitation and Marriage Are Not Interchangeable

 

[Karma Krasher]

Many do.

 

[Shadow King]

You clearly don't understand the changes a woman's body undergoes in pregnancy, or how having kids changes your life. Do you have kids?

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

Do you have kids or not nikka?

And its telling that the first thing yall talk about in the context of bringing a new human into the world is its mother's weight

 

[MaxPain]

I get all that. I'm not arguing in support of men that don't help out with the house and kids.

Regardless there are standards to be maintained. I have been clear with my girls that I like people with active lifestyles. I'm not attracted to big women. I already lived with a girl who gained weight on me and I couldn't sleep with her... We stopped having sex and broke it off. Women are out here saying they need a 6ft man and this and that, they want a dikk x inches long. If I expect the same in terms of having my own standards then that shouldn't be a problem. I'm willing to put in time and effort to look good for her, I expect the same as a standard. If we can't both maintain that then we're not gonna work out.

Lol alotta people in general especially women want to impose standards they cant keep up

Have a million excuses to be fat

Ive never had a girl get fat on me before but if she did im out!!!!!!

 

[MaxPain]

So it takes 4 years to lose "baby weight"?

Nope. I seen multiple women while I was in the military bounce back in a year after 2 or 3 kids and get in better shape than half of Coli

These hoes just make up excuses

 

[Vinny Lupton]

Many times romantic relationships start to look more like roommates, or one or both of the parents focus primarily o n the child and neglect their romantic relationship with their partner.

This
It's understandable that your vagina will c off limits for a while and you tired but my dicc is used to a certain standard of living

 

[MaxPain]

Alotta these relationships werent gonna last anyways and a baby just made it even worse.

 

[StickStickly]

One of the reasons for me is that the female let’s her body go, doesn’t loose all the baby weight and is no longer attractive I’ve seen females blame their weight on their baby 4+ years after the fact. Like you coulda BEEN lost that weight sis

Fun fact: the amount of body changes women experience during pregnancy is fukking crazy. Change in hormonal levels is necessary to grow organs and body parts for the baby, but did you know that it also increases the risk of cancer and speeds up cancer metastasis in the mother , and you can’t receive chemo or any treatment when pregnant. Also your risk for a serious blood clot is up and stays for up to a year after having a baby. Women can develop all kinds of issues, including seizure disorders (my neighbor died 9 months after childbirth from seizures). You store fat because fat storage assists win breast milk production. Some people never get back to what they were and stay within a 5-15 of extra pounds. She has a new body. She has to learn it and it may never look the same as it did. She’s been stretched and softened for growth and breastfeeding. That’s nature though. You won’t stay the same either as you age and undergo physiological strain.

Still most fathers aren’t worried about a little love handles when they look in awe at what they and their wives have created. Your opinion will change as you grow up. Give your partner some grace. If you want her to lose weight, watch the kids so she can go to gym and shower and do her hair afterwards. Watch the kid so she can go get her hair done, shop for nice clothes and put on make up. Don’t nag her to make unhealthy foods. Throw out the junk and make healthy low cal foods together. Take walks as a family. Get healthy as a family. If you refuse to see her as a person giving life to your family, you need to reevaluate your love for her. Rational men in love don’t fall out of attraction so easily.

 

[Shadow King]

Do you have kids or not nikka?

No and discussions like this a part of why. After 4 years your baby is not a newborn, those pounds could've come off. Some women fall back into form fairly easily/naturally, some don't. Out of those who don't, some put the work in and end up looking the same as the pre-pregnancy period, or sometimes better from filling out in certain places. Meanwhile, others struggle. I understand this but after the first year or so if there's no effort or plan to get back in shape she doesn't care about getting back in shape, which on top of a decrease in free time and intimacy and bickering/cloaked resentment over who does how much work splits couples.

Your story/rebuttal or anyone else's story/rebuttal will not change my opinion or draw a concession. An effort can be made. Period.