Social Anxiety/Phobia???

[DontDoIt]

@1984

I've always hated social gatherings. Large crowds and such were even worse. I would get nervous, my palms would get sweaty, my eyes would start shifting, I would have a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't wipe off this damn nervous smile.

I got a job where I had to communicate with hundreds of staff members (not my choice). That was my first job. The first few weeks were terrifying. I dreaded receiving any calls and I would rely on someone to come with me at all times. Even though most of the calls were easy (looking back now), I would trade with staff members for the more difficult internal tasks that didn't require any social interaction.


I would also try to hide in my little office at all times. When I couldn't hide any longer, I would be rehearsing entire conversations of what would go wrong when I met a person.

Eventually, I got over it. I identified why I was feeling this way:

• I was shy
• I was afraid of looking like an uncool, awkward dork
• I didn't want to fukk up and be judged for it
• I didn't want to be laughed at (childhood years)
• I sucked at small talk
• etc...

I got over this by recognizing that:

• I can't remain socially handicapped forever; I'm not going to eat financially if I go through life being shook at the hint of any social interaction
• Its not a good look
• I don't have to take myself so seriously all of the time; I learned to laugh at myself for the many mistakes that I made and will continue to make
• I'm not the only one. Social Anxiety Forum and Social Phobia Forums You may have seen some of these people at your school, places of worship, online, etc. The tech field is overcrowded with people like this. Walk into a computer science lab on campus and then compare it to a business/law/psychology lab. There is simply no comparison. I've befriended many this way. Chances are, they're dealing with what you deal with
• There are hundreds of thousands of people like you and I who were like this at some point and they've gotten over it. Why can't I?
• As long as I remained liked that,it was an open invitation for people to start fukkery
• More importantly, why did I care so much about what other people thought? Why was I so concerned with getting people to like me? (Its really not that serious) I should be more concerned with liking myself

That's all I got.

 

[Anti-Anime]

flat out it just sucks being surrounded by white people. shyt is just much easier psychologically around other black people

 

[Unknown Poster]

I don't know if it's really social anxiety for me but I can relate.
I live by the flawless magnificent philosophy called "people ain't shyt".
I do my best to avoid them. Unless some how it can advance me forward.
Most mofos in this society are out for their own interest and could careless how you feel or what's on your heart.
So you got to be cut throat and look out for yourself first. Everyone else second.
That doesn't mean it's not good people out there but for the most part people ain't shyt until proven otherwise.

I feel ya breh.

I don't know. I notice people sometimes saying things about my appearance or voicing perceptions about me and it's making me enjoy social gatherings less and less and making me not want to leave my apartment. Like I'm worried something embarassing is going to happen to me or ill just draw the wrong attention and then i end up being in those situations and wanting to leave and be by myself and not be bothered.

People can be a drag sometimes. It's made me extremely self-concious. Like i notice when im walking minding my wn business people get scared and nervous and noticeably uncomfortable around me women are laughing at me and talking about me and i think they're making me the center of some inside joke. I just feel alot of people are fake anymore. I also feel like not wanting to interact with anybody anymore other than friends but now i end up not hanging out with friends as much and if i so it's for short time. Trying to meet women is out of the question; I just don't. I always think in the back of my mind they're not interested in me or i'll mess up something or make an ass out of myself. Also, i feel like i don't even know how to talk to women anymore. Or anybody. Everyone's so absorbed in their little worlds their smartphones they have their friends the women have their boyfriends/husbands everyone has their own lives so what's the point of me intruding? People seem like a brick wall thats just impossible to deal with anymore. Ive dealt with so much bs from people that i just feel spent.

 

[Unknown Poster]

flat out it just sucks being surrounded by white people. shyt is just much easier psychologically around other black people

Man...im at the point where im just burnt out on dealing with everyone. Living in new york with any race of people its the same shyt different toilet breh. People all have annoying qualities that get on my nerves but moreso sometimes i feel like where the hell do i go? Where are the places where someone like me can go and not feel out of place?

No matter what someone's gonna always give you some crap so I'm just past that point. Its gotten to where i enjoy being alone more and not having to be under the judgemental eye of everyone and anyone.

 

[Unknown Poster]

@1984

I've always hated social gatherings. Large crowds and such were even worse. I would get nervous, my palms would get sweaty, my eyes would start shifting, I would have a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't wipe off this damn nervous smile.

I got a job where I had to communicate with hundreds of staff members (not my choice). That was my first job. The first few weeks were terrifying. I dreaded receiving any calls and I would rely on someone to come with me at all times. Even though most of the calls were easy (looking back now), I would trade with staff members for the more difficult internal tasks that didn't require any social interaction.


I would also try to hide in my little office at all times. When I couldn't hide any longer, I would be rehearsing entire conversations of what would go wrong when I met a person.

Eventually, I got over it. I identified why I was feeling this way:

• I was shy
• I was afraid of looking like an uncool, awkward dork
• I didn't want to fukk up and be judged for it
• I didn't want to be laughed at (childhood years)
• I sucked at small talk
• etc...

I got over this by recognizing that:

• I can't remain socially handicapped forever; I'n not going to eat financially if I go through life being shook at the hint of any social interaction
• Its not a good look
• I don't have to take myself so seriously all of the time; I learned to laugh at myself for the many mistakes that I made and will continue to make
• I'm not the only one. Social Anxiety Forum and Social Phobia Forums You may have seen some of these people at your school, places of worship, online, etc. The tech field is overcrowded with people like this. Walk into a computer science lab on campus and then compare it to a business/law/psychology lab. There is simply no caparison. I've befriended many this way. Chances are, they're dealing with what you deal with
• There are hundreds of thousands of people like you and I who were like this at some point and they've gotten over it. Why can't I?
• As long as I remained liked that,it was an open invitation for people to start fukkery
• More importantly, why did I care so much about what other people thought? Why was I so concerned with getting people to like me? (Its really not that serious) I should be more concerned with liking myself

That's all I got.

Word.

Yeah. I feel like i need to take care of this problem cause it's gonna hurt me in the future. It's making me weary of even finding work now. I don't want to wear uncomfortable dress clothes i dont want to be around coworkers for 8 hours a day i dont feel comfortable in that environment if i could find a way to work from home i'd do that.

That's actually one of the reasons i left my last job. After a while i just didnt feel comfortable there at all. There was an incident i had on the train that was embarassing where my dress pants had a hole in the and this group of teenagers were pointing and laughing at me real hard as i was standing up and i just stopped going and havent worn dress pants since. I just opted to do something i enjoyed that i was actually good at and that was the pop up store for my clothing.

My thing is i can shine socially when it's a situation i enjoy or i have some control over. Anything else is becoming impossible.

Cause sometimes i just get to the point where im so stuck on other people's thoughts and perceptions of me to the pont where nothing with me feel right and i feel i dont know what im doing or what im supposed to do as a functioning member of society. Somedays ill feel like my clothes arent fitting right and constantly adjusting whatever. Or i'm not making enough money and it makes me not want to talk to women or anyone about work or money and change the subject. Or because i dont have a girlfriend at the moment i just feel like a failure at life and ill never match up to anyone.

It makes me want to just isolate myself and give up. But i know i cant do that. I just need help at this point cause i just want my attitude to go back to normal and i can live care free again.

 

[Scarface sniffin cocaine]

Get out and enjoy life

Its all mental

If people laugh and point

ignore it or laugh too

 

[Unknown Poster]

Get out and enjoy life

Its all mental

If people laugh and point

ignore it or laugh too

It's more than that. Ive actually had moments where i had panic attacks in certain situations.
Like i make these threads cause at best the majority of this forum doesnt seem to have any grasp of mental illness and how crippling it can be.

I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. I have to take daily medication for itself . It's not that easy.

 

[GrindtooFilthy]

i had depression last year but that was caused a dopamine overdose (nofap saved me)

but i've had anxiety since maybe 15/16? still have that shyt now and i can't shake it off, i feel like i'm in a fight or flight situation i either become overly aggressive or really meekish and reserved

 

[DontDoIt]

Word.

Yeah. I feel like i need to take care of this problem cause it's gonna hurt me in the future. It's making me weary of even finding work now. I don't want to wear uncomfortable dress clothes i dont want to be around coworkers for 8 hours a day i dont feel comfortable in that environment if i could find a way to work from home i'd do that.

Yep, there's no question that it must be taken care of. Nearly every field you enter will require you to be involved in social interactions. You'll also have to be socially competent should you ever become married. If you ever become a father, someone is going to have to speak up and stand up for those kids when you bring them to school, doctors office, playground, life. You'll have to be able to negotiate for those times when you're purchasing a home, a car, etc. Even if you're working from home, you'll need to communicate with your financial adviser/account and clientele. There's no easy way out. However, I should add that the tech field is a fantastic field to work with for introverts like you and I.

My thing is i can shine socially when it's a situation i enjoy or i have some control over. Anything else is becoming impossible.

Cause sometimes i just get to the point where im so stuck on other people's thoughts and perceptions of me to the pont where nothing with me feel right and i feel i dont know what im doing or what im supposed to do as a functioning member of society. Somedays ill feel like my clothes arent fitting right and constantly adjusting whatever. Or i'm not making enough money and it makes me not want to talk to women or anyone about work or money and change the subject. Or because i dont have a girlfriend at the moment i just feel like a failure at life and ill never match up to anyone.

It makes me want to just isolate myself and give up. But i know i cant do that. I just need help at this point cause i just want my attitude to go back to normal and i can live care free again.

Yup. Happens to me to. I forgot to mention that I also got over this (somewhat at least) by hanging around older guys. The most common thing that they all say is that you have to be able to "bullshyt." By "bullshytting," they mean that you just have to think on your feet, improvise, and most importantly, project confidence. Life is all about appearances. If you appear confident, and LOOK like you know what you're doing, most people won't give a damn. Most people will be like . The opposite is true too. If you have control over the situation but you project little to no confidence, most people will laugh at you and not believe you. Why do you think con artists are so good at swindling money from people?

For instance, I know a guy who one day was just given a chance for a $70K position to become head a department and also teach incoming freshmen students about the department. He had experience in neither, and wasn't really sure that he could do the job (his words). However, the guy is a great seller (very sociable guy). He had little control over the situation, but he went in there and acted and looked the part. There was another guy more qualified than him who didn't look or act the part. Guess who got the offer...

You just have to begin practicing how to feign confidence. You can start off small by having these simple conversations on these forums. Then you can branch out by speaking to gamers online using your headset (gamers are jerks though especially on XBOX live...). Then you can practice speaking to your custodial workers, waiters/waitresses. Then move on to senior citizens. Senior citizens LOVE to talk and would love nothing more than to talk to a young person. What's the worse that can happen if you speak to an elderly person. The worse that he/she can do is laugh at you, but chances are that won't happen. Then speak to the older coworkers at your job. Ask them their opinion on so and so. Speak to the less attractive chick who you would never see yourself being with. If you can speak to her, you have no reason to fear speaking to another human being. Speak to your family members. Many people who suffer from social anxiety can't even speak to their own siblings/cousins.

When all of this is done, then you can worry about relationships. Btw, these things can be down NOW, while you're on your quest to attain big money.



I can't lie to you and say that I'm some 100% super confident, social anxiety-free guy. It's a ongoing battle and some days I feel like saying, "fukk this shyt. I'm staying home." I have a very small group of friends that I may go out to eat with, watch a movie, play video games, play basketball (which I suck at). etc. They're like-minded people and you just need to find a group of people like you.

Life is too short to be worried about what other people think. If someone want's to laugh at you for not being the most socially adept person that you can be, then fukk em. Join in on their laughs. Crack a joke at your expense. Just be yourself. The worse thing you can do is allow them to get under your skin. The sooner they realize that they cant get under your skin, the sooner they'll stop and move on to the next guy.

There are people in other countries who would love to be in our position. Them having social anxiety would be a great problem to have compared to things that they deal with. That should be enough motivation to try to get better. Hang in there. You got this.

 

[miranda]

Forreal?

yep, it's verging on a debilitating illness at this point. i cant explain what i think will happen if i go somewhere, only that it feels like it would be a fate worse than death. its a very strange existence

Cbt?

cognitive behavioral therapy

 

[Dreamzeedream]

I was teased as a Kid so that calls me to have sometime of social anxiety

 

[calixprynce]

yep, it's verging on a debilitating illness at this point. i cant explain what i think will happen if i go somewhere, only that it feels like it would be a fate worse than death. its a very strange existence

 

[TRFG]

I know what you're talking about OP. I was never that type of person but when you become aware of people and your surroundings, it drives you crazy. It's kind of like being in third person, I guess that happens when you can properly assess a situation and see people for what they really are.

 

[DontDoIt]

Get out and enjoy life

Its all mental

If people laugh and point

ignore it or laugh too

It's never that easy though...

Many times, that just makes it worse.

Best way is to start small and to have a group of supportive and like-minded or mature people behind a person with social anxiety.

If you follow football, you'll know that thrusting a rookie NFL QB into game 1 of his rookie year behind a crappy offensive line, no receivers, and no running back is usually a career disaster.

These social skills should have been developed at an early age. However, many people go from elementary to college and beyond without ever actually developing these. While their peers were out making friends, etc, others were isolated and were the "loners" that no one really fukked with throughout those years. Worse, those individuals may not have had the siblings to interact with. Furthermore, any attempts that those individuals may have made to "go out and enjoy life" ended in embarrassment. There are a few doctors who spent the entirety of their younger years with their noses buried in books and have horrible social skills.

The longer a person waits, the more difficult it is to "catch up." Its like the classic, "How can I get job experience if I don't have a job!"

 

[Killer Instinct]

I don't know. I notice people sometimes saying things about my appearance or voicing perceptions about me and it's making me enjoy social gatherings less and less and making me not want to leave my apartment.

Brother I can almost guarantee you that those people aren't critiquing you nearly as much as you believe.
In a sense, this is what fuels social anxiety and so I can imagine it's hard for you to believe that when your mind is telling you that everyone is disapproving of you because of negative previous experiences.
Humans are vain and have short attention spans. We're all wrapped up in our little worlds.
Majority of the time, we're our harshest critic. Think about the last time you focused in on one random person out of dozens that wasn't an attractive member of the opposite sex.