Any dude that says he is happy in a relationship a straight liar

[HarlemHottie]

Lol... Well on thecoli for example.
When a marriage/relationship thread pops up it's always a bunch of
"Been married 75yrs... I'm the best. She's the best. Sex is the best. Nobody cheats, nobody farts....Kids going to to Harvard. All my friends been married 75yrs too, they don't fart either.."

Ive been on this earth a good while now, and I can say for certain either muthafukaz are just lying...or they are living in a delusional world because it's feels better to live in that world, than to face reality.

I'm around all kinds of people, from different cultures, different races, religions ages etc...
I have yet to meet 1 person in a marriage who: isn't cheating
hasn't gotten cheated on
Isn't Unknowingly getting cheated on right now.
Isn't Only together for the kids.
Hasn't been separated
Doesn't Wish they were never married
Isn't unhappy


There are only a few exceptions that I know and they seem to be happy with their situation... They're like the super religious couples that I know.
Some real Muslims from the middle East, 1 really super devout christian couple, and I know a few Amish people too lol.
And thats only a few of couples out of 100s of relationships I've seen.
They only work because marriage seems to be their life's purpose and no matter what, they're gonna make it work. I've seen bullshyt with them too tho

Now you husband might not have cheated on you because there are a few men with great self control...but he definitely wants to fukk other women.
If you ask him and his says otherwise... He is a bold face liar and is probably cheating on you. Cause he can't even keep it real about that question.
If you ask him does Harlemhottie ever get on his fukkin nerves and he says NO...he's a bold face liar and he might kill you in your sleep.
If you ask him does he ever wish he was single again and he says NO....he's cheating and has secretly been putting small amounts of rat poison in your food for months.
I kid, I kid lol


In conclusion lol...Married dudes are always reminiscing about the life they use to live and would trade their life for mine in a heartbeat . If I even think about their lives I get physically sick

(Sorry but You asked for this long ass shyt HH lol)

I think that's probably confirmation bias. I always make sure I dap or heart-eyes emoji those posts for encouragement and I don't be dapping and heart-eye'ing a whole lot.

I don't disagree with you, actually, but that's due to faulty pickers, not any inherent weakness in the idea of long term coupling itself. When I say faulty pickers, I don't mean it in a glib way. I mean, most people don't know themselves well enough, early enough, to know what they need in a partner before they already got two kids by somebody/ ppl they hate. For many reasons related to our upbringings and life path, we did.

Out of the people you know, we're probably closest to the super religious couples in how we function. We both serve the same 'god', so to speak, and we are devout. That's interesting.

So, yeah. What I take from your cynical but pragmatic summation of the relationships around you is that the key to a successful ltr is knowing your path and finding someone headed the same way. Again, sounds glib and cliche, but really work it out. The girl who likes to floss might attract the guy who's really family-oriented, but don't know it yet. He spends on her, subconsciously, to prove he's a provider. She happy cuz she shining. They get married, have some kids, she still spending like crazy. He becomes the divorced man who's ex-wife left him homeless and cries online cuz she won't let him see his kids. They had no business together. What's fukked up is, in this scenario, she knew that and he didn't.

 

[Jeshaman]

Only problem I have with you op is your blanket statement on men. I have had a rotation and it was fun, so i am not judging but that lifestyle gets old and exhausting. I can't imagine doing that ever again.

 

[maxamusa]

If you posted this more than once, I haven't seen it.

But you are 100% right.

I've been saying that men are playing checkers, women are playing chess.

Men are born suckas.
They do a bunch of shyt they really don't want to do just to have access to a woman and have consistent sex.
shyts sad

like what?

 

[maxamusa]

Happiness cannot be found in other people.

you ever lost someone you loved

 

[Dave24]

This is the reason for all relationships.
The fear of being alone and everything that comes with that

Good points @mag357 do you think you will get married and have a family one day?

 

[mag357]

I think that's probably confirmation bias. I always make sure I dap or heart-eyes emoji those posts for encouragement and I don't be dapping and heart-eye'ing a whole lot.

I don't disagree with you, actually, but that's due to faulty pickers, not any inherent weakness in the idea of long term coupling itself. When I say faulty pickers, I don't mean it in a glib way. I mean, most people don't know themselves well enough, early enough, to know what they need in a partner before they already got two kids by somebody/ ppl they hate. For many reasons related to our upbringings and life path, we did.

Out of the people you know, we're probably closest to the super religious couples in how we function. We both serve the same 'god', so to speak, and we are devout. That's interesting.

So, yeah. What I take from your cynical but pragmatic summation of the relationships around you is that the key to a successful ltr is knowing your path and finding someone headed the same way. Again, sounds glib and cliche, but really work it out. The girl who likes to floss might attract the guy who's really family-oriented, but don't know it yet. He spends on her, subconsciously, to prove he's a provider. She happy cuz she shining. They get married, have some kids, she still spending like crazy. He becomes the divorced man who's ex-wife left him homeless and cries online cuz she won't let him see his kids. They had no business together. What's fukked up is, in this scenario, she knew that and he didn't.

Can't disagree with you at all.
And I want to make this loud and clear....
I'm a lover of Love.
I'm not cynical.
I actually want people to be married and to be truly happy.
Marriage is a discipline and like every discipline, (dieting, exercise, learning a new skill), it's hard but it's beneficial.

THIS IS THE PART THAT NEEDS UNDERSTANDING.

Like with every discipline, the reward is high but going through it sucks.
If you're dieting, it makes you healthy. But you can't eat what u want and sometimes it's unenjoyable.
Exercise is great for your body .. but it hurts and you have to do it a lot. So it sucks.

The topic is about men being unhappy in a relationship.
In a relationship, Men are doing things they are not naturally programmed to do, to achieve a perceived benefit.
During the relationship, there's gonna be chunks of time when he hates his situation or just going through the motions.
But there's times when he's sick and she helps take care of him. Or when he's horny and he gets p*ssy by just rolling over. Effortlessly..
Then going back to sleep. lol

But those benefits don't feel like they weigh as much as the headaches. And those are the good relationships I'm talking about
I'm not even talking about the ones hanging on by a thread.

I totally believe your relationship is good money especially if it's like my one homies (the devout christian)... I love them lol
If their shyt falls in shambles...no one has a chance lol
He was actually a minor celeb in the fighting world, I think his faith kept him grounded, cause I'm sure he was getting all kinds of cooch thrown at him.

So..... in your post you talk about "we" as in you and him. You're Speaking for both of y'all.
But I want to know... if you asked HIM the questions I said.
Does he think about cheating...does he wish he was single sometimes etc

What do you think he would say?

 

[mag357]

like what?

For 1....not fukkin other women. Lol.

But the compromises for each man varies in each relationship, but trust me, there's compromise... Simply because men and women are different and their motivation are different.
You have 2 people trying to have one goal. There's going to be compromise and usually it's from the man's side.
This is the Happy wife, happy life thing

 

[maxamusa]

For 1....not fukkin other women. Lol.

But the compromises for each man varies in each relationship, but trust me, there's compromise... Simply because men and women are different and their motivation are different.
You have 2 people trying to have one goal. There's going to be compromise and usually it's from the man's side.
This is the Happy wife, happy life thing

ahh that type of deal got it.

the art of compromise

 

[Bonk]

I didn’t realize how happy I was in my last relationship until she left me


Genuinely don’t think I’ll have that same amount of joy again….I can get pretty damn close but I don’t think I’ll ever match it breh

This is the reality a lot of people don’t want to hear. In life, we always think we deserve better & overrate ourselves - until we lose what we’ve & discover that what we had & thought wasn’t good enough, might be the best we’ll have in a long time.

The streets are cold these days & no matter the number of chicks you run through - there’s always going to be some sort of emptiness in there. Unlike being in a relationship with a chick you share a natural bond with & that cares about you.

I fumbled a few decent relationships in my lifetime & I had to learn the hard way that happiness can be very subjective. It’s also a feeling you create within yourself - not something you find in other people. And that there’s no perfect relationship.

Ngl, a lot of times when I’m in solitude - I always wish I could have a couple of my old relationships back. Especially, someone like me who doesn’t open up to people unless there’s a level of trust there.

Running through hella chick is overrated & you always feel empty after bussing a nut. So, if you’re with a decent chick - it’s better to stay there & find ways to make it better (especially with communication) & keep growing together, as long as there’s no cheating involved.

 

[Amo Husserl]

Yall be living some miserable lives. Not even being funny, shyt sad.

Shyt's hilarious with how often they chase y'all.

I been thinking about starting a family lately, but I know being Parent of the Year every year would be too much for shorty.

 

[Ohene]

This is the reality a lot of people don’t want to hear. In life, we always think we deserve better & overrate ourselves - until we lose what we’ve & discover that what we had & thought wasn’t good enough, might be the best we’ll have in a long time.

The streets are cold these days & no matter the number of chicks you run through - there’s always going to be some sort of emptiness in there. Unlike being in a relationship with a chick you share a natural bond with & that cares about you.

I fumbled a few decent relationships in my lifetime & I had to learn the hard way that happiness can be very subjective. It’s also a feeling you create within yourself - not something you find in other people. And that there’s no perfect relationship.

Ngl, a lot of times when I’m in solitude - I always wish I could have a couple of my old relationships back. Especially, someone like me who doesn’t open up to people unless there’s a level of trust there.

Running through hella chick is overrated & you always feel empty after bussing a nut. So, if you’re with a decent chick - it’s better to stay there & find ways to make it better (especially with communication) & keep growing together, as long as there’s no cheating involved.

In order to be happy you have to be comfortable and content with less

 

[Mirin4rmfar]

Single life with no expectations but chasing p*ssy is fun. With that said, you can't do it forever. If I could do it all over, I probably would have smashed way more women just because. I was too picky when it comes to p*ssy lol. I had woman i could have sold dreams too and smash but didn't. You wont be young forever.

 

[Diondon]

You should take some time to see
Where you wanna be

 

[IIVI]

There are definitely people who can add to your life and there are those who take away from it. Make sure you pick the former.

I have a real high-quality life and my family along with my wife were a big piece of the formula for getting to this point because they were able to handle a lot of errands that would've thrown me off my rhythm or flow. It's a much easier task to reach your potential when you have people holding you down. Some folks got to put up with tasks they need to handle on their own that run 2-3 hours multiple times per week.

If you know about the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", my family and wife were able to handle a lot of Quadrant III and IV tasks for me and lent a helping hand when possible for Quadrant I tasks. This gave me to much more time to focus on Quadrant II, the optimal Quadrant to optimize personal, career and skill growth.

It's like a job trying to push out a game-changing product: you don't want your engineers to spend their time getting people lunch, answering calls, going on business trips to help sell the product, taking unnecessary meetings, etc. You want your engineers building the innovative tech. The longer time you have your engineers able to focus on the task, the better your product will be compared to everyone else. That basically applies to everyone in the real world and why finding that reliable person is an exponential level up vs going through life without that person. Especially when you both can cover for each other and you can help your significant other out for their Quadrant II tasks.

Cooking, grocery store, random runs to Target, pharmacy, etc. Someone able to knock those down while you accomplish career and skill growth is
Where people are messing up is when they got nothing they're building and yet they want someone to do all those errands for them.
That's when your significant other will hit you with that "Nah, do it for yourself." and they'd be 100% in the right.

Relationships with people aren't there to serve you if you ain't bringing anything to the table. That's a waste of time to the person doing something.

 

[mag357]

Good points @mag357 do you think you will get married and have a family one day?

Sorry, I didn't even see this post brother.

No... I will never get married or have kids. (Even though I was going to adopt... That's another story)
I never thought I would be like that though.
Growing up, I thought it kinda just happens.

You get a GF, y'all chill... Y'all get married, y'all chill. Y'all have kids... Yall chill and then you die lol

After my last girlfriend like in '03. I realized relationships are fukking hard. I was early 20s. We both wanted to be "outside"... Not inside playing house, getting annoyed with each other lol

I talked to chix off and on after that... met some cool people. But I came to the conclusion there is nothing that I need from women except sex. And I love my time by myself.
So for the most part I kept a good sized roster.
As I got older, I trimmed it down to only a couple.

Now my ass just be chilling.
But I swear, everytime I walk in this house I rejoice that there ain't a bytch in here nagging me or worrying me...or some kids yelling, running around. Or asking for some shyt

You're married/kids, bro?