Anybody on child support?

[beenz]

Good relationship with their mom.....

Plus I'm the gold standard when it comes to being a father

I have a decent relationship with my ex-wife these days, but the minute we separated, she put me on that child support. it was so fast, that I had just started a new job, and I only got one check the entire time where they didn't take out the support

this was over 5 years ago now.

at first I thought I was gonna get crushed, cuz I had two kids at the time. but I always have hustled to the point where I did side jobs where I made back the entire amount I was paying in child support and then some each month. then one kid graduated high school, so she dropped off, and I just got one more, and she's 14.

 

[murksiderock]

When he was 2 yes old, We sat down, and I discussed with her that I’ll always be there for my son and help her in any way I can, and she agreed to the same for me. We agreed that our son would stay with her, but if she ever needed me to take him, I would.

There were no restrictions on when I could see him. Many times I slept at her place when he had school and I’d take him to the bus stop.

We also agreed to split his expenses down the middle. He’s been to daycare, plays sports, but there are times I pay for certain activities and flights myself. She pays for certain travel for him on her own too.

Our agreement is verbal, nothing in writing.

I would love this, it's the dream set up...

I think my first BM would be less restrictive of when i can see the girls if the other guy wasnt around. I've learned from both (though my second BM is now single again) that they are heavily influenced, wrongly, when another man is in the picture...

My second BM is a bit less restrictive in general. I really, really would love to have a perfect verbal arrangement without going thru court. Given what I laid out in my previous post though, do you think I should go thru with the custody claim or continue to try to work verbally?

For the record, both have done well recently with letting me see the girls. I haven't really had an issue with one of them playing me in 8+ months, but I guess I still have trauma from when they've both done so in the past...

Also the fact that all 3 of us are pondering a move out of state, that's factoring into my thoughts. Even in the event we all remain in NC, I want to feel confident I get my kids, but I would say with this being something all 3 of us are considering, it's feasible at least one of us are leaving NC soon...

I have a decent relationship with my ex-wife these days, but the minute we separated, she put me on that child support. it was so fast, that I had just started a new job, and I only got one check the entire time where they didn't take out the support

this was over 5 years ago now.

at first I thought I was gonna get crushed, cuz I had two kids at the time. but I always have hustled to the point where I did side jobs where I made back the entire amount I was paying in child support and then some each month. then one kid graduated high school, so she dropped off, and I just got one more, and she's 14.

%, I don't even notice the money is gone because after the first two months or so, you get used to not having it. So you get it back elsewhere!

 

[Ku$h Parker]

Not Mad all things considered
I wanted Out while she had our Child and I knew it was coming and I still went cause I value Peace of Mind plus things was getting hella Toxic anyhow so it was a Sacrifice worth making

 

[murksiderock]

@beaniemac what's your thoughts on if I should get the courts involved with establishing a split custody arrangement, or if I should continue to try to work with them outside of court?

 

[beenz]

@beaniemac what's your thoughts on if I should get the courts involved with establishing a split custody arrangement, or if I should continue to try to work with them outside of court?

depends. do u have a place to accomodate kids half the time? are you in their same school district? if so, then I don't see why that's not reasonable.

my kids live out of state, so that's not even an option for me right now.

 

[Silver Surfer]

I have a decent relationship with my ex-wife these days, but the minute we separated, she put me on that child support. it was so fast, that I had just started a new job, and I only got one check the entire time where they didn't take out the support

this was over 5 years ago now.

at first I thought I was gonna get crushed, cuz I had two kids at the time. but I always have hustled to the point where I did side jobs where I made back the entire amount I was paying in child support and then some each month. then one kid graduated high school, so she dropped off, and I just got one more, and she's 14.

Yeah see I did right by her and her family when she was in her 20s...and I have my kid half the time anyway

 

[murksiderock]

depends. do u have a place to accomodate kids half the time? are you in their same school district? if so, then I don't see why that's not reasonable.

my kids live out of state, so that's not even an option for me right now.

Your kids are in Texas, right? When do you see them, and is it by court order or voluntary agreement with you and their mother?

Also you're a good one for me to ask, what are the emotional effects of your kids living outta state? Do you ever feel a sense that you should live closer, feel any guilt around that? How has it affected your kids and your relationship with them?

Yeah my kids could come live with me, I can accommodate them. My youngest daughter is 2 and an hour south in Fayetteville. My two oldest are in school in Raleigh where I also live, but about 25-30 minutes across town...

 

[Harry Sax]

Truth is, these bytches be bitter and try to pull anything they can to keep you down

 

[beenz]

Your kids are in Texas, right? When do you see them, and is it by court order or voluntary agreement with you and their mother?

Also you're a good one for me to ask, what are the emotional effects of your kids living outta state? Do you ever feel a sense that you should live closer, feel any guilt around that? How has it affected your kids and your relationship with them?

Yeah my kids could come live with me, I can accommodate them. My youngest daughter is 2 and an hour south in Fayetteville. My two oldest are in school in Raleigh where I also live, but about 25-30 minutes across town...

my oldest daughter is 20, so she can come up whenever. it just depends on her school and work schedule, so no court shyt.

I can't remember the deal with the court about when I can see the youngest one, but my ex-wife lets her come up pretty much anytime they have a break. or if she ask me to come, I'll just buy her a ticket. plus everyone (my kids) has been flying solo so long, I just book a flight and tell my ex-wife when to drop her off at the airport. either of them can come up whenever they want and stay as long as they. they both got rooms here and keys to the crib.

so they both will be here next week thru just after new years. my youngest daughter usually comes up here for spring break, and then again for the summer. then I go down there in the fall, and on thanksgiving it's hit or miss. last year, they both came, but this year, they didn't.

not sure how u could get joint custody on the kids that live locally as having to shuttle them across town for school half the time might be kinda cumbersome.

I host christmas for the family every year, and last year, my ex wife awkwardly came up and spent christmas with my fam, and I also had my current GF here as well. I told her if she was in town, she could come back over for christmas, so we will see.

 

[murksiderock]

my oldest daughter is 20, so she can come up whenever. it just depends on her school and work schedule, so no court shyt.

I can't remember the deal with the court about when I can see the youngest one, but my ex-wife lets her come up pretty much anytime they have a break. or if she ask me to come, I'll just buy her a ticket. plus everyone (my kids) has been flying solo so long, I just book a flight and tell my ex-wife when to drop her off at the airport. either of them can come up whenever they want and stay as long as they. they both got rooms here and keys to the crib.

so they both will be here next week thru just after new years. my youngest daughter usually comes up here for spring break, and then again for the summer. then I go down there in the fall, and on thanksgiving it's hit or miss. last year, they both came, but this year, they didn't.

not sure how u could get joint custody on the kids that live locally as having to shuttle them across town for school half the time might be kinda cumbersome.

I host christmas for the family every year, and last year, my ex wife awkwardly came up and spent christmas with my fam, and I also had my current GF here as well. I told her if she was in town, she could come back over for christmas, so we will see.

I appreciate it bro, it's all giving me a framework to go on...

Yeah I wouldn't get "joint", but NC defines "split" custody as any kind of custody where the noncustodial has the kids for a lengthy time. I know I want summers and some time throughout the year, I'm just not sure if I should push thru the court route...

 

[beenz]

I appreciate it bro, it's all giving me a framework to go on...

Yeah I wouldn't get "joint", but NC defines "split" custody as any kind of custody where the noncustodial has the kids for a lengthy time. I know I want summers and some time throughout the year, I'm just not sure if I should push thru the court route...

yeah I might have joint if u describe it that way. I don't even care what the terms are for me as it's irrelevant. I still gotta pay regardless.

 

[Neuromancer]

 

[Sampson]

Nope. No b*stards here.

 

[iceberg_is_on_fire]

It's not that bad. Like beanie said above, you get used to not having it and if you're a Hustler, you get that money back and then some...

I'm in North Carolina (in Sacramento as I type but I live in NC), put myself on chikd support for my two oldest kids in October 2021, got it "official" at court in September 2022. It was a necessary move, I'd always given my okdest kids' mother money but it got to a point where she was pressing me. It worked out, I would rather not be on it but it's better than her running my pockets dry...

Not on child support for my youngest daughter though I'm getting really close to initiating child support for her too. Same thing, her mom gets money from me every month, and now she on some "its not enough" shyt. Don't want to have to do it...

You are the person I need to talk to, even though our circumstances are different...

In January I'm going to start a custody order for both mothers of my children, as both don't want to agree to a split custody where we can get it notarized. I've had issues from both at different times with seeing my girls...

Both mothers are somewhat stable, not on drugs, are employed. My oldest girls' mom won't agree to a custody arrangement because it'll impact her child support; she won't say this but I know it's part of the reason. She has a full time job she does well at, a part time thing she works maybe 4 or 5 days a month, she's engaged, but she's unreliable with equitable time with my children...

I know that when I put in this custody order, she could fight back by asking for more child support. But given she's about to be married, has two jobs, I'm not really concerned about that. She wants to move back to Virginia at some point, or to Orlando where she has family, though a move isn't imminent. In my opinion, if I attack this preemptively, I can assure myself some protections even if she chooses to move out of state at some point...

I'm considering a move back here to California, so its another reason I'm going to start the process. It's not set in stone, but in the event I do, I want to make sure I have something concrete that allows me to see my girls...

My youngest daughter's mom told me a month ago she is trying to move back to Brooklyn (where she's from) by the end of 2024. Said she wanted to tell me so I wouldn't feel blindsided if something shook for her. She also won't agree to a split custody because "you don't do what you're supposed to do for her now, why would I agree to letting her come live with you"?

Which is false and gaslighting by the way...

She is employed but an unproductive weedhead. Has nothing else really going on for herself. Both of these women are getting state assistance, this one isn't getting child support though...

So I wanted to give you some background, what should I expect from initiating custody proceedings? It took 10-11 months to resolve child support, so I assume it'll be awhile before custody is finalized too. But I guess my biggest things that I want to feel secure before I start this process...

My parents say I should do this regardless off the strength that both have played with me seeing my girls in the past. A custody order will prevent that in the future. For me, I want to give them the opportunity to make an agreement with me outside of court, but I don't feel like I should wait forever. And I also don't want having a custody order to impact the ability to see my girls outside of the time I have them, that's important to me...

Like I'm going for split/joint, to have them in summers, but I also still want to be able to have or see my girls on select holidays or throughout the year at random times. Like, I know a custody order isn't a restraining order, it doesn't mean just because it says I can have them in the summer, that's the only time I can have them, right?

I just want to be secure, I'm 90% there that I'm going to do this shyt next month, but given the info I provided you, do you support me doing this ir should I hold off?

By the way, if I felt it was realistic I'd go for full custody for all the girls. I know it isn't, though...

No problem breh, let's break this down.

First, yes, you need to forge ahead with some legal action. Having things documented will be a huge stress reliever as well as providing the security that you are desiring. Additionally, it will provide structural things for your children to understand. I will say this, try to have legal representation if you can bounce it. My first hearing, I was representing myself. I peeped the scene early on that those with lawyers were taken more serious than those without. However, learn the laws of your state.

Second, the moving. If they move before you, you have every right to fight for custody then because relocation is a huge thing for the child. To uproot them from everything they know is huge. Here in Indiana, the custodial parent needs permission to leave the state with the children. They can't just up and go somewhere whenever they feel like it.

The time for proving that this could work outside of court has passed. You need to pull their card and go to court. They make ask for more money, that is a possibility but you will get things established. If not for anything else, it will let the mothers know that they are on the clock and shyt just got real. I don't have a great relationship with my ex-wife to this day but she does understand that I'll put money up to try to regulate in court so there is a measure of 'act right' in her demeanor with me.

 

[murksiderock]

No problem breh, let's break this down.

First, yes, you need to forge ahead with some legal action. Having things documented will be a huge stress reliever as well as providing the security that you are desiring. Additionally, it will provide structural things for your children to understand. I will say this, try to have legal representation if you can bounce it. My first hearing, I was representing myself. I peeped the scene early on that those with lawyers were taken more serious than those without. However, learn the laws of your state.

Second, the moving. If they move before you, you have every right to fight for custody then because relocation is a huge thing for the child. To uproot them from everything they know is huge. Here in Indiana, the custodial parent needs permission to leave the state with the children. They can't just up and go somewhere whenever they feel like it.

The time for proving that this could work outside of court has passed. You need to pull their card and go to court. They make ask for more money, that is a possibility but you will get things established. If not for anything else, it will let the mothers know that they are on the clock and shyt just got real. I don't have a great relationship with my ex-wife to this day but she does understand that I'll put money up to try to regulate in court so there is a measure of 'act right' in her demeanor with me.

The law is the same in NC, that the custodial parent can't just go and leave without permission. So then that brings up two more questions:

•if I leave NC, I'm doing it behind a better financial opportunity, but does that then cancel either of them needing permission to leave the state?

•I'm still in NC now, so are they, but my second BM is saying she's moving by the end of '24, whereas my first has no timetable or imminent plans. So then, is my best line of defense doing exactly what we're talking about, establishing a custody order?

.......

I want to get an attorney, I can't comfortably afford the attorney fees. I could swing it if I absolutely have to, but I've been hoping that I don't have to. Plus, my kids' mothers live in two different counties and in NC, virtually no lawyer represents outside of their core city or county. So then I'd have to come outta pocket for 2 lawyers, which is unaffordable at the moment...

Lastly, do you think I should wait to leave until one of them does? I have no clue on when they would leave, and I feel like I shouldn't base my ability to follow opportunities based on whether or when they'll move. I do feel some guilt behind not being here near my children if I leave but the reality is, they don't live with me full time when I'm in NC and I don't always have them anyway, and their mothers are living their lives. And I feel like since there's a potential I could leave first I need to establish protections anyway, because those same protections will help me if they nor I ever leave NC...

I definitely agree with you that enough time has passed for this good faith, work it out thing. I think I'll try one more time with each, to come to an agreement, befire going thru court...