Been with Shorty three years. This weekend she moving in. Gimme some do's and don'ts...

[phcitywarrior]

I am not understanding why you would want to speed up getting married in the absense of key info like cohabitative compatibility. Wouldn't it make more sense to wait and see how you get along under one roof than rush into a potentially bad decision?

My take was that shacking up delays marriage as you get the benefits of marriage without actually getting married. Personally, I feel you should be able to vet the most crucial things about a person without actually having to live with them for an extended time. Perhaps my take is too naive.

Also, with marriage, you gotta work through things. Nobody is gonna be 100% compatible when you choose to walk down that aisle.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

My take was that shacking up delays marriage as you get the benefits of marriage without actually getting married. Personally, I feel you should be able to vet the most crucial things about a person without actually having to live with them for an extended time. Perhaps my take is too naive.

Also, with marriage, you gotta work through things. Nobody is gonna be 100% compatible when you choose to walk down that aisle.

I think it might be. If you're gonna make that kind of commitment you want to set yourself up for success. Addressing all compatibility issues, from the obvious (sexual, interpersonal) to the not so obvious (cohabitation, financial, long term goals and desires) is the only way to do that. Why leave it up to chance?

 

[phcitywarrior]

I think it might be. If you're gonna make that kind of commitment you want to set yourself up for success. Addressing all compatibility issues, from the obvious (sexual, interpersonal) to the not so obvious (cohabitation, financial, long term goals and desires) is the only way to do that. Why leave it up to chance?

I think it depends on the person. I think most if not all things outside of personal habits can and should be vetted prior to marriage.

The “Why leave it up to chance” thing is how some people get roped into 5 year cohabitation situations. Some, not all.

Again, I feel some things just gotta be worked through. If you find something during cohabitation that is a deal breaker then I feel you didn’t do your due diligence properly.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

I think it depends on the person. I think most if not all things outside of personal habits can and should be vetted prior to marriage.

The “Why leave it up to chance” thing is how some people get roped into 5 year cohabitation situations. Some, not all.

Again, I feel some things just gotta be worked through. If you find something during cohabitation that is a deal breaker then I feel you didn’t do your due diligence properly.

What's wrong with cohabitating for 5 years? Send like you think people should get married as soon as possible.

 

[phcitywarrior]

What's wrong with cohabitating for 5 years? Send like you think people should get married as soon as possible.

There’s nothing wrong per se with cohabiting for 5 years. I do advise people get married sooner (after thorough vetting) than to just play house so to speak. I think cohabitation is a big jump for both parties and is good to couple it with getting married. I think it’s a good demarcation of leaving your single life behind and getting married.

Of course some people do different and they’re fine. Just my personal take. I know my aunt cohabited with my uncle for 3-4 months when they were engaged prior to their marriage.

 

[PhillyzFinest]

You better be SURE you love this chick or you WILL... I repeat WILL be miserable.

You might as well get married if you gonna do all that... if you not ready... I wouldn't do it... but since you are anyway... just remember that cool heads always prevail. Never let her get you into a rage. It's your home.

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

I do advise people get married sooner (after thorough vetting) than to just play house so to speak. I think cohabitation is a big jump for both parties and is good to couple it with getting married. I think it’s a good demarcation of leaving your single life behind and getting married.

Why do you think people should rush into marriage? What's the value of demarcation?

I'm not trying to press or disrespect you; I'm legit curious no homo. Marriage is a huge decision.... to me it makes more sense to gather as much info as possible before making it, than to rush into it to send signals and status changes to strangers that have nothing to do with it. But I might be missing something

 

[phcitywarrior]

Why do you think people should rush into marriage? What's the value of demarcation?

I'm not trying to press or disrespect you; I'm legit curious no homo. Marriage is a huge decision.... to me it makes more sense to gather as much info as possible before making it, than to rush into it to send signals and status changes to strangers that have nothing to do with it. But I might be missing something

All good my G. It's all discussion.

To the bolded, I've come to observe the longer you delay something, the easier it is to never getting around to doing it. It's always good to have options, but you have to eventually commit and execute.

The value in demarcation is to create a threshold of significance. Getting married is a big decision and a lifelong (in theory) commitment. I've seen from friends and family that cohabitation can kind of muddy the boundaries of an existing relationship. You live like you're married and might have expectations of a couple that's married, but you both know there isn't that weight that comes with the commitment of marriage. I see it as a one foot in, one foot out kind of thing.

Personally, I think you can chew gum and walk at the same time as it concerns getting to know you're potential spouse without playing house. You just gotta vet your spouses principles and values from the jump. Guys and girls overlook serious value mismatches early on because the sex is good.

Let's call a spade a spade

I'd still advise people to spend extended period of time at their SO's spot to see how they keep the place and what not. But if the relationship is at the point where you guys feel you want to move in together, then you might as well make the big jump then

 

[TLR Is Mental Poison]

@phcitywarrior I guess I'll try and make my point by playing devil's advocate. Say a couple moves in together, stays together, and never gets married. What's the downside? All the negatives you're listing seem to be about how they will be perceived, which is irrelevant. To me, better for 2 people who love each other to be together without that piece of paper, than 2 people rush into a legal arrangement to fulfill social obligations. And I say this as someone who just celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary

If you're gonna get married do it for yourself and for the right reasons. When it's all said and done, people's opinions and perceptions are irrelevant. You have to live your life for you.

 

[phcitywarrior]

@phcitywarrior I guess I'll try and make my point by playing devil's advocate. Say a couple moves in together, stays together, and never gets married. What's the downside? All the negatives you're listing seem to be about how they will be perceived, which is irrelevant. To me, better for 2 people who love each other to be together without that piece of paper, than 2 people rush into a legal arrangement to fulfill social obligations. And I say this as someone who just celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary

If you're gonna get married do it for yourself and for the right reasons. When it's all said and done, people's opinions and perceptions are irrelevant. You have to live your life for you.

I think visually might help. Note: D&DD = Dating & Due Dilligence lol

Scenario 1. D&DD -->Marry --> Live Together. The onus is on both parties to really know each other before jumping the broom.

Scenario 2. D&DD-->Live Together + D&DD --> Marry (?). The due diligence is spread out so to speak. There's also a one leg in, one leg out option as well.

I think what me and some other dudes are saying is unless OP sees a long term future with his girl, then they might as well stay in separate. If they do see a long term commitment with each other then you might as well get married. Ain't no longer commitment than marriage.

Per the bolded, marriage is the highest form of civil union in most countries. There are numerous benefits e.g. taxes, next of kin etc that are afforded to married folk.

 

[MR. SNIFLES]

PICK YOUR SIDE OF THE BED.

 

[bigmac]

Been near three weeks now and I’ll admit, it’s been very enjoyable so far. No beef. No arguments and regular buns, which is one thing I thought would be a problem initially.

My main observations:
- Coffee cups being left around the place with a small touch of coffee in them. Was aware she drunk coffee before but wasn’t aware it was this much and was never with her enough to see it previously. shyt is

- I can’t speak freely anymore. I feel like every move I make is being watched. I’ve had to turn notification previews off on my phone bc of all a sudden I feel like my phone is always in eyesight and my conversations are in earshot. Not sure how I’m gona navigate that one.

- I could literally spend £25 on food for dinner. Spend an hour making it. Eat together. But after dinner when I go to the kitchen to make a glass of water I’m an a$$hole for not asking her if she wanted one it be the little things that really matter. It’s almost like all the biggest moves are irrelevant if the small things aren’t done. That dinner could’ve been completely trash but if I bought her her favourite hot sauce and made her a juice WITHOUT HER ASKING she would think it’s amazing the logic is new.

- finally. It’s almost as if EVERYTHING moves when I say it does. We be chilling watching TV, I’ll go and get a drink and she’ll say oh I’ll have one. Ten minutes later I’ll go and get an apple she says get me one. I’m like, bytch if I didn’t go to step up to get one would you have wanted it? Why did it take ME to get one for you to want one? Lol

I know these shyts are all highkey signs she loves a nikka but it’s fascinating to see this shyt multiple times a day. Salute every post in here for the game all you #GMB brehs that said don’t do it had me rollin

 

[Coli Bot]

Been near three weeks now and I’ll admit, it’s been very enjoyable so far. No beef. No arguments and regular buns, which is one thing I thought would be a problem initially.

My main observations:
- Coffee cups being left around the place with a small touch of coffee in them. Was aware she drunk coffee before but wasn’t aware it was this much and was never with her enough to see it previously. shyt is

- I can’t speak freely anymore. I feel like every move I make is being watched. I’ve had to turn notification previews off on my phone bc of all a sudden I feel like my phone is always in eyesight and my conversations are in earshot. Not sure how I’m gona navigate that one.

- I could literally spend £25 on food for dinner. Spend an hour making it. Eat together. But after dinner when I go to the kitchen to make a glass of water I’m an a$$hole for not asking her if she wanted one it be the little things that really matter. It’s almost like all the biggest moves are irrelevant if the small things aren’t done. That dinner could’ve been completely trash but if I bought her her favourite hot sauce and made her a juice WITHOUT HER ASKING she would think it’s amazing the logic is new.

- finally. It’s almost as if EVERYTHING moves when I say it does. We be chilling watching TV, I’ll go and get a drink and she’ll say oh I’ll have one. Ten minutes later I’ll go and get an apple she says get me one. I’m like, bytch if I didn’t go to step up to get one would you have wanted it? Why did it take ME to get one for you to want one? Lol

I know these shyts are all highkey signs she loves a nikka but it’s fascinating to see this shyt multiple times a day. Salute every post in here for the game all you #GMB brehs that said don’t do it had me rollin

Glad its going well.

Update us in a few months

 

[MR. SNIFLES]

Been near three weeks now and I’ll admit, it’s been very enjoyable so far. No beef. No arguments and regular buns, which is one thing I thought would be a problem initially.

My main observations:
- Coffee cups being left around the place with a small touch of coffee in them. Was aware she drunk coffee before but wasn’t aware it was this much and was never with her enough to see it previously. shyt is

- I can’t speak freely anymore. I feel like every move I make is being watched. I’ve had to turn notification previews off on my phone bc of all a sudden I feel like my phone is always in eyesight and my conversations are in earshot. Not sure how I’m gona navigate that one.

- I could literally spend £25 on food for dinner. Spend an hour making it. Eat together. But after dinner when I go to the kitchen to make a glass of water I’m an a$$hole for not asking her if she wanted one it be the little things that really matter. It’s almost like all the biggest moves are irrelevant if the small things aren’t done. That dinner could’ve been completely trash but if I bought her her favourite hot sauce and made her a juice WITHOUT HER ASKING she would think it’s amazing the logic is new.

- finally. It’s almost as if EVERYTHING moves when I say it does. We be chilling watching TV, I’ll go and get a drink and she’ll say oh I’ll have one. Ten minutes later I’ll go and get an apple she says get me one. I’m like, bytch if I didn’t go to step up to get one would you have wanted it? Why did it take ME to get one for you to want one? Lol

I know these shyts are all highkey signs she loves a nikka but it’s fascinating to see this shyt multiple times a day. Salute every post in here for the game all you #GMB brehs that said don’t do it had me rollin

BREH. THAT WATER shyt IS THE WORST THING EVER.

I TOLD MY GIRL I WASN'T COMING BACK UPSTAIRS FOR AWHILE JUST SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET HER SOME WATER.
I LEGIT GOT IN THE CAR AND DROVE TO HOME DEPOT TO BROWSE THE POWER TOOLS SECTION. TIP TOE BACK IN THE CRIB AND MY PHONE GOES OFF. "BRING ME SOME WATER WHEN YOU COME TO BED.

 

[phcitywarrior]

I could literally spend £25 on food for dinner. Spend an hour making it. Eat together. But after dinner when I go to the kitchen to make a glass of water

The bolded is such an English term. I chuckled once I saw that. One of my best friends out in Stanmore would always say this. "Make a glass of (insert liquid)"

Man I miss London.