Brehs with Young Daughters and Sisters

[Still Benefited]

I don’t believe the financial burden should be on one parent. I’m positive my husband could support us for the rest of our lives with the money in his bank account but I want to create generational wealth, safety nets, and college/house/and trust funds for my children and grandchildren. I’m not overextended whatsoever. You may not care about the women that are abused but any woman could become a part of that group so all should take measures that if faced with that problem they have means to be on their own.

Don’t worry though there are plenty of uneducated financially unstable women on earth I’m sure you’ll find one. Me encouraging women and girls to be financially independent won’t change that, I’m not going to stop.

Well you believe finances are the leading factor of abuse. So I personally dont think you are fit to teach. But you will be in good company,plenty of women leading women astray out there

 

[Ashley Banks]

Well you believe finances are the leading factor of abuse. So I personally dont think you are fit to teach. But you will be in good company,plenty of women leading women astray out there

I NEVER said that I said it’s A (meaning one of, meaning not the sole reason) REASON why MANY (many, meaning a significant amount, not all) women stay in abusive situations. How am I leading someone astray by telling people to go to college and make sure you’re financially stable before having kids. I think you’re the unfit teacher if you think that’s leading someone astray actually I’m positive.

 

[HarlemHottie]

When I got married at 21 I definitely heard from plenty of my family members that I was too young. They didn't give me any game on how to be a good husband or what exactly is a husband. That's things that I had to learn during the marriage and post marriage through therapy and my own self work. That's why I take subjects like this so seriously. I want people to learn the things that I went through so they don't have to go through them. I actually got my ex-wife to admit that the life that she used to club me over the head about not providing in our 20s she definitely would have had in our 30s now if she was patient and stuck to the plan and not let outside negative opinions intrude. It's a process to building wealth when you come from nothing.

My SIL made the same mistake. Now, she's in a forever engagement in a ltr.

That last sentence was poignant. And it's definitely a concern if you confine yourself to age-match dating.

But... I wanna say something and I'm not really sure how to frame it... I think we need to leave some space for women who not with the rat race, who just wanna get married young and raise some babies. We need them too, to make up for the careerists. Just like some men just aint built to be house-husbands, some women just not built to be outside, throwing professional bows.

We don't make space for them, and this is one of the ways in which we differ from other cultures. And I'm not just talking about poorer cultures. Yes, its normal to see the Mexican 20-something with four kids, but Jews have that lane for their women too- two ends of the economic spectrum.

Its weird to me that we expect ALL of our women to be the same go getter, aggressive, boss bytches, and then get all shocked Pikachu when there are no soft, feminine women to be found. Duh, they're all too busy drowning in a wine glass trynna recover from the work week.

 

[mag357]

That article doesn't say what you think it says.


And people in the past were not more mature. They raped, murdered, pillaged, enslaved, and thought there was nothing wrong with it.

Just because they had shorter lifespans doesn't mean they were more mature.

This is why I was going to actually post quotes from the actual article because I know how thecoli gets down.
You're just gonna say it doesn't say what I'm saying. Lol

"Kate Mills, a developmental neuroscientist at the University of Oregon, was equally puzzled. “This is funny to me—I don’t know why 25,” Mills said. “We’re still not there with research to really say the brain is mature at 25, because we still don’t have a good indication of what maturity even looks like.”

Maturity is a slippery concept, especially in neuroscience. A banana can be ripe or not, but there’s no single metric to examine to determine a brain’s maturity. In many studies, though, neuroscientists define maturity as the point at which changes in the brain level off. This is the metric researchers considered in determining that the prefrontal cortex continues developing into people’s mid-20s."

"To complicate things further, there’s a huge amount of variability between individual brains. Just as you might stop growing taller at 23, or 17—or, if you’re like me, 12—the age that corresponds with brain plateaus can differ greatly from person to person. In one study, participants ranged from 7 to 30 years old, and researchers tried to predict each person’s “brain age” by mapping the connections in each person’s brain. Their age predictions accounted for about 55 percent of the variance among the participants, but far from all of it. “Some 8-year-old brains exhibited a greater ‘maturation index’ than some 25 year old brains,” Somerville wrote in her Neuron review. Some of those differences might be random genetic variation, but people’s behavior and lived experience contribute as well. “Childhood experiences, epigenetics, substance use, genetics related to anxiety, psychosis, and ADHD—all that affects brain development as well,” said Sarah Mallard Wakefield, a forensic psychiatrist."



Bruh... Humans 2 generations ago were adults as teens.
You are telling me this generation saying that their brains aren't fully developed in their 20s are just as mature as the last generations.
Bro that doesn't even make sense.

But I respect your opinion

 

[HarlemHottie]

I NEVER said that I said it’s A (meaning one of, meaning not the sole reason) REASON why MANY (many, meaning a significant amount, not all) women stay in abusive situations. How am I leading someone astray by telling people to go to college and make sure you’re financially stable before having kids. I think you’re the unfit teacher if you think that’s leading someone astray actually I’m positive.

Black women, or just "women"?

 

[Still Benefited]

That article doesn't say what you think it says.


And people in the past were not more mature. They raped, murdered, pillaged, enslaved, and thought there was nothing wrong with it.

Just because they had shorter lifespans doesn't mean they were more mature.

The point is the things that people deem as "adult"/"mature". Younger people were pulling that off better and more responsibily than older people are today


Manipulation is why I dont think older men should have involvement with younger women. They theoritically have advanced mouthpiece which shouldnt be used on the youth. And women of any age are suceptable to mouthpiece of a man of any age,even a youth. So young women definitely need to be protected.

 

[NO-BadAzz]

Oh clearly something is OFF with any young woman who wants to have casual sex with a bunch of men.

What I’m saying is- when you run into that 22YO Black girl who falls madly in love with you (because the whole joke is we all know that’s how it is when a girl is young and inexperienced. That’s why brehs preach all that “mouthpiece” shyt; it actually works when you’re young ) — do you understand that girl probably will want to marry you in 2-3 years if you ask? Or do you say “aw man I’m still having fun out here!”

What I’m really asking is- ppl in here are saying a man’s “playa” years are his 30s.

Does Asian culture tell men to run through women in their 30s and look for their first wife at 40? Are White men running through women all through their 30s and settling down at 40? Or are they onto wife #2 by 40?

It’s like everyone is focused on fixing young Black women (and YES I know we have a lot to fix) but no one is asking why young Black men aren’t getting trained to be husbands at a younger age like everyone else?

Again- in educated circles this isn’t as much of an issue, but I’m looking at the community as a whole.

Is the 26YO breh who is a ups driver or electrician trying to marry his girl like the 26YO white plumber is marrying his girl?

Is the 28YO breh who finished law school last year marrying his girl like the 28YO white guy who just finished his program the year before?

I get it. The women gotta get back on track. But if we are back on track like the other women, will I have a breh who is a couple years older than me ready like the other women, or I gotta marry a man 15yrs older than me (which is ironic that I’m the one saying this, I know. But I’m talking about all of our women)?

To answer your question about the 26YO and 28YO man trying to marry his girl, in my opinion, no he is not. I for one, think if things are good in the home and she's 75%-80% of what you want as a man, those two men in your example should marry her and start a family with her. She should also seek marriage from them. She should always exhibit wifey duties. Show those men that she is a WIFE and a MOTHER and he should do the same as showing her that he is a HUSBAND and a FATHER.

I believe and other brehs can chime in and give their assessment, The first break-up(s) that some dudes may experience changes them. A break-up or a chick fukin over a dude turn most dudes into hoes, playas or just cautious. Seeing it happen to others can distort one's view.

I also believe that men are not marrying early any more is because men are not seeing marriages in their own lives. I think, if you see something or come from something like a marriage, that's gonna make you want that object/item for yourself. Most men come from single parent homes. The father is the one IMO who have to teach their son about marriage.

As far as other cultures, I talked about it in the other thread, the women are encouraged by their mother to seek out a husband early on. Whether that's finding an older man with resources in which most do, or whether it's finding a young man, who they can build with, which happens as well. But the mother has groomed the woman to be a wife, she's already a wife before she becomes a wife on paper in other cultures, she knows how to support, be submissive, cooperative, she knows the order already before she even leaves her parents' house, the mother has drilled it in her head.
The men come from marriages, they see their father, the father principles, work ethnic, they see how he's treated by their mother, this is displayed to the young boy, and as he grows into a man and leaves the house, he then can seek out a woman like his mama and marry her. That's the easy part for him in other cultures. He has to ask the woman's father for marriage, or prove to the father that he's worthy of his daughter, etc.

However, I do agree that things are fuk'd up on both sides, Us men have our things we have to fixed, everybody won't be saved. These threads (when discussed in good faith may help someone, IDK)

I do know we are far off from how we were before 1965, when we were the most married people in the country.

 

[Scaaar]

My SIL made the same mistake. Now, she's in a forever engagement in a ltr.

That last sentence was poignant. And it's definitely a concern if you confine yourself to age-match dating.

But... I wanna say something and I'm not really sure how to frame it... I think we need to leave some space for women who not with the rat race, who just wanna get married young and raise some babies. We need them too, to make up for the careerists. Just like some men just aint built to be house-husbands, some women just not built to be outside, throwing professional bows.

We don't make space for them, and this is one of the ways in which we differ from other cultures. And I'm not just talking about poorer cultures. Yes, its normal to see the Mexican 20-something with four kids, but Jews have that lane for their women too- two ends of the economic spectrum.

Its weird to me that we expect ALL of our women to be the same go getter, aggressive, boss bytches, and then get all shocked Pikachu when there are no soft, feminine women to be found. Duh, they're all too busy drowning in a wine glass trynna recover from the work week.

This go getter be a boss mentality is definitely having an effect on the women. That's why the number of them that are drinking heavy is increasing to match the men. It's a coping mechanism for the day to day grind. It's unhealthy mentally and physically for women to be out of their natural frame for long periods of time and we see the results on society right now. Men are structured genetically to carry more of the weight. In doing so you provide the space for a woman to be more softer and complimentary to your needs. If you provide this and she's still hard she has more underlying issues that she needs to sort out. But women also must be realistic with what the man is providing at that stage of his life too. Some of the expectations don't align with the reality of what he can do at that moment. You can't have Mercedes Benz expectations on a Toyota Camry salary. Just be patient it might come in a couple yrs. Especially if you see he's working to keep progressing and providing you a comfortable life at the moment.

 

[5n0man]

This is why I was going to actually post quotes from the actual article because I know how thecoli gets down.
You're just gonna say it doesn't say what I'm saying. Lol

"Kate Mills, a developmental neuroscientist at the University of Oregon, was equally puzzled. “This is funny to me—I don’t know why 25,” Mills said. “We’re still not there with research to really say the brain is mature at 25, because we still don’t have a good indication of what maturity even looks like.”

Maturity is a slippery concept, especially in neuroscience. A banana can be ripe or not, but there’s no single metric to examine to determine a brain’s maturity. In many studies, though, neuroscientists define maturity as the point at which changes in the brain level off. This is the metric researchers considered in determining that the prefrontal cortex continues developing into people’s mid-20s."

"To complicate things further, there’s a huge amount of variability between individual brains. Just as you might stop growing taller at 23, or 17—or, if you’re like me, 12—the age that corresponds with brain plateaus can differ greatly from person to person. In one study, participants ranged from 7 to 30 years old, and researchers tried to predict each person’s “brain age” by mapping the connections in each person’s brain. Their age predictions accounted for about 55 percent of the variance among the participants, but far from all of it. “Some 8-year-old brains exhibited a greater ‘maturation index’ than some 25 year old brains,” Somerville wrote in her Neuron review. Some of those differences might be random genetic variation, but people’s behavior and lived experience contribute as well. “Childhood experiences, epigenetics, substance use, genetics related to anxiety, psychosis, and ADHD—all that affects brain development as well,” said Sarah Mallard Wakefield, a forensic psychiatrist."



Bruh... Humans 2 generations ago were adults as teens.
You are telling me this generation saying that their brains aren't fully developed in their 20s are just as mature as the last generations.
Bro that doesn't even make sense.

But I respect your opinion

The article concludes saying it's real but not fully understood.


2 generations ago people thought certain types of people didnt deserve rights, they were not more mature.

 

[5n0man]

The point is the things that people deem as "adult"/"mature". Younger people were pulling that off better and more responsibily than older people are today


Manipulation is why I dont think older men should have involvement with younger women. They theoritically have advanced mouthpiece which shouldnt be used on the youth. And women of any age are suceptable to mouthpiece of a man of any age,even a youth. So young women definitely need to be protected.

You pressure women into sex with guns, we know your brain will never fully develop.

 

[Still Benefited]

I NEVER said that I said it’s A (meaning one of, meaning not the sole reason) REASON why MANY (many, meaning a significant amount, not all) women stay in abusive situations. How am I leading someone astray by telling people to go to college and make sure you’re financially stable before having kids. I think you’re the unfit teacher if you think that’s leading someone astray actually I’m positive.

I dont recall saying the sole reason. I said you think its the leading factor.



But if you dont actually think its the leading factor. Why is your platform teaching black women to be independent to protect themselves from abusers. When you could easily be teaching women how to be good wives and home makers which is more your wheelhouse?


When you know unwifeable,choosing poorly, rebeliious,independent women are moreso the cause of our communties disfunction. Rather than the minority of women "stuck" in an abusive relationship. You are doing the white mans bidding by spreading his doctrine. And quite frankly I dont like it. We strongly suggest you redirect your focus,you could be a valuable ally

 

[Still Benefited]

You pressure women into sex with guns, we know your brain will never fully develop.

Good one

 

[Scaaar]

To answer your question about the 26YO and 28YO man trying to marry his girl, in my opinion, no he is not. I for one, think if things are good in the home and she's 75%-80% of what you want as a man, those two men in your example should marry her and start a family with her. She should also seek marriage from them. She should always exhibit wifey duties. Show those men that she is a WIFE and a MOTHER and he should do the same as showing her that he is a HUSBAND and a FATHER.

I believe and other brehs can chime in and give their assessment, The first break-up(s) that some dudes may experience changes them. A break-up or a chick fukin over a dude turn most dudes into hoes, playas or just cautious. Seeing it happen to others can distort one's view.

I also believe that men are not marrying early any more is because men are not seeing marriages in their own lives. I think, if you see something or come from something like a marriage, that's gonna make you want that object/item for yourself. Most men come from single parent homes. The father is the one IMO who have to teach their son about marriage.

As far as other cultures, I talked about it in the other thread, the women are encouraged by their mother to seek out a husband early on. Whether that's finding an older man with resources in which most do, or whether it's finding a young man, who they can build with, which happens as well. But the mother has groomed the woman to be a wife, she's already a wife before she becomes a wife on paper in other cultures, she knows how to support, be submissive, cooperative, she knows the order already before she even leaves her parents' house, the mother has drilled it in her head.
The men come from marriages, they see their father, the father principles, work ethnic, they see how he's treated by their mother, this is displayed to the young boy, and as he grows into a man and leaves the house, he then can seek out a woman like his mama and marry her. That's the easy part for him in other cultures. He has to ask the woman's father for marriage, or prove to the father that he's worthy of his daughter, etc.

However, I do agree that things are fuk'd up on both sides, Us men have our things we have to fixed, everybody won't be saved. These threads (when discussed in faith may help someone, IDK)

I do know we are far off from how we were before 1965, when we were the most married people in the country.

I definitely went through this phase for 2-3 yrs after my divorce. I was bitter and cautious about commitment since I had to give up most of what I had built and start from scratch. I know I damaged some good women. But once I healed there were positives in the marriage. I think the best version of me was when I was married. Because there was no more satisfying feeling than earning and making a decent living for my family. It was a different level of drive and battery in my back when you got people who are depending on you.

 

[V Skyye]

Oh clearly something is OFF with any young woman who wants to have casual sex with a bunch of men.

What I’m saying is- when you run into that 22YO Black girl who falls madly in love with you (because the whole joke is we all know that’s how it is when a girl is young and inexperienced. That’s why brehs preach all that “mouthpiece” shyt; it actually works when you’re young ) — do you understand that girl probably will want to marry you in 2-3 years if you ask? Or do you say “aw man I’m still having fun out here!”

What I’m really asking is- ppl in here are saying a man’s “playa” years are his 30s.

Does Asian culture tell men to run through women in their 30s and look for their first wife at 40? Are White men running through women all through their 30s and settling down at 40? Or are they onto wife #2 by 40?

It’s like everyone is focused on fixing young Black women (and YES I know we have a lot to fix) but no one is asking why young Black men aren’t getting trained to be husbands at a younger age like everyone else?

Again- in educated circles this isn’t as much of an issue, but I’m looking at the community as a whole.

Is the 26YO breh who is a ups driver or electrician trying to marry his girl like the 26YO white plumber is marrying his girl?

Is the 28YO breh who finished law school last year marrying his girl like the 28YO white guy who just finished his program the year before?

I get it. The women gotta get back on track. But if we are back on track like the other women, will I have a breh who is a couple years older than me ready like the other women, or I gotta marry a man 15yrs older than me (which is ironic that I’m the one saying this, I know. But I’m talking about all of our women)?

The brehs in here stating that Black men aren’t ready to settle down into relationships until they reach 40 will be the same ones in threads downing women and asking why the community is in shambles.

 

[HarlemHottie]

But women also must be realistic with what the man is providing at that stage of his life too. Some of the expectations don't align with the reality of what he can do at that moment. You can't have Mercedes Benz expectations on a Toyota Camry salary. Just be patient it might come in a couple yrs. Especially if you see he's working to keep progressing and providing you a comfortable life at the moment.

I think we're getting there. It's been a long harrowing journey, but I think bw are finally starting to see their tho(ugh)t leaders for the whores they are. We have to start there to counter the desire for fast money (which is what's throwing them off). There will soon come a time when a 20-something married bw gets called broke on twitter and responds, 'At least I'm not a literal street walker.' Its in the air.***

You have to understand, if you never been in a household where daddy go to work everyday and come home, you don't even know how regular life works. These things need to be explained. Low key, family oriented sit coms used to help with this a bit, but we're way past that. If all you ever did was sit up under your mama and grandmama who barely worked, you know nothing at all of normalcy. That's a lot of our young women, incl first gen college grads. That's why they end up with dudes from the old neighborhood and raggedy personal lives.

edit: ***And here we go, we getting close!

https://www.thecoli.com/threads/sista-responds-to-glorilla-telling-young-women-to-be-toxic-in-their-20s.992290/