Brehs with Young Daughters and Sisters

[Ashley Banks]

Black women, or just "women"?

Just women

 

[HarlemHottie]

Just women

That explains the disconnect. I haven't heard tell of a single bw in this situation since I was a little teeny tiny girl, like, the mid 80's. I don't think bw have this problem so much nowadays.

I could be wrong.

 

[Still Benefited]

Black women, or just "women"?

Just women

I stand corrected#AllLivesMatter

 

[Ashley Banks]

I dont recall saying the sole reason. I said you think its the leading factor.



But if you dont actually think its the leading factor. Why is your platform teaching black women to be independent to protect themselves from abusers. When you could easily be teaching women how to be good wives and home makers which is more your wheelhouse?


When you know unwifeable,choosing poorly, rebeliious,independent women are moreso the cause of our communties disfunction. Rather than the minority of women "stuck" in an abusive relationship. You are doing the white mans bidding by spreading his doctrine. And quite frankly I dont like it. We strongly suggest you redirect your focus,you could be a valuable ally

I was being extremely specific since you seem to think you can only be taught one way of life.

I’m not sure if you’re purposefully requiring in depth explanations or if you’re just being difficult because you’re bored. In my response to you I said.

“Or can you take all of what you said AND ensure that you’re able to fully care for your child in a world ruled by money?”

This is “all of what you said”

“having kids,taking care of the home,teaching the kids our cirriculum and good character,chores,errands,reading,honing your sex skills,developing and knowing yourself.”

youre getting stuck on the abusive relationship when I SOLELY brought it up as ONE of things that being financially independent could protect you from. Literally that’s it, I never said my entire “platform” is abusive relationships. But I can tell you just want to go back and forth I’m just letting you know I’ll NEVER support not encouraging people to further their education and work towards financial freedom especially when they have children. So we’ll just have to disagree.

 

[mag357]

The article concludes saying it's real but not fully understood.


2 generations ago people thought certain types of people didnt deserve rights, they were not more mature.

So What's the real part if they don't understand it.
Smh

Brother, simply...just stop repeating shyt that even the people who study it don't understand.

 

[Ashley Banks]

That explains the disconnect. I haven't heard tell of a single bw in this situation since I was a little teeny tiny girl, like, the mid 80's. I don't think bw have this problem so much nowadays.

I could be wrong.

I volunteer for women’s shelters so I’m exposed to it a lot more but either way, it was one example of what being financially independent could protect you from. He just keeps going back to that even though I gave other reasons.

 

[Ashley Banks]

I stand corrected#AllLivesMatter

I never said that wth

 

[feelosofer]

At 18-20 I would have to vet the potential partner. At 23 she can do what she wants.

 

[HarlemHottie]

I volunteer for women’s shelters so I’m exposed to it a lot more but either way, it was one example of what being financially independent could protect you from. He just keeps going back to that even though I gave other reasons.

I hear you, but tbf, it's the most common 'excuse' so it's worth addressing. I gather that you operate in a more mixed ethnic milieu, but we talking about bw here. I wish we had some data.

 

[Sonic Boom of the South]

Black people romanticize about marriage waaaayyyy too much. And we're failing the most.

Marriage is business 1st. A solid provider is of upmost importance. Not that you both say the same word at the same times once a month.

Every other race and even our race 50 years ago, encouraged the women to marry in their 20s. I'm in corporate America, Black women are the only ones busting their azz. Women with husbands are living well, always happy at work, bringing in cupcakes and shyt.

Teaching your daughter to be independent and to put their education and career first is the dumbest thing you can do. No man wants an independent, driven, career oriented, 30+ wife.

Few men might say they do, but the stats say different.

This dumb ass sucka shyt here!

This mafukka 50 and never married with his hypocritical lonely Black people hating ass!



You coli mafukkas such loser ass gumps!

Hit the gym and lose that pot belly Pill Cosby and maybe you would have a wife!

This nikka mama ain't even married with his sassy effeminate ass!

 

[Givethanks]

This dumb ass sucka shyt here!

This mafukka 50 and never married with his hypocritical lonely Black people hating ass!



You coli mafukkas such loser ass gumps!

Hit the gym and lose that pot belly Pill Cosby and maybe you would have a wife!

This nikka mama ain't even married with his sassy effeminate ass!

Hey, stop Leave him alone

 

[Gloxina]

My advice to my daughter is just to find whomever makes her happy. She has the support system in place where she can afford to approach romance for romance sake instead of trying find someone with status and security to elevate her. Her Mother is a Doctor and her father is the CFO of a 20 million dollar corporation. She already got status and security from us.
I'd still rather her not settle down with a deadbeat all that being said, but i feel like it would be beneath her to hook up with a dude twice her age unless she really is captivated by him.

Healthy, well-adjusted Black families. All I’m saying

 

[Gloxina]

Since my youngest sister is already married, I will just focus on answering this question as it pertains to my daughter who is still unmarried.

On your first question, no I would not encourage marriage at 18/20 YO for anyone. That is too young in my opinion to be getting married. I would suggest 25 as a starting point, since that is when most people's brains have fully developed.

On your second question, 23 is still too young in my opinion. Even past 25, I do not want my daughter to marry a man my age. I could not stop her from doing it though, since she is an adult, but I would not give my blessing for it either. I want viable grandchildren, and older sperm is found to contribute to birth defects.

"Older paternal age may be harmful to the offspring's health in terms of genetic mutations, telomere length, and epigenetics [66]. Several lines of evidence suggest that epigenetic changes occur in the sperm of older fathers, particularly defects in DNA methylation [67–69]."



There are many other concerns that I would have about the situation, like his financial, mental, and physical fitness. I raised her to focus primarily on finding a man with good character & morals, so he does not have to be wealthy though he does have to be self-sufficient and in a reasonably stable career (at least middle class). So a 40 year old man with good character & morals, stable career, and loves my daughter would get my blessing to marry her if that is whom she wanted to marry. A 50 and older man would get to see the business end of my shotgun barrel.

I wonder why no one responds to you wonderful Coli fathers when you answer these questions with logical, thoughtful answers.

 

[klutch2381]

I would ask you, are these women wives?? Black men want wives, not partners or city girls or boss bytches etc, or attention seekers

I would ask you to look at the young women today and compare them to the young women of 1960s, 50s, 40s, 30s, Those young women were married early snatched up quickly, do you think the young women of 2022, 2023 are the same as their grandmothers?

Have you asked yourself, why these women are "getting ran through" instead of being married?

I have. I would say in general that black men reject many of the hegemonic ideals of a heteronormative marriage. This is not solely the fault of black men, which have been historically excluded from the ideal of “protector and provider.” However, given that reality, black men seemingly do marriage and perceive marriage differently than other racial groups. Yes, marriage has become somewhat deinstitutionalized, but it still holds significant cultural capital and esteem—particularly among the college educated (Cherlin 2020).

Additionally, while marriage markets are always fluid and do account for some of the disparity in marriage rates for black women (a position famously posited by William Julius Wilson in The Truly Disadvantaged in 1986), studies by Lichter and colleagues denote that only 17% of the disparity can be attributed to marriage markets. Marriage itself as an institution is not the poverty-reducing mechanism for BLACK people that many people appear to believe it to be. For examples, the children of affluent black married couples are DOWNWARDLY mobile in comparison to whites (Baker and O’Connell). A married black woman with zero poverty risk factors is just as likely to be impoverished as a white woman with THREE poverty risk factors (Williams and Baker).

I say all that to say that black men are not getting the same benefit from marriage as other groups, so our interaction and orientation to it is completely different. This is before you even start accounting for individual-level factors like income, education, health, emotional well-being, and we have to account for structural forces such as racism and prejudice as well that affect black union formation and marriage.

I’m a sociologist who is doing a lot of work in family science right now.

 

[OliviaTwist]

I'm 42, my girl is 28. She's old fashion. Cook, clean, don't care to go out, doesnt believe in girl trips and Keke Palmer shyt. But we're both from the city. She was raised by her grandparents.

I think that's the best way for an older man to date younger. Older man can't be dating one of these modern party girls.

Is she your wife? If not, do you have set plans to make her?