Its okay if you dont believe me. You can run with whatever narrative you want
Just be thankful you don't have a father like mine when it comes to emotional intelligence and ego
I Had To Uninvite My Father to my Wedding
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Its okay if you dont believe me. You can run with whatever narrative you want
Just be thankful you don't have a father like mine when it comes to emotional intelligence and ego
She had the perfect oppurtunity to breh
Her dad is big in the Imo community.... i mean big big. I don't want those Imo State problems, they outnumber us where I live...
My dad is a notable figure in his village in Imo state as well (to the point Oliver De Coque came to visit our home in the 80s during his US tour) for me to hold no reverence and to go so far as to cut him out my life completely baffles his side of the family. He deserves it tho.
Anyone can change but it seems like he is changing for the worst.repping everyone in this thread, it may take awhile cuz it keeps telling me to slow down.
I talked with my father yesterday. Although he apologized... tha'ts not enough.
When a man reaches his 60s... chances are he will never ever change. That's probably who he is till death
Yeah we are taught young that we are worthless embarrasments who only exist for the goal of making our parents proud. For people who never went through it, i assume this thread is hard to fathom, probably sounds like some crazy dukktales shyt.
But there is always a limit to what someone will take. The problem he's facing is now that my little brothers and my sister all told my dad the same thing, that they dont want him at their weddings too. they stopped communication with him, etc. My youngest told him he doesn't respect him anymore. Alotta turmoil going on but its good. Growth comes from pain. Its just sad i let it get to this point.
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The Prince of All Saiyans
Formerly Jisoo Stan & @Twitter
what if you end up divorced within a year 
Now that I'm thinking about it, your pops might show up at the wedding anyway. Just be prepared for that.
My dad known for be the supportive one of all in his family and the village. He will help anyone, shyt, paid some of my cousin way in parts of pharmacy school. But with me, it was always letting me hyon. He wanted me to be a man. He only paid when he felt it was worth it. I am a better man for it. A lot of people thought my dad was going to carry me through life. They didn't know my home dynamics like that. It was never like that. I was the home probation for life kid. Not the Harvard/Yale/Duke pathway one.
Both my parents believed in tough love. Maybe it's the only way looking back at it. I was stubborn, questioned everything, teachers loved and hated me, you know how it goes. Teachers who loved me said I am the smartest person they ever met and teachers who hated me said I wouldn't survive community college much less get into 4 years.
Every motherfukka had an opinion in my youth. I've had grown ass adults who don't know me giving me their take on me. Gossipy ass nikkas. I had kids in middle school saying all everyone talks about is you. How sway? My life was like a movie to these nikkas.
I'm currently in therapy, been in therapy for about 2 years now. 90% of what i talk about is related to my father, no surprise there.
Yeah i fukked up. I know i did. she wanted to elope, she saw the signs early. Not the signs against her, the signs against me.
I guess it would make more sense if I gave some background. My personality is very very laid back. I dont really fight with anyone anymore, i dont have a big ego, i take jokes and roll with them, i'm not really that self-important. The problem is, my dad is the opposite.
- Fights with everyone
- Extremely self important
- Massive, frail ego
- Will not take jokes (sees them as disrespect)
So in my ideal world, everyone gets along right? My parents, her parents, all the sibs, everyone. There is no ideal world if one person wants to fight everyone. And my dad brings out the worst in me. The absolute worst. And here is what scares me... this is what i tell my counselor.... when i'm around him... i act LIKE him. I dont yell and curse and fight anyone.... except for him. I haven't been in a physical altercation with anyone in years... except for my dad. shyt is unhealthy. We have a toxic relationship and i'm not bringing him to the center, he's making me more like him.
I've been having some pretty bad thoughts of what i want to do to him... I wont go there cuz its unhealthy. I gotta be better than that. Not for his sake, for my own and my future
what if you end up divorced within a year
What if my dad died tomorrow...
I know i'm just saying this cuz i'm still clearly emotional, but i wouldn't care that much if he died
I may regret this post later
Eternally Jaded
Superstar
This type of thing is crazy to me.
Most parents I know, would just be concerned over affordability and property values, neighborhood safety, etc.
But ultimately it would be a moment of pride to see their child taking that step.
He sounds like next level Tywin Lannister man.
The Prince of All Saiyans
Formerly Jisoo Stan & @Twitter
don't test the gods, goldWhat if my dad died tomorrow...
I know i'm just saying this cuz i'm still clearly emotional, but i wouldn't care that much if he died
I may regret this post later
I promise you he wasn't always like this.
I really don't know what changed him. I really dont know. He always had our diffrerences but he changed.
Well I do know part of what happened but I honestly cant explain it without giving so much background and info on my family that its just not worth it. I'm not trying to be mysterious, i'm just gonna put my whole family's business out there.
Well, i clearly just did in this thread but you know what i mean
I know breh... this aint how i usually act.
Alotta anger and emotions.
I probably dont mean half the shyt i'm saying and 90% of the thoughts i'm having.
Good for you for taking the steps to heal. I think you should listen to your girl. Sounds like your father is very controlling. Him being at your wedding would only cause you stress and him not being invited may set him off and show up anyway which will be a whole scene. And if her family fined out that is a whole other issue. They will likely find out one day and that should not be the day.
If I were you, I'd do preventive maintenance. Go elope with your woman, making it about just you and her. Use the money you were going to use on the wedding and spend it on your honeymoon. Deal with the BS after your foundation is established. One issue at a time.
You're on the right path though. Don't beat yourself up. You're doing the best you can with the tools you have. Keep leveling up.