I Had To Uninvite My Father to my Wedding

[Gold]

This sounds like you're wrestling with your pride/ego.

Allow me to get pseudo philosophical right quick:

In instances like this (and eventually your marriage) there's going to have to be some surrendering. But don't understand it as surrendering to a person, see it surrendering to a concept; in this context, the unconditional love between son and father. Much more important than your "ego", yes?

To that point, surrender to love, not your father, and sit at that table, even if you're unsure he'll join. Do what you can do to peace it up. If anything, you'll feel better knowing you tried.

Invite him. If he doesn't meet you there, you did your part.

This is where ive been the past 6 months, and he has not come to that table. I wont be here forever. I hear you, i really do, but i have to be the man in my family, i can't remain the child in his forever

 

[#1 pick]

It has nothing to do with her, he would have done it to any woman i wanted to marry. It has to do with manipulating me and controlling me

He sound Naija af. Usually, its the moms who stay trippin. My dad was pretty chill in terms of control. My mom from Louisiana on the other hand a nikka couldn't leave the house for an event outside of the school till my graduation and even then, she was waiting to pick me up like I owed her money.

 

[Gold]

I will treat my kids better. If anything good can come from this pain, its that

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

yeah you can't let him put an ultimatum like that up.

crossing the line indeed.

I tried, trust me. He is the one who said he wont come to my wedsing unless i did x things. I said if i do that, my fiancee will leave me. He said so be it. I said ok dad, then dont come.

It was his idea from the jump, im merely calling his bluff and sticking with it

My moms was like that and I told her I would respect her rules but leave home early as possible and I did. Over the years both parents learned I don't conform easy.

He sound Naija af. Usually, its the moms who stay trippin. My dad was pretty chill in terms of control. My mom from Louisiana on the other hand a nikka couldn't leave the house for an event outside of the school till my graduation and even then, she was waiting to pick me up like I owed her money.

 

[Obreh Winfrey]

If yall kmew what he did... yall woulda probably beat your father's ass for doing the same.

Trust me i wanted to, my brother stopped me

We don't know what he did because you keep dancing around it

 

[GoAggieGo.]

Is the wedding coming up? Hopefully, there’s still some time to fix it.

I don’t know you, but I can tell it’s going to hurt you, through your posts, if y’all go through with this. Either way, I pray for the best for all involved, but you’re doing the right thing by putting your wife first.

 

[Swirv]

I said these exact words to him.
He wouldn't listen.

Im not going to kill myself to please him. I cannot. I wont do it

You did what you had to do. Move on and enjoy matrimony.

 

[Jean Jacket]

If yall kmew what he did... yall woulda probably beat your father's ass for doing the same.

Trust me i wanted to, my brother stopped me

.fukk this mysterious shyt. Just tell us what happened or .

.Another thing, you sound like a whiney bytch...let the old dude show up and if he starts acting dumb, check him.

.How are you going to protect a woman, and you let your daddy bytch you out?

 

[Gold]

@Gold breh be the bigger man on this. I wish my dads was alive. I saw my biological one die and he couldn’t speak in his last couple of days but I knew he was sorry for the bs.

Be bigger and break those chains of discord and start your marriage off on a strong foundation.

I wish y’all the best and for being a stand up breh

I dont know how to. Im tired breh... im so fukkin tired. I dont have anymore fight to give

 

[Gold]

.fukk this mysterious shyt. Just tell us what happened or .

.Another thing, you sound like a whiney bytch...let the old dude show up and if he starts acting dumb, check him.

.How are you going to protect a woman, and you let your daddy bytch you out?

I think you have it backwards. Im protecting her by keeping him away

 

[Hungerpain]

It has nothing to do with her, he would have done it to any woman i wanted to marry. It has to do with manipulating me and controlling me

You should've been fought him then.
That's what men do.
5 minutes in the backyard,respect is earned,boundaries get set,everyone moves on..
Not inviting him to your wedding is some passive aggressive shyt that not only will you regret but will make you lose respect wit your family and even your wife.
Unless ya pops is on some complete evil/dirtbag shyt I wouldn't go this route but that's me.
Good luck.

 

[#1 pick]

yeah you can't let him put an ultimatum like that up.

crossing the line indeed.

It does cross the line but what's the alternative? Dad not at the wedding. My dad is everything to me. I'll kill a nikka for the fam. I just don't know what the alternative is. Wedding in the Nigerian community is a community event as well as an link between the two families. He knows this shyt can't go out without him. It's seen as disrespect to that family, the elders and the ancestors.

 

[jj23]

I will treat my kids better. If anything good can come from this pain, its that

Bottom line as well, if he is willing to cut off his future grandchildren over his ego, then he sounds like he needs to humble himself.

 

[Gold]

We don't know what he did because you keep dancing around it

Imagine if your dad slapped your fiance cuz he was mad at you. Slapped her in her face hard as shyt cuz he was mad at you. Not cuz he wa mad at her, but he was mad at you.

Im not saying thats what happened, but imagine....

 

[#1 pick]

@Gold, are you the oldest my g or the first one getting married?