"I want to date Black Men. Why is it so hard?". Why do these women think it's their blackness?

[KingJay]

I agree with everything you've said and have seen this shyt play out too.

But I think it needs to be underscored that she is not getting overlooked for shallow reasons. Even if she was skinny, she would still be miserable to deal with. Internal ugliness is a waaaaaaaaaaaay stronger cockblock than people wanna acknowledge. She needs counseling. That article is a psychoanalyst's wet dream.
There are so many intriguing questions and insights I could mine from the lil shyt she revealed in her article.

"Why does black male acheivement make her uncomfortable or incensed?"

"What happened in her past relationships?"

"Why does she seem unable to acknowledge toxic behaviors black women engage in with blk men?"

"Let's dig a bit deeper into this heteroflexibility?"

"She automatically comes to the table with negativity and lowered expectations, so why is it a black man's job to pull her out of her fog of miserable fukkism, just to gain the dubious privilege of having to entertain her?"

I wouldn't even wanna be friends with her b/c I hate negative people and it's got nothing to do with how she looks.

I'm not talking on the chick in the article purely the women in my life

 

[EndGame]

Misplaced priorities. Shes needs to focus on losing weight.

 

[Artenche]

Yep.....until they have a fallout

Then her "friend" pulls a 180 and is like "That's why that fat bytch can't get no man....because she talk too much and keep a nasty ass house"

What I don't get is they never admit to any of this.

I see it happen routinely.

 

[KingJay]

The first girl has a problem with choosing the wrong dudes or just plain ole like the that type of treatment.

The second one is probably ignoring the type of guys that is actually giving her attention or you're just gassing her up. I'm not believing a damn near 9 is getting straight ignored by most black men because of skin tone.

These "sob stories" ain't getting sympathy from me or really any dude with their head straight.

Imma quote what I said to the other two brehs because it applies here too:
I think the high volume of cats quoting and combating what I'm saying all without trying to accept or acknowledge at all that some of us have some shyt to deal with and instead are immediately pointing the finger at our women who none of yall know but are making assumptions about speaks for itself.

We shouldn't have this volume of cheaters and abusers in our community. That's a problem. It's hard to know a man is actually abusive or going to cheat on you before you end up in a relationship with him, cats know how to play their cards. She doesn't like that treatment, that's why she gets out of the relationships. She's been with a good dude now and is happier than she's ever been.

The dark skinned one is constantly getting passed up for her light skinned friends or white girls hanging around

If you can't sympathize or empathize with the black women in your life or have the willingness to at least hear them out and understand their struggles you need to question if you love our women in the first place instead of just wanting to fukk em and use em. That doesn't mean you listen to everything they say, I said myself a lot of times it's on them, you gotta hold them accountable, but you may have some self examination to do

 

[Mindfield333]

its funny when i read the replies on a topic like this. y'all just assume these big brawds not getting play bc they big... chances are, her personality trash & she wants a dude that checks all the boxes

 

[MischievousMonkey]

The one who is in bad relationships isn't the one complaining about being dark, she's light skinned. The dark skinned one doesn't get much attention from brehs period in comparison to her light skinned friends or the white girls around instead.

What you're saying is easy to say from the outside and especially from our male perspective. You also shouldn't have to worry about "allowing it" in a relationship, your man shouldn't be disrespectful to you in the first place. Our woman shouldn't have to check us. I think the high volume of cats quoting and combating what I'm saying all without trying to accept or acknowledge at all that some of us have some shyt to deal with and instead are immediately pointing the finger at our women who none of yall know but are making assumptions about speaks for itself.

Bet, didn't get that. The part about looking into her character instead of blaming black men (what you're doing whether you put a "some" before the noun or not) still applies tho,

You also shouldn't have to worry about "allowing it" in a relationship, your man shouldn't be disrespectful to you in the first place.

What you don't get is that I totally agree with that. But you seem so eager to absolve your friend from responsibility that you fail to see that none of her boyfriends were imposed to her (as far as I know). Unless it was an arranged union, and in this case I'll shut up, she chose these black men.

And the problem a lot of people, men and women, have is that they simply don't want to recognize when they make trash choices and what the choices they make say about them. That's too tough to admit for people who stay falling in these "toxic relationships".

It's not easy for me to say as a man this is basic accountability. I say the exact same thing to my male friends who have "great personalities" but ends up in shytty relationships. Take a look in the mirror. That's how you grow. You cannot make other people grow for you by blaming them, but instead wonder why you end up with people with bad behavior in the first place.

Hope this helps.

 

[Neuromancer]

Is she avoiding advances from guys who are on her level?

 

[WesCrook]

its funny when i read the replies on a topic like this. y'all just assume these big brawds not getting play bc they big... chances are, her personality trash & she wants a dude that checks all the boxes

Well, you must have skimmed through them, because most of the replies point this out directly.

 

[BigMan]

Why don't you feel like engaging on the second chick? Anyway, imma say what I said to the other breh because it applies here too:
I think the high volume of cats quoting and combating what I'm saying all without trying to accept or acknowledge at all that some of us have some shyt to deal with and could step our game up and instead are immediately pointing the finger at our women who none of yall know but are making assumptions about speaks for itself.

Why are there all these abusers, cheaters, etc. in our community? We're better than that, and she's not attracted to abusive men, she doesn't know they're abusive until she's in the relationship and has to get out of there. She's finally been with a good dude and she's happy as can be.

If we go into a discussion on colorist and purported colorism it will last pages and pages and I don’t feel like doing all that.

Shes not attracted to abusive men is a cop out.
Folks need to be honest with themselves. That’s how you can grow and fix issues in your life. If she’s in a better relationship now she probably changed her environment/life/what she looks for/did some soul searching already. For many reasons, Women are less likely to go through these soul searching processes hence why I’m “pointing the finger.”

Another point is that when men complain about dating or their love lives, folks are harsh on them too. There’s little sympathy spared for a man struggling with dating. I believe Women should get the same treatment. As other and I said, too often people, especially women, don’t look inwards or be honest with themselves as to why their love lives/dating isn’t working out

Also if you’re black you know damn well why there are abusers in our community. It is also not a black community thing like you seen them be implying.

 

[KingJay]

The part about looking into her character instead of blaming black men (what you're doing whether you put a "some" before the noun or not) still applies tho,

Explain wym on this one breh, hard to find what you're pointing to exactly I've been responding to a lot of cats

What you don't get is that I totally agree with that. But you seem so eager to absolve your friend from responsibility that you fail to see that none of her boyfriends were imposed to her (as far as I know). Unless it was an arranged union, and in this case I'll shut up, she chose these black men.

And the problem a lot of people, men and women, have is that they simply don't want to recognize when they make trash choices and what the choices they make say about them. That's too tough to admit for people who stay in these "toxic relationships".

It's not easy for me to say as a man this is basic accountability. I say the exact same thing to my male friends who have "great personalities" but ends up in shytty relationships. Take a look in the mirror. That's how you grow. You cannot make other people grow for you by blaming them, but instead wonder why you end up with people with bad behavior in the first place.

Hope this helps.

I'm not absolving, I'm stating what I know as someone who actually knows her and not someone making assumptions about someone they've never met. I also don't need to absolve anything to point out that we've got a good chunk of cheating and abusive men in our community, and we shouldn't be cool with that. I believe we're the most gifted, emotionally intelligent, and most in touch with our humanity of any people in the world, we're better than this, should take care of our women better, and hold ourselves to a higher standard than, "yeah those dudes are out there"

You don't always know how someone is until you get to really know them. They're not walking around being abusive on the first date, they're not making it clear that they're cheaters, a lot of this is shyt that you find out as you actually are in a relationship with that person over a period of time. We find out the same things about women, I've been with tons of women who seemed like really good chicks, and over time you find out some of them are bat shyt crazy, I think anyone who has been with enough chicks can attest to that

I agree that a lot of people make poor decisions, I said a lot of it is on women too, but that doesn't mean some of the issues in our community don't stem from some of us ourselves. And it is easier for us to say as men more detached from the situation like it's easier for dumb cacs to tell brehs to pick themselves up by their bootstraps, becuase it's basic accountability and work ethic

 

[Bart simpson]

She look like Viscera

 

[KingJay]

If we go into a discussion on colorist and purported colorism it will last pages and pages and I don’t feel like doing all that.

Shes not attracted to abusive men is a cop out.
Folks need to be honest with themselves. That’s how you can grow and fix issues in your life. If she’s in a better relationship now she probably changed her environment/life/what she looks for/did some soul searching already. For many reasons, Women are less likely to go through these soul searching processes hence why I’m “pointing the finger.”

Another point is that when men complain about dating or their love lives, folks are harsh on them too. There’s little sympathy spared for a man struggling with dating. I believe Women should get the same treatment. As other and I said, too often people, especially women, don’t look inwards or be honest with themselves as to why their love lives/dating isn’t working out

Also if you’re black you know damn well why there are abusers in our community. It is also not a black community thing like you seen them be implying.

A discussion on colorism doesn't need to last long at all, it exists and afflicts a lot of the members of our community. That's a fact.
She didn't change much at all, take it from someone who actually knows her she just found a good dude. Women who are attracted to abusive men will stay in abusive relationships, not get out of that shyt.

The sympathy for a man's dating struggles has nothing to do with this I agree with you, but we shouldn't close our eyes and ears to the words of our women for that reason. Let's fix the issue on both ends.

I believe we're strong enough to overcome some of the issues in our community regardless of who imposed them. We can morally uplift ourselves to some extent, and at the very least shouldn't be content with the way things currently are. We're not completely slaves to white supremacy, otherwise we'll never topple it

 

[Michael's Black Son]

Enters.
Exits.

 

[Rawtid]

Ma’am you’re overweight and not attractive. Just leave it at that. Men ARE NOT publicly wifing fat women, especially not black ones. Sorry.

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

Everyday..
It’s a new phrase..
Heteroflexibility
And she is delusional as fukk