Is it a good thing if your girl constantly fears losing you no matter how reassuring you are?

[Still Benefited]

It's a red flag for anyone. The part you're not focusing on is the constantly part. That is not healthy for anyone. That means she's going to make that mans life a living hell to due her insecurities. Stop and actually think about that, especially if that man hasn't given her a single reason to be insecure. That's not fair to him or their relationship. Having to constantly reassure someone about something constantly will eventually cause them to leave.

Again, this is not some ego "oh she needs me" braggadocios thing to be proud of. Essentially her mental issues will eventually affect him mentally, sir that is not okay. After that relationship he'll have to "unlearn" the bs he had to "learn" to "keep her happy" which he could never do in the first place. If someone needs constant reassurance, I need the person doing the reassuring to understand they'll be doing that forever unless the other person gets help for their issues or they break up. I hope you never experience it because it's mentally exhausting


Edit- Case in point, the post above mine, who wants to constantly do that? Every day, every phone call, every text message, every interaction with the opposite sex etc? I'd rather be single than do that bs

Well with all due respect you are a woman. You can take your womb and the children anytime you please. As men in this country,we dont have the luxury to be dealing with women who dont care whether you leave or not. So scoffing at a woman who is devoted is a big mistake. Its really the same for a woman. But theres just the potential risk factor with an insecure man that I cant cosign. So ill leave it to women to say if an insecure man can ever be a positive.


I have experienced this,and there are good versions and bad versions of women who are like this.


Bad version-insecure and thinks you are out cheating all the time. Constantly accuses you of things you arent doing,constantly looking for proof. And really just thinks you are eventually going to hurt her and are no good.


Good version-Insecure and thinks SHES not good enough. Constantly thinking she cant measure up to other women. This is a woman whos mind can be changed in a more positive direction. This is a woman who will do more to be the best version of herself and make you happy. These are potential righteous attachments.


When it comes to relationships comfortability kills

 

[Concerned Citizen]

Nope because that insecurity will eat at her then she’s getting side dikk for an ego boost

 

[Diondon]

Your woman should value you. yes
but she sounds cray and bound self sabotage
On some I cheated cause I'm sure he has women on the side shyt

 

[the elastic]

​

That means you're someone that's worth keeping. As long as she isn't doing anything psychotic, a lil insecurity is normal and ok.

All these dudes who are saying she's bound to cheat are the same dudes who are praising TJ Holmes and probably believe in that "Key that opens every lock" analogy

 

[JA_Carter]

Breh, we done told you to bush this girl like 3 months ago.

How you still putting up with this bs?

Lol nobody is perfect, she’s been a great girlfriend in spite of her insecurities

 

[JA_Carter]

Im not a fan of internet psychotherapy, especially when we (coli readers) have so little information. I wasnt asking about her mental state, I'm asking about her 'relational state'.

So, to the bold, you've described yourself but what about her? Is she pretty? Is her life/ career going well? Im asking, is she your equal? If not, then her insecurities are based in actual fact and may be better dealt with through other, real life means, ie, a glow up, a job change, etc.

She’s pretty and doing her masters while working full time

 

[MajesticLion]

We've seen thee Patrice O'Neal skits too, OP

 

[RadaMillz]

if she can't live with out u, she won't die without u

get away from batshet crazy wimminz

 

[Still Benefited]

She’s pretty and doing her masters while working full time

What skin color is she?

 

[JA_Carter]

What skin color is she?

Dark skin, which is exactly my type

 

[TRUEST]

That's exactly I did to my ex (the one from last Summer).



I always was under the impression that she would leave me/go back to her ex husband so i hoed myself out out of insecurity and fear.



Man your boy was broken as fidduck.



And the sad reality is that she eventually broke up with me because of my issues of her leaving.



Sad shiit... manifested my own relationship destiny when all i had to do was just relax and enjoy my time with her.




.

Nah. Check this. If she liked u enough she wouldn’t have broken up with u. So your intuition wasn’t particularly wrong. If anything it only sped up the manifestation of the inevitable.

 

[Thatrogueassdiaz]

I do everything to reassure her, show DM’s, I’m not talking to any other girl, my words & actions align but because I’m (humbly) a good looking tall dude doing well she thinks I’ll leave her for someone else.

We haven’t seen each other for other a week due to work shyt and she straight up tells me that she fears I’ll leave her for someone else, even though I am 100% faithful to her and try to show her this. Doesn’t help that her friends tell her how handsome I am and she should marry me lol (she’s shown me the messages).

Almost every day I ask her how I can be more reassuring but it doesn’t seem to help. She’s going to start going therapy so hopefully it will help.

You sound like a good guy. It's sounds like you're in a very unhealthy relationship right now. It's good she will go to therapy bc clearly she doesn't value herself. To be fair though if you're a handsome man, or very handsome man, she will feel she's not on your level. This is also reflective of her past relationships. I've been in relationships like that myself, where a woman would say I'm too good for them or too good looking. It happens, ESPECIALLY when you're a good dude on top of being good looking. Let's hope she changes her ways, bc she is heading towards self sabotage. If you're constantly texting her telling her that she is good enough or that you're not cheating or what have you that is a sign that she is going to sabotage the relationship, either by cheating or displaying codependent behavior. Sorry you're going through this.

That's exactly I did to my ex (the one from last Summer).



I always was under the impression that she would leave me/go back to her ex husband so i hoed myself out out of insecurity and fear.



Man your boy was broken as fidduck.



And the sad reality is that she eventually broke up with me because of my issues of her leaving.



Sad shiit... manifested my own relationship destiny when all i had to do was just relax and enjoy my time with her.




.

Text book self sabotage. That sucks you had to learn that way. It's clear through your anecdote that when someone cheats it's USUALLY not reflective of that person.

 

[GreenGhxst]

yeah, I'd say so

higher likelihood of cheating and flirting with the idea of getting with other people

 

[$cam-U-Well_Jack$on]

That shyt is extremely exhausting. It ends up becoming a self fulfilling prophecy cause those irrational fears leads to pushing da other person away due to how unhealthy & mentally exhausting it is. Thus, confirming what they wanna believe anyways.

 

[Chrishaune]

Man, figure out your relationship and don't take all of this advice serious. You're the only one that knows what is going on.