Just got divorced after 12 yrs...ama

[Ya?]

This is the problem tho, y’all be on that “if you do it we can do it too” shyt

But for some reason it’s only when it come to negative shyt

If a man pay all the bills u don’t feel like “if a man can do it I can do it too”. Only when it come to fukkin around

Because there aren’t women paying all the bills and that creates a sick dynamic in a relationship.

op said she had the job in the beginning.

 

[Astroslik]

I don't know her, so I can't say she was in competition, but from a nurturing aspect of a relationship, you sort of replaced it with work. It sounds like there was a change in your lifestyle and you two didn't adjust well together. No relationship is sustainable when you work a lot of hours. Hell even your friends quit inviting you out. It's definitely something to balance, but not a reason to check out and cheat.

Cmon sis


He had to pay for the house and cars that he provided for HER. What do you expect? High value professional men have to work long hours. That’s nurturing in itself by doing all that shyt for her.

You might as well advise women not to date doctors and lawyers. Since they will be working so much and lack the “nurturing aspect”

 

[ThrobbingHood]

When are we going to start the conversation of picking better women and holding ourselves accountable for ignoring red flags that were there but chose to ignore ?

Around the same time that we discuss why a lot of women let their mask slip once they get married? Or why they decide to leave because they’re “bored”.

 

[Astroslik]

This is the problem tho, y’all be on that “if you do it we can do it too” shyt

But for some reason it’s only when it come to negative shyt

If a man pay all the bills u don’t feel like “if a man can do it I can do it too”. Only when it come to fukkin around

Excellent point.

 

[Ya?]

Cmon sis


He had to pay for the house and cars that he provided for HER. What do you expect? High value professional men have to work long hours. That’s nurturing in itself by doing all that shyt for her.

You might as well advise women not to date doctors and lawyers. Since they will be working so much and lack the “nurturing aspect”

If you are in a relationship and the other person is never around, not contributing to the relationship outside of work is it still relationship? Unless there is a goal and you had a conversation that sacrifices would need to be made for a period of time to achieve a certain goal.

If she was working constantly and coming home late all the time will the OP feel the same way? People are neglected in relationship and it is their responsibility to communicate that, but it doesnt justify cheating. And people do use work as an excuse not to cultivate a personal relationship or get out of home responsibilities.

i dont know how single childless women get with men who have kids, couldnt' be me.

 

[Ya?]

Excellent point.

Actually its not, men and women are not the same. A women paying all bills with a man in a home (outside of him losing his job or sickness) isnt healthy or sustainable dynamic in long term most situations.

That being said, there are million and 1 stories of women handling finances while their partners get on their feet inlcuding the OP.

 

[ThrobbingHood]

Cmon sis


He had to pay for the house and cars that he provided for HER. What do you expect? High value professional men have to work long hours. That’s nurturing in itself by doing all that shyt for her.

You might as well advise women not to date doctors and lawyers. Since they will be working so much and lack the “nurturing aspect”

Breh, I’ve come to accept you can’t reason with most women because you can’t fight emotion with logic.

 

[Ya?]

This is the problem tho, y’all be on that “if you do it we can do it too” shyt

But for some reason it’s only when it come to negative shyt

If a man pay all the bills u don’t feel like “if a man can do it I can do it too”. Only when it come to fukkin around

No its not.

 

[Ya?]

Breh, I’ve come to accept you can’t reason with most women because you can’t fight emotion with logic.

Any relationship when 1 person is never there, will not sustain long term, it doesnt matter if it is a woman or a man. One person will always feel neglected and it will either lead to cheating ( if the person has no principles) or breakdown of the relationship.

Plenty of stories of men getting a sidechick because their girl didnt do what they used to, or has changed or isnt around to take care of their carnal needs this has nothing to do with women and everything to do with people not communicating with their partners.

 

[Ya?]

always gotta be careful breh. Women don't know what they want, you do the provider thing which results in hard work and long hours, then they will complain about attention. Give too much attention and they they will complain about you being clingy, etc etc. At the end of the day all you can do is stand your square and at most find a woman that is mature enough to be willing to work through issues. The unfortunate thing is usually those type of women are older with their own baggage (kids, 'over the hill' age wise'. etc)

Balance, its not an either - or which men dont seem to understand.

 

[Ya?]

fukked up but true. They have no relationship equity. Everything is about how they currently feel at the moment. Which is why when that ''feeling'' is over the realization hits them hard. Their truth is in their emotions. How they feel is their truth. So because she feels it, its true.

Once you learn their true nature you become angry, then you just accept it for what it is.

What is in your opinion relationship equity, since you think men have it more than women.

 

[Ya?]

handy means nothing though, the issue is being PRODUCTIVE. Everything you mentioned has nothing to do with production. Those may be ways to produce but in the age of technology none of this matters any more. Being a HOMEMAKER though is a specific field in the same instance of being a Mechanic. Even then Women of today usually lack the ability to be nurturing to another adult, because they dont see Men as their other half. At the end of the day nobody is perfect, a proper partnership one persons weakness should be offset/balanced by the strengths of the other person. Many women how ever sees what a Man isn't strong at being "that man aint sh*t". On the other hand for men, as long as he gets sex at a minimum probably isn't asking for much. The thing couples today lack the ability to do is simply say "we love each other, how do we make it past this obstacle together?", thats what vows are for. Instead though if people reach a roadblock they just dead the relationship.

You underestimate the problematic men and over estimate problematic women. The issue isnt that women arent prepared to be wives but that men and women are selfish and are not willing to work toward the relationship and make concessions and compromises that are needed to make it work.

Being handy is just as important has being a homemaker and being homemaker is not the sole responsibility of women. This is where men get very confused.

Most women are not stay at home wives/mothers they are professionals just like men are. Therefore, men should share the house responsibilities, just as women are now expected to contribute financially to a household.

 

[serial]

She cooked and clean...but hell she has no kids...fukk that...she had the world at her feet charismatic knew a lot of people
Networked good....whatever she should of been a millionaire if she applied herself
I use to try to motivate her go to school...real estate ...stocks.....and i was willing to help all the way to the top

Sounds crazy but you did too much for her.

 

[Ya?]

gotta go with 2013

Got married/+ amazing honeymoon
Bought my first home with my wife
got a new job that took nearly 3 years to get
My wife got a new job with a major upgrade in pay

Cause i was vulnerable the time we met....just lost my parents...i was a mess..
She look good...had good job...we vibes from the jump...we were inseperable....
Even when i was dead broke...she had me...thats why...
Only thing i gave up was one of the cars....thats it......
3rd yes

Yea when she met me i had money...hit a rough patch got back on my feet...thats when i married her.....
I use to tell her all the time...."ill bake the cake...you just add the frosting."
I ask her to pay a bill she'll say...oh you want me to take care of you..smh

You know what she adore my oldest but my youngest didnt vibe with her....like lil mama knew she was on some bullshyt

How did she go from holding you down financially when you were broke to being unwilling to take care of a bill?
Interesting that she did not have any children into the marriage and you had 2 ( I presume from a previous marriage or relationship) and the marriage ended with no kids. Are you sure its yoru pull out game or the fact that she did not want kids, has she expressed that she wanted kids or not?

Did the fact that you were paying child support put a strain on your relationship? Also why didn't your previous relationship work out and are there any similarities with this current one?
Had she communicated to you what she wanted from the relationship, did you guys seek counselling?

Have you cheated on her, or did she suspect/accuse you of cheating on her?
What can you say you did wrong in your past two relationships that may have contributed to their failures?
Were you aware of her level of ambition prior to entering the relationship?
What did you learn about yourself that will now help you navigate the next relationship differently?

 

[Ya?]

She cooked and clean...but hell she has no kids...fukk that...she had the world at her feet charismatic knew a lot of people
Networked good....whatever she should of been a millionaire if she applied herself
I use to try to motivate her go to school...real estate ...stocks.....and i was willing to help all the way to the top

so your kids werent living with you? Was she cooking and cleaning only after herself?