You can never know enough about anything or know anybody too well including yourself. I learned that last year. I was so sure I knew who I was that this whole time I'm looking down on other people when I have the same issues they do. I just learned to mask it better than most and this pandemic/quarantine brought it out because I couldn't cover it up. In fact, what I'm about to do has a lot to do with made me seek out help. I was so programmed to be in a routine that I wasnt even thinking that something was off. My whole life, who I've been was who I've been even when i tried not to be if that makes sense. I dont know what it is or if I do something but people just automatically sense that I'm weird or different or at least that's how I usually feel. Why that is? I dont know. And that's what made me realize something wasnt right. Plus I was self medicating with weed though I already had a love for it as I love its effects. I would say weed basically led me to my journey where it made me open my eyes even wider. Like I had an epiphany about racism and it terrified me for real. Like people really are THAT bored they will come up with pointless meaningless shyt in order to have something to talk about. It just made sense to me that racism made no sense. It was like someone with no purpose in their life trying to desperately look for anything to make their existence valid. Even creating meaningless fights over nothing. They would pick a fight with the dirt if if meant saying they feel the need to desperate make themselves be something special where they will use anything and to compare themselves to giving that anything value. This is why low self esteem and not being able to manage self insecurity is dangerous. The things that people have done to overcome that shyt usually come at the price of destroying other people. This is why its never a good idea at flaunting your success in front of other people. You do not know if there is someone in your circle or around you by promixity who could be going through bad times. Here you are showing off your pay raise and I could have only 3 dollars in my bank account starving. Plus I could be one of those guys feeling a certain way about society or feeling alienated, dealing with stress, past trauma, neglect and other shyt and you are basically having the exact opposite going for you. You really gonna be foolish to think there wouldn't be some sort of jealousy or envy there? As much as people try to front like they arent like that especially men, it's quite common. i feel that people bottle those feelings up and that leads to them subconsciously getting themselves in some shyt to compensate for those feelings.
A lot of us need to be aware that we are programmed and that could play a major role on how you view yourself and life. Had I not found out and kept myself on that "I'm happier not knowing" shyt, I would probably still be completely clueless. I knew something wasnt right with me for a long time and now shyt makes sense. Now I can have an idea of where to start fixing my life because it's a mess.
