People who have dealt with tough breakups...

[CarmelBarbie]

Is that why he's coming here, to be closer to his son? I think I'll be able to dodge that feeling of distance mostly, being only two hours away means in theory I'll be able to go see the girls whenever my time allows...

I do get how it can be difficult not seeing your child every day, and that's the toughest part of the entire thing to me!

Yes that is the main reason he is moving here. The other part is delusion—he still thinks we can get back together.

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

Still smash occasionally huh

hell nah. im off that. i was off that before we even broke up

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

I thought you were a guy this whole time I been on here lol...

We're past the point of sticking it out, we've been cohabiting since July, so we've tried the sticking out part already...

I think in any era I'm the kind of spirit that would reach a point where it's no longer beneficial to try working it out!

maybe you should try therapy. not trying to act like i know you but according to your posts its seems like youve had a crazy life. so maybe your version of trying it out wasnt exactly the winning solution. but now there's kids so they should be the focus, rather than yalls hurt feelings which may be able to be resolved
plus youve already said you intentionally carried on a lackluster relationship with her since the beginning. may as well keep on for the kids

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

What’s the crux of the situation? I’m still not understanding what’s really going on.

Is it a lack of attraction?
Are u in a state of flux?
Is she insufferable?

There’s a missing piece here (not that ur obligated to tell complete strangers all ur business) but I feel like something facilitated this.

 

[murksiderock]

maybe you should try therapy. not trying to act like i know you but according to your posts its seems like youve had a crazy life. so maybe your version of trying it out wasnt exactly the winning solution. but now there's kids so they should be the focus, rather than yalls hurt feelings which may be able to be resolved
plus youve already said you intentionally carried on a lackluster relationship with her since the beginning. may as well keep on for the kids

I wouldn't say I was intentionally lackluster. Early on it was a booty call type thing, that turned into a deeper attraction because she treated me better than other women I was with previously. I wasn't prepared to handle that and instead of expressing appreciation, I was nonchalant...

Middle of our relationship, I had moments where I really gave greater effort to her concerns, her needs, and expressed gratitude. That started to wane as it started to be clear our compatibility didn't match, by the end of that period is when I'll say I gave up on trying to be a better partner...

Last year of our relationship was me not expressing I was ready to move on, selfishly thinking I could withhold that. Part of me always believed she would grow from some of her deficiencies, and because I believe she's a good person, I was of mind that if she grew into that mature woman I could be there to mesh with her...

Mostly though, I withheld my desire to leave because that was the period I tried to stick it out for the girls. I convinced myself that nothing was so bad we couldn't overcome it together, and I also didn't trust how she'd respond to us not being together----->in earlier times she was clingy as hell, she has made offhand comments about her not needing a man to raise "her" kids, which when you put that with the troubling history of her parents divorce when she was 10, and the perception her dad and his family have that mom kept the girls from him, that wasn't a pleasant thought...

What’s the crux of the situation? I’m still not understanding what’s really going on.

Is it a lack of attraction?
Are u in a state of flux?
Is she insufferable?

There’s a missing piece here (not that ur obligated to tell complete strangers all ur business) but I feel like something facilitated this.

I'm an open book, I don't have a large social circle or use typical social media like that, so I'm cool talking on here!

So attraction is part of it. She is attractive to me, but I never felt like she was my physical match. This is really superficial and goofy as I say it, and it isn't something I thought on generally speaking, but it is something...

Sex was always trash after the initial "honeymoon" phase, and look, I'm not an idiot, it takes two to tango. All ill say is I came into the relationship far more experienced than she, and never had dissatisfied sexual partners. Her inability to push herself outside the box sexually killed something for me. And some people are nurturers and teachers, what I learned is that I'm not. I'm not a teacher, and she ain't a great listener anyway, so sexual chemistry was never there, good sex maybe 30% of the time, but never mindblowing. Got to the point I stopped trying, which increased her frustrations, and we gradually declined in our sexual activity most of the last year and a half we were together...

She is hella insufferable. Again I'll point back towards, we each had many chances to end this before July, and didn't. Our personalities aren't compatible. She's a defeatist, a whiner, and she expects (demands!) to be catered to at every turn. I could listen to her talk and if I didn't respond the way she wanted to, it could be a fight. If she asked me to do something, and I tell her I would, but didn't do it right that very second, fight. I'm not a natural romantic, though I think I'm gentlemanly, but that isn't enough, she wants a life of romance like some Nora Roberts novel. She never quite understood when I brought up to her, you can't ask for that shyt in return when you emasculate the very person you want it from...

She's a yeller, gotta have the last word, talls with her hands with that annoying punching/clapping thing, and takes cheap shots if she feels she's losing an argument. Know it all, can't admit she's wrong about anything, possessive of the girls even with me (though that did and has gotten better as time has gone by, it was worse at earlier points)...

 

[murksiderock]

Dont lose sight of the fact though, I think we're both comfortable with moving on at this point. Now it's about easing the tension amongst us for the final half-year. The point of reconciling isn't something that's gonna happen and for the most part, I dont think either of us want that...

So all the other shyt is more or less an oral history of how we got here, but not a plea to fix what's wrong so we can make it work...

 

[Swirv]

I’d say don’t throw in the towel yet. You two have children together, young little girls. Any relationship will die when both people give up.

life won’t get easier when you two go your separate ways.

 

[CarmelBarbie]

I’d say don’t throw in the towel yet. You two have children together, young little girls. Any relationship will die when both people give up.

life won’t get easier when you two go your separate ways.

For me life got easier when I left, not right away, but now? Im glad I left. But I know there are people in here that believe in staying together for the kids even if your miserable, but easier said than done.

 

[Swirv]

For me life got easier when I left, not right away, but now? Im glad I left. But I know there are people in here that believe in staying together for the kids even if your miserable, but easier said than done.

Did the child/ren stay with you when you parted ways?

 

[CarmelBarbie]

Did the child/ren stay with you when you parted ways?

I only have one child and yes he stayed with me. His dad in another state. Last 7 years I’ve done everything on my own, for the most part(working, taking care of house, taking care of son, carting him to activities, handling his school issues, at one point working full time and grad school at night) and still no regrets. My son is with his dad right now who gets him during breaks. Now his dad on the other hand is not feeling that way, not at all. But again my situation is different because my son’s father wants to be with me, didn’t move on, and he’s the one that fukked up things so he has to live with that regret.
Op is not in the same situation

 

[Amestafuu (Emeritus)]

Get ready for the exit don't count on making it to july. Keep things civil and know she will try you once y'all away from each other, people act different with time and distance... You will have to keep shyt on good terms to set the tone for your future interactions. If you guys start beefing that shyt will be the new norm.

 

[karim]

I wouldn't say I was intentionally lackluster. Early on it was a booty call type thing, that turned into a deeper attraction because she treated me better than other women I was with previously. I wasn't prepared to handle that and instead of expressing appreciation, I was nonchalant...

Middle of our relationship, I had moments where I really gave greater effort to her concerns, her needs, and expressed gratitude. That started to wane as it started to be clear our compatibility didn't match, by the end of that period is when I'll say I gave up on trying to be a better partner...

Last year of our relationship was me not expressing I was ready to move on, selfishly thinking I could withhold that. Part of me always believed she would grow from some of her deficiencies, and because I believe she's a good person, I was of mind that if she grew into that mature woman I could be there to mesh with her...

Mostly though, I withheld my desire to leave because that was the period I tried to stick it out for the girls. I convinced myself that nothing was so bad we couldn't overcome it together, and I also didn't trust how she'd respond to us not being together----->in earlier times she was clingy as hell, she has made offhand comments about her not needing a man to raise "her" kids, which when you put that with the troubling history of her parents divorce when she was 10, and the perception her dad and his family have that mom kept the girls from him, that wasn't a pleasant thought...



I'm an open book, I don't have a large social circle or use typical social media like that, so I'm cool talking on here!

So attraction is part of it. She is attractive to me, but I never felt like she was my physical match. This is really superficial and goofy as I say it, and it isn't something I thought on generally speaking, but it is something...

Sex was always trash after the initial "honeymoon" phase, and look, I'm not an idiot, it takes two to tango. All ill say is I came into the relationship far more experienced than she, and never had dissatisfied sexual partners. Her inability to push herself outside the box sexually killed something for me. And some people are nurturers and teachers, what I learned is that I'm not. I'm not a teacher, and she ain't a great listener anyway, so sexual chemistry was never there, good sex maybe 30% of the time, but never mindblowing. Got to the point I stopped trying, which increased her frustrations, and we gradually declined in our sexual activity most of the last year and a half we were together...

She is hella insufferable. Again I'll point back towards, we each had many chances to end this before July, and didn't. Our personalities aren't compatible. She's a defeatist, a whiner, and she expects (demands!) to be catered to at every turn. I could listen to her talk and if I didn't respond the way she wanted to, it could be a fight. If she asked me to do something, and I tell her I would, but didn't do it right that very second, fight. I'm not a natural romantic, though I think I'm gentlemanly, but that isn't enough, she wants a life of romance like some Nora Roberts novel. She never quite understood when I brought up to her, you can't ask for that shyt in return when you emasculate the very person you want it from...

She's a yeller, gotta have the last word, talls with her hands with that annoying punching/clapping thing, and takes cheap shots if she feels she's losing an argument. Know it all, can't admit she's wrong about anything, possessive of the girls even with me (though that did and has gotten better as time has gone by, it was worse at earlier points)...

Get trapped by a booty call brehs

 

[bourgeoisie tall freak]

Get trapped by a booty call brehs

i dont even know how you guys do it. i wouldn't even pick up the phone for a guy i wasn't crazy for

nikkas having whole situations, relationships and families

#godwasaloneforeternityyethewasntlonely

 

[karim]

i dont even know how you guys do it. i wouldn't even pick up the phone for a guy i wasn't crazy for

nikkas having whole situations, relationships and families

#godwasaloneforeternityyethewasntlonely

I don't know how they do it, that shyt never happened to me

 

[JT-Money]

Reading some of these comments in here making fun of the OP's plight. I hope some of you never end up in the same predicament.