Random Swagless Moments You Remember About Yourself

[BlvdBrawler]

Just remembered another.

Cabo, 2 years ago; best friend's bachelor party. Me and one of the other dudes (Jordan was his name) met these two chicks at the pool of the hotel. One was but the other one was bad; a strong 8-8.5. Soccer-player's body with some full curly hair. She was dope, but as she told us when we met, she was engaged. No big deal, i was in a relationship too so I wasn't trying to do anything. But if the opportunity presented itself, I'd probably take it.

So we're chillin w/ these girls for the duration of our trip, like 4 days. We're eating dinner together, going on jetskis, drinking our balls off, etc. Our last night there, I think something flipped in their minds cause they went from being overly friendly / flirty to being outright dikk-thirsty.

Me and the two chicks (not sure where Jordan was at this point) went to one of the clubs and the better-looking chick (who at this point I think had decided she was gonna fukk me) gets up on the table and starts dancing while peeling off clothes. Me and her friend start throwing dollar bills at her, egging her on etc... had a good time. We then went to another club. Now, here's where the swaggerless event happens.

We're at the other club and ol girl is buying me shot after shot, obviously trying to get me drunk. We're having fun and then she turns to me and says every introverts most DREADED words... "Do you dance?"

Brehs, I DO NOT dance, at all, but I'm so close I can practically taste it, so naturally I hit her with "of course you know how brothas get down..." She smiles and grabs my hand and we head out to the dance floor.

Ol girl was *getting it*. Swear to god she was out there like , all eyes on her in the club and shyt... she was really good brehs she's so in the zone she doesn't really notice me at first, but once she turns around she sees me a couple feet away, doing

Spoiler

.

The disgust in this chick's eyes was heartbreaking, brehs. She just looked at me like

and walked back to the bar. I felt the heat of the L wash over me and followed her back. It was one of those moments when you walk up on 2 chicks and they stop talking and look at you and start laughing? Yea it was no good. She then leans in and asks me, "So.... I think we're gonna get outta here, do you know where Jordan went?"

L

 

[Harry Sax]

may of 06

i just graduated high school. me and 4 of my homeboys went to CANCUN...we were fukkin LIVING....well we had met these girls from from the bayou, real creole sounding chicks...one wanted to holla at me...at the time we were on a small boat going to an island for dinner and a party n shyt...i got motion sick on the way and pretty much was fukked up the whole time so i aint even talk to the girl. like the next night, they in our room...i hop in the bed with the chick, my homeboy hop in the same bed with his chick...so we just layin there n shyt and i feel somebody thrusting...they fukkin like 2.5 inches away from us so i started rubbing on the lil chick, grippin her ass...she pushed my hand away...did it again and she said "nikka STOP!!" now we had 2 beds n tha room and one of my other homeboys in the other bed was gettin head from a bytch....and he started laughin at me bytch turned over n went to sleep as her friend was gettin her walls beat in next to us

LATER THAT YEAR 06

im in college..first semester...we goin out smokin weed, drinking alot of liquor, just fukkin living...this was when erbody was wearing girbauds, i caught a sale on dem shyt and literally paid 27 dollars for each pair, so i got like 10 of em....i was fresh as fukk dat night, golds shinin, a crisp black t, black and red girbauds, and i had some brand new jordan XXI lows, black nubuck with red trim, red laces i was swaggin....so i gets PISSY drunk, me and my potna on the stage fukkin wilding to every song...now the stage at this club was like 6 feet high....i was on some other shyt, i stole somebodys bottle of remy and drunk dat shyt, i aint give a fukk...so im on stage bouncin and i fukkin fell off...club was jam packed....EVERYBODY seen me fall off stage...i aint even feel it, brushed tha shyt off and got back on stage...i noticed i had an extra breeze, looked down and i had a rip in my pants like 10 inches long right in the crotch, brand new girbauds...the next day im walkin thru campus and i see a group of bytches looking and pointing...eventually laughing...i walk by them lookin like and one of was like hey did u have a good time last night...i was like yea why u ask....she then said because u fell off of stage onto me last night no wonder i didnt feel the impact, i fell on a fat bytch and jumped back on stage not giving any fukks

 

[PewPew]

This is by far my most swag less moment I've ever had

Went to a party my homey was throwing and it was live! bytches, booze, bud everywhere, and everyone was just having a great time. Out of nowhere my ex best friends girlfriend, who he had literally just broken up with before the party, started grinding on me and shyt.

A part of me hesitated but I was like fukk that yang (he was Asian), I'm gonna fukk his bytch. TONIGHT! Now shorty was fine as fukk and was always a freak. Like the type of chick to walk in the house and just start sucking dikk while you play call of duty so I've been dying to hit that. Plus her ex pretty much buried a machete in my back so this was my payback.

Brehs I was in the zone that night! I was saying the right things at the right time and it started feeling like those anime games where you have to try and score with a chick. So I'm feeding her and her friends drinks and just like every white girl everywhere, they start making out with each other, then me, then I sucked a titty, then they sucked each others t*ts. It was heaven.

So what I didn't notice at that time was that I was getting white boy wasted myself because I kept drinking and taking shots with her instead of pacing myself or drinking water. So by now I can tell shorty wants to fukk me, an her friend wants my friend. But we didn't have rub a dub dubs (condoms) on us, and there is no way I'm smashing some random snatch raw. So me and the homie go to the car to grab some condoms. Big mistake.

We walk to the car parked right the fukk outside and the first thing I do is throw the fukk up like I was trying to recreate the scene in the exorcism. My homey is so disgusted he throws up too. At that point I get in the car and grab the hats for my little soldier and decide to sit in the car, chew some gum, and regain my composure real quick. I end up till the next morning with gum in my mouth and condoms in my hand.

The chick and her friend were steady texting me saying "where are you" and "come back to the party we are waiting on you." I never saw or talked to shorty ever again.

 

[EffedUp]

I'll relive another moment...

One day back when I was in the 11th grade, these three freshman chicks started messing with me on the bus. One chick was pretty as hell, light skin and curvy. Her one friend was light skin and average, the other was darker and thick (meh in the face, no t*ts but alotta ass). They started talking to me saying the meh one was feelin' me and shyt. I knew it was bullshyt and decided to play along. I don't fukk with nobody so I was actually mad at them for doing that shyt.
I decided to get back at them by saying I really did like the meh chick. I bullshytted a love letter and gave it to the average friend and everything. Lo and behold, my goofy ass really did fall for this chick. Her ass was phat though so I guess it proved hypnotizing. Plus, it proved I'm too nice of a guy to pull some mean-spirited shyt. I managed to get out of the situation but never talked to them chicks again. I pretty much killed any chance of getting at the pretty one who I really wanted.
I ended up seeing the pretty one years later still fine and even thicker. I wouldn't say anything to her fearing that old shyt would be brought up.

 

[Don Dada F Poppa]

I was in NYC and saw this hot older broad smoking a cigarette outside of her work place. Walked up and asked if I could get a cigarette and started coughing....yeah I don't smoke. No cigarette, no phone number....oh well, still no cancer.

 

[RiffRaff]

So many.... so many...

 

[thoushallhustle]

I had just got hired at magic city. They were closed for renovations for a two weeks and i needed money BAD. I was desperate yall. So I go to this raggedy nasty club on Fulton Industrial where I knew i didnt need a permit to dance so i could start asap. So everything is going good Im making my bill money and im giving this dude a dance. And all of a sudden hes looks over and is like "yo is that your parents?! " so I look and my sister and her husband are standing there looking pissed. So i climb off dudes lap and go up there and of course we start arguing in the middle of the club. I had left my phone at home and she went through it and saw a text i sent. Management kicks them out for causing a scene. Tell me why my sister calls the police an reports my car thats in her name stolen. I knew that shyt would come back to haunt me when she put it in her name. Even though i paid the note insurance and maintnence. I was too heated. We didnt talk for a long time after that we actually had to go to counseling to make things better.

 

[Sly Cookin]

So back in 8th grade, I sleptover my cousins house because his mom would take us to the skating rink. This was out in Clayton County for all the ga heads. So me n my cuz just sitting on the side taking a break when these 2 girls come up.
One of them asks me "you wanna be my boyfriend?"
Me-"I don't even know you"
Her-"I aint never been turned down before"
Me-"I'm bout to skate"

Brehs, I get up to skate off with my swag on 3 million (mind you I didn't have much experience skating). I take a look back as I step onto the rink. All of a sudden, I get slammed so hard by roller disco crew. Like one of those single filed teams of pros in their 30's from roll bounce. Felt Like i got speared by goldberg onto the ground brehs. I looked back and them girls and my cuz were

I got up slow holding my arm, and just drank a soda until my aunt came

 

[NoMayo15]

I had just got hired at magic city. They were closed for renovations for a two weeks and i needed money BAD. I was desperate yall. So I go to this raggedy nasty club on Fulton Industrial where I knew i didnt need a permit to dance so i could start asap. So everything is going good Im making my bill money and im giving this dude a dance. And all of a sudden hes looks over and is like "yo is that your parents?! " so I look and my sister and her husband are standing there looking pissed. So i climb off dudes lap and go up there and of course we start arguing in the middle of the club. I had left my phone at home and she went through it and saw a text i sent. Management kicks them out for causing a scene. Tell me why my sister calls the police an reports my car thats in her name stolen. I knew that shyt would come back to haunt me when she put it in her name. Even though i paid the note insurance and maintnence. I was too heated. We didnt talk for a long time after that we actually had to go to counseling to make things better.

Damn...that shyt's not cool. What did you do to your sis to make her THAT mad?

 

[Mass]

classic thread.

 

[Jayson_bourn]

Back in college I meant to drunk text an ex but since I was drunk I texted the new chick I was smashin' at the time .. I cant remember what the text said but ya'll can imagine i'm sure...


That shyt was x 1000

 

[Mass]

may of 06

i just graduated high school. me and 4 of my homeboys went to CANCUN...we were fukkin LIVING....well we had met these girls from from the bayou, real creole sounding chicks...one wanted to holla at me...at the time we were on a small boat going to an island for dinner and a party n shyt...i got motion sick on the way and pretty much was fukked up the whole time so i aint even talk to the girl. like the next night, they in our room...i hop in the bed with the chick, my homeboy hop in the same bed with his chick...so we just layin there n shyt and i feel somebody thrusting...they fukkin like 2.5 inches away from us so i started rubbing on the lil chick, grippin her ass...she pushed my hand away...did it again and she said "nikka STOP!!" now we had 2 beds n tha room and one of my other homeboys in the other bed was gettin head from a bytch....and he started laughin at me bytch turned over n went to sleep as her friend was gettin her walls beat in next to us

LATER THAT YEAR 06

im in college..first semester...we goin out smokin weed, drinking alot of liquor, just fukkin living...this was when erbody was wearing girbauds, i caught a sale on dem shyt and literally paid 27 dollars for each pair, so i got like 10 of em....i was fresh as fukk dat night, golds shinin, a crisp black t, black and red girbauds, and i had some brand new jordan XXI lows, black nubuck with red trim, red laces i was swaggin....so i gets PISSY drunk, me and my potna on the stage fukkin wilding to every song...now the stage at this club was like 6 feet high....i was on some other shyt, i stole somebodys bottle of remy and drunk dat shyt, i aint give a fukk...so im on stage bouncin and i fukkin fell off...club was jam packed....EVERYBODY seen me fall off stage...i aint even feel it, brushed tha shyt off and got back on stage...i noticed i had an extra breeze, looked down and i had a rip in my pants like 10 inches long right in the crotch, brand new girbauds...the next day im walkin thru campus and i see a group of bytches looking and pointing...eventually laughing...i walk by them lookin like and one of was like hey did u have a good time last night...i was like yea why u ask....she then said because u fell off of stage onto me last night no wonder i didnt feel the impact, i fell on a fat bytch and jumped back on stage not giving any fukks

that first story not your fault tho Even tho it was stupid funny ... you just ended up with the corny chick lol. they lurking in every group of down ass biches

 

[thoushallhustle]

Damn...that shyt's not cool. What did you do to your sis to make her THAT mad?

Nothing bytch is just a damn control freak.

 

[MasterKush]

so i've been dating this girl for a few weeks. she is by far one of the hottest girls i've ever dated. definitely top 3 of all time. like, i know how fortunate i am to be dating her right now.

anyways, she knows that i want to fukk her. like so bad. and she's been fukking with my head about it though. i haven't hit it yet, but gotten so damn close. like making out and under the clothes touching, but every time we almost get to doing it, she stops and keeps withholding from me. i think she gets off on my torture, but i'm cool with it.

then the other night happened. we went on a date and went back to her place afterward. in her ultimate move to fukk with me, she said "let me put on a show for you"; and started stripping. and got naked, she then got on her bed, and took out her dildo. it was fukking huge and black. anyways, she started fukking herself with it in front of me. it was so awesome. it was like those online videos, but in real person. i can't describe how sexy it was. needless to say, i had a raging boner and couldn't take it anymore.

i told her that she needed the real deal and went over to her on the bed. she then stopped me and said "i'll play with your toy.... if you play with my toy"; i was like, WTF? then she simultaneously put her lips on my dikk and put the dildo to my lips. "suck it"; she said. "i'll suck yours";. oh my god. it was weird. like, i was just so horny, and wanted her to suck my d1ck so bad, that i just went with it. then she started moving that sh1t in and out of my mouth, like, really mouth fukking me with a black dildo while she sucked my d1ck. i had a brief moment of "this shyts gay"; but i didnt want her to stop giving me head. before i knew it, i couldn't help it, and i came. with a dildo in my mouth.

does that make me gay?

 

[A.V.]

so i've been dating this girl for a few weeks. she is by far one of the hottest girls i've ever dated. definitely top 3 of all time. like, i know how fortunate i am to be dating her right now.

anyways, she knows that i want to fukk her. like so bad. and she's been fukking with my head about it though. i haven't hit it yet, but gotten so damn close. like making out and under the clothes touching, but every time we almost get to doing it, she stops and keeps withholding from me. i think she gets off on my torture, but i'm cool with it.

then the other night happened. we went on a date and went back to her place afterward. in her ultimate move to fukk with me, she said "let me put on a show for you"; and started stripping. and got naked, she then got on her bed, and took out her dildo. it was fukking huge and black. anyways, she started fukking herself with it in front of me. it was so awesome. it was like those online videos, but in real person. i can't describe how sexy it was. needless to say, i had a raging boner and couldn't take it anymore.

i told her that she needed the real deal and went over to her on the bed. she then stopped me and said "i'll play with your toy.... if you play with my toy"; i was like, WTF? then she simultaneously put her lips on my dikk and put the dildo to my lips. "suck it"; she said. "i'll suck yours";. oh my god. it was weird. like, i was just so horny, and wanted her to suck my d1ck so bad, that i just went with it. then she started moving that sh1t in and out of my mouth, like, really mouth fukking me with a black dildo while she sucked my d1ck. i had a brief moment of "this shyts gay"; but i didnt want her to stop giving me head. before i knew it, i couldn't help it, and i came. with a dildo in my mouth.

does that make me gay?

Top 10 story I've read on here.